Managing the TV - Help!

[Kif]

Dd - 23 months old.

I've allowed her to watch little bits of CBeebies for a couple of months. I'm really not that happy with how mesmerised she gets by it, but I've thought fair enough when
a) she is clearly exhausted after a very busy day and just needs some passive time
b) when me and/or Dh are very tired - and need a saturday morning lie-in/twenty minutes to prepare dinner.
c) gives me a broader range of subjects to chat to my toddler about - they show clear pictures of animals and things.

Recently it has become a real problem, however, as she is becoming very assertive about asking for it, and then wails inconsolably for ages when denied.

This is upsetting enough - but it is made worse by the fact that my Dh is quite over-worked at the moment - and really can't cope with the sound of screaming Dd - really makes him stressed.

Don't want Dd screaming - don't want Dh upset - don't want to cave in to her screaming and let her watch TV all the time...

... I'm hunting for a way round this without going TV cold-turkey. I don't want to do this because.
a) Now and again it is a helpful tool for sanity
b) Grandparents and cousins(both sides) let kids watch telly. So not like we could pretend it doesn't exist.
c) I've got some videos coming by mail-order in my mother tongue. I find watching one video again and again to bolster a second language less objectionable than being hypnotised by constantly changing programmes.

Can anyone who has been in a similar situation advise?

[DominiConnor]

Don't some DVDs come where you can chose which language you can play it in?
Many do, and Spanish is the most common.
Given that French is about the least useful legacy language to learn, maybe I'll roll with that and get them speaking Spanish.

As for the "smuggling" there are plenty of ways of getting non-English movies, just not very legal.

[Kif]

Thanks for all these ideas. To update on us:

Dd called my bluff by getting an ear infection last week (hot, floppy, fractious baby) which kind of put my intentions of limiting the TV out of the window before I'd even started.

I've also got a hard disk recorder, and I recorded one episode of Balamory for her, which I've been playing every time she asks for 'Beebies'. That has made me feel better about the TV because I find that when she watches the same thing again and again she understands what is happening much better, and reacts and speaks about it. I guess because she knows what's coming next, she doesn't seem to 'go into a trance' the way she did with the live feed. She'll interact with me more, turn it off, and copy what she sees on screen. We've even done things like putting all the shoes and socks into pairs (like they did on balamory) and buying a balamory magazine and playing 'Balamory Bingo'.

I can't wait for the native language DVDs to arrive - but I've a whole pallaver with 'smuggling' them across the border (darn copyright law). Defo can choose any European language on DVDs - I think that is really very cool. Only problem is the lip sync which will m

Amusingly, Dd has taken to turning off the TV when dh watches the news in the morning.

[acnebride]

really helpful thread for me, thanks, esp bink

(trouble with death by excess for me is that I could watch cbeebies all day, ds not that interested!)

katharine whitehorn had a good comment about teenagers and cars, which fits for me with ds at 2 and tv - 'they have least resistance to the cheerful impersonal No'.

[Tommy]

I agree with Twiglett (as ever ) The TV is on more than I would ideally want but the DSs are more than happy to entertain themselves without it as well.
Personally, I prefer them to watch a range of programmes than the same DVD over and over anyway.
I think if you make it into a big issue, then it will only get worse!

[DissLocated]

My dd is 22 months and loves Cbeebies. I can only echo what's already been said. I only put it on at fixed times each day, in the mornings when i'm getting dressed and at teatime to keep her occupied while I'm making dinner (Lordy how I look forward to the big 4pm switch on!).

She asks for 'beebies' at other times but I find if I give her a book with the tv characters in it, she's happy to be distracted with that.

[Twiglett]

have never really limited tv in our house

and my 5 year old quite happily switches it off when asked

he also plays by himself, we do games together .. we don't turn it on that much

when its on in the background my DD (21 months) pays it absolutely no attention at all

I think if you make it a big issue .. or something restricted it becomes much much more interesting to small children

well that's what I think anyway

I went for death by excess and it worked for us

[Bozza]

DC - I love the Shrek in French idea! Don't some DVDs come where you can chose which language you can play it in? I'm sure I accidentally put Toy Story in Spanish on a while back.

[Kerry74]

Oops that link didn't work sorry the website is www.tinylove.com

[Kerry74]

Tiny Love make a product called MAGIQ DVD it is an educational DVD and Toy that interacts with each other. It comes in two age categories 3-12mths, 12-36mths. The DVD and the toy interact with each other to teach different reactions in situations it is much more active than normal DVD's that are so passive and become so mesmerising \link{http://www.tinylove.com/magiq.aspx?tabFromLobby=value}

[fennel]

i think this age 23 months is very hard to set boundaries as they get very upset and don't really understand the rules. i have a 23 month old too - so far she's not interested in tv but she does get upset when she doesn't know why she can't do something.

we are very firm on tv with 5 and 4 year old. only on for maximum 1 hour a day (sometimes more on wet weekend) and only after lunch, or after school. and not if bedroom or living room too messy. and not if girls not dressed, brushed and teeth cleaned (they are lax about getting up). etc. at this age they really do understand which makes it easy to stick to the rules.

probably with a 23 month old i'd just put the tv in the loft for a few months, live without the benefit of cbeebies but also without the pressure of having it on too much. i threaten that to my children when they pester for more tv and it's very effective - because i do it if necessary.

[DominiConnor]

I think Kif is not fighting a TV war, but a more general setting limits one, as well as the general long term power struggle one has with kids.

One trick that has worked for us is getting them to turn off the TV themselves. This allows them to exercise control, and to be self limiting. At 2yo the younger one has started turning it off even during Wallace & Gromit, merely to exercise power over his older brother.

