Toddler is driving me demented

[ohcluttergotme]

Hi I'm 34 and mother to dd 13 and my ds is 2 yrs 8 mths.
My ds is full of beans & I am at a loss with what to do with him. I feel sure he may have ADHD but know he is very young and I'm hoping once he gets to 3 then he will grow out of his difficult behaviour. He is naughty all the time and everything with him is a battle. By the time you have him dressed in the morning you feel as though you've done 10 rounds. My back is so sore and I think it's the tension of everything being a battle.
Our mortgage and childcare costs both cripple us and once we've done the weekly shop and put petrol in the car there's no money left for outings or treats. I feel like cause my little boys behaviour is so challenging It puts me off taking him somewhere as he always pushes everything and constantly wants things I can't afford to buy so it all becomes so stressful. I use a naughty step which has minimal effect and he will ask to sit there. I've smacked his bottom which he seems to think is funny. I've spoke to him at his level but he hits me. I try to keep going and give him praise for good behaviour and consequences for negative but he is still so challenging. His only saving grace is that he goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps til 6am and has an hours nap every day. He is good for his childminder or other people but is so naughty for me & his dad.
Has anyone else experienced similar with their toddler boys? My dd was such a good little girl and some people say to me that my ds is just a normal boisterous boy.
I feel sorry for my dd too as my ds can be so mean to her as he's really jealous of her. It just feels like hard going a lot of the time and think myself and dh must be slightly mad as we're trying for another!

Can you explain the naughtiness further? What kind of naughtiness? At 2.8 his understanding of naughty isn't THAT developed yet....sure they know some things are not allowed...but other stuff is just toddler behaviour.

Is he bored? Looking for more stimulation? DO you play with him and paint with him etc?

Outings don't need to cost...we have NO budget at all and so we ride bikes with youngest DD in a carrier on her Dads bike...walks in the woods, trips to the park...swimming now and then when we have a bit extra...

I have a 9 year old daughter and 2 1/2 year old son and can completely understand where you are coming from! The difference between the two have been amazing.

I have also taught many children over the years and exhausting as it is I do think it is a developmental stage and in my experience many boys at this age do seem to be much more lively.

My DS seems to be on the go all the time and needs a huge amount of physical activity and fresh air.

Hi houseonthecorner thanks for your advice, I think you may be right that he just needs some 1:1 attention, I find it hard to sit and play with ds as he starts to throw & chuck things. I think though I am going to try & make more time to sit and play and hopefully if I do this more and more then his behaviour will improve. Your advice puffinnuffin is good as he does have so much energy so think I need to let him run about in big open areas. I just feel that as we've no money I lack motivation but then he plays up at home so that makes me feel down. Think I need to give myself a kick up the butt, get out, play with my son & try to enjoy these years ha easy to say now he's in bed! good luck puffinnuffin & if you come across anything that is inexpensive and you can do with both your children please let me know xx

Meant to say what his naughty things are houseonthecorner

• Will throw toys at our cats
• will have major tantrums when not getting crisps, biscuits, ice-lollies, sweets
• will constantly run away when your trying to get him dressed in the morning, very stressful when you have to be at work & start work with morning meeting so can't be late
• tips all his toys out
• wants to play with anything & everything that he shouldn't
• just always seems to be getting into mischief, making a mess But on the plus side he is absolutely gorgeous & is at times incredibly loving & when out is normally good as he's stimulated & getting lots of attention!

I have one of those of the same age. It's extremely wearing. He's my eldest though and is constantly attacking his little brother, biting, hitting, pushing etc. He can be lovely when he's got lots of attention, but the minute I pay attention to his brother or start to do the housework or whatever he just goes out of his way to be hideous. The naughty step doesn't work. Smacking his bottom doesn't work. Taking away his toys doesn't work. I'm at a loss, too. So no helpful advice I'm afraid, but you are not alone.

Oh Katy, poor you, life sounds hard in your home as well and your poor baby getting attacked by jealous older sibling. I said to my husband that if we had already had another I wouldn't feel safe leaving baby around my ds as he is quite aggressive. We're trying for another just now & my ds will be over 3 & at nursery so I'm hoping will have grown out of this difficult phase. It is nice knowing I'm not alone as I feel I am being a rubbish mother in that I have this difficult little boy. He's very cute & my mil & all my husbands family think he's hilarious which just makes him worse! I hope things improve for you soon, do you take your ds out with just you & does this help to give him 1:1 time? x

clutter do you have a room in your house that is completely DS proof? If you create a space in your house where there just wasn't anything you had to say no to it might cut down your arguments with him.

We've removed everything from our living room that isn't child friendly. At one point we had tupperware boxes firmly taped over every switch we didn't want touched and socket. Our livingroom now loks like a nursery but it's worth it for not having to constantly try to tell DS no.

