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4yr old clothes hurt

45 replies

beactive · 30/04/2012 14:55

My dd has for the past 6 months had huge issues with her clothing and shoes. She tells me that things hurt and gets very distressed and upset as though they are truly hurting her but I know they can't be as the previous day the same item of clothing wasn't a problem and occasionally with a bit of distraction the hurt is forgotten. It is frustrating and difficult to remain calm with her when she decides something hurts - especially as this morning when one of the safe options - crocs - were a problem. Tears, desperation and "mum it really does hurt". She will not wear socks - although I recently bought some seamless socks which she will now wear with a pair of new trainers (but only with those trainers) and I avoid any layering issues, sleeves, cuffs etc.. with sleevless t-shirts, hoodies and gilets. Any bumps or lumps seem to cause her huge distress. She doesnt put it on to avoid doing things, it happens all the time, even when we are going to do something she really wants to do - tennis lessons, soft play etc... I am relieved we are coming into the summer so that t shirts and crocs can be worn (she is not at school yet) and I am hoping that over the summer she will forget about these issues. I am dreading the school uniform in September if she hasnt. Has anyone else had similar problems with their children?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ShowOfHands · 01/05/2012 21:50

*eczema. I can't type either.

orangeandlemons · 01/05/2012 22:04

Dd also complains that boots make her bones itch. Possibly restless legs?

Whatevertheweather · 01/05/2012 22:08

I had to actually double check that I didn't write your op. I honestly could have written it word for word about my dd who is just 5. The bloody rules about clothes! And yy to previously safe items suddenly 'struggling' her.

I have also resorted to only buying things when she is with me otherwise I end up wasting money or returning things and have also given in and started buying age 6-7 tops and dresses even though she is a perfectly average sized 5yo. Can't do it with trousers though as they fall down/are too long. Leggings mustn't be too tight. I have just bought these in blue, pink and white for the summer. She loves them, they are loose, soft and have no buttons, zips or frills. Crocs are also acceptable. Loose cotton dresses are fine as long as no elasticy top. Gymnastics and swimming are a nightmare. Her leotard/costume are too big and baggy for her but it was getting to the point where she was willing to not go rather than put the 'too tight' ones on. T shirts mustn't have pictures on if you can feel it through to the side that touches her skin. She will only wear loose nighties no pyjamas.

It is exhausting sometimes but I've accepted now as much as possible that it is in the main genuine distress and not just playing up and I do try and accommodate her as much as I can. Lovely, quirky children we all have Smile

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 01/05/2012 22:20

I can relate to many of these issues.I will only wear one particular type of bra and knickers as everything else is uncomfortable.I will not wear lace or wool next to my skin.Labels cause a problem as does restrictive clothing.Anything with a high level of elasticity can be horribly itchy.I find wearing things that are an issue quite intolerable.

DD1 will not wear any itchy clothes (woollens),but other than that (which I think is quite usual tbh) she's fine.DD2 gets extremely cross if the seam on her socks or tights is incorrectly positioned.

lizandlulu · 01/05/2012 22:22

Oh no, no t shirts with anything on them that you can feel from the inside!! I have learnt hat lesson!!! After buying quite a few retry sequinned tops over the years!

orangeandlemons · 01/05/2012 22:34

Yes, had the t-shirt problem, and also a problem with shirred strapy sun tops. The elastic makes her itch.

I think these are all sensitive children, which means they are easily aroused by over stimulated senses. Eczema is classic in these types (my daughter gets it too). My dd is fussy about light, temperature, colours and is emotionally sensitive too (cries easily), but also reads people well.

It's meant to be inherited....................

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 01/05/2012 22:37

We all have eczema (only mildly) so you could have a point there orange.

lynniep · 01/05/2012 22:39

My DS is sensitive too. Not to the same extent, but he wont wear certain things. He refused to wear the first few pairs of school trousers I bought, until I found some cotton mix ones that didnt itch (to be fair he's got a point - the cheap supermarket ones do feel a bit yak) We had to pull him out of karate because the floor hurt his bare feet (I understand that - when I was a kid I had really sensitive feet and I'd lie there in bed desperate for the loo but dreading getting down the ladder from top bunk because it caused so much discomfort)
He also has issues with polo necks ( I get that too) various types of wool, certain footwear and so on.
My DH is the same. Has to wear longjohns under suits so they dont itch.
Poor kid never had a chance!

lizandlulu · 01/05/2012 22:40

My dd doesn't have eczema , but is highly sensitive and cries easily! There must be some kind of name for this, apart from fussy!

orangeandlemons · 02/05/2012 08:14

www.hsperson.com/pages/test_child.htm. One of the questions relates to scratchy clothing.

