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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

is this normal for 2.5 yr old? getting myself in a state!

33 replies

roopickles · 25/09/2012 12:34

hi I posted on here a few weeks ago about my clingy dd starting preschool.

please tell me if this is normal behavior or should I be concerned:

I am a SAHM and to be honest dd has never been away from me.. she started preschool three weeks ago. dd has always been shy in social situations but seems to be struggling at preschool, she is very shy, staying in her buggy if she can and avoiding to much contact with other children. i dropped her in today and the woman actually said 'poor dd!' this made me a bit worried as she is obv pitied a bit and made me feel guilty!!

Im not sure whether this is normal and she will come out of her shell or maybe there is something else going on? she is fine at home, very chatty great with her brother and plays alongside rather than with her friends that come round but will talk to them etc... when i mentioned to her keyworker today she said to see how things go and it is up to me but not sure!!

what do you think? thanks :)

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jkklpu · 25/09/2012 12:37

Poor you - it's a difficult time. Sounds as though you need to talk to the staff about their techniques for getting your dd more settled. What do you mean by her "staying in her buggy"?

milkymocha · 25/09/2012 12:37

My DS has just started preschool 2 weeks ago and although he is not a shy child, there are plenty of anxious, shy children in the group.
Two children are inconsolable crying but, to be honest that seems quite normal?

Its daunting for them, its understandable they are abit unsure of the new environment, adults, children, toys etc.

Good luck - you are not alone :)

Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 12:40

ah thanks for replies deep down i think it could be normal, but im a born worrier, by sitting in her buggy i mean just that lol they push her round and she does occasionally get out, and when she gets spooked gets back in!

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Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 12:41

also the staff have been really good but it makes me worry when they say ;up to you'

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littlebluechair · 25/09/2012 12:45

That doesn't sound at all normal preschool really - your daughter should be being helped to engage with stuff by the staff. I know here if the kids aren't enjoying it they suggest just doing an hour, then slowly building up. Why is getting in her buggy even an option?

Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 12:50

yes think they do it so she feels secure... though her next session they are going to keep her out and I will take buggy, god I dont know trying to do the best but its just the shyness too.

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crackcrackcrak · 25/09/2012 12:54

I'm confused as to why her buggy is in there?
Pushing her around in it is no good I wouldn't be happy with that.
At dd's nursery the staff have a million trucks up their sleeves to reassure unsettled kids - I have seen them win over my dd dozens of times - they should be able to manage it with your dd most of the time - this is their job!

littlebluechair · 25/09/2012 12:55

Could you give her a bit more time - why have you sent her?

It is quite normal to be a bit shy and she is quite young for starting pre-school.

Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 12:59

I started my ds there at 2.5 and thought I would do the same for dd as she is quite shy and thought it would help her... maybe im wrong

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BertieBotts · 25/09/2012 12:59

Does she need to be at preschool yet? Perhaps she just isn't ready. DS wouldn't have been at 2.5 but he went the first term after his third birthday to a lovely little preschool which is linked very strongly with our local primary school - it shares a classroom and a playground, and he's done fantastically even though he was a bit shy when he first started.

Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 13:05

well maybe shes not ready, but it was more asking whether the social shyness is normal i dont want to take her out really that would prob confuse her even more, she is really positive about it when she comes home bu there she is so shy, she doesnt cry when i take her in now, but does have a few grizzles and asks when im coming back.

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littlebluechair · 25/09/2012 13:08

It wouldn't confuse her to take her out and wait.

Only keep her in if it is the right thing for her.

You can't force shyness out of someone IMO, some people are naturally more cautious than others. Many young children grow up in sudden bursts.

My own DS would have no way been ready at 2.5, he used to go silent with other people, now he is 3 he speaks up quite happily.

Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 13:11

thanks littlebluechair yes she goes quiet around people... she seems ok when there and like i say she seems so positive when i pick her up. will stick with it, some children have to go to nursery etc and it is only 3 hours twice per week.

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mum4041 · 25/09/2012 13:47

Sometimes I think it's harder if it is only two sessions a week. I found it helped if they already new somebody doing the same sessions. Has she got a friend she already knows going so that they could match their sessions?

Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 13:50

no :( she doesnt know anyone, but true she is worse going on a tuesday when had a long break with weekend etc.. everyone else is settled now apart from her!

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mum4041 · 25/09/2012 13:50

Just to explain, there's a book called the Shyness Breakthrough and one of the things they suggest with a shy child is to have something familiar. So if it's a new setting, have a familiar friend with them. Or if going somewhere with a new friend, go to a place that they know already. The book explains quite well how some people just take longer to warm up and join in.

littlebluechair · 25/09/2012 13:51

Disagree it is harder with two sessions, that's the advice round here and it's a good amount, going from home full time to preschool every day in one jump is too much for most kids I think.

mamij · 25/09/2012 13:52

Sounds like normal behaviour to me! DD1 is usually gregarious, but started preschool two weeks ago, doing three mornings. She didn't settle well at first, crying for 30 minutes and even crying before we get to the school.

She's on her 6th morning today and didn't cry at all! I wouldn't say she was interacting with the other children, but the workers there are very good at settling and engaging them. Maybe have a talk with her key worker to see if there's anything they can do to help settle your DD?

mamij · 25/09/2012 13:52

Oh. I'm a SAHM too and DD1 has never been away from me before either.

littlebluechair · 25/09/2012 13:53

This child is only 2.5 - it is appropriate to be shy in new settings at this age. The child will probably grow up. I would be worried if a 4yo was doing as described in the OP but it is normal for 2yos to be cautious.

Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 13:55

ok thanks will look at that book! littlebluechair im trying to do the best by her dont mean to devastate her by sending her.it breaks my heart when people think ive done the wrong thing!

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minceorotherwise · 25/09/2012 13:57

Sounds normal to me, my son took months to settle. I would try and take away the buggy though, you don't want to have that ongoing
Maybe a favourite bear or teddy?

mintymellons · 25/09/2012 14:00

It's tough I know.

I work at a pre school and I have a two and a half year old DD too, so know where you're coming from.

In terms of her being 'normal', I would say certainly she is! Every time we have new starters, there are always one or two children who find it harder than others to settle. In some cases it takes weeks or even months (sorry) of them getting used to being there, but they always do in the end. On the other hand we have children who come in bold as brass and don't even say goodbye to their parents. To me that's more 'odd' than the ones who get a bit upset, but equally just shows how everyone is different.

My 7yo DD has always been the kind of child who just gets on with things and doesn't show her feelings too much, but my toddler DD is quite clingy when she goes into new places and doesn't control her feelings so well.

I would say just let the pre school get on with settling your LO in. Don't stay if you can avoid it and please don't feel that there is anything wrong with your lovely DD!

littlebluechair · 25/09/2012 14:01

I don't think you've 'done the wrong thing' at all, I have no clue what is right or wrong for your DD, but I don't think you need to worry about shyness yet, that's all.

Original poster

roopickles · 25/09/2012 14:07

thanks minty thats very selfish of me but what I wanted to hear! just worried she may have something else going on but she is amazing at home. I will give her the time she needs.

and mamji yes she didnt cry today but wasnt impressed with me but guess shes making progress.... will take buggy away thurs and see how she copes!!

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