Children and the cinema

[jaynebxl]

We went to the cinema this week, the cinema was almost empty... About 30 people max but unfortunately right behind us was a woman with two children who decided to talk all the way through the trailers. One child was asking so many questions about the trailers like what's he doing, what's happening etc. now in her shoes I'd have explained that we need to be quiet at the cinema and not disturb other people but we could talk about it later. Sadly her response was to answer every question with detailed answers. Eventually just before the main film I turned and asked her politely if they wanted to talk all the way through could they go and sit somewhere else in the almost totally empty cinema. Her response was that her child was really little and should be allowed to talk. When I suggested that perhaps this meant he was too little to go to the cinema she told her children that they would have to move to stop the lady in front becoming even more grumpy!

Does anyone else find this a bit shocking? Firstly because I think children need to learn what behaviour is appropriate in different contexts, and secondly because rather than taking it as a chance to explain appropriate behaviour she took the chance to blame me, which seemed like an odd model to give her children... Like saying to them that they should feel free to disturb other people in the cinema and if anyone asks them to be quiet that person is totally wrong.

Hula - I am not disagreeing at all with it being annoying.

There are many behaviour traits he displays that I find both annoying and deeply upsetting. I do not need some holier-than-thou-know-it-all telling me as much.

BUT... my point is: You (as the complainer) have two choices: Either move away from the problem, or draw it to the attention of the staff and let them deal with it.

As I said, I wouldn't even dare / bother attempt the cinema with my DS. I am talking about rather less 'optional' experiences, but this does happen. I am considerate, in the extreme, about how my son impacts on others. But, in lots of circumstances, others are far less considerate about how I might feel about my son. And, if someone makes a point about being nasty about my DS without questioning why he's acting like that, then, I'm afraid I'm unlikely to respond positively.

Fair enough to expect to watch the film in peace but I think you were a bit unreasonable to expect silence during the trailers.

I also think it depends a bit on the movie. If you go to see Pony Princesses Go To Sparkly Pink Fairyland, you are probably going to have young children in the audience and you will probably have to put up with a bit of child noise. Having said that, constant talking all the way through would not be a acceptable.

Oh - I would never confront a parent about it and would never ever be nasty to or about a child. I am very aware of special needs or behavioural traits that may be present. But wherever possible I would move myself.

Re. planes,, etc then I think it is just one of those things. Yes, lots of noise might be annoying for a sustained time but I would assume a parent was doing whatever they could anyway. Kicking the back of my chair over and over I would politely ask if it could be stopped as it would cause me discomfort, but general noise and shuffling about - no, I;d leave it.

I wouldn't have moved myself - if I get there early, choose the best eye level centre aisle seats - I choose them because that is where I want to sit.

If someone comes along later and chatters incessantly, I think you have every right to ask them to move.

No, Bytheway, you don't.

You have every right to contact a member of staff and ask them if the behaviour being displayed is acceptable / that you personally find it unacceptable, but you do NOT have the right to just expect someone else to move.

They have chosen their seats just as you have. Unless the management of the establishment find their behaviour unacceptable, they have as much a right to be where they are seated as you do.

You might not like that, but it's true.

I agree. I have taken ds1 to the cinema and he has been so petrified he sat there in shocked silence as good as gold but if he hadn't been and someone decided to lecture me on his/my manners I would be deeply unimpressed. If it's sufficiently loud to be antisocial, contact a member of staff. If not, move.

Aside from anything I would be wary about tackling a stranger in this sitution as I know that someone who did this in a Harry Potter screening in Leeds was later subject to having bleach thrown in her face by the disgruntled customer who had followed her out and into Frankie and Benny's! I know it's not right to be scared of speaking up but still.. I would never chance it.

I do not have the right to expect them to move.

I have the right to ask them to move and I would do so. People have become more bad mannered merely due to other people allowing their behaviour.

I would - like the OP - politely request that they desist during the film, or would they please move as I was there first.

Hula - We are quite a large family, so it's usually possible to seat DS behind one of our own party. When that is not possible, I inform the airline AND the person who sits infront of us, so they can request to be moved.

