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Original poster

My own version of controlled crying :-(

28 replies

KatyJ26 · 14/12/2012 10:20

So, she is 6mo, hopeless at sleeping at night and in the day. I am now trying to get her to sleep in her cot. I set my phone timer for 2 mins, leave her to cry (while I sit on the floor, out of sight and contemplate crying myself ) when the 2 mins is up, I put her dummy back in, ssshhhh and then hide again. It is awful! I hate it and it is not really me. But I have to get her sleep sorted as we will all feel better if she can have a good long sleep (mostly her - it's surely not good to just cat nap on the go here and there)

I don't really know what I'm expecting anyone to say, but feel better for keeping myself busy while listening to her cry :-(

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JustAnotherLlama · 14/12/2012 10:24

I have no wise words I'm afraid, but I'm in a similar situation so you're not alone. Its heartbreaking, but as a last resort its not the worst thing in the world!

Original poster
KatyJ26 · 14/12/2012 10:27

Been here 28 minutes now and still she won't give in Sad

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Original poster
KatyJ26 · 14/12/2012 10:33

Omg- this is killing me. 33 mins and counting. But if I pick her up now, then those minutes were pointless weren't they Sad

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Aspiemum2 · 14/12/2012 10:39

I've never tried controlled crying but if it helps my twins do just catnap in the day. They are 7 months. They are just about to go down for morning nap (40 mins)

Then they'll get another 1hr this afternoon. That's all they really have during the day as they're too nosey!

How much sleep does she have during the day just now?

Original poster
KatyJ26 · 14/12/2012 10:43

Cat napping is 10 mins on school run, twice a day and that's nit enough for her I'm sure Blush

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Original poster
KatyJ26 · 14/12/2012 10:43

*not

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Aspiemum2 · 14/12/2012 10:46

Oh that's really not very much.

Does she sleep if you take her out in the pram?
I hope controlled crying works for you, it must be really tough for you to have her awake all the time like that especially if she's cranky when tired

Original poster
KatyJ26 · 14/12/2012 10:56

Thanks for sympathy... I'm sure she will feel better in herself if she can get some more sleep. She will sleep in car (but not always) I have a 5yo and 3yo to contend with too- feel frazzled. She's still nit asleep 56 minutes laterSad

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SledsImOn · 14/12/2012 11:04

Pick her up...it's probably teething, she just wants to be near you.

Your instincts are right I think x

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfBolly · 14/12/2012 11:04

Keep strong, you know she needs the sleep and we all have to learn you to get there. You wouldn't have started this if you didn't know it has the right thing. I have had to do it with both my boys, and it look 2/3 days worth each, and had much happier children afterwards as they were actually getting enough sleep.

Aspiemum2 · 14/12/2012 11:05

You're bound to, it's really hard at that stage. I'm lucky that the older 2 are in school.

I know I might get shot by other twin mums for saying this but I found a 3 yr old and newborn harder than I find the twins. It does get easier though I promise

MerylStrop · 14/12/2012 11:08

Pick your baby up and don't put her, or yourself through this.
She's too young for CC and it isn't right for everyone, and it doesn't sound like it's right for you. Let her have a sleep on you, or in the pram or the car.

SledsImOn · 14/12/2012 11:09

Has she had something like calpol - this might help if she is in pain or discomfort.

IME (and it isn't necessarily the right answer!) mine had little phases of this and then it passed and they were able to sleep better.

I think when they don't sleep it's because they just can't.
Sorry you are going through this x

InTheBoonies · 14/12/2012 11:14

Have you tried a sling? DD also 6 months will sleep for 30-mins twice a day if i put her in one and walk around.

PerchanceToDream · 14/12/2012 12:31

There's no right or wrong - you do what works for you and nobody's going to judge BUT the only thing I would say is never go against your own instinct. A mother's instinct is a very powerful thing for a reason. If CC is killing you then don't do it, please.

ZuleikaD · 14/12/2012 12:46

Pick her up - every nerve in your body is telling you to do it. CC really isn't recommended for under-1s. She may be teething, she may just need to be cuddled to sleep. Are you bf-ing? Have you ever fed her to sleep?

BrainGoneAwol · 14/12/2012 13:56

Ds doesn't nap well either. I tried letting him cry - sat next to him with my hand on his tummy for 45 mins and still he screamed blue murder. In the end I picked him up and he fell asleep almost instantly on my lap. I don't have the heart to try it again, I think it just isn't right for him and breaks my heart.

