Can't be bothered to do anything

[1983chloe]

What do you do with your toddler when you cannot be bothered to do anything? I just want to curl up on the sofa and watch soaps. I am fed up of playdoh, parks, painting, baking etc. I feel like a childrens entertainer! I feel bad as I have just lounged on the sofa for 2 days watching tv while my 2 year old has pottered about with her toys by herself. I feel bad for not interacting with her much or entertaining her. But I just want a break!! Is it just me or do others feel like this?

Go the park/beach/woods & let them poke around being children while I read a book. It's still dossing for me, but they get fresh air & explore the world.

I second the idea of going somewhere where you can lounge a bit if you are tired, especially if yours is the sort of toddler who can play by herself well, lots can't so feel lucky! Mine does do it well as long as he is 'stocked up' on interaction and joint play, so I can go to a local park with a giant sandpit and slides and he doesnt need me to do anything except be there so I sit on the side and watch :) or he can play in our garden really well with me sat on a lounger, I do play with him as well but if I have a tired day the garden is ideal if the weathers ok, he likes a bucket of water and a watering can, crayons, we've just got a paddling pool for days with some actual sun... Have you anyone who can give you a day or 2 off? sometimes we adults just need to recharge inbetween being Mrs Tumble... I havent had much of this tbh, but moved to be closer to family this year and have been away for a wedding overnight with no kids and had a night out with hubby, hurrah!

No I haven't got anyone to look after toddler for me and I also do not have a garden (boohoo, I wish I did I think it would make life easier!) I usually have a routine of an outing in the morning such as library, supermarket, visit relatives, soft play etc. Come home for lunch, go on a walk to the park after lunch and then come home and do baking, painting, jigsaws etc until dinner time, bath and bed. But I have just got fed up and have fallen off routine since the end of last week and now the days seem long and I just cannot be bothered to do anything. I need a kick up the bum but just cannot get motivated to do anthing.

you say 'visit relatives' though, is there no-one who could take her on a day out or have her overnight as a treat for both of you? worth thinking about...

No, I have asked but no-one wants to help me, they said they have had there turn! I also work from home in the evenings when my little one goes to bed so am just feeling totally worn out.

is there anyone you could do a babysitting swap with, a friend or relative with kids? so you could do a babysitting day or night 'swap' of , say, one a month each? that can work.

do you have a partner?

have you tried varying the routine of where you go for a trip out with them, try going somewhere that you like as well - we all get fed up of soft play centres etc! I took mine (hes 2.8 now) over this past year to a few art galleries/museums that I wanted to go to and he was suprisingly good, then a cafe where he got frothy milk and a spoon in a adult cup and saucer which he was fascinated with for about 45 mins, we have had a few nice days out like this where I got something out of it too :) also, I've found a working farm near us thats free to visit, has a huge playground in it, a cafe, and a great big walk around to see all the animals, its an unusual day out that we've done on our own and with friends 3 times now..... I just googled what was in my new area and try to go and see something new. having said that we're toilet training so are housebound at the mo, argh! thank god for our garden and curses on the rain!

best wishes

Thanks brightonbleach

That is a good idea to think of some activities that I am actually interested in! Maybe I could do alternate days, one child focused day and one adult focused day. I think I am actually feeling depressed to be honest, I cannot even be bothered to get dressed today.

My other half works on average 100 hours a week (I know total workaholic) so everything is left to me. All friends I have with children have gone back to work full time now, so it is just me left at home. I'm also feeling fed up as after a long day looking after a toddler when she is in bed I then start my freelance work and then just go to bed. I have no me time what so ever. Maybe I just need to shake up my routine, but I do not know how. Current routine is:

6am ish - wake up
Breakfast until about 7ish.
7ish until 8.30am I put cbeebies on and have a shower and wash hair, relax with a cup of tea.
8.30am until 10am housework
10.00- 1.00pm go out
1.00pm - 2.00pm lunch and cleaning up
2.00pm-3.00pm work (check emails make telephone calls while toddler watched nick junior)
3.00pm - 4.00pm Go on a walk to the park, toddler has 4.00pm 'mini dinner' as it too tired to eat much at 6pm with me.
4.00pm - 5.00pm baking or painting or jigsaws etc.
5.00pm - 6.oopm toddler 'helps' me prepare dinner
6.00pm - 6.30pm dinner time
6.30pm - 7.00pm quick bath for todder
7.00pm - toddler goes to bed and I clean up
8.00pm - midnight - Freelance work

Is there a way I could make this routine more interesting for me and DD??

