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Behaviour/development

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how old were yours when they played out?

39 replies

3duracellbunnies · 08/05/2012 07:00

I'm talking about unsupervised up and down the pavement play. We live on the sort of road you only go down if you are going somewhere local, but cars do go quite quickly. Dd1's classmates have played out since they were in reception (though each has an older sib two years ahead). The houses are such that the mothers definitely aren't sitting with a cup of tea in the front garden watching them, mine and another front garden are sloping upwards with walls, no visability, and the other one is set back and on a slope. I should say that I feel both parents for me have let go too soon, sending a 4yr old to play unsupervised (although I probably wasn't much older when I did; but that was a long time ago!!!), but am curious as to when I should. One of them had another classmate round who was playing quite happily (though not sure his mother would approve).

Dd1 is now coming to the end of year 2(she is 7), dd2 is in reception. Neither of them are left unsupervised, they are both at the stage where they go into toilet cubicles etc without me and I wouldn't be watching them all the time at the park, but they don't play out, or go to the local shops, and I don't know when I would be happy for them to do that. They do brownies/rainbow, swimming and dancing, so we are fairly busy after school, when we are home it is usually homework, an imaginary game with them and ds(2.5), garden (when not waterladen), or cbbc.

Dd1 isn't particularly friends with these two children, and said she wouldn't want to (think she is shocked that they are out without their parents watching), but I know that she will need to learn to be more independent. It doesn't have to be playing with these children, who are a little wild, but just generally going out without me. She has a good sense of road safety and is quite sensible. Of course once she does, dd2 will want to too.

OP posts:
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BigusBumus · 08/05/2012 07:17

Ds1 was 5 but we lived in a very safe cul de sac where every house had children too, they all played out together. We have moved since and now live on a much busier road. I would not let DS2 play out here, although DS1 who is now nearly 10 goes where he wants in the village now and has a phone. For me the issue is cars, more than anything else.

IsLovingAndGiving · 08/05/2012 07:33

My children aged 8 & 4 do not play out. None of the children on our road do (except for when there's snow and everyone's outside together). Our road is between two bigger roads and I don't feel it's safe for them to be playing out there without being watched and they have never actually asked to play out the front luckily!

5madthings · 08/05/2012 07:48

5 upwards, but we live in a very quiet cu-de sac and all the kids play out together it was one of the plus reasons when we bought this house as we wanted the children to be able to play out :)

Flyonthewindscreen · 08/05/2012 11:01

5/6ish here but we are in a quiet cul-de-sac. DD (now 8) still only plays out on our road, DS (now 10) has the roam of the village pretty much but with a phone and various boundaries, curfews and conditions attached. But if your older DD is not bothered about playing out with these children and you are clearly not happy with it, its fine to say no, not yet.

Houseworkprocrastinator · 08/05/2012 11:20

We live in a quiet close too, I have let my daughter out to play since she was 4. Lots of children play in the street and she knew to come back in if everyone went home. I also would look out on her every ten mins or so.

3duracellbunnies · 08/05/2012 13:50

Thanks, I can see on a cul de sac it would be different. I don't think she would cross carelessly, but I can see it would be hard if other children were and she was playing with them. The visability isn't great at some points and the cars do go over 30 sometimes. Maybe I will wait until she is 8 (or 19!!!), I would though like her to have some independance.

OP posts:
jubilee10 · 08/05/2012 15:57

My two older boys were both 7 or 8. We live at the end of a very quiet cul-de-sac with a semi enclosed grassed area over the road. They used to play there with friends. Ds3 is 5.8 and is allowed to cycle , on the pavement, outside the house if I am keeping an eye on him and he can walk round the pavement to speak to neighbours but I don't allow him to play out unsupervised. Fortunately there are not many small children living here now.

Catsdontcare · 08/05/2012 16:03

5 but only because it is a quiet cul de sac with other children playing out. Hard to say no when they can see everyone else out!

TheEpilator · 08/05/2012 16:14

I would say on a busy road not until about 8 or 9, when they are (hopefully) safe enough to cross roads and not run out into the road to follow a stray ball.