I discovered this, when I spend hours trying to research dd's lovely but quite demanding highly strung personality. I just did not understand this button refusal thing. She fits a lot of the points on here, especially shy in new situations.

ChopstheScarletduck · 02/05/2012 08:23

The painful thing is very familiar. My son has sensory issues and is sensitive to touch and sound, and is also sensory seeking. Hopefully it is just a phase, but it could be an underlying condition which an OT can assess for. It can be a part of a wider condition, or exist on it's own. sensory processing disorder

ShowOfHands · 02/05/2012 09:47

orangeandlemons, that link is 4yo dd. She is a very happy child, confident, outgoing, friendly but extremely sensitive. Asks a lot of questions which surprise me, very aware of her environment and the feelings of others, intuitive, thoughtful, a perfectionist, notices everything, dislikes change, particularly changes in noise. She has a real ability to describe her feelings, the feelings of others and the world around her and also questions the world and asks philosophical questions. She also takes things off immediately if they're sandy or wet or twisted slightly.

I always say she's just like me and my Dad. Maybe I'm sensitive too. I thought I was just curmudgeonly.

orangeandlemons · 02/05/2012 10:22

Oh yes, know the sandy/twisted thing. The other thing is water. This always necessitates an immediate clothing change.

Look at the website. It is one in 5 of the population. Mine has inherited it from me. I cannot stand anywhere with too little light, have to have a temperature in the range of 19-22 degrees, otherwise I am too cold or too hot. I am really sensitive to colours and surroundings (can't stand sitting in in dingy surroundings or badly decorated rooms, even the colour brown makes me feel down!)

I am a PITA to live with. Grin

orangeandlemons · 02/05/2012 10:29

www.hsperson.com/pages/hsp.htm. Here you are. I am exactly like this (lovely I know!) and my dd is the same. She is easily overwhelmed

lizandlulu · 02/05/2012 21:06

Grin orangesandlemons yes my dd is easily overwhelmed by new things and changes. When she started nursery it took her ages to settle in and didn't like any kind of change, she used to cry at dinner time cause she didn't like not knowing what was going to happen, but after a few weeks of being there and getting to know the routine, this wasn't so bad, but she didn't like outings or nothing unless I could go with them.

Even now at 6 she won't go to play at her friends houses unless I stay with her. Even her best friend,cwho has been here did she knows the mum and been to the house with me, she won't go on her own, or won't let me leve her at kids birthday party's.

She went on a school trip to the part on Monday and they came walking back while I s waiting to pick her up and she had to be the one at the front of the class holding hands with the helper. At assembly's and performances by the school she has to sit next tone teacher too.

orangeandlemons · 02/05/2012 21:20

Mine does this too. Not so much at school, but when she goes to playschemes in the holidays, she is always near the adults. She is getting better as she gets older with this. Still won't wear buttons though, and has gone to bed in only a strappy vest.

beactive · 03/05/2012 18:24

Thank you for all your responses and reassurances, it does feel better to know she and we are not alone. This afternoon ballet didnt happen as the skirt that has always not hurt decided to hurt, I am running out of safe options but will persevere. Have a child psychologist friend calling round next week who i am hoping may be able to shed some light on dealing with this and I will share any revelations! Showofhands - your description could be of my DD she isnt shy though. Looked into "tactile defensiveness" but my DD's issues are isolated to clothes, she loves hard tickles (more than I could ever bear!) and she is a very tactile girl, loving, always gets involved in things it is just these damn clothes that seem to send her into a tailspin. This week pants have been an issue as have any t shirts/tops with labels at the neck. It does seem like we are rapidly crossing off each and every item of both lovely and not so lovely clothing she has! When she is having a moment about her clothes and i ask her what she wants to do she just puts her head in her hands and cries "I dont know, I want to wear something but everything hurts" it is desperate when it happens but once we have somehow distracted her or got past this moment she is an absolute joy, engaging, funny and doesnt even think about what she is wearing. Sorry to babble on! x

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 03/05/2012 18:26

DS had this - mainly socks and anything with labels in. It was at it's worst around 5yo, but stopped long ago - he is now 10.

We used to have some humdingers in the morningsGrin

beactive · 12/05/2012 21:22

My child psychologist friend, after a cup of tea and my explaining the problems with DD she shared hers with me. Her 4 year old DD is experiencing identical issues to mine. We have both been using similar tactics and experiencing similar frustrations,my DD has this past week been much improved and almost forgotten the pant issue. A promise of a card/gift in the post from her older step sister if she managed a week without getting upset about her clothes and also a marble system where she gets to put a marble in a pot each time she gets dressed/changes her clothes without a fuss and at the end of the week can choose a treat, it has worked wonders. I will continue to persevere.

OP posts:
Ben10NeverAgain · 12/05/2012 21:37

Didn't see that this link was given to you sensorysmart.co.uk/

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