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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

4yr old clothes hurt

45 replies

beactive · 30/04/2012 14:55

My dd has for the past 6 months had huge issues with her clothing and shoes. She tells me that things hurt and gets very distressed and upset as though they are truly hurting her but I know they can't be as the previous day the same item of clothing wasn't a problem and occasionally with a bit of distraction the hurt is forgotten. It is frustrating and difficult to remain calm with her when she decides something hurts - especially as this morning when one of the safe options - crocs - were a problem. Tears, desperation and "mum it really does hurt". She will not wear socks - although I recently bought some seamless socks which she will now wear with a pair of new trainers (but only with those trainers) and I avoid any layering issues, sleeves, cuffs etc.. with sleevless t-shirts, hoodies and gilets. Any bumps or lumps seem to cause her huge distress. She doesnt put it on to avoid doing things, it happens all the time, even when we are going to do something she really wants to do - tennis lessons, soft play etc... I am relieved we are coming into the summer so that t shirts and crocs can be worn (she is not at school yet) and I am hoping that over the summer she will forget about these issues. I am dreading the school uniform in September if she hasnt. Has anyone else had similar problems with their children?

OP posts:

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mrsbabookaloo · 30/04/2012 15:02

No time to write much, but google "touch sensitivity" or "tactile defensiveness" and see if this rings any bells. it may not be this, it may be just some developmental thing or hopefully a temporary glitch, but thought I'd point you in the direction of this info and see if it sounds possible.

RamblingRosa · 30/04/2012 15:11

Hi,

I have similar problems with my DD (4yo) but mainly about shoes/socks/tights. Less so about other clothes. I've just got some seamless socks and tights too.

I've vaguely looked into sensory disorder stuff but I suppose I'm trying not to worry about it too much because I don't want to create an issue where there isn't one. She's also very sensitive about things on her neck (can't wear polo necks or coats zipped right up, gags if you rub suncream anywhere near her neck).

I'll watch with interest....

orangeandlemons · 30/04/2012 15:12

My dd is like this. I think she has sensitivity issues but is also awkward.

Legings or dresses seem best. (No tight elastic waists like jeans). Yoga type pants seem best of all, but of course she won't always wear trousers or long sleeve as she likes to be uncovered (even in -15

Buy large so plenty of room (esp socks). My dd is also waht I would term a highly sensitive child, and this is classic behaviour for a child like this. I wish I could advise, but all I can say, is keep it loose and comfy.

We have managed to get through school uniform issues (but still ongoing). She is also scared of buttons, which is a frigging nightmare

orangeandlemons · 30/04/2012 15:13

Oh yes, mine won't wear anything round her neck or on her head

discobeads · 30/04/2012 15:23

sigh. my 4 year old dd is exactly the same.

We have had issues around shoes for about 2 years. Clothes issues only happened about 6 months ago (practically on her 4th birthday)

I went to H&M and primark and bought a whole pile of cheapo leggings and footless tights, some long sleeved cotton dresses and some tops. I then stripped out her wardrobe of anything except those clothes (mostly)

I explained what i was doing,m and it was an idea to keep us both calm in the mornings (It doesnt half test your patience doesnt it!) I tell dd that she can choose her clothes and get herself dresed and I will not interefere unless she gets angry/upset.

90% of the time it works!

we have also succesfully used reward charts for shoes. 10 minutes of wearing the godforsaken hated shoes earns a sticker. 5 stickers and she csan go to the toyshop and choose a small toy (one of those playmobile people in a bag for £2 for example) - or she can save them and get 10 stickers and choose a big toy (like a small barbie type doll ) After 2x 10 stickers and my pocket being bled dry, the shoes are worn in and comfy.

But in 4 months we have progressed from only wellies, to wellies, trainers, shoes and sandles. Amazing.

Good luck, i feel your pain!

discobeads · 30/04/2012 15:24

I too am dreading school :) Though much less than I was 6 months ago.

lizandlulu · 30/04/2012 22:03

My dd is like this too, she is really fussy with her clothes. Not on a specific part of her body, but if something slightly hurts her she won't ever wear it again. And won't wear socks or tights the right way, always have to be inside out.

I never buy her anything it's out her being there to look at it and always keep labels in when she try's things on, just incase for some unknown reason it hurts her.

With her shoes, I try and buy the same thing over and over again, just in bigger sizes, so she knows they most likely won't hurt her.

Where can you get seamless rights and socks from? She has a very odd fondness of plain white trainer socks and grey school socks. She can't wear any pretty or patterned ones cause of having to wearcthem inside out.

discobeads · 30/04/2012 22:06

havent looked as footless tights work well for us ;) And socks without patterns, but I THINK the whitestuff sell seamless clothes.

orangeandlemons · 30/04/2012 22:11

What helped with dd was this. As this is obviously about tactile stuff, she devloped a fondness for velour . To her it was soft and "strokey" (her words), and the only trousers or indeed anything she would wear were these damn strokey trousers from M&S. . The comfort thing seemed to help a lot, (she was always stroking them) ........for a bit anyway...

rrreow · 01/05/2012 12:06

I had this when I was little (some trousers would actually rub my thighs raw.. and I was a very skinny child!) and still have very sensitive skin although not nearly as bad. I used to wear things like leggings & other soft fabrics rather than jeans or things with very harsh seams. Still have a problem with seams on socks etc =(

Don't really have any other advice but wanted to reply to let you know that it happens to some people. Poor DD she must be quite uncomfortable, and poor you as I imagine it's very frustrating and difficult to solve!

lizandlulu · 01/05/2012 17:13

School isn't that bad for us, she likes the soft jersey trousers and skirts from asda. Sainsburys do some nice jersey dresses. She's very fussy with summer school dresses, they can't have any kind of edging on the arms, and her blouses have to be the girls ones with a ruffle on the shoulder, but think that's just more down to fussiness.

