Just want to walk away. Any reassurance or advice re: new baby hell

[OldandUnwise]

Hi... It's my first time posting on Mumsnet so hopefully I'm in the right place. I really need some hand holding and advice (if possible). I'm sitting here in floods of tears and feeling pretty rotten so please be gentle...

I've got a 2 yr old daughter and a 2 week old baby boy. I am struggling with the baby. He eats every two hours around the clock and doesn't go to sleep without a battle - and then only for half an hour at a time. By the time he's fed and winded he's just warming up to holler for his next meal. I am so far beyond exhausted as I think the longest spell I've been asleep is 20 minutes since coming out of the hospital. I've picked up and put down, shushed and patted, rocked, cuddled, stroked, etc. 'til time for the next feed. He won't sleep in his pram, on top of me, in his moses basket, in his bouncy chair... My husband does help out at night but I am awake anyway as he is sleeping (Ha. Or not) in with us and I just spend my nights listening to all the noise.

My poor daughter is getting so sick of Cbeebies and Pingu as I am pretty much unable to do anything with her as I am permanently attached to the baby. I can't think of anything pleasant about trying to play with her with him screaming in the background. I can't even take her to the park as he just hollers in the pram. A sling/carrier would be incredibly hot as we live in southern Spain. I also struggle with the weather as I am definitely NOT a heat/sun lover (red hair and freckles!).

I just feel like a complete failure and that I'm the only person struggling with a new baby. The tiny, remaining rational portion of my brain says that this is not the case but it's been well and truly overruled and will likely soon be evicted due to exhaustion.

I don't remember it being this hard with my daughter but then again there was only her AND she would at least sleep in her pram and a little bit at night so I just spent my days walking and walking and walking...

I'm also pretty much alone here with no family or friends.

Can anyone offer any reassurance or advice? I just feel like walking away (I won't though!). I can't even have a good cry, a good nights sleep and look forward to a new day. There is no chance of sleep and tomorrow is going to be just as shit as today if not worse.

My DD screamed for the first month. We never even got the brand-new newborn sleepiness, she was furious from the word go. She also fed an awful lot but didn't seem satisfied, and fought sleep each and every time even though we knew she was exhausted. her average amount of sleep at one point was 7 hours out of 24, all in little cat naps.
Our midwife suggested Ovol drops (simethicone) and the change has been dramatic. She is still fairly fussy and I don't think she is ever going to sleep a lot but she is now sleeping in 3 or 4 hour chunks and her crying has decreased hugely. Simethicone is not absorbed but the body and has no known side affects, so it won't do any harm and could really help.

I would also suggest that you look at silent reflux as that's what it sounds like to me too. Silent reflux is where the muscle that holds the stomach closed is a little loose and the stomach acid moves up into the oesophagus, which, as you can imagine, burns - and usually is accompanied by a LOT of screaming. Feeding offers a little respite which is why a lot of silent refluxers feed a lot. Sucking a dummy produces saliva which neutralises some of the acid which helps, and the sucking also releases endorphins which help with pain. Lying flat makes silent reflux worse which is why many babies with it object loudly to being laid down in any form.

You can buy blocks to prop up cots, but you can get the same effect with books tbh! You can also buy wedges for changing on. Treatment wise, apart from propping up, there are drugs which neutralise the acid (we had Ranitidine) and others which help with stomach emptying.

If it is silent reflux he will grow out of it.

OP, you sound like you are having a horrid time. It may be worth having a look at these webpages:

www.thesleepstore.co.nz/newborn-sleep/sleep-articles

If you post on their facebook page they will reply too.

Hope it gets better. You can always do a Tesco delivery to get you through this stage.

Hey everyone... I've booked a GP appointment for ds later this morning. Our health visitor has disappeared and there hasn't been a replacement provided which I guess would be another port of call. The 2 hours straight he spent screaming yesterday evening clinched it. He was inconsolable - wouldn't sleep, wouldn't be picked up (just fought against it - arching his back and going crazy). I just can't tell if he is in some sort of pain, discomfort or tired.

I've also just had a horrific morning spent solely trying to get him to nap. Again... I can't tell if it's actually pain or just fighting sleep. He won't go off on his own so I put him on my chest and just held him. He'd relax, suck on his dummy (I love the little slurpy noises ) and just as his eyes go he'd arch his back, start trying to claw the dummy out (and his head, me, anything that he can get) and start screaming. Then the whole thing would repeat. It's like he gets incredibly cross about falling asleep! Or the pain starts up when he relaxes... . I managed to get him to nod off on me for half an hour and then he woke up hungry. I fed him, let him lay on his mat on the floor until he hollered and then tried to get him to go off again. After almost an hour of him ramping up the screaming stage I've just left him to it for a few minutes. Shut the windows for the benefit of the neighbours (live on top of each other here) and just let him crack on. My patience is exhausted (along with the rest of me). It is just so, so upsetting that I (his mum) just seem to piss him off and can't comfort him.

