Shit. I think i may have permanently messed my child up developmentally (lead paint)

[badmotheralert]

oh god. I am very, very worried.

DD is 6. I have had some suspicions, not confirmed formally, but becoming more promiment over last few weeks that DD might have ADHD. She has all the 'signs' of the combined ADHD (as in inattentive, hyperactive, etc). It has become more apparant after some comments at school about her lack of concentration, struggles to stay focussed.

We have certainly noticed things at home, becoming more obvious as time goes on, and she had just had some 1:1 swimming lessons where she has struggled to stay focussed.

Her sleeping has become irratic, she is more emotional, and more difficult to manage at the moment. She is much more emotionally charged and 'in your face' than any of her peers (in a nice, happy lovely way).

She never used to be like this.

Anyway, I have looked up ADHD a little more to get some ideas of 1) if this might be something that is affecting DD, and 2) some guidance on how to work with her, whether her behaviours are true ADHD or just displaying some childhood related elements.

I just read some stuff about lead paint and the impact on children/increased risk of ADHD, likelihood of permament behavioural issues if exposed to lead.

We have flaking paint in our kitchen. A builder once said he thought it was lead based paint. Another builder said it was not. I disregarded it, we have never got around to fixing the flaking wall (damp problem, needs a bit of work). Never got around to it?!!!! WTF?! I did not think about it being lead. I did not consider it again. It has been like it for almost 3 fucking years. It was not bad at all. I took at the paint off that was over it in my eagerness to get on with it, which got put to the wayside.

Fucking hell. If DD has ADHD it is likely due to this isn't it? I actually feel physically sick, and very tearful. I have damage my own child irrepairably by being so fucking careless. I have not put my child's safety first, and I have damaged her. It is completely and utterly DH and my fault.

I just want to go down there and scoop her up and tell her how sorry I am.

I have ordered a lead testing kit, and will take her to the GP and have a chat, apparantly you can test lead levels in the blood, I am fearing the worst, I am terrified.

My poor little girl.

and my son , not clear if he has been damaged, but that is also likely isn't it?

we eat in the kitchen. My DDs chair is right by the fucking flaking paint.

Didn't want to read and run. Try not to worry. It's highly unlikely that any ADHD your DD may or may not have is down to kitchen paint.

If it was true then everyone in Victorian England would have it.

Focus on the here and now, and what can be done to move forward. Gods luck x

Calm down, please (easy to say!) - I know very little about ADHD but AFAIK there are any number of potential factors, no? One professional told you it wasn't lead so you were not unreasonable to follow his opinion. If it helps any, I have artex (asbestos) ceilings... It nearly kills me to think of what could happen if one gets damaged but can't afford to get them sorted right now.

Please don't beat yourself up.

I cant help worrying now. I think about her apologising for being so distracted, for not focussing, for not listening today, and her sad face when i got cross and now I am thinking that is my fault, that I have harmed her, that any inability to focus and pay attention, she knows she is like it, which is worse. It upsets me anyway, but to know it could be my fault, that she might have been different if we had not been so fucking lazy.

I am so worried, ashamed, afraid for my children. I might, or might not be completely and utterly paranoid, but everything I am reading about lead and children being exposed to it, is Not Good At All.

I am rambling. sorry.

trazzles that is no excuse. we were told it could be. we disregarded it. to be honest I did not realise lead paint on walls would either be likely or be that harmful. WRONG. We should have heard a cautionary note and acted on it. isnt that our job as parents?!

DH and I will of course support our DD through whatever course her life takes her, and whatever the reason that course comes about. But, absolutely devestated that I have potentially watched her changing and not done a thing about it (sorted out the kitchen).

What Wisteria said. Lead paint etc was hugely common until quite recently. You don't know if it is lead paint and you don't yet know it she has ADHD. hope things are okay.

i know it is all if's and but's. It is likely she had ADHD, i am no doctor, but her 'signs' are so obvious and prominent.

And it seems likely that the paint is lead. Having googled (yes, i know, stop that), it is common for lead paint from pre-1970s to have been painted/plastered over. The section where there is lead paint is where the 'new' plaster has come away leaving a section of very old green flakey paint. It is the tenament of a victorian house, very most likely pre-1070s i would say.

How on earth am i going to sleep now?

Can I recommend a book? Simplicity parenting by Kim John Payne (I think?). He's a psychologist that works with children with disorders like ADHD, he and many others say that thanks to the brain's plasticity disorders like ADHD need not be permanent, and outlines steps to help families to 'get better'. So even if it's your fault for not having removed the paint (which to me sounds far fetched by the way) it doesn't mean that your child is damaged for life!

thank you k2, i will take a look at the book, that is really helpful.

I am going to try to sleep. I feel like a bomb has been dropped on me. God I can't even explain it.

I feel very unsettled.

OP, you were told it might be. You were also told it probably wasn't. You were not aware of the potential consequences of it being lead paint at the time (IF this even does have anything to do with DD's suspected ADHD, which I doubt...). If you don't know the consequences, how can it be your fault?

Don't panic.

It's highly unlikely sitting near flaking paint has caused ADHD.

I've had my DD tested for everything and she has high levels of lead in her.

And we've bought some stuff she has to take daily for a few months to get rid of it.

We were also told she should only drink filtered water - as most English water pipes are made from lead.