School shoes can be a nightmare. As she wears them day in day out I would like her to have clarks shoes, but have found in the sat, I have bought them ,only for her to say 4 days later they hurt her, so recently have had just cheap asda ones. Although did get 2pais of winter boots at the end of last year, in the sale, but they are about ruined, so will be on the lookout for more shoes.

orangeandlemons · 01/05/2012 17:41

Edging on arms.......not just my dd then

Ineedalife · 01/05/2012 17:51

We cant have any edging at all anywhere. Vests and pants have to be frill free.

Nothing with buttons either.

Would recomend next jersey school trousers, they are fab, come in 3 colours and last ages.

Their pull on skirts are ok too, not as good as the trousers but still good.

For skirts and trousers with soft waists try mini boden, you can get it cheap on ebay.

Good luck folks.

Lovetats · 01/05/2012 17:54

Two of my three girls are fussy about their clothes and shoes. They're now 17 and 10 so I don't think it's going to get better anytime soon. It drives me bonkers!

lizandlulu · 01/05/2012 18:17

Oh yes, vests and pants all have to be frill free too!!! Didn't mention that! I have even had to cut ribbons off brand new pants! Now she is 6 I have found primary are good for pants, they do a girls boxer type pant, made of a very stretchy material, like a seamfree kind of stuff, but they do have seams, just very smooth, she likes those. Think they only start from 7-8 tho

Chundle · 01/05/2012 18:17

Dd2 is 2.8 and is terrible with clothes won't wear a coat zipped up or a Poloshirt. Won't wear jeans, only tight leggings. Won't wear skirts or any item of clothing with a visible button on it. Won't wear cardigans only her gap fleece hoodys!

lizandlulu · 01/05/2012 18:25

It's a nightmare isn't it!! I though it was just because I had given her a choice of what to wear when she was younger, but I am starting to think that her clothes might actually, really hurt her! She's had a bath and is now sat next to me it some teeny tiny shorts ( must be jersey material, won't wear them with no stretch) and. Halter neck top. Bought from next and just bought 3 of the exact same tops off eBay. She likes them so much!

orangeandlemons · 01/05/2012 18:34

What is it with the button thing? This has been ging on since she was od enough to talk. In fact she now shouts "button alert", if she sees something with buttons on.

Also why teeny tiny shorts and halter/strappy tops? My dd is exactly the same, even in the depth of winter

orangeandlemons · 01/05/2012 18:35

She won't wear cardis either, or anthing remotely "woolly".

MarySA · 01/05/2012 18:38

My DS had a fear of buttons when he was about two. Apparently it is a known fear though not common. Really strange and don't know what set it off. He wouldn't wear anything that had buttons. Even a pair of pyjamas with two buttons at the shoulder. It lasted quite a long time. Nearly a year. Sometimes DD said things would itch and wouldn't wear them but not as bad as the button thing.

orangeandlemons · 01/05/2012 19:13

I know it's a fear, I spent a long time researching it. But I think my dd is just awkward about this.

I once bought he something with buttons on because sometimes I forget...The only way she would wear it, wa if I went to John Lewis, and let her select some very pretty flower buttons instead. These were hideously expensive, but it is the only time I have ever got her to wear anything with buttons on. Have given up now, but buttons appear in all sorts of random places. At the hems of leggings (have to be cut off), at the front of a pair of knickers, as decoration (had to be replaced with bea.ds). Sometimes I feel I am being subject to random button hijacks, that wait to pop out after I have bought the garment.

lizandlulu · 01/05/2012 21:09

I don't have the button problem, thank god, it's hard enough dressing her as it is!!!

Oh and on the school issue, I just get the plain cards from asda or next as she says the official school cards are too soft!!! Ow can something be too soft!!!!

EBDTeacher · 01/05/2012 21:24

20mo DS won't wear anything wooly, anything tight round his wrists, not pleased about anything close to his neck and in the process of developing a sock problem.

With him I think it is a bit of a sensory intergration issue. Sometimes if he is having a bit of a flip out about having socks on or wearing a jumper I will provide him with some increased sensory input (playing a fun game of 'roll yourself up in the duvet like a sausage roll' etc) and that will move him on.

Hard if you're trying to get out of the door in a hurry though!

AnnaMS · 01/05/2012 21:39

It's so reassuring to hear that my DD isn't the only one! She will only wear dresses with no frills, belts etc- she hates things round her waist. We try to limit her choice in the morning to one or two dresses - recommended by the health visitor. She started school in Sept and has coped with the school dresses- esp summer ones but we had to get through a whole winter without wearing tights - she would rather freeze than wear them! Although she only wears her wellies outside of school, I think that she us getting better. Either that or we tolerate more and don't worry if she wears the same dress/socks every day!

ShowOfHands · 01/05/2012 21:48

DD is a biddable type and will try and wear whatever is put in front of her but she will squirm, even in her sleep sometimes, if something is woolly, seamy, frilly or tight around the middle. She genuinely seems to feel discomfort in certain fabrics. But I can't wear certain clothes and cuts of clothes or I scratch myself raw with discomfort. I've been known to put something on to take dd to school and when I get back into the house I rip it off and splash my limbs with water. I feel like I'm on fire. I have excema and am allergic to quite a lot of synthetic stuff though so I think it's something in some garments or how they're treated or changes in soap powder. Some clothes just hurt.

DD loves velour trousers and jersey tops with minimal seams.

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