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Original poster

Managing the TV - Help!

33 replies

Kif · 21/02/2006 14:52

Dd - 23 months old.

I've allowed her to watch little bits of CBeebies for a couple of months. I'm really not that happy with how mesmerised she gets by it, but I've thought fair enough when
a) she is clearly exhausted after a very busy day and just needs some passive time
b) when me and/or Dh are very tired - and need a saturday morning lie-in/twenty minutes to prepare dinner.
c) gives me a broader range of subjects to chat to my toddler about - they show clear pictures of animals and things.

Recently it has become a real problem, however, as she is becoming very assertive about asking for it, and then wails inconsolably for ages when denied.

This is upsetting enough - but it is made worse by the fact that my Dh is quite over-worked at the moment - and really can't cope with the sound of screaming Dd - really makes him stressed.

Don't want Dd screaming - don't want Dh upset - don't want to cave in to her screaming and let her watch TV all the time...

... I'm hunting for a way round this without going TV cold-turkey. I don't want to do this because.
a) Now and again it is a helpful tool for sanity
b) Grandparents and cousins(both sides) let kids watch telly. So not like we could pretend it doesn't exist.
c) I've got some videos coming by mail-order in my mother tongue. I find watching one video again and again to bolster a second language less objectionable than being hypnotised by constantly changing programmes.

Can anyone who has been in a similar situation advise?

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LIZS · 21/02/2006 14:59

Think you may need to bite the bullet and go for distraction instead. So when she screams you find some other really interesting activity you can do together - like books, stickers, audio tapes - or she can "help" in the kitchen. It may be tough for the first few times but provided she has attention to begin with she will probably trade off the tv for it. Could dh play with her while you cook ? I think there is nothing wrong with tv per se - just be clear that it is only for a particular programme and then it goes off.

Bink · 21/02/2006 15:00

I think part of the problem is that she is not yet old enough to understand why she can watch it at certain times but not at others. It sounds a bit from your message (sorry if this is wrong) as if you have been using it sort of as-and-when convenient & without a regular sort of pattern - and if that's true, it will be so difficult for her to understand what makes it TV-time at some times but not others.

It might make things slightly more difficult for you in the short term (because you won't be able to use it as-and-when), but I think I would start by letting her watch only at very specific times - that Sat am 20 minutes, or a particular programme at a particular time - and explaining that that's what's happening so that she gets an idea of it as a treat that is only available at certain times. Then once she's got the idea, you can branch out from that to allow it at other times. Sounds all a bit regimented, but it's what I'd do.

Marne · 21/02/2006 15:03

DD has cbeebies on most of the day, she does'nt realy watch it for more than a hour a day but if i turn over she screems the house down. She likes it on in the back ground when she is doing other things, it gets realy anoying when you cant watch anything else. We just try and turn over when she's not looking.

Original poster
Kif · 21/02/2006 15:05

Spot on Bink - I've been using it 'as-and-when' mummy needs quiet baby. Important phonecalls, tired parents, hot pans in the kitchen...

Now she's playing me at my own game and asking for it 'as and when' !

Thanks for comments - BINK and LIZS - they make a lot of sense.

OP posts:
RachD · 21/02/2006 15:28

I am so glad I read this thread.
I have ds 24 mths who is exactly the same as Kif and Marne's children.
I now see that I was using it to suit me.
Very sensible advice Bink and Lizs.
Thank you.

Question of my own:
We also have a problem with a wallace & gromit 3 films dvd, for when Ds was very unwell.
He watched ALL DAY.
Screamed if I turned it off.
Now it is 'lost' - 'mummy can't find it' - he is distraught - was going cold turkey the right thing to do here - or did I do wrong ?

Original poster
Kif · 21/02/2006 15:31

I'm often not sure whether I was right to put my foot down, but once you've started you can't really back down, can you?

It's a pain in the neck figuring it out!

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Original poster
Kif · 21/02/2006 15:31

I'm often not sure whether I was right to put my foot down, but once you've started you can't really back down, can you?

It's a pain in the neck figuring it out!

