13 month old and so worried about her development - please help

[MeggysMam]

I have a DD who is almost 14 months old and I just can't stop worrying about her development that it consumes ny every waking thought. I have this intense fear that something is wrong with her that she may be autistic and I don't know how to cope. Everyone says she is perfect a little shy but my mum says u was. She can clap her hands, mime twinkle twinkle and rsponds when you ask her for a kiss but I can't shake off this worry. I compare her ALL the time to other kids and they all seem to speak loads. She only says mum dad and baba. She is a real day dreamer which also adds to my worries. She loves our dog and will throw a ball to him for ages but she won't smile ar strangers and only acknowledges other kids. I am at my wits end & driving my family mad. I was diagnosed with pnd last Nov & my GP thinks this is just me and there is nothing wrong with her. I just want everything to be ok but I can't get passed this. How much should she be interacting at this age? Sorry its a long post xx

My dd of 22 months old is still shy with strangers, although warms up to them soon enough. That's the way she is. At 14 months she only said mama and daddy too . Now she knows nearly 50 words. It is really btw 18-24 months that they really start coming on with the language. I don't think there is anything to worry with your dd at all .

I don't think first kids interact with other kids much at all at that age. In fact I think they don't really start playing together until about 2 1/2 or closer to 3. From about 2 years on they can play side by side, but not actually together.

I think she sounds completely normal. First borns don't have older kids to follow around and pick up things from. If you want to encourage speech, then you need to speak to her all the time and very, very slowly and repeat everything.

Point out everything you see when walking. If asking her something remember it can take small children a long time to process what you have said, so give her lots of time to take in the information and then resepond.

Talk to her when shopping and point out differences (apples are green oranges are orange, which will we get). You'll be doing this for about 6 months before you get a response.

I think you might be expecting a little too much for her age.

Lots of children don't talk until they are 2 ish. She will also pick up on your anxieties, which might make her cautious around people or experiences.

It really sounds as though she's doing very well. Miming twinkle twinkle is very good.
Some children talk a lot at that age, some children are older before they really take off with that. Mine were early talkers, but those that were very slow and needing intervention to get starting talking at 2yo were talking just as well/as much at 4yo as mine were.

Are these other children saying words you recognise or is it the parent saying "they said "I love your blue dress, is it new?" Because I met one of those type of parents and she interpretted every normal babble at 6 months as a full sentence. It did get quite funny.

I don't usually say this but she does sound gorgeous and absolutely fine. Your HV should be able to come and have a talk with you as you're worried though.

My dd didn't play Keith other children at that age either. Started around 18 months when she started role playing and playing with other kids. And this is on the early side I'd say as she has an older sibling so she copies.

With not Keith damn phone!

Sounds a bit like my DS. Hes really not a smiley baby (compared to others in my NCT group) and is just 13.5 months and although he babbles a lot Im certain non of it is actual words. He doesn't respond when I ask for a kiss and will only smile at people once hes got used to them. He always looks likes hes weighing them up first. I'm no expert as hes my first but all babies develop at different paces and have different personalties. Im quite a reserved, thoughtful person who is shy so when I do have my worries I remind myself that hes unlikely to have an out going personality if hes like me!
Speak to your HV and im sure they will reassure you that there is nothing to worry about.

Her last check with the hv was at 8months and everything was fine then. She was the one who kicked off my worries when she was 8wks old and said she was vacant with no warmth to her gaze. I'm too nervous to go back to her. My DD is a smiler now but only when she wants and at who she wants

I think this sounds like me in the grip of a massive anxiety attack. Over the years I have been checked over for numerous heath scares and had many weeks of crippling worry over one thing or another.

Your daughter really really sounds fine. I am more concerned for you OP, it is HORRIBLE to be this worried about something, and when in the grip of such anxiety it is impossible to be reassured

Have you had any treatment for your PND?

again, your DD sounds fine. I would avoid the HV, what a stupid thing to say over an eight week old baby.

She sounds absolutely fine to me. DS could barely say 3 words at 18 months and now at 22 months he is spouting words all over the place! I don't think he interacted much with anyone else at that age. Great that she likes dogs, clap hands, can throw a ball, mime, that's really good!

Please try and resist the urge to compare to other kids... Really not helping you at all. And if your GP thinks she is ok, it does sound like this is just coming from you.

If you can, just try to enjoy each stage as it comes. Keep on encouraging looking at books, singing songs, talking to her constantly. For us I can see now all that has paid off after much perseverance and patience. I remember getting quite frustrated sometimes by seemingly slow development but then at other times developements happen really fast, and probably will at some point in the next year for her too! If speech is still an issue around 2 years I'd be more concerned.

