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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My nearly 6 yo DS wants to look at boobies...

37 replies

minko · 02/08/2012 11:10

and bottoms and winkies (his name for female bits!)

He is quite determined about it. I've tentatively suggested he can inspect me and his sister, but he keeps asking if he can look at DD's friends if they come for a sleepover, or even one of his friend's mums!

I suggested we get a book from the library if he's curious about bodies and he quickly told me he only wants to look at 'ladies bottoms'...

All quite entertaining but slightly disturbing. Is this normal for a nearly 6 yo boy???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FannyFifer · 02/08/2012 11:14

I would think this is pretty odd to be honest.
I have a 7 year old boy who thinks bums & boobs are funny and a bit embarrassing.

titchy · 02/08/2012 11:31

You've suggested he can inspect you and his sister

I think you need a firm chat quickly about body parts and privacy, particularly if he thinks it is acceptable for him to see non-family members' bits.

PooPooInMyToes · 02/08/2012 11:37

I really think you SHOULD NOT be suggesting he inspect his sister! How old is she? Who the fuck are you to tell other people they can look at HER bits! What about respecting her privacy? If they see each other naked around the house, on the beach, in the bath etc then that's fine and normal, but you've told him that he has permission to examine your daughter!

I am extremely disturbed by that. What about boundaries? Do you know that lack of boundaries, which you are encouraging, is a massive contributing factor in sibling sexual abuse!?

You've just told him that he is entitled to access to his sisters body! And your own by the way which is equally as fucking weird.

GnocchiNineDoors · 02/08/2012 11:38

Get him a basic book on the human body.

Inspecting you and your dd just sounds odd.

Original poster

minko · 02/08/2012 11:45

Please don't be extremely disturbed! I'm not suggesting anything that would encourage sexual abuse! Jeeeesus!

Just that we're not too buttoned up at home, might walk naked to the bathroom now and again and that's when he can look. I have told him about privacy and what's appropriate. I'm trying to be light hearted about it as I guess it's just a phase.

Just wondered if anyone could help who'd had experience of this. It's come on quite suddenly, and if it's not 'normal' what do you suggest I do?

OP posts:

FallenCaryatid · 02/08/2012 11:46

He has just finished reception and will be in Y1 in September, unless you HE.
Now is exactly the time you should be reinforcing the idea of parts of the body which are private, and respecting other people's private parts and boundaries.
If you need more support on understanding why it is important and how to go about this, I suggest you contact the school nurse or make an appointment with a nurse at your local surgery.
But your initial approach is beyond stupid and will probably cause a great deal of trouble for him when he attempts to mix with peers. Your profile says you have one child, so I'm assuming DD is a baby. Think very carefully about how you use her as a teaching tool, and what messages you are giving your son.

FallenCaryatid · 02/08/2012 11:48

So, consider him applying this approach to girls at school and how much trouble and confusion may ensue. Or mixing with the daughters of friends and wanting to see their bottoms.

BardOfBarking · 02/08/2012 11:48

I agree - he cannot be entitled to 'inspect' his sisters body. My DD 8 and DS 7 often have a sneaky peek at each others 'bits' if they are sharing a shower or similar but that, to me, seems perfectly natural.

I think you do need a straightforward talk about boundaries and a simple book to deal with his curiosity.

firawla · 02/08/2012 11:50

I don't think its a good idea to tell him he can look at you and his sister!! Is that not exploitation of your daughter to suggest that she can be looked at by someone, not for any benefit for herself (like if it was a medical reason) but for someone else's benefit - even if its just for a curious child's sake that is not right! How old is your dd?

Speak to him about boundaries & privacy.

I'm not sure if this is normal. I have a 4 yr old boy & he wouldn't speak like this, not interested in this at all (he thinks saying willy & bum is funny but hes got no idea about women)

some level of curiousity might be normal but seems your ds taking it a bit too far. what does he say if you asked him why does he want to look at this? maybe some friends have put the idea in his head or something, if they have been influenced by older siblings maybe?!

I wouldn't find it too entertaining myself, I would want him getting the message that this is not on. What if he does go and ask one of your dd friends if he can look??

AngelWreakinHavoc · 02/08/2012 11:51

This is not normal behaviour OP. And I mean from yourself!

Yes children are curious about body parts but to give your ds permission to INSPECT you and his dsis is just not right!

I am totally shocked by that statement.
I suggest You get him a book from the library and explain to him that others peoples body parts are private, just because he wants to look does not mean he can!

JennerOSity · 02/08/2012 11:54

I have no experience of this. Most children seem to find bodies more a joke than a thing to be massively curious about. Fart jokes especially being the height of wit.

The fact he is so fascinated in such a way that books and the like on the subject aren't enough to assuage the interest is unusual I think, there are some good books these days which explain about bodies etc but to insist on seeing the real deal seems extreme especially for a child for whom nudity is no big deal at home and knows about privacy etc.

i might be tempted to go to the doctor and have a blood test to make sure no hormones are sloshing around prematurely. Such things as early onset of hormones could cause a heightened interest which his mental/emotional maturity is not ready for.

