DS1 asked me whether he could hit back

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I dont encourage hitting but my ds1 came home from school upset and asked me whether he could hit another child back.
Any advice?
TIA

Not disagreeing with you GDG - you are a clear voice of reason in all this. It's the hit-back-immediately brigade I take issue with.

oops - sorry. screen freeze.

I would tell dd to tell an adult, shout, walk away , but SOME circumstances imo need dealing with there and then.
She couldn't get away from the group of horrible little so and so's who were hitting her in the soft play place, there were 5 of them taking turns on 2 4 year olds,(the ringleader telling the others 'go on, you hit them'), what should she have done then?

I have been reading thid thread with interest. Ds is only 14 months, but have wondered what I would dop in this situation. Expected to see replies of 'oh no you cant hit back'

I always hit back at school if someone hit me and this is what I was taught by my parents. I was a very shy girl and an easy target. At 14 years old I was beaten up badly after school by a group of girls age 16. I fought back and I fought hard! I also screamed at the top of my voice to get attention.
From that day on, I was not hassled again and earned respect for fighting with the 'hardest' girl in the school.

I know that at a young age in the playground, its not always the same thing as my experience, but a child does have to learn to protect themselves physically and verbally. I wouldnt want ds to be pushed around.

Your poor dd Angeliz I guess my answer would be to shout very loudly and assertively: "STOP HITTING ME!" with the aim of shocking them into stopping and getting some adult help pronto.

She's quiet at the best of times, i would've rather she whacked them myself but tbh. I do think children need to learn to protect themselves too.
(i know it was awful- i rang them and comlpained again later as the Manager wasn't there then and they said they'd actually had to BAN a girl that day so i'm guessing it was the same one)

But what if she'd whacked them back and then got even more badly hurt?
Or got banned herself?

I really don't think that would happen, i think most bullies are nasty little cowards who most epople don't stand up to, that's how they get away with it.

must go get her from School, nice talking+

Agree with you that bullies are cowards, Angeliz, but I still think you can stand up to others without hitting out.
Gotta get my lot now, too, but really interested to hear others' opinions about this.
Will return with my peace-love-and-no-hitting hat on later

I'm with the hit back brigade.

I think young children are often too young to argue and negotiate their way out of confrontational situations in an adult manner. Also the one who hits first is obviously not negotiating!. IMO if a child allows themselves to be wacked at a whim by a bully and don't hit back, the bully will get the message that its alright and continue. Telling the teacher could stop hitting but could lead to psychological bullying which can be even worse.

GDG dont think that is unpopular view at all

No, doesn't seem to be does it?!

I agree with the majority on here. We tell our ds to shout at the person doing the hitting 'STOP IT, DON'T DO THAT' and then if the little blighter continues to hit back harder.

I always told my ds1 to hit back and hit back harder!!! Which he did a couple of times. However when he was about 15 or 16 a classmate’s big brother met him after school and punched him in the face over some misunderstanding. MY ds1 said “Look mate, don’t know what your problem is, but can we talk about it”

As he matured and started to learn negotiating skills, he did not need to hit him back. He resolved the matter maturely, and although the school did get involved, the lad apologised to ds1.

Now he’s a student at uni, I live in terror of him hitting back. I now tell him, if someone hits you, they’ll probably be drunk and you will be unable to reason with them, so walk away!!!

yes, i agree with most people here. i have always been taught to hit back harder, once, if i was hit. i would teach both dds the same. its the only think a bully would understand. tho i agree, i would not teach siblings to hit each other.

Not sure what to advise as my dss haven't yet faced this situation and I have now come to realise that in many situations what you think you will do is actually quite different to what you actually do.

But, having said that, my gut feeling is that if someone is being hit then they should hit back or they risk being seen as a soft target. I know that bullying is a big problem in schools and teachers/supervisors don't always handle it brilliantly.

I hope to get my dss into some sort of self-defence activities when they're older as I do feel that children should be taught to stand up for themselves.

I've always told mine to hit back.

In junior school there was a girl who used to follow me home and keep shoving me in the back. It went on for weeks and eventually I lost it a slapped her face She never did it again.

I said no to my ds and now at 12 he has had his arm broken and his nose, plus tons of bullying and physical occurences where he needed to bbe able to handle himself that way but couldn't.
I regret beyond regret not telling him and showing him how to defend himself, he has no physical skills to even use as a deterrent.
I will not make the same mistake with dd.

Sign him up for karate class.

oh piffle How awful.

Oh Piffle, can't you do as Uwilla says and get him some classes? Not to go karatee mad on anyone just to have more self confidence?

My sisters little boy has already had a bloody nose from a boy at School, the Sxchool sent him home as he 'had a nosebleed' they forgot the part where the other boy had hit his face off the floor! I do hope he sticks up for himself in furutre.

I'm not sure about this, but I THINK that karate is based on a philosophy of defense.

I dont encourage hitting but my ds1 came home from school upset and asked me whether he could hit another child back.

In general yes, though of course to a child "hit back" is not always a defensive move....

Sparklemagic is right, sometimes the best thing to do is to talk it out, but not always. Getting adults to help only works if they're in range, and of course a lot is timed to happen when they aren't.
I went to a pretty rough school, and females who apply their experiences at school to boys aren't always doing them many favours.
The idea that bullies will go away if you ignore them is fiction. They go away when they get their faces rubbed along the school playground.

We've not started any formal training for 2.0 & 2.1, but there is a lot of play fighting.
This is important to learn how to deliver the right dose of pain to some thug. Not enough to get into trouble, but enough to make them consider other options.

Thanks everyone for your veiws on this subject.
I had a talk with ds1 when he came home from school today to see whether school went ok today.
It seems that the bullies hitting him, is both girls and boys. I have already gone into the school regarding bruises on his legs were he is being kicked, but it is still happening.[angry}
Would you encourage him to hit girls back, what do I do.
With another boy it is one on one.
This seems to go on during lunchtimes.