4-month-old needing so much attention - a rod for my own back?

[Peevish]

First baby, so no idea whether I am expecting too much of him (or myself) or not. He's an alert, curious, sociable baby, very smily and responsive, but the flipside is that he is very demanding of my attention to the point where I can sometimes barely go to the loo without him starting to fuss because I'm not close by. I see other babies in my NCT group lying peacefully for long periods by themselves on their playmats or in their cots, but my baby almost never does. Even when we're out with him in his pram, he wants to play and talk, and for me to make faces and do funny noises a lot of the time.

I love playing with him, but I also have other things to do (pieces of work despite being on maternity leave) which aren't getting done as though he sleeps well at night, he only naps briefly during the day - and I get a bit exhausted from it being so full-on and lon for a half hour with a book.

Am I creating a rod for my own back by playing with him so much and giving so much individed attention? Should I be trying to 'wean' him off needing so much of it, or is this completely unreasonable for a baby of this age, and I should just enjoy it? Will he amuse himself more when he's able to sit up unaided and crawl etc?

How lovely that you have an interested, engaging little character. Don't worry about him being pretty demanding of your attention at this age. He's desperate to learn everything in the world, and you're who he wants to learn it from.

My dd was exactly like this at his age. When she learned to sit unsupported and then crawl, i did get a lot more free time, as she wanted to explore the things she could reach. It won't be long until your ds is dong this.

In the meantime, this may give you the odd 15 minutes with your hands free.

Whomever came up with the phrase 'rod for your own back' should be shot.

He's a baby. Of course he wants attention. Your his mummy and he loves you, unconditionally. You can't spoil him by loving him.

So love him. Use a sling if you need to get things done.

Before you know it he'll be a teenager and barely speaking to you!

Please please enjoy your lovely sociable smily baby who sleeps well at night, he sounds utterly gorgeous. There is no such thing as a rod for your own back, and anyone who tells you so can get lost!

Yes, I agree he sounds normal and very lovely. It won't be long hopefully before he starts to nap for longer periods and then you will be able to get more done or read a book- I too would go for the latter option!

Agree there is no such thing as a rod for your own back at this age!

However they do change, and quite quickly At 4mo DD was one of those babies you mention, happy to amuse herself - in fact, whenever we were out I used to have to put her on the floor under the table as she did not want to be held for long! But now at 6mo she has suddenly started wanting a lot more interaction, cries when we leave her alone (when previously she was very happy for 15 mins in her jumperoo). Babies are funny little things and they change so rapidly, you never know what your son will like in a few weeks.

He'll soon start amusing himself much more. Each stage passes in the blink of an eye really, even though it can seem like an age when you're living it.

But here's a thought that may help you get over the guilt of taking a little time during the day when you need it - if he was a second (or third, fourth) baby how much undivided attention would it be possible to give? When you have more than one at home you have to split yourself to meet their needs and sometimes baby has to cry a bit while you deal with something else.

I'm not advocating leaving him to yell his lungs out for hours but if you have to leave him to grizzle a bit now and again it will not be the end of the world.

Agree with other posters and enjoy your happy, sociable little boy - he sounds gorgeous! My DD was the one baby at baby groups who wouldn't lie still and gurgle and was the one who refused outright to nap for more than 30 mins at a time when other babies would sleep for 2 hours plus.

I found it did get easier when she could sit up and "play" with toys in front of her. It got more erm, interesting again when she learnt to crawl. Can you get hold of a Leapfrog or Jumperoo to pop him in while you do chores / bits of work?

You sound like you are doing a fab job!

I found four months a tricky age as DS was constantly screaming for milk! I remember my Mum telling me it's better when they learn to sit as they can see the world differently and play for longer on their own....she was right!

If you need to take out 5 minutes to go to the toilet or whatever then just do it. I spent far too much time holding off eating my lunch and crossing my legs etc. because I didn't want DS to cry, but I think it doesn't do them any harm for a few minutes.

My 4 month old dd is similar, and my mum has often commented that I "spoil" her by picking her up and playing with her too much, while at other times commenting on how lucky I am to have such a bright, friendly, smiley baby! Go figure...
Having said that, is there anyone who could take over playing duties etc and give you a break for half an hour or so?

Thanks, everyone - you are lovely, and entirely right. He is adorable, and I will enjoy him while he still thinks me doing silly voices and pretending to eat his hands is the funniest thing ever.

Tee, I hear you - it is a dreadful phrase. I suspect I heard it rather often on a recent trip to see family, which is why it came out in this post. But they (SILs) all have much older children, and are coming at it from the perspective Moonhare highlights, of people with three or more children close in age.

Sounds like you are both having a totally lovely time. It is exhausting having a sociable little baby but who would change it - what could be more gorgeous? Definitely gets easier as they get bigger, enjoy the smiling for now :)!

Cross-posted with several other people. Yes, have been accused by MIL of 'spoiling' him by picking him up when he cries - I think I bared my teeth the last time she said it. Neontetra, I think it's feeling a bit more full on than previously this last ten days or so because my partner, who used to work from home a lot, has started a new job a lengthy commute away, and the baby misses him. It is very much me and him between 7 am and 7.30 pm on weekdays, even though I try to get out to things - a lot of baby stuff has ended for the summer.

How many times have i seen Grandmas, Grandads or even Mums and Dads when faced with crying baby in pram, rocking the pram, making noises, shaking toys in front of pram, doing everything and anything except picking the baby up and holding it.. For goodness sake! Babies need cuddles.The more quickly you respond to their cries, the quicker they will learn to feel secure and loved and stop pestering you as much. I'd have though it was obvious that a secure happy child who can play on their own and be independent, is one whose every cry was responded to within nanosecond in the first few months. Certainly up to around 9-10 months, babies need almost constant attention. They don't really begin to play independently till around 12 months plus in my opinion and even then not for long. Of course individual children will vary a little, but I think you're really looking at around 18-24 months before they will play for 15+ minutes without you entertaining them. The more you provide entertainment the better your child will know how to entertain themselves - they learn by example. If you show your child how to play with toys they will copy. Eventually they will do it by themselves. You entertaining your child is the first step to independent play - quite the opposite of making a rod.. Making a rod for your own back would be to ignore your child and make it miserable and thus more demanding and naughty in later life, even one who understands that crying or asking for something does not get attention, but perhaps being naughty might do.. so I cant see how what you are doing can possibly not be helping your child become more independent in the long term.

He's 4 months old [shrug] C'est bien normale. Don't worry. If you need to work I wonder if someone can take him out for you for an hour or two.

Don't hold on too tightly for things getting better 6 months. At 6 months ds could sit up and see even MORE of the action he was missing, and so cried for it.

The only 'answer' to this is to get more tolerant of the fussing - i.e. let him cry. Few people with one child can manage this IMO, the crying is designed not to let you. I think only people with multiple births, an older child or living in a culture that allowed you to put the child in a pram at the bottom of the garden (i.e. our grandparents) can manage not to go to a crying baby.