If you had an early talker, was toddler behaviour benefited by it?

[sedgieloo]

I'm wondering as some mention this as the reason for some of the tantrums and other challenges? Or is it more a rite of passage/testing boundaries/personality

yes, definitely
dd1 could talk very clearly in sentences really, really early, and so we didn't have any of the frustrations caused by us misunderstanding her
dd2 has a degree of speech delay (we're on the list for assessment) and IMO a lot of her tantrumming comes from frustration at not being able to make herself understood.

I've nothing to compare to, but IMHO I'd say yes. The ability to explain a problem, for child & parent, helps a lot.

That's not to say there were no challenges at all, by the way!

I have had a few threads recently about my son's behaviour and lack of speech.

I do think they are linked. The majority of his tantrums seem to be when I do something different from what he wants, especially when different from what we usually do. I don't mean going to bed or in the buggy (those are par for the course IMO) but if I give him water when he really wanted milk, a biscuit when he wanted something else etc.

I have my concerns with him tbh, but I am concentrating on his speech as I think that it is our greatest barrier.

DD was a lot more chilled, but was communicating a lot earlier.

Not for me.
DD1 was an early talker but is extremely highly strung and therefore a handful.
DD2 is 21 months and only knows about 10 words but is the most chilled out, easy baby.
I think it's personality.

Thanks...Am asking because dd is really high energy/outgoing/loud/sociable and has challenged me from day one, and I expected her to really put me through it as a toddler (she's now 20 months) but she's getting easier and easier and I was wondering if i a) calm before the storm of terrible twos or b) because she is particularly advanced with her speech. I was also really really hoping the latter as I have another baby on the way...

Not in our case. DD1 wasn't a particularly early talker (so I put the tantrums down to this...) but she went from 0-60 on speech in about 5 seconds. I just found she was better at arguing and her anger was about not getting her own way.

In some ways yes, there wasn't much in the way of frustration about not being understood. But we did find that because she was so vocal and chatty that we seemed to expect better behaviour from her - as though she were an older child. We still have the problem now that she's older. She can explain herself and argue so well that we expect more logic than a 4 year old is probably capable of.

MrsN have you been over to the SN Chikdren boards? There is a huge amount of expertise there on helping to develop early language skills and how to get help.

DD wasn't an early talker - was quite late saying her first word. However, since she has got the hang of talking (and it all came quite quickly when it came), she has got much, much easier to deal with (at 25 months).

Sorry, my DD was an early talker and at nearly 4yo we still get tantrums. It's her personality. She's blimmin good at negotiating, or attempting to negotiate!

Dd was an early talker which means shouting and social manipulation in public places. She's 3!

They behave the same but use whatever resources they have!

DS was an early talker and has just hit terrible twos at 23 months. I think it just means the tantrums are for slightly different reasons. He can ask for what he wants and negotiate with us, but the tantrum then comes either because he wants something he can't have or just sometimes because he is feeling naughty.

I do think communication makes it easier to deal with though. The other day I asked him if he was just being naughty to get my attention. He said yes. So we did a deal.

DD was a very early talker and so far we have avoided any major behaviour issues (there's still time though - she's 27 months).

DNephew was very similar with his speech development, but he really struggles to contain his temper. He frequently has the most amazing tantrums.

IMO it's mostly down to the child's personality, although being able to communicate does minimise daily niggles.

I think the danger with good talkers is you treat them more like 'little adults' and try to negotiate more with them. Sometimes I have to remind myself that DD is only 2 and, no matter how much of a genius I think she is, it's not appropriate to get into lengthy discussions about why she should/shouldn't do something!

Not really here either. Ds1 was very early to talk, sentences at 15 months, but his emotional development was pretty average, and tbh I think we, and other people, expected a lot of him because he sounded so mature; like we thought we should be able to reason with him just because he had the language skills. That, combined with having a baby brother at 20 months, which of course made him seem like a 'big boy' to me, bless him, he was so little. But, he's 15 now, and it's all evened out!

X post completely agree w vizzini.

starlight I couldn't find what I was looking for on the special needs topic, I struggle with the search thingy on my phone. I have a thread about flashcards that I started and have had some good advice on that thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs

This is where we all live and a good number of friendly professionals including Speech and Language therapists hang out there!

I see the frustration that ds has (23 months - no speech at all) but it is very different to the tantrumming and bahaviour of our dds, who were early talkers. They could express what they wanted, but it was usually something they couldn't have or do (go into town in a swimming costume in the rain, more chocolate etc) and that was the source of their frustration.

Not here. Dd talked in excellent sentences, in two languages, with all the tenses correct and a very mature perception of concepts like present and past by age 2- she had extremely impressive tantrums. Inability to express yourself is one potential reason for frustration, it's not the only one.

I was also an early speaker, but a full-on tantrummer up until the age of 4 or so.

I think basically we were both the kind of people who want to be in charge; we got on a lot better once we were mature enough to be able to make our own decisions. I was a very sensible teen- treated virtually like an adult and anxious to live up to this so as not to lose autonomy- and dd is also very mature. We just weren't very good at being young children. (I imagine I will be the terror of the nursing home one day)

Ds otoh was a sweet and compliant toddler, but finds the pre-teens confusing; he can't quite decide whether he wants to be independent or not. I always knew I did.

No. I had a very late talker who didn't tantrum, and I had a two year old who used to scream and vomit and flail whilst shouting "I hate you so much I want your tummy to turn into a monster and eat you, and I am hungry and why won't you let me eat before I DIE, and y are not coming to my party, and you are the horriblist mummy in the world and I WANTED A TAPPY EGG NOT A BROKEN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Can't really compare because my two were both early talkers, but I think it does help eliminate one sort of tantrum - but that still leaves several more.

Very early talker, spectacular and hugely violent tantrums/over reactions to emotion, uncomfortable clothing, being warm, cold, hungry, thirsty, full, sleepy, freshly woken... We were well underway by 20 months though so you may just miss it:) It only lasted three years or so, thankfully older years reversed the early character traits so we aren't social outcasts.

Others easier and reasonably good talkers.

I've had very late and very early talkers. More importantly though my incredibly early talker you could reason with when she was tiny, so she had complex speech and the understanding to go with it. Next child was a late talker but has a naturally very compliant nature.

Those two were fairly easy to parent as toddlers and then I had two "normal" children!

Yes, I think it helped, but DS is also a pretty laid-back child. As others have said, I think it's one factor out of many.

In my experience yes my DS was very quick to talk in sentences and I can honestly say I only experienced a handful of tantrums and he's now 6.5. My DN is 2.5 and only saying a few words and is most definitely at the terrible 2s stage.