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Behaviour/development

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Is my DS the only 6 year old in the UK

156 replies

nappyaddict · 13/07/2012 17:51

Without access to a laptop, PC, ipad, tablet, itouch, ipod, nintendo DS, wii, xbox, leapster, leappad or playstation?

Because it seems that way! Am I depriving him?

OP posts:
Falandfree · 16/07/2012 15:03

I agree with Tgger and would also add that up until about a year ago I was very against him using the laptop at home, until his teacher had a word with me about how slow his typing is and could I please let him practise at home!
Since then we've found some wonderful web sites, most of which have already been mentioned, but also The Times Spelling Bee - he loves that!

We also do things like read a book on earthquakes/volcanoes etc and then we look up YouTube videos of them in action.

SummerRain · 16/07/2012 15:08

kuros.... all three of mine are slim and athletic. They spend most of the day outside running around and only use techy stuff in downtime. The older two are fantastic readers and dd would almost always choose a good book over a console.

ds2 was slow to speak due to physical issues, after he had an op to correct those he still wasn't speaking for months.... the consoles (especially the leappad) actually helped a lot as he was more likely to repeat sounds he heard on them when no-one was listening (or so he thought Wink) than attempt a new sound for me. He has huge confidence issues and was too worried about getting it 'wrong' when I was listening but would happily chatter at his leappad when I was out of the room.

IMO it isn't consoles or the other stuff, they can all be part of a healthy balanced lifestyle.

ThePigOnTheWall · 16/07/2012 15:13

It's all about moderation and variety isn't it?

The fact that my kids have access to computers doesn't mean that they don't play out, or read, or go to the library, or play with toys. Of course they do

IT is just one of the strings to their bows

altinkum · 16/07/2012 18:30

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altinkum · 16/07/2012 18:33

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dontcallmehon · 16/07/2012 23:51

I would say that as an ex-teacher, not having access to a computer is an indicator of poverty(at least at secondary level) that is used in schools and for that reason many children who would otherwise be denied access to a computer have been given funds/free laptops by the school I worked at. Clearly schools view it as an essential by secondary age.

However, at 6, probably not so much - but I would say a PC is a useful resource. I don't restrict screen time at all and dd has a reading age of 9.5 (she is 6). I am very flexible and give dd the choice of what she wants to do - although obviously age appropriate. I do slightly disapprove of expensive add-ons for little ones, unless they are used for the whole family together, as excessive computer reliance can be socially isolating.

You sound like you are doing a fab job, nappyaddict and in general, I think a self-analytical parent is also a good parent.

aviatrix · 17/07/2012 00:00

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CheerfulYank · 17/07/2012 04:37

We don't have a TV so DS is allowed to watch Netflix on our PC (usually a half hour to an hour, depending) and there are some websites I let him play games on every now and then. He especially loves the science and rhyming games. :) He's almost 5.

Arana · 17/07/2012 04:46

DS is nearly 5 - he plays games (drawing, puzzles, reading/writing, NOT angry birds etc) on our tablet.

We'll use the internet together to look things up (for example we were talking about volcanoes, so I went on youtube to find videos of volcanoes erupting).

I don't see any need to give him a DS or anything similar yet, even though lots of his friends have them.

mathanxiety · 17/07/2012 06:47

'laptop, PC, ipad, tablet, itouch, ipod, nintendo DS, wii, xbox, leapster, leappad or playstation?'

Between us here we have iPods, Wii, Xbox, DS, PC and laptops. There also a tv.

The DCs have had access to PC and now laptop since they first came out. We had an old Mac before DD1 was born in 1990 and she played with it, just typing and using paint or whatever feature there was available back in the pre internet days.

Throughout the childhoods of the first three all we had was the PC and tv. Since they became teens, DD3 and DD4 have lived in a home with all the other stuff I mentioned. Like MrsRhettButler, I never limited screen time and let them follow their interests. It didn't rot their brains or make them obese or unfit. I never discouraged them from getting their own gear when they could afford it; I made them research their prices to make sure they got the best value. I saw it as the equivalent of saving up for a bike in the olden days. The only things I bought were the TV, the PC and the Wii.

DD1 and DD2 bought themselves iPods when they felt like it and as their own income from babysitting allowed. DS (19) never wanted one. He had a Playstation 2 and Xbox, bought with his own money, and I got a wii for the family when DS was about 13; DD4 was used to it from age 4ish; DD3 would have been 7. A friend gave DD4 her old DS two years ago.