My 14 month old only says a couple of words. She also prefers other children to other adults. She can clap her hands like your DD but i don't think she can do twinkle twinkle. She is very very similar developmentally to all her peers we see and sounds very very similar to your DD. I am not worried about at all and from how you describe your daughter here, I don't think you need to worry either.

I agree though, maybe speak to your HV for some more support for yourself.

P.S. My mom always used to say I was an extrememly grumpy baby who hardly every smiled - haha! So I wouldn't worry about the selective smiling thing either - good that at least she smiles at some people :)

are you OK OP?

Hope you are feeling a little more reassured.

If she smiles for some people I think that's a very good sign.

My dd1 smiled at everyone, and loved being with other people at 1-2 years. By the time she was school age she was a serious little girl, smiles selectively and not tremendously social. Enjoys life generally, but likes things to be "normal"

Dd2 glared at anyone who dared to speak to her, wouldn't go to anyone except family, and certainly wasn't interested in playing with other children at 1-2 years. At school she loves being with other children, very social with a tendency to bossiness and described by everyone who knows her as "very smiley". Thrives on drama-everything's the best or worst.

They have completely changed personality from the age your dd is.

My 14 month

I think that this is your PND. Not sure how much you have had support with it, but I do know that anxiety and obsessional thoughts are often not really recognised and people assume PND just means feeling down/hopeless/sad.

I work in child development and she sounds from your description like she is very normal. However, I also have perinatal OCD which means I am anxious and obsessional about my children's health and wellbeing and so I know that none of these reassurances will do anything for you, or at best will give mild temporary relief before the thoughts come back to haunt you again and you wonder why you can't shake them off, asking yourself what if this time it's true?

I recommend these books to help you understand these thoughts and get some symptom relief:

Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts

and

The Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety Workbook

Both are available on Kindle if you have one.

My 14 month old DS doesn't say anything (at least, he doesn't have any real words). But he babbles points, claps, waves and imitates and I'm not at all worried. His big brother was similar and although late to start speaking, spoke fluently quickly once he did and by 2 seemed quite advanced.

My dd, at 6.5mo is very serious.

When she smiles, it lights up her whole face but they are very very rare.

Does your dd giggle at things, or get excited over stuff?

Does she chatter even if they arent real words?

Some babies and toddlers are introverted and quiet. I really think part of my dds thing is that shes laid back. She just sits and lets the world happen around her.

Both my sons were slow to talk, they really didn't say too much until they were getting on for three, when it all happened very quickly indeed. DS2 also refused to learn to read and got his reception and year 1 teachers in a real tizz about it. DS1 has just left Oxford Uni and is waiting for his degree results, DS2 got A* across the board at GCSE - and is doing English A level. it didn't mean anything at all for my two

Poor you. I know that feeling and it is hideous. My DD did not speak a word until 2. I was constantly on the websites trawling through looking for stories I could compare her against. She is now 5 and fully fine. I didn't have the same worry with my son because although he was also slow to speak I had been through it before so didn't worry as much.

It sounds like your DD is doing absolutely fine - at this age they don't really interract much with each other if at all but are more likely to play alongside and ignore unless hit in the face with another child's toy. But probably that's not the point - the point is how to help you see that she's doing ok and drop down the anxiety scale a bit. Can you ask your GP for a referral to a paed so he/she can reassure you a bit more or to someone who can help with the anxiety?

I'm sorry for not being back earlier but yesterday was a particularly difficult day. Thanks so much for all your supportive messages its so nice to get such warmth from strangers.

Humphreycobbler - I am receiving treatment but sometimes doubt its effectiveness.

Thunkshedoneatable - Your message really rang true. I feel better today but I know the anxiety will be back tomorrow. Thanks 4 the names of those 2 books, have downloaded them today.

DD is having a particularly quiet day today and hasn't babbled at all, but is full if cold & teething, so do you think this could be why she is quiet today?

I always think that babies are like us, grown ups, we have bad days and good days, some days we fancy chatting with our friends and other days we just want to stay in and read a book quietly.

I have two children, one who was very noisy and alert as a baby and toddler and one who wasn't. I did worry about the second one, who was and still is quiet, but it is just that they have their own personalities. 13 months is very young, and it's absolutely normal that she doesn't say any words yet. One thing you could do with her is just to sit her on your lap, face to face, quite close to you, and make lots of facial expressions and simple sounds - she might - or might not - try to immitate you. Either way, it's very good for her to see you making sounds and different facial expressions. if you do that every day for a couple of minutes a day, it will help her see that this is one way of communicating.

Enjoy the peace while it lasts, once she does starts talking you'll wish she had an off button! My DS is 13 months, he babbles a lot but doesn't even say mummy but can sort of say dadda. My DD started early but most of it was gobbledygook unt