OP posts:
nimbs · 21/02/2006 17:28

We had a similar problem with ds (25mths), he has 2 favourite progs so now until it is time for them the tv is 'broken', we have to wait for the man at Cbeebies (tweenies!) or disney (Little einsteins!) to fix it - it then goes off again. He wasn't watching a great deal of tv - again more for convenience but he started to get v. vocal about asking for it - all the time so far this seems to have worked. if he asks for it during the day i say it's broken and distract him with jigsaw, book etc. hope this helps

juuule · 21/02/2006 18:52

Have had this with some of my children. Thomas the Tank engine videos over and over again. Now with the youngest (2y6m) it's Lazytown. I've found that it's a phase. Even when I've let them watch to their hearts content, they get fed up or the fascination wears off. Personally, it's not worth the upset. Agree with LIZs, though. When it does get annoying for everyone else it's time to find something more interesting for lo to do. Go out for a walk, get the craft stuff out, definitely time to distract.
PS. Eldest is now 18 and remembers how he enjoyed Thomas videos.

fastasleep · 21/02/2006 19:27

We binned the TV. End of.

(DS blew it up first, but I was going to anyway.)

juuule · 22/02/2006 08:33

Fastasleep -

mawbroon · 22/02/2006 09:13

OK no experience yet as ds is only 17 weeks, but I plan to get one of those tv cabinets with doors which shut over the tv. I'm planning to have the doors shut (and locked somehow!) most of the time, but when the doors are open, it's ok to watch tv.

I'll come back in two years time to tell you if it works!!

WideWebWitch · 22/02/2006 09:17

Right, tv isn't the end of the world imo, if it gets you some peace then use it. If it would make you feel better you could get some baby einstein dvds , they're sweet and the background music is bearable, unlike Tikkabloodybilla. If you really don't want her to watch tv and she wants it then I suggest you use distraction in a big way, which means getting down and playing with her. BTW you're doing VERY well if you're getitng a lie in with a 23month old!

WideWebWitch · 22/02/2006 09:19

Especially cbeebies, there aren't even any adverts! Honestly, I think as long as it's not what a child is doing all day every day then telly really isn't that bad.

kbaby · 23/02/2006 21:08

we have a problem with 21 month DD who has to have madagascar on, then changes it to baby einstein and then back to madagascar every blinking night. I never, ever want to see madagascar again.

Nip it in the bud now or youll end up like us where its practically the first word spoken when she gets home from nans in the evening.

Im thinking of hiding the DVDs but the problem is they are convienient when needed.

nutcracker · 23/02/2006 21:11

My ds is a real tv addict and it is becoming a huge problem.

He loves Spiderman and will watch the cartoons over and over again, not to mention the film.

I am soon having sky taken out and hope this will help cure his addiction.

sniff · 24/02/2006 09:50

my 2.5 yr old loves Thomas and will watch the DVDs any time you let him but not really that interested in the TV programmes I have to say though since he has been watching thomas his language skills are getting better he doesnt really talk much but he is learning the names of the enigines and the colours they are so it cant be all bad them watching tv

tjacksonpfc · 24/02/2006 10:11

my dd is 19 months old and loves cbeebies she watches it whilst having her breakfast and at different times during the day but if its not on shes not bothered i think its because she has always been able to watch it if she wants that she just watches what she wants now and plays the rest of the time becase she knows if she wants to watch it she can

WideAwake · 26/02/2006 20:20

Revenge on Fastasleep - the TV is now back and working - although seperated from DS 24mth in a room he has no access to.
Moral of this story even pouring a glass of milk into a switched on TV and then listening to the capacitors pop can't keep a good set down.
Have noticed DS is more needy since losing CBEEBIES and demanding the same favourite books five times in a row every 2 hours, but part from this I reckon its been a positive step to remove his everyday access.

koolkat · 26/02/2006 20:46

kif - I also allow my 20 mo son to watch dvd's in my native language. I find it is essential that he gets access to our language as much as poss. and I must say without dvd's and tapes he would only hear our language being spoken by DH and I which is not enough (according to bilingual experts).

Have you tried audio tapes ? Will she listen to stories on tapes ?