DS, DD1, DD2 and DD3 also have a kindle each; the kindles were all acquired in the last couple of years, so age 20, 18, 16, 13ish. They also have their own laptops. DD1 bought her own laptop when she was about 16 or 17 using babysitting money. DS bought his when he was about 17, and DD2 bought hers about the same age, then gave it to DD3 when she upgraded after ruining the windows operating system; DS fixed it somehow.

DD1 and DS are what I would call extremely computer literate and they keep on top of every trend and development. DD2 is heading the same way. DD3 doesn't have the same big picture knowledge or confidence that the older ones somehow developed and depends on me (lol) and her older siblings for troubleshooting. DD4 navigates to the sites she likes (playing with puffles, etc.) and she also had her maths book and history book online last year in school.

You're not really computer literate if you use a wii at age 7. You can just use the wii. Same goes for the things I would call toys more than useful tools. I don't think you do a child a favour by keeping them from learning to use the tools and becoming familiar with them. However, I think it's your emotional relationship with the PC, etc., that your child picks up on and that you have to be careful about. If you are a Luddite, try not to be. A child can be taught to use a washing machine, a microwave, hairdryer, hoover, electric kettle, etc. Mastery of appliances and gadgets and ability to take part in chores can boost confidence.

While I agree with you on the question of children being pushed academically too early in the UK, I don't think there is an advantage to creating a gap between children and their peers for the sake of keeping them children. Children will play with these things as much as they are interested in, just as they would play with Lego as much as they feel like playing with it. If the others in his class have items from that list at home and he plays with them at their homes maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a few at your home. The wii I found to be the best value of them all as toys go. It gets taken out when friends come around and when they are on their own, and there are fitness things you can do on it -- fun for all the family.

Children need the company of other children and they need a little in common with other children. What they do or talk about when they are together is immaterial, but having nothing or very little in common to talk about or play with can be a negative. Therefore I think a little of 'When in Rome' is a good thing.

iseenodust · 17/07/2012 10:53

I posted earlier and would say you were not depriving him but here's another example. On the last day of the Xmas term the yr3 teacher said kids could take a toy in, electronic allowed. DS nagged but I said 'Nintendo not going to school, she means games for playing together' and sent him with a game. Out of the class just DS and one girl did not take in Nintendo or similar. DS grumpy because no-one would play his boring game but his friend shared turns and the other girl in tears because she doesn't have one and didn't know what to do when lent one.

This is not inner-city but it is state primary with fairly mixed catchment. Whole different debate whether school should endorse this.

mathanxiety · 17/07/2012 18:54

My DCs' school for elementary had games day at the end of the year but forbade electronic or hand held games.

We have a whole cupboardful of board games for every age on top of all the other stuff we have, and really enjoy family Monopoly tournaments, Scrabble, etc.

I really feel for the girl who cried because she didn't know what to do when lent an electronic game and I think that is an example of parents not doing their child any favours.

seeker · 17/07/2012 18:59

Ds's class were allowed to take DSs in one afternoon, and they all linked them up and played together- sharing with the ones who didn't have a DS. It was great- loads of co operative playing going on!

My ds has friends round specifically to play on the playstation sometimes- and they have huge amounts of fun playing together. It doesn't have to be a solitary and isolating experience.

oooggs · 17/07/2012 19:02

My 8 year old has nothing of his own. Sometimes allowed to use my wii and uses the pc for school work but not often.

exoticfruits · 17/07/2012 19:17

It is like everything-moderation in all things.

defineme · 17/07/2012 19:23

I totally agree with you NappyAddict.
We have a Wii which is used maybe once every 3 weeks (10 yrold and 7yrold twins) and they have used my laptop for homework research, but we've also used our encyclopedias and the library too. I have no interest in getting them anything else-plenty of toys/playing out/cubs/homework-no time for anything else really.

Kids get plenty ict at school and I think it's far far sadder that there's a lot of kids in homes where they struggle to find a pencil to do their homework and they've never seen an adult pick up a book.

I'd be hard pushed to afford any of those things for my kids without cutting back on holidays/sports clubs and other extras-I know which I think benefit my kids the most.

If I picked up ict skills as a teen why can't they?