Twice this summer, I have been faced with people who don't want to be moved themselves but expect US to move. Once it was handled very well. The other boy also had autism and could only sit in a certain row. The mother and I had a lovely conversation and we worked out how both boys could cope with the flight (they sat along side each other). The other time, the woman acted like she personally owned the airline and was vile to me, my son, my entire party, all other passengers who supported us and the aircrew who supported us.

Well, just as well I don't go to the cinema, Bytheway cos I would very politelty say NO

And, what if you weren't there first, bytheway? Or does your superior behaviour trump the fact that they were there before you?

ANd, actually, bytheway, you don't have the right to ASK them to move either. You have the right to move yourself or speak to the management. End of story.

You would have every right to refuse SchoolAnxiety I would not require you to move, merely to be aware that I (who have personal space and anxiety problems) am having issues with the behaviour.

And that is why I never go to the cinema

To be fair, Bytheway, I would never EVER put myself, my son or anyone else in that position out of choice. DS has never been to the cinema and won't until he can cope / wants to cope with that situation.

Off thread but schoolAnxiety have you heard off autism friendly cinema viewings. I've never been to one but DS is autistic and we're exploring things at the moment. Brave is on in a couple of weeks so we thought we'd give it a low pressure try.

I haven't, Misfor - but I will be checking them out! Thankyou!

I've taken my three from being babies (actually, the eldest went to her first for her 3rd birthday) and they've always been so glued to it that they don't talk or move the whole way through - other than for #2 to take her glasses off and put them back when I tell her to and occasionally to eat/ drink. Maybe because when the TV is on I say "watch and find out" to every question...

Or, maybe, 'Confuddled, you are just blessed with regular, NT children.

Maybe, just maybe, you got lucky.

Maybe, just maybe, parents who have kids who don't display overtly antisocial behaviour, but behaviour that is largely seen as unacceptable to society don't WANT their children to behave like that.

Believe me, I swear I would love if my son got 'social rules'. He does not. It does not mean that he isn't allowed out in public. Far worse things happen (and the very people who are so openly critical of my DS's behaviour would piss themselves rather than challenge serious antisocial behaviour). I protect him and us as much as possible, but I stick up for him too.

Actually they call it our family curse as not one family within our family has escaped it. My grandma had one nephew with it, then it went everyone of her children who had children, then down to her great-grandchildren, each family has at least one. In my brother's family (worst hit but I think my brother is the first to have children of his own) they have three with varying degrees plus other different conditions (ODD etc). I've taken some of them to the cinema too.

It's an individual child thing. Mine, like their dad and half-brother are screen addicts and can sit for hours not looking away from a screen.

The reasons I didn't move are firstly because I booked in advance online, chose the seats because they were on the front row of the second block and i knew my children wouldn't have someone tall right in front of them blocking my view. The lady in question had just turned up and chose to sit right behind us when there was an almost empty auditorium. Secondly the reason my children sit quietly (on the whole ... Of course we get the odd question or comment, which I whisper back to then remind them we need to be quiet) is because I have taught them this, partly by not giving lengthy replies to every question which basically encourages the chat. The woman behind me did nothing to encourage her children to be quiet and learn appropriate behaviour.

Totallynaive I totally agree!

School anxiety there is a world of difference between a child with a special need and a child whose parent isn't encouraging them to do the right thing. I'm sorry that you have had such bad experiences.

I think that there is also a difference between a cinema and a flight. We recently flew from the UK to Canada (so a 9 hour flight) with a baby who cried virtually the whole time. It wasn't great for us, but I felt very bad for his poor family (and him too, he obviously didn't like flying at all). If I had been at a cinema and the same thing happened I would be furious if the family hadn't removed him because the cinema is an optional experience, and you shouldn't bring someone with you who is going to ruin the experience for many many other people.

I didn't take my children to the cinema until they were old enough to cope, sit still and not talk (which was quite a while for my ds). Before then they watched movies at home, which was no great sacrifice.