I'm sure it isn't the paint OP. I think that you have to ingest the paint for it to cause problems. I really dont think you are at fault.

I have that book - Simplicity parenting. I would recommend it.

I also have a child with HFA. I don't think it's really the lead paint you are panicking over. IMHO, you are far more likely to be panicky / unsettled, because you have reached the conclusion that you do need to seek outside help.

I have known there were some 'issues' with my DS since he was about 8MO. Nothing major. But, I've still had those moments of sheer panic when I realised it wasn't just in my head. That there is, actually, a problem.

And so, you will (like I did) seek help and you will feel shaky and alone and unsure of the future, and desperately anxious for your child... And then you will start to realise that it isn't the biggest issue / problem. In fact, it's not really a problem at all... Just a difference which needs to be managed differently. ANd with some extra help and support, you will start managing those differences much better

Hope you got some sleep x

thank you.

I am certainly panicking about the future for my DD. She is a clever, happy, empathic beautiful girl. I cannot bear to think that her future might be jeopardised by ADHD. I don't know what the implications are. But I work with adults who have ADHD and have seriously struggled in life. Largely lack of support i think, but nevertheless, time and time again, those i come across are diagnosed with ADHD (criminal justice setting).

But, if that is what was always her future, that is how she always was going to be, and that is her make-up. Then we would always have found ourselves as a family in this situation now where we need to look at the support and change of our own behaviours to ensure she fullfils her potential as a child and an adult. But, if my actions have altered her, that is what is panicking me most. I know that even if that is the case, even if it is anything environmental that has increased the likelihood of ADHD, it cannot be changed. but, knowing that I might have changed her and jeopardised her future, that I just cannot bear. I feel sick with worry.

Has she been licking the paint? Has it been coming off in a very fine dust that she could be breathing in? If not then chances are the flakiness is next to no problem.

A friend of mine has 4 DC, 2 of whom are on the spectrum and a 3rd one she is in the process of getting tested for ADHD - he has been helping out in the garage, where lead-based paint has been sanded off things - this is far more dangerous as it does indeed expose him to the risk of inhaling it (no mask) - but his lead test has come back as negligible levels.

So I suspect that your DD's lead levels will be, if not undetectable, at least negligible as well.

I am :( for you if she does have ADHD but I think the chances that you have contributed to this via the paint is almost zero.

She has never licked the paint to my knowledge, but she certainly has touched it before. i have gone to inspect it thoroughly and it seems that it is the plaster, rather than the green paint that is powdery and flakey. But. the plaster has been on top of the green paint, and it is very very likely that the dust particles from the plaster would contain some of the paint by virtue of coming off it, and it is likely therefore to have been ingested to some degree in food by being in the air. Especially as we have spent some time drying out the damp, so the paint/plaster has become dry and powdery.

So so so so stupid not to put things right that are wrong as soon as we can.

i am going to get the children tested anyway. I need to know.

Really, really don't worry.

this is the stuff I use to get rid of DDs lead.

There is loads and loads you can do for ADHD - starting with diet and supplements. You'll get your head around it soon.

Behaviour balance (on the same website) is a very good supplement.

thank you that link indigobell, really useful. If the children do have high levels of lead, would the GP prescribe medication such as this to help reduce it i wonder?

I am going to look into how to support DD with her behavioural issues, whether ADHD or not. It is not bad behaviour she is displaying. She is not aggressive or negative or rude, but her behaviour is so fast, quick, boundary less she is not learning as well as she could be. I will look at the diet side of things now, as she and us as a family would benefit from that whether ADHD is formally diagnosed or not, will not harm us to review how we eat and live.

thumbwitch good to know that your friend DC have low levels of lead, at makes me feel a little less worried, or, rather that that it is not a fait accompli, although I am sure that does not help them with coping with the diagnosis of their children.

The GP didn't prescribe it, a private nutritionist did.

There are good odds your DD is deficient in Omega 3, zinc, magnesium, vit b6, and b12.

You can either get her tested for every thing - or just start taking supplements.

We inhaled a lot more lead when petrol was laced with it, and lead water pipes have been banned since 1970, with a lot of replacements and lining of old pipes since.
Indigo, we had a filter when we were living in an old property with lead piping until they dug up and replaced all the pipes for the entire area. Worked well.
OP, don't panic. Get the tests, but I doubt the possibility of ADHD is related to your flaking paint, any more than my DS's AS is related to what I ate when pregnant.
Truly, try and stop feeling guilty without evidence. It's just too easy to blame ourselves for everything all the time.

How did you go about the testing? was it not available on NHS or was this not an option for you? We do eat a lot of fish, but not as much as we should, and DD loves fish. I have also read about getting flax oil and adding that to food.

I am going to take a long hard look at our diet. DD does not like squash etc anyway and we have sweets only occasionally. As we speak she is at here alternating bouncing on the bed, and eating a raw carrot while reading moshi monsters magazine, so any diet issues is more laziness on our part due to lack of time, rather than her desires. DS however, he is another matter re diet. give him a fruit shoot and a plate of jelly babies and he is the happiest boy! (we dont do that!)

I am going to be less worried, and more proactive to making my children the best they can possibly be. This is a wake up call for me to not let fate decide how my children are, but to maximise whatever their potentials are through learning how to work with them, diet, etc. Although i keep getting tearful so won't expect that to happen overnight!