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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

13 month old and so worried about her development - please help

36 replies

MeggysMam · 02/07/2012 11:40

I have a DD who is almost 14 months old and I just can't stop worrying about her development that it consumes ny every waking thought. I have this intense fear that something is wrong with her that she may be autistic and I don't know how to cope. Everyone says she is perfect a little shy but my mum says u was. She can clap her hands, mime twinkle twinkle and rsponds when you ask her for a kiss but I can't shake off this worry. I compare her ALL the time to other kids and they all seem to speak loads. She only says mum dad and baba. She is a real day dreamer which also adds to my worries. She loves our dog and will throw a ball to him for ages but she won't smile ar strangers and only acknowledges other kids. I am at my wits end & driving my family mad. I was diagnosed with pnd last Nov & my GP thinks this is just me and there is nothing wrong with her. I just want everything to be ok but I can't get passed this. How much should she be interacting at this age? Sorry its a long post xx

OP posts:

butterfingerz · 03/07/2012 17:48

sorry... until 18-24 months. Please don't worry, your DD sounds delightful!

Original poster

MeggysMam · 03/07/2012 18:21

I'm sorry to keep going on but I am suffering from palpitations with anxiety at the panic at having read that she should be pointing by now! She doesn't. I really am so worried but am driving my husband mad with my constant worries. She doesn't point but will follow my point. Is this right? Sorry for rambling but my mind is in a panic

OP posts:

Andie20521 · 03/07/2012 18:51

Just to reassure you my DD is now 19 months, and can say a few things, but at 13 months, the only thing she said really clearly was the dogs names! Oh and "No!"

She doesn't play with others yet, more along side of them, even though she goes to nursery 3 days a week, but again pretty normal until they are a little older.

The little boy next door is 20 months and all he can say is RaaRaa and Bob! (Both parents are Teachers, and chatty-types, so not really just sticking him infront of the TV all day in fact are that thats what it looks like as thats all he says!
)

Andie20521 · 03/07/2012 18:56

Posted too soon!

Oh and its normal for them to be out of sorts when teething, and pointing is still relatively new in our house too.

Most importantly you need to look after yourself first, a bit like putting on your Oxygen Mask on an plane before you help others.

What help are you getting?

bigkidsdidit · 03/07/2012 18:59

I don't know about pointing, but my 18mo really doesn't say anything. He has about 8 words I recognise but not a single one other people would.

You sound like you are struggling and I'm sorry. I am an anxious person and know how awful it is. Could you get to another HV, a different one? Your one sounds like a cow!

I have to consciously 'put' anxious thoughts out of my brain. I used to obsess over DS dying and I would say (in my head, or sometimes put loud ) 'go away. Let me enjoy DS'. It worked occasionally for me and after a while I got out of the habit of those thoughts. Might be worth a try.

HumphreyCobbler · 03/07/2012 19:00

MeggysMam. I am so sorry you are so worried. Again, my ds did not really point at all. Following your point seems fine to me.

But I really really think you need to seek extra help for your anxiety. I recognise the state you are in now, and you need some help in the short term to manage this. The chemicals in your brain are betraying you . It could be a reaction to medication even. You need to talk to your doctor.

I began to recognise that I needed to seek help in order to save my DH from the worst of my anxiety excesses. They are incredibly draining to suffer from, and to live with, and are impairing your enjoyment of your beautiful and healthy DD.

Original poster

MeggysMam · 03/07/2012 19:07

I've been taking anti-depressants on and off since Nov but that's about it. I keep smiling in front of everyone but its becoming a struggle to act normal. No one at work knows no one really except my parents and husband, but we're a family of people who "just get on with it". I keep being told that I'm going to regret "not enjoying" her which makes me so upset because u do enjoy her but I worry constantly about her. The guilt that I may be ruining her childhood by worrying obsessively is crushing me. Her development has become my sole thought and I can't describe it but I am so desperate for her to be "normal" but I am convinced that I don't deserve a child so perfect as everyone tells me she is. It's hopeless

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 03/07/2012 19:12

On and off anti depressants might be the problem.

This IS fixable. You need to go to the doctor (sorry to be so bossy ) and discuss the situation and really tell them how bad it is. You might need a different AD, you almost certainly need to take it regularly.

Being told to enjoy your daughter is well meaning of people, but it is not helpful. You would not be in this state if you could avoid it, and this fact should tell you that you DESERVE some help in order to escape this vicious cycle.

You must remember that this is not your fault, and you are allowed to feel well and enjoy your daughter. Please get some help.

QueenKong · 03/07/2012 19:13

Oh OP, I know what you're going through. I have a 13mo too and also constantly worry about his development and particularly ASD, even though he isn't showing any signs of it (no talking yet though so your DD is ahead of him there!)

I was also driving DH mad with my worries. In the end he completely snapped, sat me down and said "yes he may grow up to have ASD. He might also get any number of horrific illnesses or develop something we haven't even heard of yet. BUT, nothing will change. We will continue to love him and be the best parents we can be. If he does have ASD, we will do as much research as we can into it. We will get in touch with every charity we can, get every grant we can, take him to the best school for him and try every way we can to give him the best possible life we can. So stop worrying about it because we will deal with whatever does or doesn't happen." I don't know if thinking like that will help you but it kind of put things into perspective for me and made me feel a little less alone and frightened.

I really feel for you and hope you're ok.

HumphreyCobbler · 03/07/2012 22:23

Hope you are feeling a little better OP

drjohnsonscat · 03/07/2012 22:32

OP, you really must demand your help. Your anxiety is not only about your dd but you are now also anxious about your anxiety (where you say you are worried that your anxiety is ruining her life and this worry is in itself causing you new worry). This is absolutely classic catastrophising and your anxiety is doing all your thinking for you. I hope you can go back to your dr and get more help.

This is not at all hopeless. But you do need some help with your thinking which is spiralling. You will feel so much better when you have had help to stop spiralling. I hope you can act on this and get some more advice and help. You probably can't fix this by yourself so please do go and tell your dr how your thoughts are dominating your life.

Best wishes to you.

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