My DS hates to be dressed/ changed too. TBH I am just VERY firm with him. I catch him and lean on him with one arm (ensuring I am not restricting his breathing) and dress/ change him with the other hand. I'm not sure there is any other way during the 'unreasonable' phase.

We also have a great puddlesuit and solid pair of wellies for DS and we take him out every day and WEAR HIM OUT! The other day we walked him at least 2 miles through the woods, the last 1/4mile of which was steeply uphill. He could barely speak when we got home, never mind get into mischief. I take him out into the great outdoors where there is no traffic anywhere near and let him exhaust himself whatever the weather. Makes a big difference.

Clutter - do you think you feel better knowing that your DD was fine, and therefore it's a personality thing that makes your DS so difficult? I find it quite hard because as he's my first I'm concerned that I'm a crap mother and that's why he's so horrid lots of the time. DS2 is a year old and I'm terrified that if I am doing it all wrong then he's going to go to the same way when he hits toddlerhood. DS2 seems to be a lot more chilled than DS1 was at that age, but then I remember DS1 being lovely til he hit 18 months, so it could all go wrong again. I mean, I don't think it's all my fault really because I've read lots etc. but then on the other hand it's so hard to see the wood from the trees when it's happening to you.

His behaviour is SO normal OP so don't blame yourself for not having cash to go out much...i know what that's like! It IS hard to motivate yourself for yet another "free day out" at the park or whatever...BUT if you approach them with some organisation they are fun.

I find that if I can round up a mate and her DC for the prk, then it's much more attractive...we go to the one in town as it's far bigger with more going on...and we take a picnic, a blanket and a ball. I make coffee in a flask as then I'm happy too!

We also do the woods as it's great for them to see all the trees and find sticks to whack things with my 4 yer old loves to whack stuff!

EBD thanks for advice, our living room is basicly ds's playroom as we have removed all photo's, books etc from his reach & replaced with toys, this room does look like a bomb site at the end of the day and I'm thinking of taking some toys out & rotating them so they interest him more, good idea about big, big walks so he has used up most of his energy, definitely going to start doing this good for me too
Katy I do think that dd & ds are definitely wired differently & dd's temperament made it much easier to parent her in the younger years but also feel I was a happier mummy then as had more money so was constantly able to take my daughter out for new experiences i.e. the zoo, events, even meeting up at park with friends & taking childen to cafe. With my ds we have no spare money and it really gets me down & I feel I'm not as a good a parent to him which makes his boisterous behaviour harder to manage. I'm sure you're being a fab parent & I know what you mean from not seeing the wood from the trees. I trained as a hv last year biggest mistake of my life so far and met some mums who really couldn't care how they parented their children or how they behaved. Good luck with your 2 boys & sure one ds2 is a bit bigger and can interact life will get easier. My auntie has 2 boys aged 8 & 6 & her ds1 used to torment ds2 but now ds2 is bigger & he stands up for himself they seem to have worked things out & play & look out for each other.
Woodsfromtrees your comment about ds whacking trees made me laugh & realise my ds is hopefully normal! I've just dropped my hours at work to part-time so off today so I'm going to take ds on a big walk through the woods & look for sticks so he can whack trees hoping he will stop at whacking trees though Also going to arrange to meet a friend with her dd for picnic in park at the weekend, thanks for suggestion
Feeling a little nervous about the tree whacking! Sure it'll make him happy though not a delinquent lol

Oops meant "houseonthecorner" not "Woodsfromtrees"

I have one exactly like yours, OP. I got worried about behavioural disorders too, but when I confided to a very wise and experienced playworker who knows him well, she reassured me that it is completely normal for a nearly-3-yr-old boy.

I've found that it's helped not to rise to it and try and hide how much his behaviour stresses me out. Also, to try and turn boring tasks like dressing / toothbrushing into something more fun for him. I know how trite that sounds, btw, the last thing you want to do when in a rush in the morning is to turn anything into a game. However, I found that at nearly three, DS was able to start dressing himself a bit more. Once he found he could put his own pull-ups and socks on, suddenly getting dressed was more fun for him and less awful for me. He gets praise and cuddles and encouragement and we get to leave the house more quickly. Everyone's a winner.

Lol well I don't encurage tree whacking! But grass and floor whacking is fine imo! Mine both got a lovely strong stick last week in the woods and they looked like little Hobbits going along the path!

Then we brought them home and they both painted them! They loved that...I just give them paints on the patio and let them make a mess. A hose down and a kettle of boiling water (on the patio not on them!) and the garden was tidy again!

OP we find that we often have a BETTER time out in nature than we do at Zoos and theme parks etc....the day has less expectation and we're not stressed about money! Nor do we feel that we MUST spend a tenner in the gift shop afterwards! They're more than happy with stones or shells to bring home after a day in the woods or on the beach.