DS1 played out from about 5 in a quiet cul-de-sac, but I wouldn't let the younger ones out for another couple of years as we have moved to a road similar to yours OP. Luckily there is a park in the other direction so I will let them wander up there at about 7-8 with friends.

DS1 is now 12 and has free roam of our area and wanders into the town centre with mates as long as he has phone etc. Its scary for me to let him go but he needs to start getting streetwise for his own independence. Wonder if I'll be as lenient with DD?!

Mobly · 08/05/2012 16:20

Not in a million years would I let my 4yr old play out unsupervised even if we did live in a quiet cul-de-sac. And I don't know of any 4 yr olds personally, that I would think mature or capable enough IMO.

The age would be different for each individual child I should imagine but I think I might start around 7/8 if lived in very quiet street and for very short periods and with clear instructions and gradually increase independence.

Daisy0407 · 08/05/2012 16:28

I think it totally depends on the child and if you can trust them or not. Mine are 7 and 4 (nearly 5) and they are outside right now playing with other children from the street. They have footballs, bikes and scooters on the go and are having a great time.

Our street is relatively quiet, there is a 20mph sign on it. But cars do go up and down occasionally. But both DC are sensible and I always see them looking right and left if they need to cross over. There are some older boys 9ish, who I also trust.

Neither are allowed out of my sight. If I can't see them from the window, they get a row and have to come inside.

Chundle · 08/05/2012 17:18

Kids round here are out playing at 3!! Scares the life out of me. Dd1 is just 8 and I still can't trust her out she runs across road without looking and goes where I've told her not to!

Houseworkprocrastinator · 08/05/2012 19:31

Mobly - my daughter was born 30 years old :) some times think she is more grown up than me. I wouldn't have let her out if I didn't think she was sensible enough. Also when I say quiet close, there is only about 20 houses and you can't drive through it at all. All the neighbours know each other. agree tho it does depend on the child because my youngest probably won't be grown up enough at that age.
I do think it's lovely in the summer to look out and see all the children (all different ages) playing games together. Last summer they made a big "street banner" with an old role of wall paper which they all did together.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 08/05/2012 19:38

I am HUGELY frustrated that my DD aged 7 in year three, is the ONLY child allowed out in our cul de sac. There are a few children...one is 8 almost 9 and she's not allowed out...the other two are boys aged 7 and 8 and THEY can't either. Sad

My DD is out often....she knows the rules and I do check her often...the road is quiet but cars do come along...she knows to stay on the grassy area and that she is not to go aywhere no matter what anyone tells her.

I have prepped her well...she can't go with a child or even a neighbour she knows...if ANYONE tells her "Come with me your Mum or Dad or Nanny want you to." then they are lying...I know this sounds full on but I have talked about various scenarios in order to prep her.

My other DD is only 4 and when she goes out with her sister, then I sit on the step and watch.

It's a massive shame that these kds are not learning how to play out.

mercibucket · 08/05/2012 19:46

If she doesn't want to play out, then it's problem solved. Mine played out from 2 and 3 but I could see them from the window so not proper playing out. Ds1 is 9 and roams freely, ds2 is 8 and I don't let him cross bigger roads, dd goes out sometimes with an older friend to play at hers but otherwise is not interested in playing out by herself

mercibucket · 08/05/2012 19:46

If she doesn't want to play out, then it's problem solved. Mine played out from 2 and 3 but I could see them from the window so not proper playing out. Ds1 is 9 and roams freely, ds2 is 8 and I don't let him cross bigger roads, dd goes out sometimes with an older friend to play at hers but otherwise is not interested in playing out by herself

boxyfoxy · 08/05/2012 19:53

i have this issue too, we live in a fairly quiet new estate, but cars still scream past- we don't have front gardens either, doors open on to the street. My daughter complains that her friend who is 8 plays out without an adult, but I won't let her- she's turning 7 this month, and i go with her down to the green when she wants to play. I'm not sure about letting her go without me, i just get the fear. I wish that i could let her play out, but it's not even like there are neighbours that can keep an eye, none that I know anyway. oh, to live in a safe little cul-de-sac!!

