Sleeping arrangements with a newborn

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Hi all

I'm expecting DC1 in December and trying to work out how it will work sleeping wise.

I would like to have DC in our room for the first 6 months or at least first several months. However, DH will be going back to work after a few weeks (hopefully a month), and he works long hours/stressful job and will be up for promotion so he will need to get a decent amount of sleep. He's not the heaviest of sleepers so I'm pretty sure he'll get disturbed if I'm up and down with a baby. In an ideal world I would prefer him not to move to another room for 6 months but just wondering if there is any other option.

I'd love to hear your solutions. Did you put DC in a different room? Did your DH/DP sleep in a different room (if so how long for?) Did you take DC out of the room when they woke up/needed feeding? Did your DH just wake up and then go back to sleep...?

A separate but related question - if you didn't feed DC in your bed, where did you feed them? Is a nursing chair worthwhile?

Thank you!

both of mine were in our room until around 7/8 months. With dd I used to take her downstairs to feed (bottle fed). With ds (also bottle fed) I used to take bottles of water upstairs and make up the feed as required and then feed in bed. DH stayed in the same room/bed and went back to sleep while I fed them. On the odd occasion he did the feed for me.

We didn't keep either in past 3 months. I always fed them in bed I think taking them downstairs is bad from the point of view of imposing day/night routine. Not sure what a nursing chair is.... we have one of the cheapo chairs from IKEA in LO's room.

Thanks both!

brett if the IKEA chair wasn't used for feeding then what did you use it for? (I am trying to figure out what we need to buy for the LO's room!)

Maybe DH will just have to get used to going back to sleep while I feed - if he's tired enough I guess he will - I would certainly prefer to feed in bed if that is feasible.

I had DS in a carrycot next to the bed and breastfed in the night. DH was not only oblivious to it but would tell people that DS was sleeping through the night - he wasn't!

DH can wear earplugs. He might take a few nights to get used to the slightly more disturbed nights but he'll soon adjust and develop the ability to sleep through distractions (unless he actively WANTS something to moan about, of course)

Hi op
My dh is a light sleeper and I was a heavy sleeper, but surprisingly once dd1 was born we switched almost immediately. He barely registered me being up and I would wake at the first stirrings and breastfeed in bed. Sometimes I got up and went upstairs but thisoften meant I was wide awake as was dd and going back to sleep for both of us took longer.
So I would say not to worry about your dp, after a few nights of broken sleep with your dh sleeping or even slumbering your sympathies with his situation will wane!

Some babies wake up screaming in the night (my dd1) others just get all snuffly & restless when they need a feed (dd2 & ds). I'm feeding ds right now in bed but because he doesn't make a big fuss, he doesn't wake dh up. You'll need a feeding chair in the nursery for when your baby sleeps in its own room at night & you go in for night feeds, unless you are lucky enough to have one that sleeps through at an early age!

I wake up just as my son starts to stir and then quietly change him and feed him and put him back to sleep. Dh does not wake for most of his feeds and if he does he checks I am ok and then goes back to sleep. We personally feel sleeping in separate beds is really awful for your relatioship and is a slippery slope. I love it when I put ds down and then it my turn and I get cuddled up with dh.

We had DD in a moses basket next to the bed, and then side-car attached her cot bed to the bed so that we all had our own space. DH didn't wake up often in the night once we were in the swing of things. Maybe just a little stir and a cuddle, and we both had nights when we couldn't sleep because we were just gazing at this little bundle of perfection we had created. If you are next to LO you may find that you stir as soon as LO stirs, and DH isn't disturbed at all. The added advantage of a cot bed is that you have lots of room at the foot of it for things like food, drinks, nappies, night light etc. so you don't actually have to get out of bed to do anything.

heads of course, why didn't I think of earplugs?

mummys you're right we'll need a chair in there eventually. and makes more sense to get it now when we don't have our hands full...

world really good point about cot bed having space for other stuff so you don't have to get out of bed! I was going to use a friend's moses basket at first in case the baby prefers the smaller space, but guess we could even put the moses basket in the cot bed? and use the rest of the space as a table like you suggest.

Good to hear all the stories of DHs staying in the same bed and not getting their sleep too disturbed. Think we will try that, possibly with ear plug assistance!

I'm another one with a DH who slept through it all with DC1, he was oblivious.

Now that DC2 is in his own room (over 6mo) and screaming loudly in pain with bad teething, we have a small bed in his room so that I can bunk down there on bad nights, and DH stays in our bed.

My DH needs his sleep and also works long hours. I catch up at weekends.

Poppy that's interesting - perhaps we should get a single bed or daybed type thing for DC's room, rather than a chair. That gives me somewhere to nurse and also somewhere to kip if needed.

We got a single bed with another pull-out one underneath, so that DC2's room can become a guest room if needed. Or it can be pulled out and used for co-sleeping if the DCs are sick.

First couple of nights DH sat up with a jump when DS cried (had moses basket next to me but co-slept) by night 3 he slept through it and still doesnt hear DS now 9m screaming his head off - have no idea how he does it but think it is because he knows I will deal with it his body shuts out the noise.

