Our toddlers behaviour is a real concern.

[Legionoffools]

Hey guys, we have a beautiful daughter of 2 and almost 3/4. And she just basically doesn't want to play with other little ones her age. In every social situation she becomes massively shy: holding on when hugging, her face into the shoulder, refusing to be put down.

She's also seemingly really unhappy at her nursery, she seems to cry an awful lot. I drop her and Mum outside the nursery and every time she seems to be really upset. The nursery has an awesome rating in that government ratings thing, but she seems to not enjoy her time there at all. Nurseries are maybe prisons for the innocent.

I'm sorry I'm waffling, the nurseries and prisons thing was pseudo-funny conjecture.

Anyway, she has HUGE separation anxiety with her mum and I: Sometimes when I take our dog out for a walk, she has a massive meltdown, I reassure her etc, and sometimes walk the dog after bath time.

Shes just so stoic and outgoing when she's with people she knows, big or small. But an unknown situation, even with toddler friends that she knows, she clams up, like I said.

tl;dr version:
You hit this before reading my words. Shame on you.

Lots of toddlers are like this. My oldest daughter was....also, 2 is still small when it comes to "playing with others". Many simply don't want to until they're more like 4 and 5 years old.

Does she have to go to nursery? If she doesn't..and you're putting her in for socialising, then I would think about pulling her out and attending playgroups with her....but never trying to make her join in.

At this age, it's better to play with them yourself and as their confidence grows they eventually join in.

She has to go to nursery. We both work, but she only has Monday, Wednesday and Friday at nursery. The other weekdays are either me or her mum.

Our daughter looks more like a four year old, but she's only 2 and more than a bit. She's also scared of boys her age, and I know this reads like a troll post, but it's genuinely not.

She's really pretty, and is maybe not enjoying pushy boys of her own age or older. I have no idea about how sexually aware toddlers are, but it seriously worries me.

She's 2. Children of 2 aren't 'sexually aware'. Your second post is quite scary frankly.

You are trying to discuss degrees of sexual awareness in children?

I am speechless.

Your second post makes me feel deeply uncomfortable.

Seconded. Toddlers are not sexual beings. So you're barking up the wrong tree with that comment.

Your second comment has made me feel highly uncomfortable to. There was no need for it.

Good grief - I have 3 boys, 6, 4 and 1 and I can assure you that even the oldest is not in any way, shape or form yet sexually aware, nor would I expect them to be. There is no way that any boys of your DD's own age or thereabouts will have noticed that she is pretty or be trying to...what exactly is it that you think they may be doing or trying to do? Anyway, they're not doing it and you sound a little crazy, tbh.

Scared of boys her age? Sexually aware?

What planet are you on???

There's something seriously wrong with your thought process...its actually pretty worrying that you would mention prettiness and sexual awareness of your 2 year old.

Poor girl doesnt stand a chance.

Ok. Instead of sexually aware, let's just call it something more comfortable: gender awareness.

Is that better?

No. Not when you have already linked her fear of boys to their "sexuality" and mentioned how pretty she is.

OK, I read your first post and was about to write a reassuring response telling you how my dd suddenly woke up socially when she was 4. But then I read your second post and thought Sheeeesh.

You think the boy toddlers are coming onto her?

Wow. Really.

Do you mean she doesn't like boys?

Or that she doesn't like how boys respond to her?

If the first: normal. My dd told me, at the age of 3, that boys have 'no souls'. Hasn't stopped her having a succession of lovely best friends who happen to be boys...

If the second, yes I'm sorry you're still being creepy. What exactly is it you are projecting onto these little boys?

My 3 year old can't reliably tell if someone is a boy or a girl.

Your dd may be the most gorgeous child the world has ever seen. I promise you: the boys at her nursery do not have designs on her.

I cannot tell you how uncomfortably it reads that you are seriously worried about this.

Look. Maybe I'm hugely wrong. I'm a first time parent, and am just worried about my daughters behaviour. The taste of soap-boxing opinions is unpleasant, and the frankly unhinged weird accusations about my concerns are pretty strange.

I don't know what dd is, but it's probably an acronym.

Her behaviour sounds totally normal. Yours doesnt!

You find our concerns strange? What about yours? Sexualizing little boys and insinuating little childrens "bad" intentions with your pretty daughter!

I have two sons. The oldest is 10. Neither of them have ever come close to sexual awareness. I reckon they are both years away from that.

If she doesn't like nursery (which it seems she doesn't, from all the crying) and the company of lots of other toddlers, then perhaps a childminder would be better for her.

I'm not soap-boxing here, OP, and I'm sympathetic to your worries about your dd at nursery. But please don't just dismiss the comments you have had here as 'pretty strange'. Take them as representative of the reactions you will get in RL if you say something similar. I can assure you that other parents will find that kind of comment deeply dodgy.

You haven't explained WHY you think there might be sexual dynamics between your dd and the little boys at her nursery. In the absence of any actual evidence that this is an issue, your assumption that it would be does sound like a weird projection of sexual awareness onto a group of near-babies.

op have you tried to put a signature on your first post? i have seen these twee quotes etc elsewhere but there is no facility/or need! on mn

2 year olds have a tiny amount of gender awareness. here is an example; dd (2.11) has a best friend at nursery and a v best friend outside of nursery. they are both boys and she loves them in a v normal 2 year old way. they just click. she also plays well with the rest of a social group we have knwn since about 9 months all of whom are the same age and half boys/girls. but.....in the last 3 months she has been announcing that pink is for girls and not boys and that princesses are important. this is about the same as her pals observations. thats as much gender awareness as you get with 2 year olds.

The only unhinged and weird person on this thread is you.

I agree that shyness is normal, gender awareness is not (and extremely unlikely) at her age and for a few years yet. Sexual awareness is later again, not until puberty so 13 or so at the earliest.

I'd recommend reading a book or two on child development. The NHS 0-5 one you were given when she was born is quite good. Also Helen Bee's The Developing Child, among others. I think there are some directly targeted at fathers, I know my husband had one by Armon Brott.

Dd = dear daughter