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Original poster

Any advice on dealing with a "bolter"?

27 replies

MidnightinMoscow · 30/05/2012 15:55

DS is almost 2.5. He has always been a bit of a handful, very active, short attention span etc.

We have used backpack reins since he was walking, as he constantly runs off, wherever we are. He seems to see it as a game, and loves having someone chase after him.

However, I am finding it really difficult since having DC2 10 weeks ago. Today we went for a walk and sat on a park bench for a while. DC2 was getting restless in the pram so I tried to put her in a carrier. I literally had to do one handed, if I let go of DS's reins - he is gone. I am struggling to get out with the two of them. I have to put DD2 in the pram mostly as she is very heavy (99th centile) so I am trying to juggle the pram and stopping DS from running off.

We don't hace access to a car, so walk everywhere.

OP posts:
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bearhug · 30/05/2012 16:11

I've name-tagged mine! I had a sports ID armband made for him with both my and DP's mobile numbers on. This was after the kind people who found DS in the woods when he was 2.5 had to resort to shouting 'Babybear's Mummy!' to find me.

this won't help in traffic of course. Maybe attach reins to buggy to keep your hands free? Or would that be a dangerous thing to do?

NinthWave · 30/05/2012 16:14

Can you buy/borrow a double buggy and strap him in it as a consequence of running off?

RationalBrain · 30/05/2012 16:23

I used reins when they were tiny, but at 2.5 there can be consequences. I used to strap them in the buggy if they wouldn't walk/arsed around/ran off (after an appropriate warning of course).

Original poster
MidnightinMoscow · 30/05/2012 16:35

I do have a double, and do strap him in at times when needed, although it seems to have very little effect on him. I just struggle a bit pushing them both in the double as I had an EMCS and am still a bit sore.

Rational, what do you mean by consequences? Do you think using reins stops them from learning to walk safely?

Goodness Bearhug, you must have been so worried.

OP posts:
MmeLindor. · 30/05/2012 16:40

Tricky at this age, cause they just don't "get" consequences enough for you to be able to use any kind of threat - you can do it but you really cannot rely on it working.

At his age, he may well say, "I don't care" if you tell him that he is not getting choc/TV etc when he bolts.

Can you tie the reins to the pram? Maybe have a carabiner on the pram so that you can click him in quickly.

I had stick on tattoos with my mobile number on DS when he was younger.

AWomanCalledHorse · 30/05/2012 16:43

Could you put DD2 in a sling or is she way to heavy for that? I struggle with DS in a sling & he's only 50th centile.

How about one of those board things that go on the back of the buggy or one of the seat things?

My mum had to constantly have my older DB in reins as he would bolt all the time...she would strap him to the buggy. I like Mme's idea of the carabiner.

Original poster
MidnightinMoscow · 30/05/2012 16:46

Like the idea of clipping him to the pram, so I can have both hands free for a moment, although I would worry that he would tip it over. Confused

Nope, I can just about carry DD for half an hour or so, she was a big 'un - 9lb 12oz.

I did think about a buggy board, but again I just can't see him standing still on it.

I really, really hope DD isan't the same!

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 30/05/2012 17:04

I had a bolter.
I dressed him in bright orange until he was old enough to object. Then I got him an orange baseball cap.

Doesnt stop them running off but they are much easier to spot.

Dont give up on the explaining why he shouldnt run away. The PP is right, he wont get it now, but it is worth keeping it up in a gentle, consistant way.
He will begin to understand.

I found reins far to short so used to unclip one side so it made one longer one.

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 30/05/2012 17:09

Midnight, I had a bolter too but I was lucky in that there is a big gap between my dc. In that park situation I would have got the baby out of the buggy and put the other one into itand the straps on while you got the sling sorted.

I used my Mac xt from birth with both so it was interchangeable.

I think a Phil and Teds type buggy is the way forward - just every time he bolts he gets strapped in with no exception.

MmeLindor. · 30/05/2012 17:12

Then clip the carabiner to your belt, so that you have your hands free and he can't bolt.

FourThousandHoles · 30/05/2012 17:13

My dd2 is a bolter, she's better now at 2.8 than she was a few months back but still has her moments.

I find the best thing is the type of reins that that are a harness with a strap attached at both ends to form a sort of handle iyswim - you know the old fashioned type ones rather than the backpack sort. If I'm just walking with her I can unclip one end of the strap so she has a bit more leeway but if I need both my hands (she's a bugger for running off while I'm loading up the car for instance) I can clip both ends in and put my leg through the loop so she can't run away. Drives her mad and she shouts a lot but at least she's where I can see her!

Ineedalife · 30/05/2012 19:34

I used to put my foot through the strap of the reins when i needed both hands for packing shopping or paying for things.

Dd3 was an absolute nightmare for running off. I also had an ID bracelet fastened onto her reins at the back where she couldnt get at it.

I think people ideas of a karabina either on your clothes or the pushchair is excellent and would save you the embarresment of standing in asda with your child tied to your legGrin.

Good luck, runners are very scary.

Ineedalife · 30/05/2012 19:36

Lol, cross posted with four.

I am glad i am not the only oneGrin

RationalBrain · 30/05/2012 20:21

OP - sorry, I wasn't very clear, I meant that strapping the child in the buggy was the consequence of running off etc.

