Children and the cinema

[jaynebxl]

We went to the cinema this week, the cinema was almost empty... About 30 people max but unfortunately right behind us was a woman with two children who decided to talk all the way through the trailers. One child was asking so many questions about the trailers like what's he doing, what's happening etc. now in her shoes I'd have explained that we need to be quiet at the cinema and not disturb other people but we could talk about it later. Sadly her response was to answer every question with detailed answers. Eventually just before the main film I turned and asked her politely if they wanted to talk all the way through could they go and sit somewhere else in the almost totally empty cinema. Her response was that her child was really little and should be allowed to talk. When I suggested that perhaps this meant he was too little to go to the cinema she told her children that they would have to move to stop the lady in front becoming even more grumpy!

Does anyone else find this a bit shocking? Firstly because I think children need to learn what behaviour is appropriate in different contexts, and secondly because rather than taking it as a chance to explain appropriate behaviour she took the chance to blame me, which seemed like an odd model to give her children... Like saying to them that they should feel free to disturb other people in the cinema and if anyone asks them to be quiet that person is totally wrong.

Difficult one, I think I would have given the benefit of the doubt through the trailers but would have got narked if it had continued through the film.

To be honest most people do talk during the trailers, but I agree they shouldn't talk during the actual film, then youwould be perfectly reasonable to ask them to stop.

I agree with you and wouldn't take a small child who isn't capable of sitting quietly through a film to the cinema. I've tried a couple of times with my eldest who's 5 and she still can't do it so we just don't go.

Personally I think trailers and adverts are crap that I have to sit through before the film that I have paid to see, nothing important and I'm usually reading MN or similar until the feature starts. So it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest.

If they'd continued into the feature that would have been entirely different imo.

Thanks for the replies. I do feel justified by the fact that I could hear they did continue to chat all the way through... Only fortunately they were far enough away by them for it not to be such a distraction!

My DD is fine at the cinema and always has been, I very, very rarely take DS as he can't sit through, gets fidgety and then spoils it for us and others.

I think that you did the right thing, if parents won't make the DC behave appropriately then it does no harm for strangers to point it out.

I took Dd2 and a friend to see Brave yesterday. The cinema was reasonably busy. We sat behind a woman who also talked to her small child throughout the film! I understand it was a childrens' movie but how are they supposed to learn how to behave if no one explains that you sit quietly in a cinema?

Most annoying were the couple with a toddler and a newborn , the baby kept crying and they took it in turns to...... walk around the cinema, up and down the central steps, to quieten him!!!!!

I don't mind children talking through the trailers, but they should be able to sit quietly during the film.

I wouldn't mind someone talking through adverts but I love trailers and find they build up anticipation for the film. I would be very cross is people talked loudly and continually through them.

I really don't understand why some people insist on taking children who are clearly not ready for it to the cinema.

I think it's important for children to learn from the off that there are certain places where you have to be quiet. Churches, libraries, museums, art galleries, cinemas. Even if lots of other children (and adults) seem to think it's ok these days to just talk at the top of their voices everywhere they go, it is important that there are places (in urban environments especially) where people can quietly think without being disturbed. IMO parenting which leaves out teaching children to respect these boundaries (this used to be called teaching your children manners) is going to turn them into obnoxious self-centred teens.

Rant over.

Why could you not move?

Hopeforever. I have no wish to be rude at all BUT that statement sums up the whole argument really. We should not have to move seats because a child is talking in the movie. The child should sit quietly!

Sometimes we have to take the higher ground, avoid confrontation and find an easy solution.

We can't change how other people parent, we can just be the best role model and parent possible

That is true! I do think however that children are able to learn at an early age that they sometimes need to be aware of other people and act accordingly.

I wish the parent in the cinema had applied your philosophy of being a good role model!

I agree with you, and probably would have done the same if I didn't avoid the cinema because there are just so many people who don't know how to sit quietly, but I suspect we'll be in the minority

Talking through the adverts wouldn't bother me, and not so much during the trailers but talking through the film (aside from an occasional whisper) would bother me a lot. We take our five year old to the cinema but we explain our expectations before we leave and remind him when we arrive at the cinema. Once the film is about to start we remind him that it's time to be quiet. What bugs me as much as talking is kids kicking the back of my seat or repeatedly pushing on my seat. I agree that children need to learn that there are some times that being quiet and respecting other peoples' needs is important.

I would have moved. Not like telling someone not to whack your child imo so feel it is not my job to tell others how to parent unnecessarily.

TBH it wouldn't have bothered me. Children get excited, ask questions and fidget. I expect all this when taking children to see a children's film. Yes children need to learn how to behave in certain situations but they need to go these experiences to learn.

I would have moved, yes it's annoying. But it can be solved no big deal.

Why did YOU not move?

I personally wouldn't take my (autistic) child to the cinema but we've had this sort of reaction on planes and buses etc., where people don't feel they should have to be faced with behaviour they personally don't exhibit.

Well, excuse me, but please do feel free to fuck the fuck off if you don't like my less than perfect child.

BUT, on the occasions I have been asked to move because of my son, I make a POINT of not doing so. If you have a problem with my child YOU can choose to move away from him. I cannot and will not.

Sore point for me. ANd, obviously not directly at the OP (well, the sentiment is... but not the 'fuck off bit' - that is aimed at the lovely person we met on a flight recently).

But, I do think the OP is being as rude (if not ruder) than the person with the child. Did you give her a chance to explain why they were not being quiet???? Well, seriously did you? Did you say... 'Excuse me. Is there a reason you child is asking so many questions and is he likely to stop when the main feature comes on?'

As I say, massive sore point for me.

I agree school anxiety she said the cinema was nearly empty.

Just because she had the perfect quiet children like we all would like it does not always happen.

Talking throughout the trailers wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Talking throughout the film would annoy me greatly.

Taken DD to cinema since being 3.4 years old and she has never been allowed to talk loads, make lots of noise, get up and down, run about or any of that type of distraction. It annoys me when some people do allow their children to be disruptive at the cinema.

But yes - I would get up and move myself if I could, rather than asking others to move.

I would have just moved myself.