And less tiring???

Forgot to say this routine is just Monday to Friday. At weekends it is mainly the same (as toddler always wakes up at 6am ish. But I do not do any work after lunch at the weekends and only work weekend evenings if I am really busy. Otherwise I go to be at 9pm on weekends to catch up on some sleep!!

I think you need to try and make some friends with children who are SAHMs too so you can have some adult company while your dd plays with a few friends! I see friends for coffee and biscuits about 2-3 afternoons a week, if I didn't I think I might go a little loopy! My partner works long hours too (though not as much as your husband) so I find these adult connections really important! Also, is your husband entitled to child care vouchers at all? My dd is 2.5 and does two 4 hr sessions at nursery two mornings a week which she loves, so I get a bit of free time to focus on my stuff. We also do a swimming lesson one morning a week which I love to take her too. So in my book it's all about keeping as busy as you can and seeing friends too!!!! Good luck!!!!!

Are there any local palygroups/toddler groups you can go to? I used to go to 2-3 a week when I was on maternity leave, and they were a lifesaver. I didn't make any long term friends from them, but just having adults to talk to made all the difference.

Can you afford to put yor dd into nursery for some of the time that you work? That way she will get stimulation and interaction with other children, and you won't have to work every evening.

I think it's important you have some time to yourself instead of always beng with dc or working. Does your DH have your dd at the weekend so you can have a wander around the shops/ see friends/ meal out with friends?

Lola made several excellent suggestions I think, and yes you do sound a little depressed (sorry to say so). A few hours of childcare a week would do you a world of good and would enable your DD to make little friends (win win situation for both). The lack of friends/ company and adult conversation might be a bit much so as Lola said, try and make new friends (easily said I know, I'm still trying without much success!!). The monotony of the routine might not be helpful either, can you try and break the routine a bit and do and see different things. The mind needs new imput na regular basis to stay alert and happy so feed your mind as many new outings and experiences as you can. Good luck!

I'm in a similar situation to yourself. No childcare help nearby and we can't afford to pay anyone to help out either ! I'm waiting until DD is 3 to use the free hours for childcare - that's another year for me with her at home, plus another baby in a few months.

In term time, we go to planned classes / activities every morning. We do dancing, music class, gymnastics, playgroup, art class. The classes range from 40 mins to 2 hours but getting there and back kills a morning. Because these are activities run by others, I do get to zone out of the constant entertaining and there is a bit of adult chat (albeit a lot of the others are Nannies rather than SAHMs). Without these activities I would go insane.

I would also like to meet other SAHMs in the area as I think the next step for me to keep DD entertained in the afternoons is a playmate. I have made a huge effort to meet people but no-one has really stuck as someone who I can just 'hang out' with. Well, I do have a few of those, but their kids are (nasty) boys and my DD is not that bothered about (fighting) playing with them. A few good friends that I have made recently have moved out of the area too.

I don't have much advice apart from the classes, but wanted you to know that your situation is the same here.

No advice as such but just wanted to say it sounds like you do a great job (far better than me!) and it won't hurt to introduce more time for your DC to play independently or more 'you' oriented activities as it looks like you do plenty of child oriented stuff.
It's also good you've recognised you feel a bit depressed as you might be able to nip it in the bud by doing something to counteract it now.

All the best!

Speak to your GP as you do sound a bit depressed. That struck me from your OP!

What would GP do but prescribe antiDs or suggest a reference to counselling for which OP would need... childcare! Which she doesn't have .

And no wonder she's down, her life is boring her to tears.
Much better if she can just find ways to make it more interesting.

Thank you so much for the lovely and helful replies!

I think you have summed it up IIJKK, I am depressed because my life is boring me to tears!! I feel very bad saying that as I love my DD more than life itself, but I have no adult company as my other half works 6 days a week and very long days and just sleeps on the sofa on Sundays as he is so exhausted! He enjoys his job though so he does not get that I am unhappy with my work/life balance. Basically I feel like I do not have a life!

I do not have money to spend on more expensive activities such as swimming (which we used to go to until I became self employed) but will have a look into local centres to see if there are any free activities, the idea about spending more time with adults I think would benefit me!

