Babies

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Crying, comforting and colic

Comforting a crying baby | Is it colic? | Coping with colic | Sleep and your newborn

All babies cry. It's just that some do it more than others, some do it a lot more than others – and a lusty-lunged few do it so much, you're driven to tears yourself.

"My son cried loads. I couldn't put him down. I was on edge all the time. It was hideous." violetsmile

Experts and smug mums whose babies barely even whimper will tell you that your baby's crying because it's the only way he can let you know that something's up – and, as soon as you sort it, the crying will stop.

If only it were that simple.

Sometimes, it just ain't that easy to work what that 'something' might be. Is it tiredness? Wind? Colic? And by the time you have worked it out, your baby may well have moved on to something else entirely. Or screamed himself into such a state that no amount of something solutions will do.

What you need at this point (apart from a big hug) is some tried-and-trusted advice from mums who've been there and borne the hollering brunt before you – mums who can tell your run-of-the-mill crying jag from your full-on bout of colic, and pull some ace comforting tricks from up their parenting sleeves. And, since that's what Mumsnet does best, here you are...

Comforting a crying baby

Right, let's start with the basics. Your baby's crying because that's what babies do.

"It's normal for babies to cry – they only kick around peacefully in books. And it's normal to feel distressed about it. That's because you are his Mummy. Your job is to rush around after your baby for the next 21 years." morningpaper

Actually, rushing around is probably not a great idea in this case. It'll probably only make your baby cry more. What you really need to do is stop, take a deep breath and remind yourself of the six most common reasons small babies cry. More than likely, your baby is after one or more of the following:
 

• A feed. Even if you've only just fed him.

"Is he going through a growth spurt? My daughter did a lot of grizzling/cluster feeding in the evenings when she was about seven weeks old and then she put on a ton of weight and stopped. If you're breastfeeding, you could just let your baby go from boob to boob until he passes out." JoyS

• A sleep. If just putting him in his cot doesn't work, see our Top ten tips for settling a newborn.
   
• A fresh nappy. Some babies really are clean freaks.

"I can't remember my daughter having an issue with this my son certainly seems to. I have to change his nappy as soon as it's wet or dirty." Umlella

• Winding.

"The usual back-patting didn't do it for my middle one. He'd go all red and angry. We had to jiggle him about quite a bit before he'd finally burp and calm down." Porpoise

• A cuddle. Small babies often have a real need for close physical contact. Swaddle yours up in a blanket or...

"Get a sling. Cry-y babies often really like being in a sling" morningpaper

If you've worked your way through that list and still got a hollerer on your hands, it might be worth wondering if your baby is ill. Has he got a temperature? Does his cry seem more urgent or higher-pitched than usual?

If you're at all worried, give your GP or health visitor a ring. Always seek medical help if your baby has difficulty breathing as he cries or if the crying is accompanied by vomiting, diarrhoea or constipation.

Not ill? Stop trying to work out what the matter is – some babies do just seem to get patches of fretfulness for no obvious reason at all – and concentrate instead on cranking things up a comforting gear or two.

Good ideas to try include a spot of rhythmical movement, either indoors...

"Put your baby in his pram and rock it up and down the hall." Colditz

"I found that patting my baby at a heartbeat rhythm-pace seemed to work." Mollipops

"A swing worked for my son. We started using it when he was six weeks. It stopped him crying and then sent him to sleep." Alli

Or out...

"I take him out for a drive in the car to settle him – even at 1am!" GRC

"My husband used to walk the streets in the evenings with my son in a sling. The walking motion soothed them both – and gave me a break!" Notquitegrownup

"I just used to stick my daughter in the pram and take her for a walk, and she'd calm down in just a few minutes and then conk out." whomovedmychocolate

Or, for babies who've had quite enough bustling about, thank you, there's always the Zen option:

"I think the 'white-out' method is very successful for soothing a crying baby. Basically, I hang a white sheet over the hood of the pram/pushchair so that is all the baby can see. Holding baby over your shoulder and standing with your back to a white wall has the same effect. It's especially useful when they seem overstimulated and fretful." Lellie

Is it colic?

Colic is a kind of uber-crying that some, otherwise perfectly healthy, babies do that breaks your heart, tries your patience and shreds your nerves.

"She really screams and sounds like she is in terrible pain and it can take a really long time to settle her. And then she starts all over again." Springle

Experts think colic affects about one in five newborns, typically starting at two to four weeks after birth. It tends to kick off at a specific time of day – often the late afternoon or early evening: 'arsenic hour' – and can last for hours. A colicky baby will pull up his knees, clench his fists and scream and scream and scream.

