Help me!

[clairebzippy]

Hello mummies,

I'm new to this so bear with me, I don't know the abbreviations etc so it might be a bit long winded..!

I'm a single mum to a 12 week old boy. I love and adore him but I'm EXHAUSTED. All he does is whine and cry and seems to be unhappy most of the time. He has colic and gets hysterical when he needs to pass wind and also has reflux. His feeds are thickened with baby rice and I keep him upright after each feed for 30 mins.

I can't get him into any kind of routine, he fights everything. For example he woke this morning at 4am screaming- he had nappy change, refused feed, screamed when I cuddled him...I'm at my wits end. I love him, I really do but sometimes I don't like him (and I hate myself for saying that). My cousin and friends have happy babies in good routines and it seems like everything I try fails. I feel like the worst mum in the world and don't know what to do.

This is probably not very helpful, but some of them are just like that! Mine was, and I know exactly how you feel. Just don't assume that it's you.

I found that swaddling helped calm ds down quite a lot. Have forgotten the name of the book I found quite helpful - it was an American one, focused on the "five s's " or something, if you're interested I'll try and track it down.

You are not alone, keep posting and others will be along with better advice.

Ps: ds was a nightmare baby but a very easy toddler. :)

Thankyou- swaddling has worked but I'd have him swaddled permanently if I used it all the time!

I just feel so alone- everyone I know loves being a mum and its just a slog for me. There's little enjoyment in an unhappy baby!

You are so right!

I will try and think about what I should have done differently when ds was small. :) (he has turned out fine but I was a zombie for about a year, which was less than ideal).

Be kind to yourself.
People will advise you to go to mother and baby groups, this is worth a try but be aware in advance that if you get a room of mothers telling each other how fantastic they're finding things - which they often do whether it's true or not, don't let that make you feel worse!

Mumsnet is your friend.

And this too shall pass :). I am deadly serious when I day that for some people parenthood starts hard and gets easier, and for some it starts easy and gets harder.

Ps don't beat yourself up about the routine. I wasted a lot of time and energy fretting about it. One advantage of being on your own is that there's no need to fit around anyone else. I wish I'd played things by ear a lot more.

Thankyou. It's nice to have someone to talk to! :)

Someone more useful will be along soon - quiet at this time as the uk contingent are doing bath and bedtime.... The book I mentioned was by Harvey karp - came in for criticism as he's a shameless self publicist, but the tips worked well for ds and that was all I cared about. That, and reading "that's not my dinosaur" and a black and white cloth book called "dog, cat, rabbit" on continuous loop for two months, and a 5pm ritual involving a swing chair, a baby Mozart DVD and a stiff gin and tonic to provide me with a breathing space:) (possibly not ideal but saved my sanity)!

I have a 7 week old boy. He can go from quite content to screaming manically at the drop of a hat. I have no idea what's wrong most of the time. Tonight he has screamed himself hoarse for some unknown reason. It is exhausting physically and emotionally. But I think most mums go through similar stages in their babies lives and I'm sure it will pass eventually. Try and sty positive, even though it is hard!

Have you started on any medication for his reflux? What are his nappies like? I'm not sure adding baby rice to his feeds will help, as it might be too much for him to digest - have you tried one of the 'comfort' formulas instead? (I am assuming he is formula fed?)

It might be worth a trip to the GP to get him tested for milk protein intolerance?

How often is he having a feed? DS was feeding roughly every three hrs by 12 weeks, which helped us to get a (loose) routine in place...before then we were all over the place!

For colic - have you got a tummy tub?? They are great for colic! Or try putting him in the Tiger in the Tree position which can also help (google it for a description). Have you tried gripe water? Infacol?

You are not alone, my baby is the one at baby groups who is screaming his head off while all the other babies are happy just to be rocked on their mums knees. My ds also has reflux and is starting to settle down now (16weeks) it took a while to get the levels of medication right. I'm really unsure about the baby rice tho, did your gp tell you to do that?
If it was the health visitor that told you I would double check it with your gp. I found out that a lot of what the health visitors were telling me was out dated and a load of rubbish to be honest.

Have you read this? www.mumsnet.com/babies/crying-comforting-and-colic

I am pretty sure baby rice will be the cause of his discomfort, way too hard to digest at such a young age, surely?

Hi clairebzippy,

You must be exhausted. Firstly is there anyone around you that could come and look after DS so you can just get some rest. Secondly please please please don't worry about routines yet, he's only 12 weeks, it's too early for that, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Thirdly don't feel guilty about how you feel towards your son, that is normal, you've only known him 12 weeks.

