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is my dd emotionally immature?

48 replies

familyfun · 12/05/2012 20:35

if i describe my dds behaviour, how old would you guess she is?

she wont be left at a friends house or party
she cried and clung for weeks at the start of the school year and still sometimes runs back for another kiss
if she is playing on the roundabout and another child comes over she runs off
she started swimming lessons but after a few weeks cried through the whole lesson and refused to go back
she wants to dance but wont start lessons as i would be in next room
if an adult speaks she rarely answers and if she knows them very well she whispers an answer so they hardly hear
if asked to make a choice she takes forever so people get bored waiting and choose for her
she cries at the slightest bump
she cries if her sister takes something off her
she cries if a toddler pushes past her
she cries if we say stop doing something cos its bathtime
she cries having her hairwashed
she cries having her hair brushed

academically, she reads phonic books easily and reads enid blyton although finds the chapters long. she writes long stories, spelled wrong but phonetically, she knows 3d shapes, adds 14+8, subtracts 20-5, knows 2 times table, 5 times table, 10 times table, some of 3 times table, will read out in assembly, takes part in plays, reads at school and talks in small group.

how old would you guess she is please?

OP posts:
BrokenBananaTantrum · 12/05/2012 20:39

I don't want to guess as I'm not very good at stuff like this. However, you could be describing my DD. She will be 6 at the end of July. My MIL says she is emotionally immature and that i should get her to toughen up. As far as i'm concerned she will have a lot of years where she will have to be emotionally mature and she will get there eventually. Unless you are bothered ignore anyone else.

thisisyesterday · 12/05/2012 20:40

um... 8?

thisisyesterday · 12/05/2012 20:40

actually, maybe 6 or 7?

thisisyesterday · 12/05/2012 20:41

ok my initial guess was based on you thinking that she is emotionally immature so i was thinking that i could definitely still imagine an 8 yr old being like that although it may not be the "norm" (for want of a better word)

but then re-read and wondering if she is a bit younger

maples · 12/05/2012 20:42

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Mama1980 · 12/05/2012 20:43

7

Ben10NeverAgain · 12/05/2012 20:44

Anything up to about 8 based on the times tables.

However I have to say that my viewpoint is somewhat skewed given that I have an emotionally immature DS who is nearly 7. He has sensory issues re touch, smell, sound, light etc et. He has difficulty with regulating his emotions and also dealing withe change, He has Asperger's Syndrome.

I am not saying that your DD does or does not have an ASD but if she is having difficulties that you are concerned about, you can always ask your GP to refer her to a Developmental Paediatrician.

MrsPnut · 12/05/2012 20:45

I'd think you were talking about a 6/7 year old.
My dd2 will be 6 during July and she is happy to do all of those things but then she has a 15 year old sister that she has spent her life trying to catch up with.

All children are different though and as long as she isn't behaving like this when she's 18 then I'm sure she will come into herself in her own time.

YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 12/05/2012 20:45

I would say 7 or 8

Hassled · 12/05/2012 20:48

7ish? She does seem to need some help with her self-esteem - could you talk to the teacher?

girliefriend · 12/05/2012 20:51

About 6 but she does seem overly insecure.

5318008 · 12/05/2012 20:52

I know a ten yr old girl with similar traits

familyfun · 12/05/2012 20:54

thank you all for replying.
dd is 4.10
last year in nursery the teacher said she was young for her age and they were worried about her skills at mixing in but she improved over the year.
she is in reception now and teacher said she leaves play equipment when other children approach and she is worried that her emotional immaturity will hold her back. eg they had a literacy teacher in who dd had never met before so dd wouldnt speak to her. she tends to play with older kids and likes one to one time with teachers she knows well.

she is more easily upset than her peers and tantrums like a 2 year old, BUT she is 4 and still in reception, surely i dont need to worry about shyness holding her back academically??
i am quiet, shy, always liked older kids, talked to teachers a lot, sailed through primary so in my eyes she is just like me.
i wish i had more self confidence and i wish dd did but dont know how to help?

OP posts:
FashionEaster · 12/05/2012 20:56

I'd say 7 or 8, given you've suggested in your title that you think she is a little young for her age, but within the bounds of normal for an age span of 5-8, imo

If you come back and tell us she's 15, I reserve the right to change my opinion!

maples · 12/05/2012 20:57

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maples · 12/05/2012 20:59

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familyfun · 12/05/2012 20:59

i did say to teacher surely as she grows older she will learn its ok to talk to more people and cry less but she said its holding her back now.

OP posts:
Hassled · 12/05/2012 21:02

At 4 that sort of behaviour really is well within "normal", I'd have said. Keep having friends round, hide your own shyness as much as you can and she'll be fine - she's obviously very bright, and sometimes that will mean a child finds it easier to learn expected behaviour, IYSWIM.

familyfun · 12/05/2012 21:02

im struggling with one to one time really, as i always have dd2 here, by the time dp is home its bath and bedtime for dds.
she is quite good at swimming, can swim a length no armbands so that was why i though swimming lessons would make her feel proud of herself but she wont go back. we do take her as a family swimming though and praise her.
any work from school is displayed, i make time to do her homework with her ad read her stories etc.

OP posts:
FashionEaster · 12/05/2012 21:04

Xposted

She just a wee girl and perfectly normal. She's clearly a sensitive soul at this stage in her life. Obviously she needs encouragement and gentle steps but some children just don't like attending formalised groups as it's like a whole set of new 'rules' to learn, on top of school, and can be intimidating.

Swimming pools can be scary, noisy, smelly places, you get cold and are told to do things you find scary. I hated lessons at 7! However, taught myself the next year going casual swimming with family and friends. Your dd sounds like she would benefit from small groups, family settings and non-pressure to perform.

thisisyesterday · 12/05/2012 21:05

oh she is quite young still, so totally within the realms of "normal" i would have thought.

i think the best thing you can do is listen to her and take things at her pace.
if she feels insecure then the thing that will make her more secure is knowing that you are always there for her and won't force her to do things she isn't ready to do yet

gradually she will get there i am sure!

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 12/05/2012 21:06

I can't see that it would hold her back academically, but I think it might limit her school experience in other ways. Not sure that there is a lot you can do about it though if that's the way she is. Some people are able to make the most of all opportunities and others are not. I think all you can do is support her the best you can and hope she copes better as she gets older.

GnocchiNineDoors · 12/05/2012 21:06

I don't think immaturity is what is causing the things listed in your OP. Fwiw, I put her at 6.

She seems under confident, painfully shy and incredibly sensitive. However, it could very well be something she grows out of.

Also, I hated organised classes and didn't enjoy swimming, dancing, karate, etc etc and ended up doing none of them. I went to one Sunday School and refused to go back, and hated any sort of 'kids club'. It just wasn;t me. Im not into running round like a mad hatter, screetching like a banshee. I like my own space, to read, draw etc (when I was little). I grew out of it. Or shoudl I say I grew into it, and now have no issues with confidence, or making friends etc.

maples · 12/05/2012 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girliefriend · 12/05/2012 21:08

Think she sounds fine for 4 and quite advanced academically!!