Agree a lot with Kif on managing TV, and using it as an educational resource. With 2.1 we're hitting the problem that his reading age is so far ahead of his real age that the books keep dealing with things far outside his experience, and TV is the best way of getting these ideas in.
It's nice to get yourself a break using TV, but when you've got your breath back, discussing it with them seems to work well for us. If you can get your kids to think about TV, not just turn off their brains, it can be a force for good. Although our 2yo, loves "potato man", and thinks that Darth is the good guy in Star Wars.

Also Kif's being smart about DVDs as language aids. Much more interesting than the drab stuff they do at school.
Wouldn't it be nice if schools did this ?
Could be self funding. Lend out legacy language versions of the sort of films kids like. Shrek in French ?

So I wonder if it is really the TV that is the basic issue here ?

There's all sorts of things that kids want far more than you want to give them, and we all know how they can throw a wobbly when you end the ration.

Mine have been known to wail piteously when they aren't allowed to watch any more BBC schools programmes (Pod's Science, and Matt Matics)
Hardly Disney cartoons, but even good TV has a limit.

We're going down the path of "if you make it unpleasant to turn off TV, then we won't turn it on in the first place", and applying it to other rationed things.

[Bozza]

kbaby I'm shocked that your DD will watch Madagascar like that. Mine shows not the slightest interest - we have it on the for DS sometimes, and he certainly would watch it all day if I allowed it. DD will only actively watch if one of us actually sits down with her and then not for that long. And if DH sits with her and she knows I am in the kitchen she would far rather come and annoy me.

[rarrie]

Not had time to read the whole thread - but buy a few DVDs and let her have 1 episode at a time and then the tv goes off. We have a TIVO (hard disc recorder) and it records my DD's fave tv programme each day. She is allowed to watch that (whenever she asks) and then the tv goes off. At 27 months, she fully understands this and does not complain... and she has understood this for quite some time, but as this has always been the rule, so may have been easier to grasp?

My family also think I'ma bit OTT with my rules, but they go along with it... just make your rules clear (say mayebe you're having a few issues etc?) Obviously when other children are around you can't do that so much, but certainly in your own home you can, and when the other grandkids aren't there!?!)

[koolkat]

kif - I also allow my 20 mo son to watch dvd's in my native language. I find it is essential that he gets access to our language as much as poss. and I must say without dvd's and tapes he would only hear our language being spoken by DH and I which is not enough (according to bilingual experts).

Have you tried audio tapes ? Will she listen to stories on tapes ?

Also I only let DS watch when he is eating (I know it's a bad habit, but I don't care because he eats almost all of his food when the TV is on, but very little when it isn't on). I switch it off the minute he has finished eating (so after about 30 mins. after each meal). As I have always used this kind of restriction (i.e. been consistent), he knows the pattern, and does not object.

Good luck !

[WideAwake]

Revenge on Fastasleep - the TV is now back and working - although seperated from DS 24mth in a room he has no access to.
Moral of this story even pouring a glass of milk into a switched on TV and then listening to the capacitors pop can't keep a good set down.
Have noticed DS is more needy since losing CBEEBIES and demanding the same favourite books five times in a row every 2 hours, but part from this I reckon its been a positive step to remove his everyday access.

[tjacksonpfc]

my dd is 19 months old and loves cbeebies she watches it whilst having her breakfast and at different times during the day but if its not on shes not bothered i think its because she has always been able to watch it if she wants that she just watches what she wants now and plays the rest of the time becase she knows if she wants to watch it she can

[sniff]

my 2.5 yr old loves Thomas and will watch the DVDs any time you let him but not really that interested in the TV programmes I have to say though since he has been watching thomas his language skills are getting better he doesnt really talk much but he is learning the names of the enigines and the colours they are so it cant be all bad them watching tv

[nutcracker]

My ds is a real tv addict and it is becoming a huge problem.

He loves Spiderman and will watch the cartoons over and over again, not to mention the film.

I am soon having sky taken out and hope this will help cure his addiction.

[kbaby]

we have a problem with 21 month DD who has to have madagascar on, then changes it to baby einstein and then back to madagascar every blinking night. I never, ever want to see madagascar again.

Nip it in the bud now or youll end up like us where its practically the first word spoken when she gets home from nans in the evening.

Im thinking of hiding the DVDs but the problem is they are convienient when needed.

[WideWebWitch]

Especially cbeebies, there aren't even any adverts! Honestly, I think as long as it's not what a child is doing all day every day then telly really isn't that bad.

[WideWebWitch]

Right, tv isn't the end of the world imo, if it gets you some peace then use it. If it would make you feel better you could get some baby einstein dvds , they're sweet and the background music is bearable, unlike Tikkabloodybilla. If you really don't want her to watch tv and she wants it then I suggest you use distraction in a big way, which means getting down and playing with her. BTW you're doing VERY well if you're getitng a lie in with a 23month old!

[mawbroon]

OK no experience yet as ds is only 17 weeks, but I plan to get one of those tv cabinets with doors which shut over the tv. I'm planning to have the doors shut (and locked somehow!) most of the time, but when the doors are open, it's ok to watch tv.

I'll come back in two years time to tell you if it works!!

[juuule]

Fastasleep -

[fastasleep]

We binned the TV. End of.

(DS blew it up first, but I was going to anyway.)

[juuule]

Have had this with some of my children. Thomas the Tank engine videos over and over again. Now with the youngest (2y6m) it's Lazytown. I've found that it's a phase. Even when I've let them watch to their hearts content, they get fed up or the fascination wears off. Personally, it's not worth the upset. Agree with LIZs, though. When it does get annoying for everyone else it's time to find something more interesting for lo to do. Go out for a walk, get the craft stuff out, definitely time to distract.
PS. Eldest is now 18 and remembers how he enjoyed Thomas videos.