what did I do wrong?

[LionsnTigersnBears]

Today DD (22 months) went into a major tantrum at the park. The tantrums are really getting beyond a joke, and I think I'm not handling them well. How can I do better? Here's what happened:

I took DD to play park on her smart trike (no straps to hold her in) which she loves. At the park she got very excited, running around, lots of other kids (she is an only child at the moment. She spotted a very fancy bike belonging to another child parked near hers and tried to get on it. I tried to take her away- pointing to her trike and explaining that the bike she was trying to get on wasn't hers but here is her bike instead. Instantly she's on the ground crying. I try to get her away but she's upset. Finally I have to take her out of the play park into the main park to try to get her to calm down. She stands crying, won't get on her own trike. I don't want to carry her out of the park but everyone is staring and she won't come to me (she's 10 ft away at this point, in clear view but too far away for me). She runs off when I walk towards her. I have chase her in the park and finally catch her and carry her to the exit. She cries angrily all the way home (10 mins on a trike).

What can I do? This happens several times a day whenever she can't have something she wants. How can I be better at this?

you did nothing wrong
1-2 year olds are all utterly unreasonable
keep at it, it gets better,

Just let her cry. It's what they do.

Trust me, if anyone is looking it is with sympathy and relief that it isn't them this time. Just ignore them.

Keep her safe. Eventually she'll stop.

What did you do wrong? Nothing! Toddlers throw wobblies. I usually walk away but you can not do this outside so I think you got it exactly right. If it is any consolation my DD has been known to go totally rigid (making it easy to tuck her under my arm and carry her to the car/home/buggy)

Sounds very normal to me.

I used to find that my DD was worse if she wasn't kept topped up with food so I would carry around raisins and milk and some fruit (and, if I'm honest, biscuits too). If I kept her fed she was on a much more even keel.

Other than that, to be honest, she is almost 2, that's what they do. Keep as calm as you can, ignore anyone else (and you will usually find that they are very understanding glances rather than ones of horror - and if they are ones of horror, well they can go hang) and then have a glass of when you get home.

I agree with those saying to ignore her crying, not her, you can still talk to her, commenting on what's going around you in a relaxed and non flustered manner, try to redirect in a neutral way. Don't give in to her though, or she will continue to tantrum to get what she wants.

My DD used to do this sort of thing all the time. I found chocolate buttons soon encouraged her to see things my way!

Now she's 3.5 she can still be completely unreasonable but giving her two chances then counting to 5 almost always works, which is such a relief when you can feel all those other parent's eyes upon you!

Sounds like my DD - not as frequent (yet), but she is a few months younger. I imagine people look because of the noise or out of sympathy. Most parents will have experienced it themselves. I had to do a 30 minute walk home carrying a tantrumming 12 month-old and her trike whilst pregnant. (She wanted to walk and kept throwing herself off the trike.) Nightmare - although one lovely lady offered me a lift.

When distraction or bribery haven't worked, I have been known to manhandle DD home leaving trike or dolls pushchair behind when she's been awful... Only happened once with each (v lucky they were there when I managed to go back for them later - live in a naice area).

People do stare to see how you are handling tantrums - not out of judginess, but for hints of what might work when it is their turn.

Oh thank you! I was beginning to get desperate! This weekend has been one tantrum after another, about the bike, after I took my iPhone from her, after I took DH's iPhone from her, after she poked the dog in the nose, after I took my glasses away from her....on and on.

I can't get her to let go of something, and feel like a complete git when I physically wrestle something (dangerous, blasted expensive, living) from her or have to wrestle her away from something. I will definitely try raisins (maybe chocolate covered? oh hell then I'd eat them!) as a lure. Any other ideas for getting her to let go of things, I'd be grateful as all get out. She has a vice like grip on things she wants! (the words 'hello fishy!' will haunt me to my dying day for example)

Perfectly normal. I had 15 months of it with DD2. You kind of get used to it and develop a thick skin. DD2 was a good one for tantrumming as soon as you got to the supermarket. So I just used to strap her into a seat and get on it with it. Because of the noise she was making people would head away from us, so it was always a nice quick shop.
Just keep with it, it does end eventually and you'll be left with a lovely non tantrummy daughter who you can reason with.
Oh, and when DD1 used to complain rather loudly that she didn't want to put her PJs on for bed we literally had to pin her down and strip her off. After a few weeks of this she got the message and we've never had a problem since.

Really really normal.

The only thing you might want to try to do is anticipate is triggers. For my DD if she was sufficiently fed and distracted from things that she would want but couldn't have life was easier.

You are doing a great job, it gets easier

at 'hello fishy'! I think they're all like it to some degree. Distraction and bribery if she'll comply, otherwise I just wait for dd (34mths for pity's sake) to calm down a bit and then give her a bit of a cuddle till she stops crying. They're very infrequent now, but ds is now 15mths so he'll probably take over where she leaves off!

There are threads for the most unfounded tantrums!

toddles are a nightmare. DS2 who is 26 months is just the same. A good weekend to us is one where he has had less than 4 tantrums. This weekend was good, last weekend was bad. I love him to bits, but can't wait for him to be about 3.5! I think the cutted up pear thread in classics really sums it up

Ds is the same age, its frustration often with side orders of hunger, overtiredness or teething pain. He's not talking much yet so I find putting his feelings into words helps, ie to show I do understand what he wants and how annoyed he is that I'm not letting him do it.