I don't think reins have consequences, I think they are brilliant and can't understand why some are so judgey about them. Blooming practical IMO!

cutegorilla · 30/05/2012 20:28

I had a runner and the only thing that cured it was a combination of age and consistently strapping her in the buggy every time she did it. If it was somewhere potentially dangerous, i.e. near a road, she would be strapped in regardless until I could trust her. Unfortunately reins were no good as she just dangled on them and thought it was hilarious. You need (when you've recovered a bit more) to go to safe places where you can let him run around and practise having him come back when he's told, complete with consequences when he doesn't. They do usually reach a point where they realise it's actually a bit scary out on there own so they stop doing it. DD was about 3.5 when she was reliable but obviously had been getting better a while before then.

If it's any comfort DS was never a bolter so you may not have to go through it all again!

BombasticAghast · 30/05/2012 21:07

The carabiner and belt is a BRILLIANT idea!

ihavequestions · 30/05/2012 21:27

What kind of sling have you got? If it's a Baby Bjorn/Mothercare type one I'm not surprised you find her too heavy, they're badly designed. I am still carrying my 10kg 15 month daughter on my front in a soft structured carrier and it's fine, so would suggest using one of those (Ergo, Manduca - if you have one of these maybe it's not adjusted properly). Then you have both hands for him.

MmeLindor. · 30/05/2012 21:32

Bombastic
I am going to patent that idea, and start selling chic belts with BolterClips. Might do a snazzy version with Swarovski crystals :)

MmeLindor. · 30/05/2012 21:33

In fact, I will call it the BolterBelt?

Meglet · 30/05/2012 21:35

Do you really have to go out while you recover from the EMCS? I didn't bother to do anything until I felt ok again.

And use the double buggy, so much easier! FWIW I used mine until they were 4.6 and 2.7. They were happy in the buggy though, it wasn't a battle or a threat to put them in there.

BombasticAghast · 30/05/2012 21:55

Grin mme

bluecarrot · 30/05/2012 22:06

At 2.5 I think he should be able to understand the consequences. What about paying "Stop and Go" (red light / green light, freeze and melt etc etc) .

Starting off somewhere safe, like an enclosed garden show him what go and stop means. He has to freeze like at statue at freeze/stop/red light whatever you are going for. ONce he gets the hang of it, try in a park etc. Obv beside a main road is never going to be a good idea!

I do this with three toddler mindees from 14 months to 3 and they are all fantastic walkers for me (apparently not for their parents though!)

Also, we go through a park every day and the kids have points to run to - the red leaf tree, the drain, the bench etc. It makes walking more fun, gives them a bit of a sense of freedom, and tires them out a bit etc.

When on busier roads, we play I spy, sing songs, look out for particular flowers etc - it keeps them interested. They ask me to go on walks now, and take my hand without me asking.

Id also start talking about "stop, hold hands, look, listen" every time you cross and make it normal for him to say it too every time you cross a road.

Hope that helps some...

NellyTheElephant · 30/05/2012 22:14

My DD1 and DD2 were bolters and I really sympathise with you as it is a nightmare. I used to despair when I used to go and meet with friends for picnics etc in the park and all their little ones would sit there pottering around close by and my DD1 would be off into the distance before I blinked. First thing I'd question is what sling you are using as I found that really pushchairs were impossible (so hard to chase after the runner) and so despite almost never using a sling when DD1 was a baby (and she was my only) I mainly used slings with DD2 and DS so that I had both hands free and a lot of mobility. If I had the buggy with me it was generally to strap DD1 into if she misbehaved (as others have suggested), and the baby would be in the sling. I used slings up until 18 months - 2yrs so whatever centile a 10 wk old is on it shouldn't be a problem provided you have the right sling. At that age I had a baby bjorn, but with the back support bit (which I think is vital) and then from about 5 months I used a hip sling (a hotsling, which I loved). I had sections with all of mine too.

I have no real suggestions other than getting a decent sling, so I'm afraid I'm not a great deal of help. I gave up with reins as just too hard to manage. One thing I did do was very boring lessons in road safety - like you we walked everywhere / took buses (I lived in central London until recently). If DD1 didn't want to hold my hand and walk nicely I would literally stop and hold her still. She would struggle and try to run off but I wouldn't budge. Could take AGES, but until she was prepared calmly to hold my hand and walk with me we didn't move. After a few times it really worked as she learned that I really would just stand boringly in one spot and keep her there until she behaved, but you need to be persistent and not give in or force or clench their hand or pull along - i.e. they have to cooperate or you don't move.

Just to make you feel worse (!) my DD2 started walking around 10 months (when DD1 was 2.10) so then I had DD1 bolting in one direction and DD2 bolting in the other with no response mechanism or fear of consequences whatsoever. That was fun.

MmeLindor. · 30/05/2012 22:22

bluecarrot
I don't think you have had a real bolter mindee, if you don't mind me saying so.

DS was about 4yo (sorry, OP) when he gradually grew out of bolting, and even now he sometimes wanders off. Even getting lost did not phase him particularly.

It is not him being naughty, but he takes everything very literally. If I said, "When we are finished eating, we will all go to the loo", then he would finish eating and go to to the loo. Whether we were at home or in Ikea, where I would spend a frantic 5 mins searching for him. He woudl be v bemused at my panic, "You said we were going to the loo", he would explain.

What helped was giving him very precise instructions. "You can go as far ahead as that tree" or "you can play in the area between the wall and the fountain" etc.

bluecarrot · 30/05/2012 22:26

I dont mind at all, just giving my experiences and some stuff that might help.

Ive never really seen two of them walk with their parents as they just get plonked in a buggy as the parents say they bolt. The other just goes straight in the car.