Also I only let DS watch when he is eating (I know it's a bad habit, but I don't care because he eats almost all of his food when the TV is on, but very little when it isn't on). I switch it off the minute he has finished eating (so after about 30 mins. after each meal). As I have always used this kind of restriction (i.e. been consistent), he knows the pattern, and does not object.

Good luck !

rarrie · 26/02/2006 21:30

Not had time to read the whole thread - but buy a few DVDs and let her have 1 episode at a time and then the tv goes off. We have a TIVO (hard disc recorder) and it records my DD's fave tv programme each day. She is allowed to watch that (whenever she asks) and then the tv goes off. At 27 months, she fully understands this and does not complain... and she has understood this for quite some time, but as this has always been the rule, so may have been easier to grasp?

My family also think I'ma bit OTT with my rules, but they go along with it... just make your rules clear (say mayebe you're having a few issues etc?) Obviously when other children are around you can't do that so much, but certainly in your own home you can, and when the other grandkids aren't there!?!)

Bozza · 26/02/2006 21:37

kbaby I'm shocked that your DD will watch Madagascar like that. Mine shows not the slightest interest - we have it on the for DS sometimes, and he certainly would watch it all day if I allowed it. DD will only actively watch if one of us actually sits down with her and then not for that long. And if DH sits with her and she knows I am in the kitchen she would far rather come and annoy me.

DominiConnor · 27/02/2006 09:00

I think Kif is not fighting a TV war, but a more general setting limits one, as well as the general long term power struggle one has with kids.

One trick that has worked for us is getting them to turn off the TV themselves. This allows them to exercise control, and to be self limiting. At 2yo the younger one has started turning it off even during Wallace & Gromit, merely to exercise power over his older brother.

Agree a lot with Kif on managing TV, and using it as an educational resource. With 2.1 we're hitting the problem that his reading age is so far ahead of his real age that the books keep dealing with things far outside his experience, and TV is the best way of getting these ideas in.
It's nice to get yourself a break using TV, but when you've got your breath back, discussing it with them seems to work well for us. If you can get your kids to think about TV, not just turn off their brains, it can be a force for good. Although our 2yo, loves "potato man", and thinks that Darth is the good guy in Star Wars.

Also Kif's being smart about DVDs as language aids. Much more interesting than the drab stuff they do at school.
Wouldn't it be nice if schools did this ?
Could be self funding. Lend out legacy language versions of the sort of films kids like. Shrek in French ?

So I wonder if it is really the TV that is the basic issue here ?

There's all sorts of things that kids want far more than you want to give them, and we all know how they can throw a wobbly when you end the ration.

Mine have been known to wail piteously when they aren't allowed to watch any more BBC schools programmes (Pod's Science, and Matt Matics)
Hardly Disney cartoons, but even good TV has a limit.

We're going down the path of "if you make it unpleasant to turn off TV, then we won't turn it on in the first place", and applying it to other rationed things.

fennel · 27/02/2006 09:04

i think this age 23 months is very hard to set boundaries as they get very upset and don't really understand the rules. i have a 23 month old too - so far she's not interested in tv but she does get upset when she doesn't know why she can't do something.

we are very firm on tv with 5 and 4 year old. only on for maximum 1 hour a day (sometimes more on wet weekend) and only after lunch, or after school. and not if bedroom or living room too messy. and not if girls not dressed, brushed and teeth cleaned (they are lax about getting up). etc. at this age they really do understand which makes it easy to stick to the rules.

probably with a 23 month old i'd just put the tv in the loft for a few months, live without the benefit of cbeebies but also without the pressure of having it on too much. i threaten that to my children when they pester for more tv and it's very effective - because i do it if necessary.

Kerry74 · 27/02/2006 09:22

Tiny Love make a product called MAGIQ DVD it is an educational DVD and Toy that interacts with each other. It comes in two age categories 3-12mths, 12-36mths. The DVD and the toy interact with each other to teach different reactions in situations it is much more active than normal DVD's that are so passive and become so mesmerising \link{http://www.tinylove.com/magiq.aspx?tabFromLobby=value}