Might be worth doing just to rule it out.

In the meantime emphasising acceptable behaviour is probably no bad thing. Have you tried asking him why a book isn't enough or why he is very interested, maybe a friend has told him some tall story about bodies which has made him need to check it out to see (I dunno like, girls have tails or something). :)

BardOfBarking · 02/08/2012 11:54

I don't think DD is a baby - the OP mentions her having sleepovers

AngelWreakinHavoc · 02/08/2012 11:59

I also have a 6 yr old ds and I dont think the thought of looking at womens 'bits' has ever crossed his mind.

There may be an problem you are not aware of and You need to get to the root of it.

Is Your ds a boyish boy or is he feminine in his ways?
I may be way off the mark but is he asking about girls 'bits' because he thinks he should have them? (I hope that makes sense)

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2012 12:06

You've told him he can "inspect" yourself and his sister? Whatever your son's issue is, you have definitely not responded in a normal way. Is this for real?

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2012 12:12

What age is your daughter? If she's having sleepovers I'm guessing she's a bit older than your son. And your son has permission to inspect his sisters body, which he may think extends to the friends on the sleepover...
Either you are unbelievably naive, or a bit peculiar. This thread is bloody horrible, actually.

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 02/08/2012 12:20

say no firmly.
Can't believe you aren't doing this already instead of pandering to him.

Fizzybee · 02/08/2012 12:31

My 6 year old wouldn't dream of asking this he understands privacy about bodies and whilst yes he might walk in when im in the shower etc.. He wouldn't want to inspect

I think its frankly odd you would let you d inspect you let alone your dd poor girl !!

JennerOSity · 02/08/2012 12:31

MrsRobert is right.

On the spot when it comes up, an honest reaction to the type of request made is his best guide to what is ok or not and how far he should let his interest go.

So 'Can I have an extra half hour TV?' gets 'hmmm maybe, well ok '

While 'Can I whack you over the head/cut all the cats hair off/have a good look at your privates' gets "*WHAT! Are you mad of course not! Good grief what a question!'

Kid gets the message better by an honest reaction than if you try to think your way into his head in order to best tailor the answer.

that said, having a think what might be causing this is no bad thing, I think whilst I am I also think that the full stroy is hard to convey in an online post so benefit of the doubt that you do indeed have normal boundaries at home. Assuming your home is not encouraging inappropriate genital interest even in an naive way, rather than sinister, it it worth considering as he can't be like this and fit into society. Lets hope it is a passing phase, but good that you are keeping an eye out for anything amiss.

savoycabbage · 02/08/2012 12:32

You ate wrong when you say it's quite entertaining.

savoycabbage · 02/08/2012 12:33

*are

Original poster

minko · 02/08/2012 12:43

I think the full story is indeed very hard to convey on mumsnet. There is nothing sinister going on and now I feel thoroughly upset and tearful about the whole thing. 'Inspect' was obviously the wrong word to use, for that I apologise.

Thanks to those for the more sensible suggestions.

OP posts:

FallenCaryatid · 02/08/2012 12:52

I'm sorry that you feel upset and tearful, but does the response you received help you understand how parents outside your home might feel about your son's interest? You need to give him boundaries that enable him to be accepted.
My DS has AS and sensory issues. Given the choice, he would prefer to go without clothing most of the time. As a 6 year old, he'd strip the moment he got home and we worked on the idea of underwear being the minimum. He didn't think it was logical, but complied after a while.
He also used to ask a lot of questions, some of which were inappropriate, and had to be guided as to when and where those questions should be asked, and that sometimes the answer wasn't what he wanted. It is hard, but necessary.

titchy · 02/08/2012 12:56

I hope nothing sinister is going on, but you're obviously not sure whether this is normal or not, becuase you've asked on here.

And tbh your reaction to what could well be perfectly normal curiosity, is a bit odd, so maybe you aren't best placed to judge a slight undercurrent of sinister, or odd, or something.

Most people would react the way jennifer suggested and think nothing more (certainly not try and find a way to let their 6 yo see their sister's bits, or post about it), and most people's children would, having got that reaction, not pursue the matter any further.

PooPooInMyToes · 02/08/2012 13:10

Its not so much that there is something sinister is going on in your home, but you still need to give him firm boundaries for the reason i said before. Sexual abuse can still be encouraged unintentionally by naivety which is what concerns me.

Do you normally not have much nudity in your house? We are naked in front of each other quite a lot (my children love running around starkers! And have baths together) so they don't think anything of it. But it sounds like this doesn't happen in yours but you are thinking of introducing it? I wonder if it might be a bit late to suddenly start being naked in front of each others without it seeming weird.

LissiesAWenlockLass · 02/08/2012 13:11

Dear lord.

Ds is currently fascinated by womens bodies. Its natural, hormone surges etc.

But we have countered that by talking about respect, feelings and privacy.

If he has questions, I answer. But by laughing etc you are encouraging inappropriate behaviour.

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