I must say, taking picnics everywhere has really made things better...it makes a day out of what could just be seen as a nothing kind of thing.

Oh meant to say that now you're part time things will hopefully be much easier for you!

Also....I have just made mine a teepee in the garden....I used tall bamboo canes and it's bloody great! You make an even tripod with three canes....try to get ones that are about 7 feet tall....lash them together and when the tripod is stable, add either 4 or 8 more canes in the spaces between the original 3 sticks.....lash those together.

Then use an old large sheet and clothes pegs to pin it onto the frame. If you are crafty, you can cut the sheet into a semi circle so it fits....then the DC can paint it with whatever they like. Ours looks cool and it cost nowt! All the kids who visit love it as it looks kind of like a real American Indian teepee and they sit in there for hours.

houseonthe corner your ideas are bloomin fantastic, can we come stay at yours! Think somewhere along the way I've lost touch with my creative side must find it soon My dd was such a calm, contented little girl that think the ten year gap and lively, little boy as well as full-time work since he was 8 months has knocked me for six lol I'm going to go for big walk and look for my creativity and bamboo canes! Loving the ''they sit there for hours'' bit, teepee sounds a winner!

Yes...I chuck food in on a semi regular basis and they rarely emerge ....I had to drag them out of there last night as they went in after their bath and tried to sleep in it! I explained that it wasn't waterproof and that they're too small to sleep alone in the garden but they really hated to leave it!

Balloons help! DS will happily chase a balloon around for hours and they are cheap and can be played with indoors!
Also when DS is refusing to do something, I give him 2 choices- one is the thing I want him to do, the other is the thing he really doesn't want to do!

We have regular car seat battles though. It is a nightmare getting him to stay in any car seat and he seems to be able to escape from them no matter what. I even have a 'houdini strap' and he can get out of that too.

Op - I have a ds 2.8 too exactly as you describe. We've had an exhausting ride so far ... Hitting, stubbornness, negativity, massive problems sharing etc. He's not a conventional tantrum merchant BUT he has frequent extreme emotional outbursts which, although don't usually last long, are very noisy and attention drawing. Whatever fun things we do, he always wants MORE. He always wants my attention and badgers me incessantly to help him play- which I do a lot but he gives up on a task like a puzzle or building something very easily if I don't sit there and model what he should or could be doing. My 8 month dd is also quite demanding at the moment too so I find it hard to sit down with him without being interrupted.

Ps: he can be incredibly sweet and funny too, it just gets lost off in the fog of exhaustion and relentless requests. He has these very odd little turns of phrase which makes him sound like an old man sometimes! People who don't see him all the time think he's hilarious - which he is- and I must remember that.

I have a 2.5yo DS who sounds exactly like yours clutter - stubborn, hitting, biting, totally wilful and wants to do everything himself... it is exhausting! I had been starting to worry about him, but reading this thread has made me realise it's normal, and given me some good ideas too, so thanks. I also have a 5yo DS who I'm sure wasn't this challenging (or maybe I have forgotten), but they are quite different characters in many ways so what worked first time around doesn't necessarily help with DS2.

Loving all the ideas and love how simple they are, think I have been trying to over-complicate my life and beating myself up thinking my son is deprived cause we dont have pots of money would love pots of money though! First day today of part-time work so been off and took ds for big outing, we were out the house for nearly 4 hours and took a picnic lunch with us. Both of us had a lovely morning and ds actually seemed a delight!! wondered a few times if I had someone elses son Then we got back...to a tidy house and he is now having his nap and me having coffee and on lap top so house feels happy and we spent no money!
MrTumblesCrackWhore and cakeaddict your ds's sounds so similar and I'm now starting to think mb it is just something about toddler boys and they crave mummy's attention and don't want to share it with anyone....t's funny though as most boys when older don't communicate all the time with their mothers and its more girls who speak to their mums all the time!
Do your little boys do strange infuriating things where things always have to be the same? i.e. at night myself and dh read ds his story and I have to sit on floor to read ds has to sit on bed, ds has to give dh kiss first then me then he has to jump from my knees onto his bed and it just has to be this way every night or he gets really upset. He does loads of things like this and gets upset if things are not done the same way. Also if he is thirsty dd will offer to get him a drink but he will go mad and say 'mummy do it' he can be so particular....not sure if this is normal or not? Don't remember dd being this particular infuriating way

Yes, I think that's totally normal if not completely bonkers- a mate calls it toddler OCD. Only today my ds HAD to climb out of the car a certain way- he actually got back in and got put again to donor 'properly' [hmmn]

Damn iPhone fat fingers! 'got' not 'put' and 'to get' not 'donor'

Oh dear... That's not right either ... You get my gist ...