Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

Please help. Hysterical 14 month old tantrums. How to calm him?

46 replies

lucasma · 19/08/2012 22:56

Please help my 14 month old has been having hysterical tantrums and we dont know how to calm him down quickly.
Please tell me what has worked for your babies.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
notnowbernard · 19/08/2012 22:57

what do you mean by tantrum?

IME 14m olds don't tantrum... they're upset about something. Tired/hungry/pain?

Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:02

Yes he is upset. Usually because he wants to go out on his trike or run in the park but cant because of rain for example. Because he doesnt want to put his shoes or hat on. He doesnt want to sit in his pram. He doesnt want to go in the shower or in bed.

I try to stop them by distracting with rice cakes or bottle etc but he gets worked up very quickly. And starts screaming hysterically.

OP posts:
Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:02

It has been happening for nearly a month and it is very stressful to deal with as I know he is too young to ignore as you might a 2 year old tantrum.

OP posts:
Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:04

His sleep has improved dramatically over the last month so I dont think he is over tired. He is not teething or sick.

The tantrums start because he wants to do something he cant or because we need him to do something he doesnt want to do.

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 19/08/2012 23:04

Poor you, that's early for the protesting to start Grin

I reckon, as you say, distraction is the key at these times. And pick your battles. Good luck!

Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:08

But how do I calm him!!!???

Please it is very stressful and it sounds terrible when he is screaming.
What am I meant to do?? I have no idea and my husband and I are very stressed about it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:09

The only time he is happy is when he is running around doing his own thing. Otherwise he gets upset very fast.

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 19/08/2012 23:10

Ok, firstly try not to react in a stressed way in front of him when he does it

Remember there is nothing wrong with him, he's just peed off that you're making him wear shoes or whatever

I think distraction is way to go in terms of calming him. Sorry,not being v helpful... will try and think of something more useful

notnowbernard · 19/08/2012 23:11

Let him run around and do his own thing as much as you can, then Smile

14m v young Smile

Imperial · 19/08/2012 23:17

Try and identify his triggers then distract before he starts getting wound up ie - hand him something to look at/a rice cake/start singing an action song like wheels on the bus and then slip his shoes on while he's not noticing if that's something that would usually cause a meltdown.
14 months is young but ime there are some things that just have to happen in life like nappy changing/holding hands by roads etc. and if you can be consistent from the start and just ignore the protesting and just keep chatting calmly then the easier your life will be in the long run. It's hard though - good luck!

Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:17

Yes he runs around all day long :) Anything for peace and quiet. Not sure when we are meant to introduce rules and boundaries as I dont think that will be very successful.

When he is upset we have tried hugging him, blowing in his face, singing, shhhing, dancing around in a circle holding him, turning on all the bright lights, turning off all the lights. Nothing seems to calm him fast.

So after some ideas that have worked for others please!

OP posts:
Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:23

Yes we have been trying the distracting and it does work some of the time.

We are only strict about things that are essential. For example we dont mind if he takes his shoes off at home or in his pram and we just ignore that but he needs to keep them on in the park because of glass and bees etc

Nappy changing time has been a nightmare for months!

We really need help with calming him down though!

OP posts:
Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:24

He hasnt had his teeth brushed in months either :( Feel like a terrible mother

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 19/08/2012 23:26

CAn empathise re the teeth-brushing

DC2 was an absolute nightmare for about a year from 18m. but, for me, teeth have to be brushed

It was a 2-man job. She was restrained most nights Blush

Got lovely teeth now though Grin

notnowbernard · 19/08/2012 23:27

Actually, thinking back she used to go into one about most things

It does pass

Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:29

Maybe we will have to try teeth brushing again.

I have been avoiding all sweet sticky foods. And giving him water after eating everything.

He would clench his teeth and shake his head and arch his back and throw himself around.

OP posts:
MmeLindor · 19/08/2012 23:31

At that age, there is no point in reasoning with him. It is pure frustration at not getting to do what he wants to do, and he does not yet understand how his actions may have consequences.

eg. you want him to put his shoes on in the park because he could step in broken glass. He does not understand that if he is barefoot that he could step on a piece of glass - that his actions (taking off the shoes) will have consequences (sore foot)

All he feels is that he wants to run around barefoot in the grass and nasty mummy is stopping him.

There isn't really an awful lot you can do other than try to head him off before he gets to that stage. Once he is worked up, you really just have to let it pass.

It does get better once he starts to understand more, but my DS still has the occasional screaming tantrum at 8yo. They are much much rarer than they used to be, and don't last long.

Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:32

Yes he seems to hate everything except for running around, grabbing and chewing on everything! Then he has this massive grin! :D

OP posts:
MmeLindor · 19/08/2012 23:32

Do try again with the teeth brushing. Even if he screams.

Can you let him do it himself for a bit and then help out at the end. An electric toothbrush might help - my DC found it fascinating.

notnowbernard · 19/08/2012 23:33

They open their mouth to scream eventually, then you get in there quick with the brush or pinch their nose to make them open their mouth Blush

Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:36

No he cant be reasoned with I know. He doesnt understand anything at all and he is developing speech very slowly, I think because he is never still enough to listen and learn. He still cant wave or point etc.

It cant be healthy for him to scream so much though??? Just as it is bad for babies to cry a lot???

Also it sounds terrible for the neighbours as we live in just a bedsit. When he screams it sounds like he is being tortured, it is that bad :( I dont want them to call the police on us. So we do need to calm him down as fast as possible

OP posts:
Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:36

Great!! I will try the electirc toothbrush!!

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 19/08/2012 23:38

If you are concerned, maybe have a chat with your HV? Might have a few ideas aswell

Original poster
lucasma · 19/08/2012 23:41

No HV as we have recently moved, but I will ask when I have the time.

Any ideas for the screaming??

OP posts:
MmeLindor · 19/08/2012 23:42

Take your neighbours a bottle of wine or some chocs and have a wee chat - tell them that you are worried that your DS may be disturbing them, but he seems to have come early into the terrible twos.

My DD had her first tantrum on her first birthday, so I know what you are going through.

Have you thought about baby signing? I didn't do it but have heard that it can be good for children who are frustrated at not being able to communicate.