My parents didn't watch ITV and only allowed Radio4 on-I still managed to find stuff to talk to other kids about... My kids talk about stuff like space/slugs/kittens/holidays/Harry Potter books/whose your best friend/poo ....and that's just the last couple of days with their friends! Can't believe people think they'll be left out for not having a ds-do you want friends like that for them?

I don't think NappyAddict is a Luddite, as some of you seem to be suggesting, I think she is just focussing on other things and she's clearly thought a lot about it.Unlike some posters.

I think there's a sheep like tendancy to think 'all the other kids have it so my kid must have one' -I'm sure their parents didn't bring them up to think like this (my Mum thought the exact opposite to that!), so what's making people behave like this-unthinking consumerism?

seeker · 17/07/2012 19:51

I do wonder whether some people are just so worried that they won' t be able to control the use of "technology" in their homes that they feel safer just banning it all together. Fortunately, I have a happy balance- my children do loads of stuff- using technology is part of their lives, but only a part.

IamtheSnorkMaiden · 17/07/2012 20:14

My six year olds get 1 hour of Wii a day and occasional access to my laptop or ipod or their dad's smartphone.

Badvoc · 17/07/2012 20:32

My ds1 had no access to any of that when he was 6. He is 9 now and - thanks to gps and other family members he now has access to a wii, a ps3 and an ipad. He doesn't use them that much tbh...bit of a waste of moeny but as it wasn't my money I don't care :) I use the ipad I must admit..very handy.

mathanxiety · 17/07/2012 20:35

I wonder about that too, Seeker. I also wonder if there is a sort of reverse snobbery to it.

Personally, I couldn't give a hoot what 'the other children' have; I don't see the DCs' useful possessions in terms of status any more than I see my dryer or dishwasher that way, and keeping up with the Joneses was never my style -- I looked at the issue from the pov of competence leading to confidence.

Thanks to the proliferation of electronic gadgets, competence at using them is now just as much de rigeur as competence at reading -- on a global scale, access to the internet has the potential to transform life in heretofore disadvantaged places; why would anyone deprive their children of the chance to stay at the cutting edge when families in remote regions of Africa are falling over themselves to embrace what is available? My children are not third world refugees in their own country.

DS is learning a programming language in his free time so that he can increase his part time earning potential. He got the summer job he has now thanks to his level of computer expertise, all gleaned from hours spent at home. What is taught at school is extremely basic ime. He has the confidence to tackle programming because he never got bad vibes from me about technology.

In order to encourage competence, independence and their interest in electronica, the DCs were encouraged to buy all their own gizmos except the PC, the TV and the Wii. They have also bought most of their own clothes beyond the basics since they first started earning and I have encouraged them to actively look for ways of earning since they were all 12. They learned to drive when they turned 16. I worried about it, and none of them can drive my car until they can come up with the insurance money themselves, but once insured, it makes a big difference to their lives (and let's face it, mine too) so they are allowed to have the freedom and the responsibility associated with driving in the interests of developing maturity. They are allowed to freely use all the electronic and media gadgets we have in the interests of stretching themselves intellectually, developing problem solving abilities, and arriving at fluency in a language that isn't going to go away.

exoticfruits · 17/07/2012 21:44

If you have moderation it is no big issue, ban it altogether and it is a case of 'forbidden fruits.......'

Tgger · 17/07/2012 21:57

Yep exoticfruits, that's what i told myself when my DS chose a toy gun as his "prize" at one of those family fun day things Grin. As it turns out he can't work it himself (doesn't have the strength) so it's in his cupboard...

CharlotteWasBoth · 17/07/2012 22:15

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Hulababy · 17/07/2012 22:23

Your child will have at least weekly ict sessions at school in Y1 and will be actively using the Internet too - Ime. It won't harm them, well in my experience anyway. Some schools also have iPads and other tablets. Many use iPods or other mp3 devices for music. They will use some form of smart board during many lessons also inc the use of Internet based education games.

LittlePushka · 17/07/2012 22:40

Every generation has a new, technology (radio/tv/telephone/CB radio/mobile phone/DS/ipad...and on and on with time). The cultural reality is that children will grow up steeped in whatever technology is current at the time.

For me personally, as an older parent I really embrace it... it think it is brilliant for mental concentation, hugely empowering and highly educational and great fun!!. And ultimately as the parent I control what they have and how long they have it. I like the fact that engaging with these things keeps me current and informed!

They are not bad things - they are just things which can be badly managed. loads. As 40notTrendy says, Your child, Your rules.