We don't have anything as expensive as an iphone for him to break thankfully but with remotes I have a decoy I swop with him or give him a few seconds to enjoy the thrill of holding something and then ask him for it, very often he hands it over with no problem. I always try and thank him for doing as I ask, which I think helps.

Agree that people staring are either curious as to how to handle these things or thinking uh thank god its not me this time!

Text book toddler. I still have mental flashbacks of My DS (now 7) and his epic, usually public melt downs. DD was a bit more chilled out. She still is. Born that way I think but she did it too. It's normal and healthy and you have no choice but to just ride it out with them. You couldn't have done anything else. Just keep doing what you're doing, but don't think that her behavior is down to what you are/aren't doing. Because most of the time it isn't. The best action you can take is to make sure you have some nice 'you time' penciled in. Most on-lookers are just sympathetic or a bit nosy or both. I generally look on nostalgically. We now have other stuff to worry about, like play-ground politics, SATS, all that kind of thing. I kind of miss my simple worries from when they were young. Just hang on in there and have a glass of wine and a galaxy waiting for you at the end of the day at the very least x x x

Thanks everyone! it is!

Just remembered taking DS to a party - aged about 19 months. He rampaged through the house, fiddling with every nob/button/appliance he could. Turned out each and every recepticle he could. I managed to get him into the garden where within minutes the was a very big squabble over toys, resulting in a floor rolling tantrum. Minutes after that he was posting handfulls of stones into a pond. Then it was back into the house and more attempts at turning on washing machines and trashing shelves. All the while, the other children sat beautifully at their mothers feet, eating watsits and sandwiches. The mothers and other relatives looking on with horrified sympathy. when I got home, he fell as asleep and I just sat and cried!!!

My 18 month old throws tantrums constantly when he doesn't get his own way. ALL THE TIME. It is embarassing but I just grab him and carry him off, usually kicking and screaming. He is very easily distracted and stops crying pretty quickly. However if he does this at 18 months I can only imagine what he is going to be like when he gets older. We are in for a world of pain I think as he is rather a strong willed little thing.

ilovehugs

God I can relate to this. My son tries to turn on the dishwasher and the washing machine all the time. and open the fridge. and when he gets told know, it's a meltdown. I too have watched with envy the mothers of more compliant children.They all seem so subdued. My son has never been quiet or compliant. Even as a very tiny baby he was always wanting something. Other tiny babies would still in their bouncy chairs or on their playmats but mine would scream after about 5 minutes. He is now 18 months and I have aged about 10 years!

told no not know. Duh.

emmyloo - hugs - sounds just like my DS. I really, really think they are just born that way. With DS I had to have a playpen in the living room, just so I could leave him safely and go for a wee. I would fill the room full of toys and move eveything else out the room and he would still find danger/destruction. He used to like the fireguard - which despite never using the fire I kept there to protect the last few remaining ornaments in the living room. he spent so much time shaking it that he eventually wobbled the screws out of the wall. At Christmas we had to buy special Christmas lights because he would suck them. I had to get rid of a latex/hessian rug because he was always trying to eat it. He would literally 'work his way' around a room. He was dragging himself along the floor aged 4.5 months and crawling fast by 6 months. You couldn't leave him for a SECOND. DD came along and was totally different. Didn't even need a play pen. She used to sit at my feet eating watsits and sandwiches - and I really bloody appreciated it!!!! DS is at school and I'm miss him so much!!!

Mine is 23 months. THis morning was a nightmare - everything he grabbed was dangerous, not his or too fragile, everything was taken away from him by people much, much bigger than him (or abit bigger than him, i.e his brother) and all he wanted was to just enjoy his morning (I think....or are they programmed to do this to be miserable or make our lives miserable...? I doubt it, until proven otherwise). So after each loss (scissors, brother's toys, mummy's spectacles) I just held him close to me and let him cry out his sadness... Beneath all the tears, finally a toddler emerged who was not necessarily happy about being still too small to do things the way he wants, but at least who knew he was loved and understood.
Lots of hugs to you and your toddler!

Both my DS's were like this, in fact DS2 at 2.3 still has a playpen for when I am getting ready for work. Without it he would just get himself into trouble. The other morning he had got out of the house and was up in the greenhouse doing some watering! I want a child who sits at my feet and eats watsits

Aww mayamama! That's too sad, and too much like mine, who is just heartbroken at everything she can't have. But my DD holds a grudge like you wouldn't believe. If I take something from her, my name is mud in her house! (I never thought toddlers could sulk....Is she a prodigy? If so why for this, fgs!!!! (tears hair)) So its too sad because she won't let me comfort her :-(

Like Emmyloo's DS, my DD has always been a shouty lady. From birth I've never been able to leave her just doing her own thing for a minute, and even if she's just nearby she has to be involved with me. Other mums, that actually seem to be able to do things at the same time as looking after their baby/toddler, are god like figures to me. I still find it hard to do even really basic things with her in tow- make phone calls, do hoovering, that sort of thing. So the house gets cleaned at weird hours of the night !

This morning we've had only 2 tantrums, one over not wanting PJs replaced with clothes (No,no,pants!!!aaiieeeeeee) and one over not getting to drink the bubble mix from the bubble pot (Boobles! Boobles! aieeee!!!). So its actually been ok so far !