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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please tell me how to get a 10 month old to sleep

27 replies

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 20:18

She is used to feeding to sleep and I need to stop it. She is fine when I pick her up but I leave the room and she cries and stands up in her cot. I don't want to leave her crying. Do I keep feeding her to sleep and it will sort itself out or do I need to find a way to help her self settle. I feel like I'm failing her not helping her find a way to feel relaxed and fall asleep herself.

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EclecticShock · 31/05/2012 20:27

At 10 months I would personally encourage her to self settle. Have you read any thing like the sleep solution?

ThePieSmuggler · 31/05/2012 20:32

I'm still happily feeding my 11 mth old to sleep, I don't believe in pushing/ rushing them to self settle before they're ready, it will come with time when she's ready. Having said that I appreciate that some others need to get their babies to self settle for whatever reason and have heard the 'no cry sleep solution' is a relatively gentle method of doing so.

Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 20:35

No I've not read anything. How the hell do you get them to self-settle? I put her down awake and she cries, just getting herself more and more worked up. If I put her in the cot in the day to have a shower she also screams.

Would music on help? I don't understand how I'm meant to calm her when she just cries and cries, she doesn't understand that if she lies there and closes her eyes she will drop off. In the day for her naps she will only go to sleep once she's so tired she's crying and then I have to rock her to sleep. Oh god I feel I've really let her down How do I let her see when she doesn't understand.

I've just given her her bottle again. I can't bear to hear her cry.

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Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 20:39

The pie smuggler that's what I hope too. It's not actually a problem for me feeding her to sleep at the moment, I just worry that it will be a problem later iyswim?

Surely when she's old enough to understand what I'm saying I can teach her to self settle?

However she's currently waking at 4.30am and I don't know how to get her to sleep

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EclecticShock · 31/05/2012 20:40

You haven't let her down at all. Let me see if can find the name of the technique I used.

hodgiebreeder · 31/05/2012 20:42

Could you try gradual withdrawal? Probably a bit of a shock to go from being fed to sleep to mummy putting you down and walking out? Like going cold turkey i guess which i know some babies really respond to...... Not mine!!

Maybe try a chair next to the cot and gradually move it towards the door over the next 2 weeks or so? Bubba can then see you and it also has the bonus that you can observe their little sleep rituals so you dont get any frights over the monitor when you do leave them to sleep on their own. You can reassure with your presence and talk/shhh/pat bit try not to pick then up. I'm fighting the same battle with my DS. Recently given up BF and he really struggled to settle on his own bless him . There is light at the end of the tunnel though.... It's been about 4 weeks and I can now (sometimes!! ) put him down awake and leave the room without too much of a protest. I sometimes have to go back in but we're getting there. Could you try this with daytime naps to begin with and then move on to bedtime when you're more confident (and have more energy for the fight ). HTH and good luck

EclecticShock · 31/05/2012 20:43

She is old enough to self settle now, but she hasn't learnt to as you help her. I can't find the technique I used to but do some reading about different techniques and see which on you are happy doing. At 10 months, she is going to cry when you attempt to get her to self settle as its alien to her.

Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 20:45

Thank you, that sounds like something I could try. She's had loads of milk already tonight so am going to try to comfort rather than feed to sleep. It's a start I give it 10 mins before I crack and feed her again

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mewkins · 31/05/2012 20:49

Hi, I was in your situation too and I decided to use the baby whisperer method which basically does involve cying but it also means staying with the baby. For me, sitting by the cot didn't stop the crying- dd was not angry or wanting me as such, she was frustrated that she couldn't get to sleep. If you google Baby whisperer there are whole forums devoted to this technique and you can also get the book from ebay/ library and see what you think. Not for everyone I know, but it showed me there was a ligjt at the end of the tunnel.

EclecticShock · 31/05/2012 20:50

Do some reading and then decide to be consistent. Any inconsistency will make it much longer and painful. So just go with her flow until you have a plan and want to stick to it. I have seen some supportive threads in the past, might help. It honestly doesn't take long for them to learn to self settle as long as you are always consistent.

Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 20:50

Dh has just come back from work so he's with her going to try and help her settle. I need half an hour downstairs, it's been a long day!

I really want us to teach her to feel happy lying in her cot before she falls asleep. I've got a mobile we've been given with a revolving light projector on. We've never used it. Are things like that a good idea? I don't want her to have to rely on it then we can't go away. Does anyone use a cuddly toy, comforting blanket in the cot?

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hodgiebreeder · 31/05/2012 20:50

PS I have to admit I did also 'cheat' a bit....... Cuddle them until they're groggy and really heavy eyed but still just awake, then pop them in the cot. Hopefully they'll then just be able to drift off as you did most of the settling for them. This, I found was a nice gentle way to give them the idea of what to do. Please don't feel bad. It's a skill like any other and no one feels awful if their babies don't walk across the room at the first attempt.

EclecticShock · 31/05/2012 20:58

Read some sleep solutions. Most advocate a predictable bed time routine and wind down activity with a comforter... Blanket, cuddly toy, projector, whatever your dc finds comforting. There will be crying, you need to be prepared for that. It doesn't take them long to self settle though and it's much easier for them when they can get themselves back to sleep.

Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 21:00

Thank you! I think we'll start with settling her without the food, she has just fallen asleep on dh's lap. Then will 'cheat' like you said and put her down groggy, use pick up put down and stay by cot. This seems a manageable way to start teaching her. Dh is great he can see I'm upset by it so has ordered me to have a bath and said he'll put her down. I feel a lot better talking to you all about it I think the fact that I'm overtired too makes it seem worse.

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hodgiebreeder · 31/05/2012 21:00

Maybe try playing in the cot in the day so she has good associations with it? If she associates it with crying and a struggle that might make the situation harder?? Another thing you might want to try for daytime naps is 'the bustle'. I put DS in the cot to wind down and then get on with a fee jobs in his room (folding washing/tidying etc.) He seems to be reassured with my presence but gets no attention (unless he really kicks off of course!) sometimes the fact that I'm there but not cuddling him feels as if I'm somehow teasing him. If I keep busy we both seem to find it easier. Maybe worth a try?

Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 21:02

That sounds like a great idea about the daytime - the house might get a bit tidier too! Thank you I will definitely try this

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Willowisp · 31/05/2012 21:09

in the evening get DH/DP to tend to her. When my 2 DD's were 6mths old, we moved them into their own bedroom & DH cuddled when they woke in the night. As they were b/f, he had no milk & after a couple of nights, they didn't bother to wake again ! Obviously they increased their milk intake during the day & were on solids then.

hodgiebreeder · 31/05/2012 21:09

No probs! I know how hard it is to feel that your little one needs comfort and you're not giving it to them. Really got to me too and I shed about as many tears as DS I think!! What helps me is to keep busy with a book/phone/some jobs and hold on to the fact that you are teaching them something important for the future. I have also learnt that there's a definite 'pre-sleep wind down' cry as opposed to a 'I'm genuinely upset' cry. Some crying at bedtime is normal and expected I think..... Maybe one day I'll just get grizzle......

Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 21:16

Wow, dh put her down then she woke up and cried. I picked her up, cuddled her for a bit then put her down and gave her a toy bunny (bedtime bunny!) and stroked her hair, she went back to sleep! I'm not expecting it to work this well every time but I'm going to stick to doing that.

She's only recently stopped bf, I think that was similar in that I gradually reduced the bf and increased the bottle in stages, was consistent and never went backwards once I had moved on a step. It took a couple of months but I didn't expect an overnight change. I think I need the same attitude here.

(stopped bf as I hadn't had a period and want to ttc again - despite this I still want to! Why do I want to do it to myself again?!)
(know it's because all the worry and doubt and guilt is more than outweighed by the good stuff, as I said to her at 4.20 this morning "it's a good job you're so cute!")

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pmgkt · 31/05/2012 21:17

Hodgie hinted at it but is there something different that you can do with her while you are showering, maybe a play pen or activity centre that she cant get out off or a bouncer on the bath room door. as she sees it you are dumping her in her cot when it is not sleep time so she cries. she may assoiciate the cot with being' abandoned'(in a loose sense) rather than with just sleeping.

Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 21:18

Oh and to all of you for replying so swiftly to help me. and not saying "bath, story, bed, leave the room, what's the problem?" or suggesting cc

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Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 21:21

That is a good idea re shower as well. I tried to keep her in the bathroom with me once but it was a nightmare as she kept pulling herself up to stand using the side of the bath. I spent the whole shower shitting myself (not literally ) that she'd fall. Will try something else though.

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Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 31/05/2012 21:24

Well it sounds promising that she's asleep, so I'm off to sit in the bath with Jackie Collins (again not literally). I used to like quite literary books but she's all I can handle when this tired! Love mumsnet for times like these, would have had a breakdown by now without it I think.

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chillikat · 31/05/2012 21:35

My DD (14m) usually cries when she's put in the cot awake. I stopped putting her in there while I went to the loo or showered as I wondered if she hated the cot as she felt abandoned. Having her in the bathroom while I had a shower wasn't ideal but we coped (I'm back at work now and shower first so DH looks after her or she's still asleep). I also tried to play with her in the cot every so often so it seemed like a fun place to be.
Anyway, I'm BF and she's not feeding to sleep very much now and I tend to put her in the cot but sat up instead of lying down which results in less screaming (initially). DH then tends to read her a story then he settles her (singing apparently). I've also tried the gradual withdrawl method described on the Sleep forum thread 'What we did - hope this helps' not had much luck with it yet!
When she wakes in the night DH will try to settle her or brings her into our room where just a hug from me tends to work (but then I often fall asleep too and we end up with her sleeping between us for a couple of hours).
As for naps - it's a walk in the pram or BF still.

Sorry, I've rambled a bit but check out the Sleep forum.

Original poster

SunshineOutdoors · 01/06/2012 07:57

Well she woke up as usual at half 4. She did seem to need milk as refused to settle. I gave her a cup not a bottle then put her down awake but stayed by cot and stroked her. She eventually fell back to sleep at 5.45 for about 45 minutes! So we are slowly getting somewhere I think.

Oh and lovely clean white cute 'bedtime bunny' doesn't cut it. It's the manky multicoloured monkey from her pram she wants to hold while she falls asleep, of course. He's going in the wash soon but I don't want to remove any special smell .

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