Support thread for overactive boys

[whoknewthat]

I was wondering if there are other people who have very active boys and are in need of some coping strategies.

DS is nearly 6. He has always been very very active and restless, even as a baby. Has never sat still, could crawl long before he could sit, didn't draw or colour until way into reception.

He has always had trouble winding down for sleep and it is only in the last few months that bedtimes have got less stressful.

He needs a lot of exercise otherwise he goes slightly loopy. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have anything identifiable (ADHD etc) as he can concentrate if he really wants to, and can act well when required - it's just that when he's at home he seems to feel the need to let it all out.

Often he will appear almost uncontrollable, like he couldn't stop it if he tried. He will often drum his legs, wave his arms, make gurning faces or VERY annoying noises. The only thing I can liken it to is friends when we were in our twenties who had taken too much speed (not me obviously).

It gets much worse if he's tired.

I find this very frustrating and need some help to cope with it myself, and ways to help him.

Will he just grow out of it. I sometimes wonder whether his diet is an issue, or whether he is actually doing too MUCH physical activity, or whether he needs more mental stimulation.

Or whether he will always be like this and I need to stop trying to calm him down.

Me! Mine is nearly 4 and most of my day seems to be saying "calm down...walk...stroke the cat, don't pull...no sword fighting in the living room...".

He doesn't tire physically, will keep on going and just gets more tantrummy when things inevitably end in disaster. He's got selective deafness and loses all sense at least 5 times a day.

On the plus side, we have only ever had issues with bedtimes twice.

Thanks for starting this thread

Yes my DS (5yrs) is definitely hyperactive, I'm saying "calm down" in my sleep now as I'm so used to saying it during the day .

I'll be taking notes of all of the advice given.

Glad it's not just me.

I think I thought that all children were like this but DS2 (3) is so different. He will quite happily sit and play for hours. I have now realised that actually DS1 has hardly ever played with any toys unless it's to throw them, crash them or something else similarly ungentle!

My DS is just 7. The other weekend we took one of his friends to the karate class he does on a Saturday morning with Dh (an hour) - they came back and I took them out for a walk - ds was gadding about whilst I had to practically drag his friend back up to the car, holding his hand. We did something else energetic in the afternoon (I think friend probably went to sleep when we took him home).

He can't keep his legs still when he's sitting. He's always stretching, whistling banging and making rhythms, singing, bumping into the doorframe, pushing and rocking on chairs, picking things up to fiddle with... the list is endless.

He can concentrate when he wants to - and has been reading happily to himself whilst at MiL's over the last 2 days, much to her relief. However, he then turns into a whirlwind of activity again.

My coping strategies:

1. exercise. Whatever the weather, we go out. We have a dog and she is a great excuse. I'm sure the day will come when the dog stays in as its raining (she's quite old) and we still take him out. Extra activities that are active - football, karate (finding that one good on the discipline too) yoga, swimming - anything really that gives him a chance for movement and using his body in a constructive way.

2. bedtimes/sleeping - if he gets tired he takes MUCH longer to get to bed, doesn't settle as well, wakes up earlier and is awful the following day. For us, a bedtime routine is essential - and he appreciates the need for his sleep too. He goes to sleep listening to music which I think is good for his active mind rather than silence. He regularly had weekend naps to catch up a bit from the week when he was 5.

3. Diet - I'm really careful over this to make sure that I try to give him a fairly low GI diet so that he doesn't get sugar highs and lows too much eg he has mainly oats for breakfast and we try to avoid too many colours and e numbers.

Oh no. DS is only 2 but I think this is my future. Am very envious of friends whose children sit & watch TV. Amazing, how do they do it?

DS1, 10 and a half, has always been this way...and still is.

Better now he is older, but still fidgets, makes silly noises, sings annoying songs to wind his brothers up, finds it hard to wind down. As he is that bit older, he goes to bed and reads for about an hour. This has helped him enormously to wind down.

His brothers are nothing like this. However, his dad cannot do 'nothing'. Is always on the go, takes forever to wind down and is quite twitchy, so I blame him .

Hmm, was hoping things would miraculously improve at 7 - obviously not

Trouble is, DH and I are both the sit downy types do it's all come as a shock.

I already panic about school work as I LOVED doing homework as a child (I was a bit odd) but worry DS won't slow down for long enough!

Sometimes I think I should alter his diet as it is quite carb heavy but he is permanently hungry. I'd never be able to get enough food down him if it wasn't for toast

yes! I knew it couldnt just be mine. Ds1 is 5.10 and always been like it, terrible in shops, could never just look, had to touch everything. Brilliant at school, but even in restaurants he starts swinging his leg his legs, banging his cutlery etc.
We have a chat everytime about sitting nicely, but i know
he cant not move, im the same at 27! Dh gets annoyed that i cant sit still on the sofa. Manage not to bang cutlery in restaurants tho! Ds2 complete opposite, very calm. Ds1 is a bull in a china shop.
Also makes noise, silly faces all the time. Very irritating!

