Toddler is driving me demented

[ohcluttergotme]

Hi I'm 34 and mother to dd 13 and my ds is 2 yrs 8 mths.
My ds is full of beans & I am at a loss with what to do with him. I feel sure he may have ADHD but know he is very young and I'm hoping once he gets to 3 then he will grow out of his difficult behaviour. He is naughty all the time and everything with him is a battle. By the time you have him dressed in the morning you feel as though you've done 10 rounds. My back is so sore and I think it's the tension of everything being a battle.
Our mortgage and childcare costs both cripple us and once we've done the weekly shop and put petrol in the car there's no money left for outings or treats. I feel like cause my little boys behaviour is so challenging It puts me off taking him somewhere as he always pushes everything and constantly wants things I can't afford to buy so it all becomes so stressful. I use a naughty step which has minimal effect and he will ask to sit there. I've smacked his bottom which he seems to think is funny. I've spoke to him at his level but he hits me. I try to keep going and give him praise for good behaviour and consequences for negative but he is still so challenging. His only saving grace is that he goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps til 6am and has an hours nap every day. He is good for his childminder or other people but is so naughty for me & his dad.
Has anyone else experienced similar with their toddler boys? My dd was such a good little girl and some people say to me that my ds is just a normal boisterous boy.
I feel sorry for my dd too as my ds can be so mean to her as he's really jealous of her. It just feels like hard going a lot of the time and think myself and dh must be slightly mad as we're trying for another!

He he got your gist..I-phones...a mind of their own! I constantly keep thinking ds has ADHD or OCD or some other as undiagnosed condition as he is so bonkers! Just yesterday morning he did something similar, was dropping him off at childminders & was running late as always and he was taking so long to climb out of the car so I just picked him up then he went mental, climbed back in and had to start again...arrrggghhh!

mine sounds just like yours OP. Utterley gorgeous but REALLY hard work. Can't take my eyes off him! Surestart centres are a godsend round here - have you got any near you? Completely free including snacks and the staff are brilliant - they are trained to deal with challenging toddlers!

Toddler OCD really rings a bell here too! Before getting in the car after Nursery DS has to do really specific times every day in the exact same order- very odd!

It must be them trying to take ownership over their little lives. Independence is a massive developmental thing at this age isn't it? It's a pain in the arse for us but, putting ourselves in their shoes (if they let us, and only if they put the velcro straps on), it must be quite hard and overwhelming for them - they can see so much of what they want to do but they can't quite do it yet. (I'm in a particularly sympathetic mood at the moment as ds is currently at nursery, roll on a couple of hours when he's back and I may not feel so benign) :o

So glad I found this thread - it has finally lured me out of long term lurker-hood!

I have a DS who is 2.8 and a DD who is 5mths, and am currently on maternity leave.
I'm finding my DS's behaviour very challenging most of the time! The worst tantrums are saved for getting washed and dressed morning and evening - a holy war has to occur for this small task to be completed! Screaming and shouting soon descends into sobbing, its horrible to start the day with shouting from both us before breakfast, it seems to set a bad tone for the rest of the day.
I'm so glad sorry you are all experiencing similar probs with your toddler boys, my DD is at that very happy, smiley, cuddly stage and I feel guilty that I seem to spend a lot of my day shouting or scolding DS. DS was a more unsettled baby too, and although he got a lot better after the 6mth mark and was fantastic until the terrible twos, I feel like I'm showing favouritism to my DD cos she's so easy by comparison - though I keep telling myself, some day soon she'll be at the screaming stage!

my ds turned 3 on monday. i spent a large part of tuesday crying with HV at childrens centre just cause i feel like such a failure and i have come to dread his tempers, the fights, just how difficult the everyday stuff becomes when you have an uncooperative kid by your side.

i don't have any advice. sorry! but am going to post now and come back properly later.

sending you my best wishes. it's got to get better. right!

Hiya everyone!