I used a sidecar cot so just fed in bed.

DH continued to be a light sleeper after DS was born so he slept in the other room for a few months, until DS went into his own room at 6.5 months. There wasn't really any other option as he needed sleep for work and DS was bf through the night still.

Dd slept in moses basket by my bedside til she outgrew it at about 14 wks. DH slept through it all whereas I woke up regardless of whose turn it was. A comfy chair in dd's room is useful regardless of how they are being fed - formula feeding sadly does not mean the baby can just sit up and feed itself .and it is really useful for settling a baby etc etc. I tended.to do everything upstairs (took bottles up etc) which makes getting up in the middle of the night a bit more bearable. A very dim lamp is also a good idea for night feeds too.

If you have the space, I'd definitely go for a single bed as well as cot in the baby's room.

What we ended up doing with dc3 was me sleeping with dc in our bed while dh slept on the spare bed in the baby's room. Older dc in their own rooms.

Dh came back to our room when dc3 was about 8 months. He moved into his own room when he as about 1. With cosleeping I loved having huge bed to just me and dc. Dh we on same floor as older 2 children so he dealt with them if they woke (very very rarely). He got good sleep. I got better sleep thn would have if we were all sharing. Was great.

With the Older dcs we had single bed in their rooms when they were still in cot. that also worked well (wasn't cosleeping) because I'd go to bed with dh and then if they woke I would decamp to their room and feed/settle. And then when I was night weaning, dh took over.

Think men generally just aren't as attuned to the Baby's crying as we are. It's like something programmed in.

George slept in our room till 5 1/2 months first in moses basket then a crib. He is exclusively Breastfed and after first few weeks there was little point in OH getting up and he often had to ask me how many times he woke. Now he's in his own room and sleeps through most nights. OH still doesn't hear him when wakes in the morning. There is a new Baby across the road that cries and keeps me awake but he's snoring next to me. OH is a fireman so used to getting up for nightime shouts.

If you can feed your baby in your bed as it will make your life much easier and trust me your job will be harder and more stressful in the first few weeks. And I agree it's lovely being able to snuggle back with OH after night feed.

First off, congrats!

DD (now 8mo) slept in her cot, next to our bed for the first 6-8 weeks. She made so much noise (snuffling, snorting, sqawking...honestly!) that by the time I got her back to bed after a feed, listened to her grunting for 15 mins and then DP would start snoring, it meant I was only getting an hour of sleep before she'd be up again for the next feed.

We moved her out to her own room (next to ours) and left the doors open for reassurance. We all slept much better.

Re feeding - DD would take 45 mins for each feed in the early weeks and I found I was falling asleep bent over her if I fed her in bed so I used to bring her down and sit on the sofa (lights off but some trashy nighttime tv on). When she got to about 5mo and her feeding time decreases to a nice swift and efficient 10 mins, I just sat on a stool in her room.

And DP rarely wakes up when DD does. He used to get up and say 'another good night?' and I'd say 'are you frigging kidding me?? She was up 4 times!!!' Men!!!

Thanks all!

Right, I think I will stay in our bed (which will be v comfy for sitting up feeding in) with LO next to me.

Are the side car cots much better than moses basket? I can get a moses basket for free so am a bit reluctant to spend ££s on a special sidecar cot ... Or can we just use a normal cot where the side drops down?

DH will stay in with me if he can sleep (poss with earplugs). If he can't sleep then we have spare room bed next door for him to retreat to. All his work clobber will go in there anyway so he doesn't wake me/LO when getting dressed.

I will also see if I can get hold of a single bed/daybed for LO's room, that can be used as a place to cuddle/feed/sleep on disturbed nights once LO is in own room. Think I may be able to borrow one from my parents hopefully.

Thanks again!

Button just read your post properly - yes if I can't sleep through the snuffling then LO will be in his/her own room rather more quickly!

I can't function without sleep so we co-slept and I fed DS lying down in bed. Made possible by a super king size bed! I sold DSs cotbed finally last month, still brand new.

IMO, spend as little as you can on furniture until your baby actually arrives. Although it's very tempting to get a nursery kitted out beforehand, whatever you buy will - sod's law - be the wrong thing. If you can borrow a Moses basket then really you have all you need to start with.

my dh is light sleeper too but i hink with dc3 we've finally cracked it!

dc1: ds, he slept in moses basket then travel cot by bed. i fed him in bed and dh generally woke up and went in other room >>> grumpy tired dh.

dc2:dd, i used to take her downstairs to avoid waking dh and ds untill 1 night i was so exhausted we fell down the stairs. luckily both ok but sore bum. dh moved un with ds>>> grumpy ds and dh

dc3:dd, we co sleep, dd2 sleeps through and has from day 1. she occassionaly wakes without crying and we both nod off as she feeds >>> happy family :)

Scroobious mmm ok, I guess I'm keen to get more done before as I'm assuming I will be too tired/busy to buy anything once the baby gets here! But you're right I'll have a better idea of what would be useful.

How long do moses baskets last?? And do I need to buy a new mattress for the borrowed one (do they even have mattresses?)

As you can tell I have absolutely no clue...

mumnos I want one like your DD2 please