We've got several books on the subject, tried numerous things, don't think we're doing anything particularly wrong, yet we're really struggling with our 4.5 year old son. I'm hoping somebody can suggest something new or spot a problem!
The first problem is eating. He really does not want to eat anything most of the time, except sweets of course. Only if he's really hungry will he eat without too much encouragement. When he's not arguing over eating he'll just sit there, often with food actually in his mouth, just not doing anything with it. I don't think there's anything medically wrong - he's had two physicals recently (long story, unrelated reasons) and nothing was picked up. He likes processed food, of course, but we try not to give in to that too often, especially as we both cook from fresh most days. But even when he does have food he likes, mealtimes can often take an hour or more. We've tried using timers and not giving him anything except water until the next mealtime, to no avail. Doesn't make a difference if he helps cook/prepare the food. To be fair, he does eat fruit though.
Next is inattention. Often he's so engrossed that he simply doesn't hear - or maybe he has rather selective hearing. A recent hearing test showed normal hearing. You literally have to be right in his face before he'll respond. Even when he does acknowledge that he's heard, it's often that we have to start counting before he does it - and that doesn't work any more because he waits until 2 or even 3 before doing it every single time.
Sort of related is his attention span. We try to only give one instruction at a time - eg get your PJs on, then when he's finished that, brush your teeth. Five minutes later and he might have his top on but that's all. He can be distracted by nothing at all, just his own world. Ask him again, give him a few minutes, and he'll still be only partially dressed.
He's actually quite intelligent according to the preschool (he goes for 3 full days per week). They similarly have problems with him eating. We try to stimulate him by reading with him, or give him interesting things to do if we can't be with him. Usually he can occupy himself, for example if he wakes up early.
As for sleeping, he tends to go to bed around 8-9pm and wakes up around 7am. No naps during the day, though at preschool they have a quiet time when they lay on mats - most do sleep but not DS.
He gets a reasonable amount of physical exercise - more when he's at preschool, but even at home we have a pool which he loves.
He doesn't get to watch TV much; some days none at all. Same for video/phone games. He does have a 9mo baby sister which I know can be a factor but he seems to have gotten over the jealousy stage. We did move house a couple of months ago, which I know can be another factor, but the behaviour is pretty much the same now as it was before. I don't think we spoil him but sometimes he does act like a spoiled brat. I like to encourage good manners like saying "Please can I have" instead of "I want", yet it must be well over a year since we started getting insistent on it. Maybe it's a game to him to not bother until we remind him.
Wow, so much yet I've probably forgotten something. He's not a bad kid, quite lovable - but these things really drive us mad when it's a continuous theme throughout the day. Sometimes we go to bed absolutely mentally and physically shattered.
Thanks for any advice!