Need some advice please regarding another parent IMO inappropriately disciplining my child.

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My 8 DS was at a party last Saturday. Yesterday evening I noticed his earlobe was red/bruised/grazed and I asked him what had happened to it. He said when he was at the party (which incidently he didn't want to go to) the dad of the boy whose party it was pinched it when he was telling him off for throwing tomato sauce sachets at the table! My son said a few of the boys were in it with him being silly. Now I have no problem with him being told off if he was misbehaving with the other boys but I am really concerned that he must have pinched his ear really hard to make a mark that is still there some 5 days later. I feel bad that I have only just noticed it but he has longish hair at the moment and it was only when he sat on my lap to do his homework that I noticed it - he doesn't tend to sit on my lap these days!
It obviously wasn't a major issue for him because he didn't speak about it after the party but I didn't collect him my mother did and we had a busy evening watching the Olympic Torch etc... After the party.
DS is our number 3 son in a family of four children he has a younger sister. IMHO I am not precious about the children at all but I have been unable to sleep at all for worrying about this and wondering whether I should approach the dad who did it. The hardest thing for me is that this dad helps out at his football club with training my sons team each week and is sometimes on his own training them if the coach is working or away.
I am also concerned about this dad at training now! Am I overreacting? Should I approach him or his wife and should I tell the football coach that I am worried about him.
BTW - Generally DS is well behaved but can be silly and misbehave like any 8 year old boy does! He has been put off football since this dad has started training with them and describes him as harsh.
Help please.

lovechoc..."It's not completely irrelevant though, is it doormat? "...erm yes it is...the deed has been done..you cannot turn it back, no matter how much you protest thet you would go with your dc to the party....

i agrre with buchrest and seeker....question your ds again...and if turns out to be the case call in the police or ss...

i would not approach this man for an explanation to give him a chance to make up excuses or slither out of it if your ds still allegedly confirms that this awful piece of scum did this to him....

I don't think the op's son is making it up, necessarily. But doesn't it seem a bit unlikely that a child's ear could be pinched so badly that it was still sed and grazed a week lqt and nobody noticed on the day it happened and the child didn't say anything? Does the op never cuddle him-- "ouch, mind my ear, mum!" or brush his hair, or ....actually look at him?! Would people really talk to the police before talking to the man concerned? He's a football coach- what would it do to him if the police turned up on his doorstep.....

always go with YOUR instincts

and also your DS instincts were telling him to avoid the man

men like this disgust me - clearly he's doing the whole I'm a great family man and a football coach...outwardly wonderful - but you say his wife is timid?

says it all

keep an eye on the family - trust me amd trust your own instincts, they are usually right

seeker yes i understand what you mean about the brushing hair etc and not noticing...
as for the police on the door...if her ds still maintains the story that this man did this to him...yes i would send them....

imo i wouldnt approach him as he may want to make excuses etc/ renage the allegation, which he is entitled to do...but i wouldnt personally give him any forewarning....

i also agree with other posters about asking what happened at the party...but i would do it slyly iykwim....