"At about 4pm every day, our daughter starts to create. She just screams non-stop until she wears herself out. It carries on through bath time until she eventually stops at about 6pm for her last feed." slippeddisc

Nobody's exactly sure what causes colic – although there are plenty of theories around – but everyone agrees on two things: it doesn't cause any long-term harm to your baby and it's a shocker for any parent to handle.

"I had to cope alone with the screaming while my husband was at work and I thought I was going to go mad. I used to get so upset because I wanted to delight in my new baby but I was just hanging on until the colic was over. The memory is still with me 15 years later!" Minou

Coping with colic

Colic always improves on its own. Most babies are over it by three months, and even the diehard screamers have called it a day by five months or so. Which is nice to know but not much help when you're struggling to calm a colicky five-weeker.

Much more practical is trying all our regular suggestions, plus these special tips from the Mumsnet colic coalface. We can't promise all of them will help your baby but some may – and, let's face it, when your baby's screaming the house down, it always feels better to have something to try...
 

• Give your baby a massage "after a warm bath and using warm oil" recommends admylin.

"Our baby massage instrutor showed us a special colic massage you do three times a day. It really helped my daughter and calmed me down loads. Basically, you just move your hand in clockwise strokes accross your baby's tummy and then bring her legs up to her tummy. At this point, my daughter always passed wind!" gwynniestwin

• Feed upright. Colic does seem to be associated with wind. Your baby will swallow less air as he feeds if you 'sit' him up a little. Don't forget to burp him well afterwards, too.
   
• Buy a colic remedy. Look for the ones containing simeticone drops that are formulated to relieve wind.

"Whatever you buy, make sure you try it for at least three days as it can take a while to get into their system." ombmum
 

• Offer a dummy. Or a finger.

"It really soothed her to suck a dummy. I would hold her, and hold the dummy as well, as she would just push it out with her tongue to start with." Littlefish

• Bring on the white noise.

"I've found that white noise helps hugely in calming him down – God knows why. Luckily I've got a CD of it, so I don't need to have the Hoover on all the time." MrsBumblebee

• Try cranial osteopathy. There's no medical evidence that it works but many parents swear by it.

"It is very gentle and non-invasive and the baby often goes to sleep. The cranial osteopath should be able to tell you straight away what he thinks the problem is and how many sessions you will need. We only had four and saw an immediate improvement." bossybritches

• Sway and sssh.

"Swaddle and cradle your baby on his side, then sway from side to side really, really fast, making sure your baby's head is snug in your arm. As you're doing this, says 'Ssh!' into your baby's ear really loudly. It must be louder than your baby's cry for him to hear. I read about this method in a book called The Happiest Baby On the Block and I cannot recommend it enough." Highlander

• Hand over to someone else. Sometimes, a new and less stressed pair of arms can make all the difference.

"My husband would lie on his back in a darkened room, with our baby on his chest, inhaling and exhaling slowly as if meditating. It was hard work but tended to pay off eventually." LuLuBai

• Do the 'tiger in the tree'. Holding and carrying your baby belly down, rather than belly up, can help ease old trapped-wind situation no end.

"Hold your baby facing away from you, on his front with your hands supporting his tummy, at a 30 degree-ish angle. It's hard to describe but it's almost like he's a plane taking off from standing on your lap." buddum

• Try excluding cow's milk protein. Some babies do have an (often temporary) lactose intolerance. If you think this could be a possibility, you could try a dairy-free diet for a week or, if you're bottle-feeding, switch to a hypoallergenic formula. Talk to your GP or health visitor first, though, as they may want to monitor your progress and maybe explore other related problems, such as reflux.

"Our daughter was fully breastfed but cried for what felt like hours a day. I removed dairy and lactose from my diet and had a different child within 48 hours." DorisIsAPInkDragon

• Take time out. Endlessly, fruitlessly comforting a colicky baby can stretch you to breaking point.

"If you feel like you really can't take any more, put your baby down somewhere safe and leave him for a couple of minutes. Use those minutes to take deep breaths, have a cup of tea – anything that'll help you regain your calm and perspective." Porpoise

• Find support.

"Talk about how you're feeling with people who've been there. People with 'normal' babies really can't understand." puppydavies

If you're all out of support or really at your wits' end or both, call the Cry-sis helpline on 08451 228669 (9am to 10pm, seven days a week).

And, finally, and probably most importantly...
 

• Know it will pass.

"My daughter was incredibly miserable and unsettled for the first few months of her life and used to scream for hours with colic. I was exhausted and depressed. I tried every remedy on the market but, in the end, time was the only real solution. It does pass – I promise. Your little one will get better. Just take each day at a time, use Mumsnet for support, and try to look after yourself as best you can." JessicatMagnificat
 

Sleep | Breastfeeding| Bottlefeeding | Mixed feeding | Weaning