Try infacol after each feed, it did wonders to help our DS, also, what formula are you using and what's your feeding routine?

Also what bottles and tenets are you using?

Whoops, I meant 'teats' lol

Wow, thanks everyone! It's so nice to not feel alone! Have no idea how to reply individually so ill try and answer all in one go!
Have established bathtime and quiet time in evenings. That's it as far as a routine goes! He will have anywhere between 3-5 oz 5-6 times a day depending on his moods!
Using tommee tippee bottles. I've tried infacol it seemed to make his abdo discomfort worse!
He is on cow and gate- I've been reluctant to go switching milks as I don't want to confuse him- also, C&G comfort is also for constipation, which he isn't? Soft poos once or twice a day.
I know the baby rice is a slightly unorthodox treatment but it has worked wonders. Baby gaviscon primarily thickens the milk and has side effects. I didn't feel happy about giving him medication if I could avoid it and so far reflux is loads better.
I have a lovely mum who helps when she can but she works full time and he's not exactly a pleasure to babysit!
He won't always be this way, will he? I want to enjoy my MAT leave with him, not wish it away!

Oh, no it won't always be like this. Visit your GP, pick a nice friendly one and get some more advice. My friends baby had severe colic and she swore by Dr Browns anti colic bottles. We always used tommee tippee and changed the teets as he grew. We also used aptamel first milk (still using now and will do till he's 12months) but I get that you don't want to swap milk. Call your HV too for more info and tell us how you get on xx

It's still not clear whose advice you are working from. HV? GP? You can get special formula for reflux (on prescription) and proper medication for it...I'd personally rather use Gaviscon, prescribed by a GP, rather than baby rice in a bottle (which can be a choking hazard).

I'd start keeping a note of your DS's feed and sleep times. If you are keen to get a routine in place then it will help you ascertain your DS's natural pattern which you can then work with, rather than trying to impose a routine from a book etc. Maybe try going out for a walk at the same time each day to encourage a nap, and then the routine might build naturally from there?

Thanks that's a good idea to keep a record of his patterns ill give it a try xxx

Both my boys had horrendous reflux. They were eventually put on prescription med after gaviscon didn't work. I don't necessarily recommend this route. We tried every concievable bottle/teat combo going including the habermanns special feeders. No one type was any better so save your money. I did find that they liked to lie on my chest after feeds - not flat sort of half upright. Have you thought about a sling? That would allow him to be upright and rocked about a bit too. We went for the gripe water option and it's still used as a placebo if they have a hurty. Also fennel tea worked wonders.

Yes I'd heard it had had mixed success that's why I didn't want to use it. I'm a nurse, really don't believe in meds if it can be avoided!
Fennel tea? For the baby? Can he have that?
Yes, I do that weird half lying down thing too- it's the only way he gets any tummy time! X

Hi i am also new to this so hope i am asking in the right place on the advice i need....here goes i have a 2yr old daughter who is very willfull to say the least she never listens to anything i tell her too and i know she is only young and maybe i am expecting too much from her?? I dont live with her dad so she goes to him 2 nights a week and is as good as gold for him,goes to bed alone,sits in her pushchair when they are out,he never once tells me she has misbehaved! This is far from my daily routine with my little monster she draws on the walls,wont sit in her pushchair when we go out,tells me no all the time and has recently started smacking me in the face. She will say sorry but im not sure she really knows why she is saying sorry as she will do it again 5 minutes later i have never smacked her or said that i would so dont know why she does this,she has no sleep routine as she wont go to bed without me laying with her to go to sleep i have tried putting her to bed alone and left her to cry but as she is in a cotbed now she just gets up and walks out of her room,if on the chance she will go to bed alone she will come in to my bed in the middle of the night.Sorry for the longwinded message but i feel like im on the brink of a meltdown i cant beleive my 2 yr old can bring me to tears already with her behaviour??

I wish I knew how to help! Before I had a baby I'd have been full of opinions but I now know better!

Firstly, are you sure she really is as good as gold for her dad, or is he just saying that?
Is her behaviour worse around his visits?

I've not had any experience with 2yr olds but if it makes you feel better my friend's daughter is a prolific swearer! Keeps saying 'f**k' in public!! X

"before I had a baby I would have been full if opinions..." - claire, that's a help in itself!

Farcy, in my non- professional experience toddlers etc are horribilist to the person they are closest to, because they're confident you'll be there through thick and thin. I like to think that anyway :)

That's a nice way to look at it.
I suppose she is just developing her own little personality and is testing the boundaries.

It seems like its one thing after another having a baby! You'll always worry about something! X