Thanks for all the comments. With regard to my previous experience of this dad he is not someone personally that I warm to. He tends to shout a lot at the boys when they are playing football during matches and come across as a bit aggressive in his manner, but up until the party I had no reason to believe that he would harm my son. I feel bad because my son didn't want to go to the party and I gently encouraged him to go (definitely did not make him!) we were going off to meet some of our friends who were emigrating (with 2 of our 4 children) and he thought he was missing out! Incidently - the wife of this dad is quite a nervous, timid lady, but always very friendly. I agree that it was not acceptable behaviour for my son to be throwing the sachets of tomato sauce around the table with the other boys (and he is aware of this - DS was actually more concerned about me being cross about his behaviour, than me trying to ascertain how the injury occurred to his ear!) he said he didn't start the throwing, but joined in - that is still not ok to do and he knows it!
Having not slept at all I spoke to a couple of very good friends and had 2 different responses! One friend said to report him to social services (and stop him going to football) and the other said she would get her DH to speak with him at football. In the end I contacted the main football coach and explained the situation. He will now let us know when the dad is training on his own (he has been CRB checked etc... But I still never want to leave DS alone in his company again) and my DH spoke to the dad in question, after training, away from anyone else. He told him that DS had enjoyed the party, but that we were concerned because he had returned home with a nasty injury to his ear where he had been pinched by him. He didn't deny it, but he did confirm that some of the boys had been silly with the sachets of ketchup. My DH suggested that over excited 8 year old boys may be better disciplined verbally rather than by a pinch. He also added that 'the missus' (yuk! Not happy with that explanation) wasn't very happy about it at all. Whilst he didn't apologise I feel happier that he knows we know he did it (what a bully IMHO) and I will ensure he is never alone with my son ever! The football coach is now left feeling concerned about him - but at least he is aware of his 'potential' and hopefully will supervise him better, he knows to let us know when he is not going to be at training.
This dad has guts because when I arrived at football to collect DH and DS he came over to me in the car to ask if DH could go out for a drink with him and some of the other dads. DH had said he'd have to ask me (by way of an excuse when he asked him after DH had raised the pinching issue!) DH didn't want to go and was using me as an excuse lol - I would never actually stop DH going out!! So I thought that was quite funny! DH has no intention of going out with him ever. Also with regard to staying at a party - my DS would be mortified if I stayed - no other parents stayed at this party neither do they tend to stay at parties. I do very occasionally stay with DD age 6 but it depends on the circumstances. Believe me I would never put my children ever at risk. But equally I want them to learn social skills (not throwing sauce sachets lol) and how to keep themselves safe when not with me or DH.
My eldest son now 13 has been getting the train to school from the age of 11 and has had to cope with a few difficult situations which he has dine so admirably!
Also my DS age 11 (no 2 son) came home a few weeks ago with an invite to a party - hand written on a scrap of paper with a mobile number and he wouldn't go or even let me ring because he had concerns himself about the party not being supervised. Bless him - he is so sensible!!
Thanks again and I hope this fills the gaps for a few of you who had concerns about where I was coming from.

Seeker - I do feel bad for not noticing it earlier! My son has long surfer style hair that covers his ears. I cuddle and hug all my children everyday. He didn't tell me because he thought I would be cross with him about the sauce sachet throwing and when I asked if it hurt him when he was pinched he said it really hurt, but he said 'held it in' DS has 2 older brothers who, to a certain extent, will hurt him (again they all know that it is not ok to harm each other) when they are 'being boys' (it can be like having a litter of pups - one minute they are all happy playing the next minute it has turned into fighting) and he is quite a little tough nut!
He brushes his own hair/teeth etc he is fiercely independent.
Hopefully he will tell me if something like this happens again. I wasn't cross about the sauce sachet throwing but merely advised him that he didn't have to join in and was that something he would do at home!

am glad you dealt with this matter in your own way...feel really sorry for your ds and i can imagine you have lost alot of sleep and been worried sick...it must be really awful for you...hugs to you all xxx

Also as an add on - I had a call from the main football coach saying he wanted to discuss the incident with him. At present I have asked him not to. The injury did not happen at football training but I wanted him to be aware of our concerns and also to let us know when he will be training alone. I don't doubt that this dad is a bully to his wife and his own children. All I had were my instincts, and yes, I so wish, I hadn't encouraged him to go to the party. There were no other parents present when it happened (I already asked my son - no one else stayed) just his wife who according to my son didn't see it. My son does not tend to lie nor make things up. I believed him right away (he had no reason to make it up) and he was aware that we would be speaking to the dad about it. The mark some 5 days later has shown up in the photo that I took on Friday morning. His lobe some 6 days later was more 'red/grazed'. With regard to calling the police/social services - I personally feel that would have been 'huge' for us as a family. We both live and work in the local community. The waves would have been far reaching and caused no end of distress for them as a family. My son would have been interviewed by social workers and police and I am sure that the dad would have denied it. Then it would have been an 8 year olds word against an adult. The way we have handled this may not be the way that many of you would have and I really appreciate every one who has commented on here's 'take' on it. My DH is also very placid, laid back and nonconfrontational - he actually found it very hard to approach this bully. But he did and although he didn't necessarily say what I would have or how I would have said it - I am happy that he stood up to him and let it be known that we were very unhappy about this form of chastisement.
Hopefully this dad will not do this again to anyone in the future.

Awww thanks doormat - I was so upset and very tearful when I discussed it with the football coach and separately, with both my friends. It was probably best that it was not me that spoke to the dad in question because I was so upset. I would have ended up sobbing!

your welcome and i empathise as i dont know how you have handled it so well...as for the football coach...i think he needs to discuss the matter with you as an allegation against this man has been made...dont forget this man is responsible for the children when the head coach is not there....hopefully someone will correct me if i am wrong but i would gather it has now become a safeguarding incident and would have to act upon it...

lastly just to let you know you have all been in my thoughts this weekend as i dont know if i could of handled it so calmly like you have, but i have always been a bit of a gob on legs lol xxx