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in and say you are most certainly dealing, and dealing very well, with a very normal toddler! Its not just the boys, though -My wee girl is 2 years and 6 months, and she also has her mad moments.... it's like having a mini teenager sometimes. I have a real problem knowing how to effectively discipline her - my, that sounds very scary - the naughty step worked for a while but it's effectiveness has worn off now, and she doesn't understand her toys being taken away. I don't want to smack her, (I'm not saying I haven't come close on occasion, especially when we're in public and she's ignoring everything I say to her, or running away in car parks to HUG FEKKING CARS, or, and this drives me absolutely crazy, going floppy and refusing to stand up or put any weight on her legs because she doesn't want to go somewhere), and I don't want to make her really scared of me, so I am out of ideas that will resonate with her! Anyone have any more?

OP - I find we have bad days and good days, and, although she is only 2, she can push my buttons on my bad days better than anyone I know. So, I find that the more naughty she is, the more angry I get, and eventually we are winding each other up to the point that both of us are screaming and unable to be pleased by anything at the end of the day. The only thing I can do to counteract this is to take a very deep breath, and count to 10, and try to start over, and think, how would I react to this on a good day? Also - get out of the room for a minute and 'turn off and back on again', if that is safe! I also totally agree with the getting outdoors thing - I find that does the both of us wonders. Its just the getting off the sofa, and doing it I find hard - once I am out there I never regret it.

In terms of cheap things to do, where we live we have countryside rangers who are employed by the council to look after the country parks. They run a Little Acorns Nature Club for pre school kids and its absolutely brilliant - and free! I don't know we are just lucky and not all Councils have that sort of thing, but you could have a look on their website and check.

I loooove the teepee idea! So doing that tomorrow!!!!!

Just reread this and realised that I sound like a demented harpie when it comes to my wee girl. I'm not - I promise! 70% of the time we get along fine....25% of the time I can see the funny side..... 5% of the time I'm wondering if Granny can take her for a few weeks/years

Hi guys, some really good advice & great to know I'm not alone with my demanding boy! Lynniep had a look to see if there are sure start centres near me but can't seem to see any, tbh though he's no trouble for anyone else & until last week had been going to childminders 4 days a week & granny's one day. I've just cut back my hours so I can be at home more & spend more time with him. Think it is making a bit of a difference just spending more time & I don't feel so exhausted now I'm only working 3 days instead of 5.
Good luck with all your ds's & dd's x

This stuff totally resonates and another vote for 'it's not just boys'. Little girls can behave this way too and I worry about labelling their personalities from a very normal phase, especially as it would be easy for a little boy to get stuck with this personality label..
The reassurance of rituals, gathering indepedence and sense of self are all huge, as is a complete lack of impulse control. Perfect storm for crazy behaviour!
I also second the getting out of the house wherever you can and making an activity of simple things, like a 15 min walk.
I also think I get into a difficult mindset of 'she's doing my head in, grr!'. Partly caused by sleep deprivation with a poor sleeper in the house (our 7 month old).
My crazy toddler turned 3 a couple of months ago and has chilled out a lot on some of this stuff, but some of it's been replaced by other challenges! If you're able to do it (and who can manage it all the time) I found it helpful to not respond/ignore the undesirable stuff and just praise the good stuff really over enthusiastically. It was a 'ah-ha' moment for me when I realised that my daughter wants attention. She doesn't really care if it's good or bad attention from us, she just wants our focus.
Getting dressed was our personal battle ground. It could take an hour. In end I used the no attention thing and also made it a game. (putting her knickers on my head and asking her 'do these go here? No? Where do they go?' trying to put her jumper on saying, 'wow, my new jumper is a bit tight on my hand.' Eventually she'd laugh and/or say 'no, MY jumper' and want to put it on.
Good luck - this too shall pass!

As its Friday & cause dh worked overtime last weekend we thought get a takeaway for tea & since dd & I having coke with outs thought I'd let ds have a wee tiny glass as a treat! Oh dear now have crazy baby who's had no tea! Must buy a toddler taming book & follow advice!