Off to sniffle and pace a bit... Thanks again for all the empathy and advice.

GP sounds like a good plan. DD went through a phase where she did this in the evening at about 6 weeks. It would be 5-11pm of crying and it is just awful to deal with. I think I wasn't winding her enough and it was gradually building up over a day. We started her on infracol and it sorted her out over a few days. Your DS may not have the same problem but might be worth a try?

I also used this technique:

tvnz.co.nz/content/2854946/2527449.xhtml

I remember it being so hard to see her cry so be good to yourself. There were times when I did exactly what you are.

Hang in there and have a

Hey... GP spoke to a paediatrician at the local hospital who said it sounded like reflux. So... Starting with some baby Gaviscon and will see how that goes. Have another GP appointment tomorrow to see how the night went and the next step is to try a different formula (neutri...something) in addition. Poor little bugger!

I think it helped that he'd just been fed before the appointment so it was clear he was really uncomfortable and his tummy was tender when the doc had a feel.

Also told to go straight to A & E if he has a repeat of last night - We'll be able to see the on call paediatrician.

I really, really hope this is a correct diagnosis! It may make it easier if I know there is something physically wrong and that in time it will correct itself.

That's good that you've got a diagnosis.

If its reflux, don't lie him down after a feed - keep him upright and wind up thoroughly (rub don't pat). I used to give a dummy after a feed to help keep things down.

First things I thought of when I read your post were cow's milk protein allergy (CMPI) and/ or reflux. I am guessing that the former's suspected given you are going on to nutramigen? It could make the world of difference if it is CMPI that's the problem.

I so feel for you. DS had both of these conditions and he was pretty much exactly as you described and I also felt like running away.

In your case it sounds like your doctor is fabulously on the ball. That matters a huge amount as it can be difficult to find appropriate treatment without a supportive doctor.

Let us know how you get on.

I feel your pain. I can't believe it was 9 months ago I was in a very similar state- I don't know how I coped but I did and it got better once dd2 was diagnosed with silent reflux, but more importantly, a cow's milk protein allergy which made her scream and scream in pain for hours and hours on end. Even just remembering it makes me shudder.

Just a thought - do you eat a lot of dairy? Once dd2 was born, I gorged on the hamper of stuff dh bought me of all the things (loads of cheese basically) I couldn't eat whilst pg. This, on reflection, kick started dd's allergy which I mistook to be hunger so started supplementing with formula - BIG mistake, as it made it worse. Anyway to cut a long story short, maybe aim to cut out dairy? I was past the point of no return for exclusive bf + elimination diet by the time dd was diagnosed so she was put on Nutramigen 1 (a hypo-allergenic formula - also helped with the reflux too). She was like a different baby two days later. Does dd have lots of horrid nappies? That is a sign of allergy too.

We've just been discharged by the paediatrician and it was very interesting as she said there hasn't been much research done into milk or lactose intolerances, but from her experience, it is much more common than most people realise. What once would have just been attributed to 'colic' may now actually be something more specific like an intolerance or allergy.

PS: dd2 does not appear to have suffered in the slightest - she eats like a horse (usually twice as much as her nearly 3 yr old brother) and crawls around like a nutter.

X post with Narmada! You, Iggly and I seem to have had similar experiences!

Yes and it has been bloody hard! I have to say having had two refluxy, dairy intolerant babies I am not having anymore. If I had a settled baby but not risking a third I'd not know what to do with myself. OP get as much support as you can. It's hard going and can really drag you down :(

Me neither iggly re more children. My last one (lovely at nearly 2, wouldn't change him for the world) nearly finished me off.

I wouldn't know what to do with a sleepy pudding either. Paint your nails? :)

Yes yes yes for getting all the help and support you can.

Hello again..

Ah yes... The midwives did ask me if I had started thinking about birth control... I think I did actually swear at them. Every minute of every bloody day!

Well, an update... We have just spent a night in hospital as ds was clearly in a lot of pain yesterday afternoon. The paediatrician stood by her original telephone diagnosis of reflux and had a tummy x-ray done which showed a huge blockage of poo. He had been pooing daily but obviously not enough! So it looks like the formula was not agreeing with him to say the least. So since last night he's been on the soy formula with Gaviscon and Ranitidine. He is definitely more settled so we'll wait and see how things go. And the almighty crap he had this afternoon did wonders for the remaining tension and discomfort .

