How can I get my 2 year old to talk?

[serotoninbutterfly]

Hello all, I'm hoping someone can help me.

My 2.4 year old seems really behind on speech. His understanding is good, he can understand and follow instructions (including ones with more than one step - ie put your shoes on and open the door) but he won't talk.

He has a few words, yes no cheese please cuddle etc but won't use them. He says them occasionally and when he does I praise him and make sure I make a big deal of him doing so but when he wants something he signs or points and grunts.

What am I doing wrong? Today I have been refusing to give him what he is signing for, for example he wants a cuddle, so is holding his arms out to me. I ask him what he wants, he makes a noise with his arms out. So I asked him if he wanted a cuddle, he nodded and I said say cuddle. He said no, so I said he couldn't have one unless he said cuddle. Cue a toddler tantrum that has gone on for 15 minutes and I have repeated the instruction to say cuddle at regular intervals.

Feel like an awful mum because he is so unhappy, but I think he is so used to getting his way with signing, grunts and noises that this is the only way to make the point.

Please can someone help? I know he is clever, and my parents and friends seem to think I am letting him take the piss out of me

:(

All the techniques for encouraging speech in a child with good understanding are set out in "It Takes Two to Talk", pubilshed by Hanen, available from Winslow for £32, very expensive but worth three times the price.

"don't say "say"" is one of their pieces of advice!

Also consider:

• getting a hearing test (glue ear)
• self-referring to speech therapy
• might he have difficulty forming the word with his mouth muscles? a speech therapist would be the person to ask about this.

good luck.

Was going to suggest a self referral to a SP too. We were in the same boat at that age with DD and she was sorted out in 6 sessions with a SP.

I try and say 'DS do it' because that's how I get him to copy an action.

However, just now he said 'mum, food' and when I said do you want some food he said 'yes please' so I'm taking that as a win

Where do I find out about that? Xx

Please don't listen to people who say your child is "taking the piss out of you" by not speaking..my DD is 5.10 and can't speak, so is she just royally taking the piss? (not that I am saying your son won't speak long before then).

He is in NO WAY taking the piss. It's like when people say babies don't walk yet because they are lazy, whereas it's a developmental stage.

You need to ease the pressure on him, can you imagine someone repeatedly demanding you do something you can't do? you would have a tantrum too.

The Hanen book is fantastic and has some nice and much more gentle techniques.

Agree with lingle you should get his hearing checked out and get a SaLT referral in place too.

I do have sympathy but it is just hard to read about a child being refused a cuddle for 15 minutes while he cries because he can't say it :(

If you ask at the Drs they should have the forms for referral, your children's centre might have the forms too or might even have a group for similar children. Think my HV gave me mine though.

If its any help she went from saying virtually nothing to saying 7 word sentences all by herself at 3. The speech therapy came later.

I know I sound like a dragon but I know he can say it because he has before iyswim. I'm hoping that by encouraging him to use words that he can say he will be more willing to learn new words.

I think I might see if I can borrow the book from the library - I can't afford £32 for a book at the moment

And now he has had a cuddle and had just told me 'share mummy' because he wants to give me a biscuit

Can I jump in and ask a question too, similarly to OP, my ds is 2.3, and says the odd word, but otherwise garbles in his own 'language'. He makes himself understood but he doesn't say all word clearly. He too understands two-step instructions, and things like 'go and get x'. Should I be self referring to speech therapist too? He has recently started nursery and I did voice my concerns to his key worker but obviously he would be quiet there at first but she says he is saying more words now. Or should I try and see my health visitor?

yes, do encourage him, but beware of torturing him IYSWIM, i know it's easy to do through frustration. :)

all the best anyway

Early language is actually about excellent listening skills, he needs to hear & see, as in see how your mouth makes the sounds. So speak somewhat slowly & very clearly (enunciate each sound in the word clearly) & make good eye contact while you are speaking.

The other thing to do is to narrate what he's doing (eye contact not so essential for this). Watch what he's doing & just comment on it without necessarily inviting him to speak back. This is giving him the vocabulary to talk about things he probably wants to say, anyway, & telling him how the words go together, all done by example. Mix up the words.

"That's a big car."
"It's a red car."
"It's your car. It's not my car."
"It goes fast."
"Your car goes fast."
"The red car goes fast."
"You like the red car."
"I like the red car, too."
etc.

