Can't be bothered to do anything

[1983chloe]

What do you do with your toddler when you cannot be bothered to do anything? I just want to curl up on the sofa and watch soaps. I am fed up of playdoh, parks, painting, baking etc. I feel like a childrens entertainer! I feel bad as I have just lounged on the sofa for 2 days watching tv while my 2 year old has pottered about with her toys by herself. I feel bad for not interacting with her much or entertaining her. But I just want a break!! Is it just me or do others feel like this?

My dd either plays in the kitchen with me (usually right under my feet, lol) or tries to "help" me so I don't feel bad as she is so close by. I try not to make anything too ambitious so it doesn't take too long either. I think independent play is an important skill for them to learn so you shouldn't feel guilty as long as it is balanced with some things they want to do too! Besides, I personally feel a little bit of boredom now and again can be a gift as far as children are concerned, it can encourage their imagination!
Good luck today! I'm sure a more positive outlook will make all the difference!

chloe, I absolutely admire the great job you are doing so far. When mine were toddlers I limited it to one activity per day, any more was just too much for me. Have you tried doing less? I think you should factor in some downtime into your day, this is a good substitute for me time, which is a bit of a myth I have found. The best way is to learn to have down time with your children - they will always be there to be looked after, you might as well relax and enjoy it while you can. Do let him occupy himself and don't feel guilty, it is actually a very good skill for him and an important part of their development. The other thing, as was suggested, is to go places with laid on activities, such as at sure start centres etc, and to go out with other people - good for you and ds.

Once he starts pre-school you will find that you make new friends and you can arrange playdates with dd and get to know local people with children to share your time with.

The thing with your DH is a bit worrying - he needs a bit of a shake-up as he needs to put his family first. It is important to pay off debts I know and in many ways you are both stuck with this - but you need to work out how long this will take and assess whether there is another way round it, downsizing or selling things, or even getting a part time job yourself.

I don't think it will do him any harm if you go out on your own one day (just tell him you're doing it). He might actually enjoy spending a day looking after his daughter.

I think hours pottering alone is a lot for a toddler - I'm assuming you do talk and interact with her? You can be doing your own thing and let her help - that way she learns about what adults do as opposed to playing all the time. It's just a sad image to me of a two year old wandering aimlessly while parent has the tv on.

I think if they're happy pottering, let them get on with it.

My 2.7 y.o. actually needs lots of time with me around but not necessarily interacting with him. Too much focussed adult attention without time to play on his own leads to increasing tantrums and bad behaviour, as we discovered while on holiday with grandparents. I really wouldn't feel you have to be your DD's entertainer all the time.

We go out for a couple of hours a day to things that give me company (mostly playgroups which only cost £1 a time) or get necessary jobs done (shopping), maybe do an hour's walk in the afternoon, and the rest of the time DS mostly potters around while I get on with stuff. I'd like to play with him more, but we are really slow at the routine activities of life so there's a limited time to fit it in. I tend to interact with him in short bursts of 'helping' with things rather than long playing sessions.

I do still struggle with lack of adult company though, as I really need to have a proper conversation with another adult every day in order to stay sane.

It does sound as if you need more adult company and variety to your days.

Iggly OP has spent two days 'burnt out'. Not surprisingly, after a routine of outings, day trips, craft and baking sessions - she has posted her timetable.

Children need to go out every day and run around, they need interaction from adults but they also need downtime every day.

I'm not talking about playing constantly with her child, just the idea of being sat there watching tv for ages while child is left to it.

I have two and know it's hard - Blimey I use the tv too but for ds to watch for 10-20 mins while I sit with him. Did that a lot when dd was a newborn and I was dying from no sleep. He plays by himself for stretches but I get him involved too in what I'm doing. But I wouldn't watch a soap while leaving him to it - doesn't sit right with me.

YY to angel and adult company. It's boring at times - I'd go out every day (not child related every time) just so I could talk to a librarian or checkout person. In fact I rarely do full on stuff for ds like playgroups as I think it's too much. Rather let ds see how the real world is iyswim.

Children do need downtime, away from their parents where they don't have to interact with them - it might not sit right with you, but it will sit right with your child. Please read OP's daily schedule, you would be very impressed.

I have read it. And I don't play with my Ds constantly - in fact I struggle to fit it in sometimes although notice that some things he does better at if we leave him alone. So I'm not saying that OP needs to be in her child's face all the time - it just struck me that she seemed very down and has gone from one extreme of very busy schedule to the opposite end of the spectrum where she struggles to get dressed.

Thanks for the positive comments, you made me feel that maybe I am doing a good job, and thank you for the good ideas and comments of how you spend your time with your toddlers, it is nice to know what others do. We have got back on track today and I have shaken up the routine a bit today, we went to a friends this morning come home and had lunch, I have just finished my hours work while DD is half watching TV and half painting her little table in glue and glitter!! Now we are off to the library and then tea, bath and bed and then off to to the pc again for my freelance work. It does feel better just having a positive attitude today, the last 2 days of feeling exhausted and lounging on the sofa maybe also refreshed me!! I don't feel bad for spending some time watching soaps while my DD plays the last few days, it is not like I normally do it, thanks for those who stuck up for me! Iggly I do still speak to DD while I was resting on the sofa and did some colouring and reading while on the sofa, DD did not seem bothered at all she seems to have explored losts of toys she has not played with for a while. My DD did not look sad or lost either, far from it she spent most of the time launching herself from the sofa onto me shouting 'crash' (although that did not really help with my relaxing!!). Thanks every one for taking time to reply today and for giving me some good ideas. Thanks again!!

Oh bless. I remember all that silly stuff. Gone in a blink of an eye so enjoy it while you can.

My son loves the buses so this holiday I bought a monthly bus ticket and we go everywhere on the buses sometimes for a reason to specifically get somewhere and sometimes to what he calls bus hopping and sometimes we do 10 or 11 buses a day and he loves it and I quite enjoy it too because different people and things to see, and as there is no school pre school no rushing around!! Maybe you could look into this, I like you am a SAHM with no help and find it hard but find going out is much easier than staying cooped up in the house!! x

Wow i love the bus idea thanks! We have only ever been on a bus once and my DD loved it so she would love this!! Thanks :)

Just want to say sounds like you are doing an amazing job. It's ok for children to potter around playing, they are learning a vital life skill, independence, and self reliance. Don't entertain all the time. You will just get tired and bored.

We took trains with DS whilst he was on holidays, he gets very excited and points at every train and shouts oh no chuchu gone (he's only 16 months old)... but I keep it as a treat , e.g mummy just needs to pop into the super market but we'll go on a chuchu train afterwards...Bribery, works everytime! I can then put my mind on hold for a few minutes, always nice!

glad to hear you sounding more positive OP :)

yesterday DS and I spent a happy hour (yes, a whole hour!) 'decorating' one of his sand buckets with stickers from a sticker book nanna had given him. Honestly, sat on the sofa, for once not fidgeting, he took great pleasure in telling me each sticker and what they were then we peeled them together and he stuck them all over his bucket. He was happily showing daddy what we'd done to the bucket later on as well as wearing it as a hat half of the day - I'll have to get more sticker books I think! It was very nice to sit comfortably whilst he was so enthused over something small that we did together. Can't imagine him doing that with me when he's 15, eh...

You're tired - you're only getting 6 hours' sleep a night. When DD starts preschool 2 mornings a week it will make a lot of difference. If she's watching cbeebies in the morning anyway, can you do an hour of work then and go to bed a bit earlier? (although as a fellow freelancer I know that's easier said than done).