The little bugger is STILL refusing to go to sleep though . It's not right for a baby to be awake for 13 hours straight. I'll see how we go though.

Thanks for all your support!

Sorry about the hospital visit - stressful - BUT at least you appear to be getting somehwere.

Is he on the Nutramigen now, then? Or do they prescribe soy for dairy-allergic babies where you are?

If cow's milk protein was the issue, then that could definitely cause constipation - it's one of the main symptoms in many babies. Either that, or explosive diarrhoea.

Be warned that gaviscon can cause playdoh-like poos. It thickens everything up, but for some babies it's a miracle-worker.

I'd ask for a non soya formula. It can do similar things to cows milk protein.

'Morning... He is on Nutramigen and it is a suspected cow's milk protein allergy, constipation and reflux. They are going to leave him in the Gaviscon/Ranitidine for a little while and then start eliminating them to see how the reflux goes.

Now he has poo and sleep to fight with I think it's going to be a while before my days are anything but comparable to a circle of hell. I hope we can get him feeling better really soon!! Poor little guy. It must be so tough being a new baby.

Just bracing myself for another 12-13 hours of screaming. How the hell can I manage to juggle a grumpy, screaming, snarling 3+ week old and a 2 year old??

This WILL pass... Right?

You poor things!

Just wanted to add, my three had reflux and I found I frequently underestimated how much they needed winding. Wind and keep upright after every feed, even when they appear to be drifting into blessed sleep at last - much better than risking them waking up in pain moments later and screaming/fighting sleep for hours.

Also spend time getting those bowels moving by gently bending legs and rotating them in a circular motion (to the tune of Wheels on a Bus for the sakes of DS1 and DS2!) - usually elicited a fart or a poo and the much relaxation for everyone!

Lots and lots of good luck.

Glad you have got some different milk and mess for baby. my ds was similarly difficult and improved massively when I changed formula to one called omneo comfort which was thicker and apparently easier for him to digest. Hope things improve for you.

It's hard. Dd is now 8 months and ds 2.10. We got out a lot in all weathers and took offers of help. Dd lived in the sling for the first 3-4 months then once she could sit up in her pushchair she was much happier going out!

Glad your doctors seem to be more on the ball than mine were. I really hope the new formula works. Keep us posted. Ps: it WILL get better. I looked at my ds1 racing round on all fours and giggling yesterday, trying to get dd2 to race after him - a distant cry from the toddler who used to rage and hit us both when I was feeding dd2. He still has his moments but it definitely is much easier.

I know it's early days but my little baby appears to be transformed back to the fairly chilled out little fella that came home from hospital with us.

He has totally calmed down on the feeding front. Rather than freaking out every (maximum) two hours he has happily waited 3 hours between bottles during the day. He had a two hour nap yesterday. Last night he went to bed just after his bottle at 7 pm and didn't make a sound. I stuck a bottle in his mouth at 10:30 and he had it all with barely stirring. He then went back to sleep but did wake up at about 11:30 clearly in pain but it passed after about 10 minutes - maybe because I couldn't get any wind out of him as he fell sound asleep after his last feed. Then he woke up at 2:45, had another bottle. He was a bit unsettled afterwards but once asleep didn't wake up again 'til almost 7. For us this night was bordering on a religious experience.

He's had a nap on hubby this morning and is now in bed having another little sleep (hopefully!).

He does have times when he is suffering but it does pass. Also it's not so upsetting as now we know what it is. The screaming is isolated to these times. We are left with 'normal' baby crying when he wants a cuddle etc.

He's been providing us with some rather spectacular poos so hopefully as that, erm, clears he will become more comfortable.

It's been lovely to have him lay in my arms and contentedly staring at my face while listening to what is going on around him.

I really hope that the past 24/36 hours are a sign of how things will continue and we can start to settle down into some semblance of a routine and normality.

Have you tried the fisher price oceon sounds seahorse? Its a short term fix but got my lo to sleep on her own between the ages of 8 weeks to 3 months. Good luck sounds like you're doing amazingly to me x

Awe, OandU. That was a lovely post and long may it continue!

If he gets constipated you could use an old trick- a little brown sugar in warm water. I gave this to DD when she hadn't pooed for a week for a long haul flight and she had a giant poo within a few hours. But you might want to ask the Dr first.

Fabulous. Is it still all going well? Hope so.