Whatever you do don't pressure or correct.

If his comprehension is good, he's 2/3 the way there. I had a DC the age of yours who could produce less than two dozen words, but what worried me more was his poor comprehension.

Wow, I didn't realise he's putting 2 words together. That's fine, you know, it's children who get to 3yo & still struggle with 2-3 word phrases that have a lot to worry about.

or 6! :(

Someone ask for a speech and language therapist? That's me!

OP, do you have a Children's Centre near you? Get yourself down there as soon as you can - you will get loads of information and support, including a referral to Speech and Language Therapy, which would probably be a good idea.

Take a big breath. Your child is communicating with you. If he's holding his arms out, that's showing you that he wants a cuddle. Give him a cuddle. 'Forcing' him to speak or demanding that he says words will not help him - as you see, you will have a distraught toddler and will be feeling horribly upset yourself so nobody wins. How would you feel if someone demanded that you suddenly started speaking in a language you don't know? You just couldn't do it, right? Same for your DS - he's just not there yet with his words.

The fact that he seems to be understanding well is good. Children have to understand a word before they can say it. You can't force the issue or speed it up. Instead, model language for him, demonstrate to him how we use words - not in a 'teaching' way, but in a natural, running commentary sort of way. So if he holds his arms out, you say 'cuddle, oh DS wants a cuddle' (for example). Never ask him to copy or say words after you. By saying the words, you're helping him to learn the words that go with the actions. Saying the words will happen in it's own sweet time - frustrating I know

I hope that's helpful. Feel free to PM me if you would like to.

'He is in NO WAY taking the piss. It's like when people say babies don't walk yet because they are lazy, whereas it's a developmental stage'

Completely 100% agree with this. Children are not 'lazy' and they're not 'naughty' either. Some children just take a bit more time to get there than others.

Lotta, you are so right, my DD has just started pointing and waving at 5.10..took her time but she got there and I am thrilled

I'm a great believer in singing to help language development. It turns it into a fun game whilst introducing the different sounds and rhythms of speech. Action songs are particualrly good. Does your local library do a singing session? Keep talking to your son like Iljjk says - all the time though. Narrate your life to him - whilst out walking, cooking, cleaning etc.
Read stories to him as well - point to the pictures and describe them, get him to point to things in the pictures. Don't push him to speak though. Good luck

My dd aged 7now, was a late talker, I think a dummy was partly to blame which did get taken away when she was 30 months.

When she finally started talking though aged 3 it was straight to sentences. I was worried at the time. I saw a speech therapist who said as long as she had good understanding I should not be too worried. :)

Thank you, it's prob a pfb issue but his step brother (8) is being assessed for autism and already dx with ADHD so I'm a bit paranoid about development and worried that he isn't reaching his potential

fanjo, that's great news about your DD

It's just heartbreaking when your hear parents suggesting that their child is 'lazy' - as if they are secretly learning all these new words on the sly but refusing to share them!

Yes yes to singing! I really can't emphasise Children's Centre enough, for any parent.

Can totally understand why this would be an issue for you serotonin, even without the step brother issue, delayed speech can be a worry.

Lotta has some great advice and delayed speech is in no way a sign that he won't reach his full potential. As I say my DD didn't start stringing words together until her 3rd birthday and started school pretty soon after her 4th birthday. She's been there a year and is doing extremely well. Get your referral and try to relax in the meantime and ignore your doubters .

Lotta, yes I hate when I hear people saying that too.

Lots of singing here, i spend more time singing than speaking :)

Its such a minefield isn't it? I just want him to be happy and to communicate with me - and I know the signing is communicating! - and because I have heard him use certain words before I know he CAN do it, he is just not at the time I want him to, which is the source of my frustration

Thank you for all the advice - I am aware that others have it worse than me, and I'm sorry if I have offended anyone by this thread.

He's not deliberately doing anything, he's trying his best. You need to work out how to help him progress rather than punishing him.

A tactic I've used, and had recommended by a baby signing/development instructor is to repeat/copy your child but add a word. So if he signs then you acknowledge it and say the word, if he says a word then you praise him by repeating it and adding a word e.g share mummy - share biscuit mummy.

Make it fun, make it a game and he'll enjoy it. Does he sing, make silly noises? I do lots of silly noises for my toddler to copy like popping and saying 'bleurgh' in a silly voice. He can see I'm being silly and copies to join in the fun.