Ha ha! I have twin boys 2 yrs 9 months and they do all the things on your list! But they are gorgeous too, most of the time.
Tipping out toys (especially messy ones like megabucks)? Tick
Running away squealing with laughter Tick
Generally getting into mischief Tick

We try to wear ours out with lots of time in the garden and on the beach, but I think it might just be building stamina!

This thread describes my DS (2 years 7 months) perfectly! He is so wilful and defiant sometimes it drives me to distraction! He is prone to emotional outbursts too tho, like his emotions are just too strong for him and he ends up sobbing which breaks my heart. I think I need to tire him out more, he is so much more content being outside, will investigate the teepee idea!! Tried to make den yesterday but it just looked a bit pathetic

FWIW I have worked out that my DS hits me when he is being told off because it is upsetting him. Like if I am hurting him by telling him off, he wants to hurt me back. He hits at any time he is cross or frustrated. He can talk well, but hitting is so much more immediate. If he hits me, I reiterate that we don't hit because it hurts, then ask his to use his words to tell me what he does want. It is slowly improving... He also likes to hit cushions to vent his frustration!

kirriemummy - you are describing my life except I keep forgetting the deep breaths bit! That is my dd exactly even down to the floppy thing (she is 2.7)! I need to do the walk away and come back bit because after ending up in tears this evening I am doing neither of us any good...I feel like a shouty harpie half the time and was determined not to be but my god it is hard. Thanks for reminding me of ways to cope and affirming that it is not just boys! Will also be making the teepee!!!

I really needed to read all your comments about your toddler boys driving you crazy! My little boy is really pushing my buttons at the moment - his favourite thing at the moment seems to be hitting me and pulling off my glasses! It drives me insane!! Does anybody else's kids do this??? I get SO upset. Feel like such a failure and beat myself up about it all the time. He seems to behave well for childminder thank goodness. My hubby says he's just going through a phase and will grow out of it - I worry so much.

Hi, been having a bad morning with my ds today, trying to listen to your advice mrtumbles and remember that he is trying to take ownership for his actions and that this is all very normal but after a very stressful episode of getting him in the bath...which he then loved as always was drained! Fern123 hope you are managing to find a balance between your gorgeous and cuddle dd and gorgeous but challenging ds.
Tyaca definitely agree this has to get better and I keep telling myself 'this is a phase which will pass' sounds like it was probably helpful speaking to your hv and hope your ds continues to get better.
kirriemummy sounds like you are doing fab things to keep your dd amused and out of mischief, really like the idea of Park Rangers and little acorns, we have a country park near us so going to investigate this further, my ds does transform when out and about.
mentlejen i have been trying to make getting my ds ready in the morning a fun time but is very time-consuming and can't always do this when running late for work so I've also just introduced a sticker/reward chart, only started on Tuesday and not completely working out yet although after all the tears before his bath this morning he did ask for his sticker after not sure he should of got one
bombastic wow twin toddler boys, sure you will deserve an award for steering them through this tricky time and preserving your sanity lots of wine for that one I definitely agree that sometimes it feels your building stamina, I can take my ds out all morning for big play and he can still be a handful when we get home pulls hair out
*ellengirl your ds sounds so similar to mine, I sometimes wonder did I do something when pregnant to make him so aggressive, but starting to hope he is normal and this is a phase that will pass and sure he is going to develop into a normal non aggressive-- child.
cuggles hope your managing to remember to take deep breaths!
cheesegirl that is exactly how I have felt and have a 13 yr old dd and my time is so consumed with the demands of ds that I feel I completely neglect her needs and just leave her to get on with it which she actually seems happy to do but just feel mothers guilt all the time!
Hope everyone is managing to have some good days or even some good time in the day! hugs to all the hard working mummy's ( ) and lots of wine

Ohclutter- I know that feeling in the am. I gave in one morning and took her to nursery in her pyjamas. One of the other children asked her why she was in pyjamas and we gently explained she hadn't been ready to get dressed and mummy had to get to work. Apparently she was dying to get her clothes on as soon as I left and the nursery staff were v relaxed about it all. It hadn't happened again!