cooey2 · 08/05/2012 20:18

wow, 4 and playing out. My children were both 8 when i let them play out. they are now 9 and 11, they have strict rules and boundaries as to where they go, if they break them they are grounded. Saying that my 11 is most places, macdonalds for girls lunch, the local shopping/retail park with friends, but she txts me to let me know where she is. the first time my son played out, he went inside the local pub, just to have a look, he said!!!!! that was after we had explained rules etc, he didn't go out for another week! I guess it depends on the child and the friends. My daughters friends are all sensible and they have always gone to places in a group, which makes me feel so more realxed

rhetorician · 08/05/2012 20:37

we live on quiet cul-de-sac. DD is 3.3 and she plays out all the time, but with me hovering in the background. Most of the kids are older than her, but play out unsupervised (except by older siblings/friends) from about 5. There is usually an adult around on account of the smaller children. They all know to get off the road if a car comes 'get on the pavement mummy, right now!'. Whilst I wouldn't trust her for a moment, DD does know how to cross the road - looking both ways, then checking, then crossing. I make her practice it all the time. I recognise that we are very lucky to live in a place like this where there are neighbours that all the kids know and we trust, and where the children can play outside freely

sunnyday123 · 08/05/2012 20:51

dds age 4 and 6 don't play out - we are not a busy road theres lots of parked carswhich i consier more dangerous. Both are sensible but dd1 even now gets distracted when over excited with friends. I will let them out when one of us is on the step and only between 3 houses! I imagine dd1 will be older than dd2 when she plays out for the first time because they are very close so it'd be hard to let one out and not the other.

3 more years at least!

ValiumQueen · 08/05/2012 20:51

DD1 plays out at 5 but only if there are other children around. I know a 3 year old who plays out supervised by her 6yo DB. Terrifies me to see her as she is tiny. DD is not allowed to go past certain points and is not allowed in the road. I frequently spy her going around on the pavements whilst her pals dart across the road. It is a no through road so she can get there eventually. I find it hard letting her go out, but she is growing up and needs a bit of freedom.

Svrider · 08/05/2012 20:53

Op I'm in a very similar situation
My 7 year old has just asked to play out with two children who look to be about 10
The other two children are on a quiet cul de sac, and I've seen the mums keeping an eye out
All good, but their front yard backs onto our back yard
To get to them, my dc have to walk along a stupidly busy road, over a bit of rough ground used by large vans and lorries, and then past a forecourt!
Also have a 5 yo who would want to tag along
Hmmm trips to the park with mum a bit longer me thinks

Mobly · 08/05/2012 21:02

Just out of curiosity, those of you who allow 3,4 & 5yr olds out unsupervised & not being watched from window, would you leave those same children in the house while you popped to a close shop for 5 mins? If not, why not? And what's the difference?

5madthings · 08/05/2012 21:08

thinking about it my ds4 who is just 4 also plays out sometimes with his older brothers but i keep more of an eye out.

ds2 is 9 and ds3 is 7 and they play out a lot in the cul de sac, ds1 is 12 and plays out sometimes but he is generally off doing his own thing etc goes to the cinema, to lazer quest, he has a mobile so i am quite happy for him to go off on his own.

i am lucky in that its a quiet cul de sac and i can see out from the sitting room and kitchen windows but when ds4 is out i will often sit out in the front garden, they play in the front garden and the cul de sac.

regarding leaving children at home on their own for 5 mins, well most accidents happen IN the home, so they are probably safer out the front for 5 mins if you keep looking out every 5 mins or so?

but i do go and leave my 12 and 9 yr old whilst i go to the shop and have also left the 7yr old in the house for 5mins as well. will take ds4 and dd with me.

SharpObject · 08/05/2012 21:18

I don't let our 4 year old play out even if DD1 (10) wants to take her to the park on a Sunday, I don't think it is fair on DD1 to be responsible for her and worry incase friends turn up and she forgets about DD3.

I've just started letting DD2 (7) play out and it's nice to see a little group of them playing up and down the road on scoots, bikes and or skates.

TBH they normally end up cold or hungry so in the garden or house for snacks and then all back out again!!

DD1 has just started popping to the shop for un-needed things, under a mile away and very close to her school, she is now begging to walk on her own (I have to drive due to work)..... my baby!!