Now I let him sleep on me and transfer him to his basket when he's asleep. He'll go 30 mins on his own before waking.

I might be making a problem for myself later but cc just wasn't for us. Maybe it isn't for you either? Do you have to have him sleeping alone or could you co-sleep at night/on you in the day til he is older and understands better?

BrainGoneAwol · 14/12/2012 13:57

Oops I mean *her for your dd Blush

CatchTheFox · 14/12/2012 14:27

agree, trust your instincts! they are only so small for such a short amount of time. do what feels right and what works for you both.

this doesn't sound like it's working for either of you.

miku · 14/12/2012 14:34

i had this, and it was hard to go against instincts- pick her up!! a sling is great as they can sleep while you do stuff- or sleep as well!! you deserve a break, super mum!!

CinnabarRed · 14/12/2012 14:41

One of mine was like this.

I found a technique that worked, but it took a long time - probably a good two months.

Basically, I rocked him until he was so close to being asleep it made almost no difference, and then popped him down. His eyes pinged open. So I picked him up and rocked him until he was so close to being asleep it made no difference, and then popped him down. His eyes pinged open. So I picked him until he was so close to being asleep it made no difference, and then popped him down. His eyes pinged open. So I picked....

And after about 30 minutes, I popped him down and his eyes didn't ping open.

The next nap I did exactly the same, but instead of taking 30 minutes it took 20 minutes.

At bedtime I did exactly the same, but instead of taking 20 minutes it took 5 minutes.

The next day, I rocked him just a little bit less. Still very, very close to sleep, but a bit less so that day 1. I popped him down, and his eyes pinged open. So I picked him up and rocked him to the same point of almost-asleepness, and....

I'm sure you get the drift.

Basically, what I did was very, very gently aclimitised him.

There were many naps that I got it wrong and either rocked him too much (so he was actually asleep when I put him down) or not enough. But over time, it worked.

Jakeyblueblue · 14/12/2012 18:15

Some babies are just hopeless at sleeping.
At 6 months most really aren't wired to sleep through. This getting your baby to sleep in a cot or through the night is a totally westernised thing. You won't see people in African tribes putting baby to sleep anywhere other than with their mum.
They carry them in slings during the day and sleep with them at night so they can have access to the breast or security from mum at all times. I would say that not sleeping at six months was totally normal and I wouldn't worry op.
We all must do what's right for us and our little ones but sounds like this isn't right for either of you. You are both distressed!
I really feel for you, ds has never been able to sleep in his cot in the day and never ever slept through, he's 17 months now. I felt a bit under pressure that he should be sleeping through but actually, he shouldn't necessarily. Just go with the flow. We co sleep now and both sleep well as I'm not up and down to a crying baby, in the day if he naps, and when he was small, I would get him to sleep then put him down If I could. If I couldn't I would put him in the sling.
Yes, it's a bit harder work to have a baby that wants to be with you all the time, but now I've figured out that its ok for babies to be like this, he hardly ever cries and is a very content, well rested and happy little boy. Smile
Good luck opSmile

Original poster
KatyJ26 · 14/12/2012 19:09

Thanks for all the replies... I tried for 60 minutes to no avail Sad

I do ebf, but she now goes through the night without feeding (a recent milestone!) but wakes SO frequently. I co-slept for 5 months, but I was not comfortable (as in physically uncomfortable, don't mind it in principle!) it is not a long term option for me.

My DH does until 1am sleeping in her room and them we swap. She literally wakes every 10 minutes sometimes, then she will go for perhaps 2hours at best. I know CC isn't great, but we are so sleep deprived and can't keep going on like this.

I'm going back to work at the end of Jan, so would like to feel a bit more sorted.

I do carry her in sling she lived in it for 4 months and will continue to do so, bit I would still like her to be able to have a decent chunk of sleep in her cot if possible.

I did give her calpol, as she may well be teething.

Think I have answered everything! Sorry if it seems fragmented- just feeding her to sleep now before pitting her down.

I really appreciate everyones advice Smile

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Original poster
KatyJ26 · 14/12/2012 19:11

Ridiculous amount of typos see, I'm sleep deprived sorry!

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Twattergy · 14/12/2012 19:35

I would save any sleep training for night times and give yourself a break in the dayand get her to sleep by any means, ie car, buggy or the two of you lying down on a bed in a dark room. Don't obsess about the cot. More sleep in the day should lead to better night sleep at her age. Don't feed her to sleep for naps or bedtime, this should also reduce night waking. Good luck.