DD is starting pre-school in September, 2 mornings a week to start with until we get the funding, and from January 5 mornings a week so hopefully that will improve things as I can get 2 hours of work done a morning while she is there, so would only have to do another 2 hours in the evenings instead of 4 which means I could get (in theory) 8 hours sleep instead of 6.

Thank you for all the replies I feel a bit better knowing there are other people out there who manage to combat the boredom by doing activities so will have a look into free things we can do to try and fill the week up a bit more and make it a bit more varied!

Hopefully I will feel happier if I can shake the boring routine up a bit!

p.s. finally managed to get dressed! So I guess that is a start!!

As someone said, you do loads already and shouldn't feel guilty about the odd day off. Toddlers are quite happy pottering around at home IMO and do not need endless entertainment.

Why not have another baby and then he'll have someone to play with while you sit and relax?

I think you are right when you say that you do not have a life. You seem to think that this is all down to you, but you are part of a family, so shouldn't you talk to your partner? You say that he works so much because he loves his job, ie not because of money, but if that is the case, it seems to me that he is behaving selfishly and hurting all of you and you are letting him get away with it.

Your DP needs to understand that he has responsibilities to you and his DD and to himself as well, beyond being an income earner. Life isn't the same as it is pre-kids and that means everyone has to compromise. In any case, you can't keep going 100 hours a week without implications for your physical and mental health - hence his need to spend Sundays on the sofa. What would he think if you spent every Sunday on the sofa? Because you also need a break and it sounds like your body is telling you so. Childcare and housework is monotonous even when we love our kids, but especially so without adult company. It sounds like you are doing more than 100 hours a week of childcare/housework + freelance work with no breaks, no time to yourself and no adult company. No wonder you seem depressed!

When does he get to spend time - alone - with his daughter? Does he even have time for a relationship with her? Has he ever taken her to the playground or on an activity? If not, he is missing so much and so is she! I also don't see how you can ever have a family life if he is always working or sleeping. When was the last time you all went for a walk together? And what about the two of you? When do you get time just to be a couple? Does he ever cook you a meal or look after any of the household duties?

You also need your own time, when you are not a mum or a partner or a worker, ideally out of the house. Tell your DP that for an hour or so a week you want to be the one who gets to do what they love for a change. Is that so unreasonable? You could go for a run, go to the library once a week and read a book without interruptions, or to a cafe to sit over a cuppa and meet a friend for a gossip. When did you last get to have time out with your girlfriends and talk about that lovely Tom Daley or how someone should have stopped George Michael after one song last Sunday?

Please tell me if I have the wrong end of the stick here, but you sound as if you are quite sad and need some changes in your life. Can you and your partner sit down and have a good talk with each other? It sounds like he is so caught up in his work that he has no idea how you feel, but how can he know unless you tell him?

I hope this helps. x

The Sure Start centres near me have heaps on which is very low cost. We do our playgroup there and it is amazing, they also run dance classes, cooking, ball skills stuff, music groups. Everything is £1/2.

I sometimes feel like an idiot telling people how many activities we do, but the truth is I am not interested in hothousing my DD, but I just need an excuse to get out and meet other people and keep myself sane.

If you're brave enough you could see if you could do meetamum on here or on Netmums (think it's more popular for that sort of thing).

I agree with the poster above though that says your DH needs to share the load a lot more. I get Sundays to do whatever I want (he takes DD out) for at least the morning and sometimes the whole day (bliss).

Yes I should get him to do more but he is always at work or asleep. He does need the money unfortuantely as he has things to pay back from before we lived together. He says when everything is paid back he will re assess his work/life balance. It is a shame that when he is at home he is always asleep as our daughter is missing out on spending time with him as he is with her. I wont go into it to much as I will get upset!! I just want to find away to make my days more managable, I think filling it with activities may help stop the repetiveness of it.

Do you enjoy baking at all? I find baking a creative outlet which I enjoy PLUS I like eating too! What I am trying to say is it's nice to keep busy with something at home which isn't dull housework and let's dd have some time to develope her independant play skills!!!!

Yes, I do like baking, for some reason I feel bad when DD potters around on her own for hours. Is this okay for children to do? If I had 2 children I would think it is fine as they have each other for company, but wasn't sure if it was okay for one child to spend hours alone? I can't remember what I used to do when I was little!

i'm off to bed now after looking up some free activities on-line, so I am going to get up tomorrow with a more positive outlook and fill my life with activities and also not feel bad with putting my feet up sometimes and catch up on the odd soap while my DD plays.