Just want to walk away. Any reassurance or advice re: new baby hell

[OldandUnwise]

Hi... It's my first time posting on Mumsnet so hopefully I'm in the right place. I really need some hand holding and advice (if possible). I'm sitting here in floods of tears and feeling pretty rotten so please be gentle...

I've got a 2 yr old daughter and a 2 week old baby boy. I am struggling with the baby. He eats every two hours around the clock and doesn't go to sleep without a battle - and then only for half an hour at a time. By the time he's fed and winded he's just warming up to holler for his next meal. I am so far beyond exhausted as I think the longest spell I've been asleep is 20 minutes since coming out of the hospital. I've picked up and put down, shushed and patted, rocked, cuddled, stroked, etc. 'til time for the next feed. He won't sleep in his pram, on top of me, in his moses basket, in his bouncy chair... My husband does help out at night but I am awake anyway as he is sleeping (Ha. Or not) in with us and I just spend my nights listening to all the noise.

My poor daughter is getting so sick of Cbeebies and Pingu as I am pretty much unable to do anything with her as I am permanently attached to the baby. I can't think of anything pleasant about trying to play with her with him screaming in the background. I can't even take her to the park as he just hollers in the pram. A sling/carrier would be incredibly hot as we live in southern Spain. I also struggle with the weather as I am definitely NOT a heat/sun lover (red hair and freckles!).

I just feel like a complete failure and that I'm the only person struggling with a new baby. The tiny, remaining rational portion of my brain says that this is not the case but it's been well and truly overruled and will likely soon be evicted due to exhaustion.

I don't remember it being this hard with my daughter but then again there was only her AND she would at least sleep in her pram and a little bit at night so I just spent my days walking and walking and walking...

I'm also pretty much alone here with no family or friends.

Can anyone offer any reassurance or advice? I just feel like walking away (I won't though!). I can't even have a good cry, a good nights sleep and look forward to a new day. There is no chance of sleep and tomorrow is going to be just as shit as today if not worse.

So glad things have improved.

Just one more suggestion - and possibly a controversial one. It may be worth offering a little bit of (boiled, cooled) water instead of milk occasionally. I was born in a hot country in summer and apparently my parents found there were times when I didn't want milk, just water, even when very very tiny. Of course you have to make sure you don't give him so much he won't take enough milk. But if he is dehydrated he may be taking too much milk so as to cool off/hydrate, and getting bunged up as a result? One to raise with your doctors perhaps?

Poor you...it sounds familiar, a couple of things spring to mind. My DD is now 14months so it's still quite fresh in my mind. Firstly, as others have said it DOES get better.
I am wondering if the heat and your tiredness are affecting your supply. While I was BF I found I had to drink LOTS of water and rest LOTS to ensure a good supply of milk. I didn't realise this in the beginning and was very puzzled/stressed why my DD was crying constantly. Once I drank more and rested when she slept, instead of tidying the house, my supply stabilised and DD was more happy and quiet!!
I used a sling which really helped, not only was DD happier it allowed me to make a sandwich and eat with DD attached
I hope this helps you. Good luck.

Hey... I think things have really settled down into what, right now, is fairly normal newborn stuff. I guess the reflux/cmpi have added some other little hurdles but compared to last week things have really, really settled down. He sleeps - not when I want him to or quite enough but he does sleep now. He eats normally - Gone from 11/12 bottles a day to 7/8 - a couple too many are in the middle of the night but we'll cut him some slack for now as he is only 4 weeks old and most of that time was spent feeling hideous. And... He's starting to smile

There are still little spells of screaming but they are short. Sometimes shortly after he goes to bed he wakes up screaming but a few minutes of cuddling and they pass and he will go back to sleep. Magic.

Trying to juggle a new baby and a 2 year old is quite another matter. I have no idea how I'd manage without my husband. First thing in the morning is total chaos - not helped that the baby has totally random waking times and depending when he feeds/wakes in the early, early morning...well it ain't pretty. The rest of the day is just a blur really... As for bedtime, well, if I ever have to do it on my own I will need to warn the neighbours beforehand 'cause there's gonna be a helluva lot of wailing emanating from here. Seriously...How??? But again, I (hope!) suspect this is normal until we figure it out.

I am so, so happy that it appears that the diagnosis was correct and the treatment is working. We'll see what happens over the next few days/weeks but right now I'm feeling a whole lot better. I might even survive this!

Thank you so much for all your comments and advice. Every one of them was really helpful.

HI Oldandunwise, you've probably got too many posts now...

I had mild PND with both my first two, and then escaped it with third. With latter, I thought it was happening again at 3 weeks, I think because I had tried to do it all, and save him from the nights, but it made me go a bit mad- sleep deprivation is so awful.

I went to doc who (perhaps rather madly) prescribed two tablets of diazepam. I gather you cant breastfeed with it, so probably rather old fashioned. However, what worked brilliantly is that I just had to sleep, and my partner just had to manage the kids. No PND that time. We also slept in different rooms for the first few weeks, if that a possibility for you.

Good luck, I've been there, its hell for a short while.

Glad you've gotten somewhere! Swaddling in a muslin can work well for some sleep fighting babies - never did a thing for my two, but really helps my friend's sensitive baby. When I had my second, DD was 18 months and what really helped was the bouncy chair. DS would go in chair, get bounced to sleep then I would continue bouncing him with my foot while DD got cuddles and books read to her etc.

So pleased that things feel more positive for you. DS had silent reflux and we found that if he slept on his front it really helped him. You can buy special monitors for this ( I couldn't sleep myself for worrying that he would suffocate...) We ended up with thickened formula and omeprazole suspension which transformed our son and meant that DD could take a break from Balamory which seemed to be on a loop. Good luck!

I had a very difficult time with dd2 and like you was close to walking out! That was until I bought a Murrons pouch sling from Freedom slings online. I could walk round house with her in it and she slept for hours in it, was fab as I got to do things with dd1