Just have to point out: ADHD kids can concentrate very well, sometimes, or even quite predictably & regularly. It's called hyper-focus. DS2 has it.

Thanks ragged, I don't know much about ADHD to be honest.

Is it a spectrum? So it's the severity that's the diagnosis rather than an isolated set of symptoms. Does that make sense?

I was told by a Paed that Ds had some of the characteristics of ADHD but would never get diagnosed with it. Personally, I don't think he does, normally, but she saw just a 20 min snap shot when he had become very stressed (because we got stuck in the traffic and were going to be late and it took 20 mins from seeing the building to actually being able to park the car) and the fact that he was somewhat lacking in cooperation didn't surprise me in the least.

Is a spectrum?

Ah, complicated. Some say absolutely not ever a spectrum condition, I some say it could well be. Plenty folk claim ADHD is made up in all cases.
Complicated!
Best parenting book I ever read said sometimes you dont' need to understand whatever they have, you just need to understand how to deal with their problem behaviours to keep your own sanity. I'm sure there are short-sighted aspects to only dealing & not understanding, but sometimes it's too hard to try to characterise & understand.

When DS came 2nd in a X-country race another parent quipped "Now you know what to do with all that energy!" I wish it were that simple.

Mine is nearly three and sleep has been awful. He still rarely sleeps through, doesn't nap anymore and has never slept in the car or pushchair. Instead he fights it and fights it until he is screaming and beside himself with rage and frustration.
Bedtimes have improved, he used to do a lot of manic head shaking and crying because he was over stimulated.

He won't sit still for long. He hasn't been in the pushchair for a year. I have to keep a close eye on him because whilst he will look full of beans to the untrained observer sometimes he is actually overtired and manic. He still head shakes when overtired. He won't draw or do jigsaws or play doh. He will paint and listen to stories and play trains quietly and he is careful with toys.
But he needs a lot of exercise, a day in the house is horrific, he is just so physical. Often at the end of the day I am shattered and he's still going!

My little overactive DS is on the autistic spectrum which is where his hyperactivity comes from so I'm not expecting it to go away any time soon, but when he is getting far too out of control, to calm him down we use kids headphones and let him play the games on an iPod touch/listen to music, his paed and camhs also recommended this and he focus's all the hyperactivity into playing one of the games as they are quick and repetitive

DS spent some of the morning playing Cut The Rope but I had to remove it as he started making squeaking noises and high pitched squeals. He's now doing laps of the house on a space hopper.

We're going out!

Oh god, I think i've just read about my future

DS is only 7 months but he doesn't sleep and he doesn't stop moving or making noise. At the baby groups we go to the other babies are so peaceful and sleep/feed/gurgle quite happily while unless DS is rampaging he screams/throws/bites etc (to the point that no one at these groups will even watch him for a moment so I can pop to the loo as they are scared of what he will get up to). It hasn't helped that DS is quite forward physically and can already crawl fast and cruise around furniture, i'm scared of the HV seeing all the bruises he accumulates from all this as any attempt to constrain him in chairs or playpens so he cant hurt himself is met with almighty screaming.

DH and I are quiet bookwormy types so I have no idea where this has come from and its bloody hard work!

I have a 5 & 7 year old boys, both need constant stimulation or the bored whining and fighting starts. I find myself exhausted and pulling my hair out a lot of the time.

Some of my current coping strategies,

School dinners, this way I know they have a hot meal in them that is healthy and balanced, they both get seconds too, then I can happily give them sandwiches, fruit, yoghurt when they get home and they can play outside the rest of the afternoon, no waiting for dinner.

Free reign of outside, well the green outside the house and the football pitch next to the house, as long as chores (make the bed, feed the cat) are done, they can play out there from morning until an hour before bed, whatever the weather.

Make use of any available school clubs, from sport to cooking, art. Anything that has them entertained is good for me.

I am a sit down, gentle stroll type person, I find it a struggle everyday to parent them but I'm doing the best I can.

Thanks Titslana

DS has school dinners, will often have a bagel or sandwich when he gets home and then has full dinner (pasta etc) and often ask for toast before bed.

People are a little as he does a different sport 6 days a week but he really needs to do it. On the day he doesn't we spend an hour in the park after school.

I have one too. Go buy a wobble cushion for sitting down activities at home ( and get school to get one too for in class). They do help, alot. :)

I think the only ting for me about getting a diagnosis of some kind ould be to help in school and to help them to understand he reallt can't help moving.

My DS has lots of other medical stuff going on and gets a lot of pain when he over does things. You can see he's physically tired, his legs are wobbly, he falls down but he just keeps going!!!!

What's a wobble cushion

It is a cushion which encourages active sitting. They need to move about a bit to stay balanced and helps to reduce other fidgiting

www.physioroom.com/product/PhysioRoom.com_Junior_Seat_Wedge/3209/39003.html

OT provided Luuk's for school.

Whoknewthat are you me?? My 2 boys are the pretty much the same age as yours - Ds1 is 6 in July and DS2 is nearly 3 and a half.

DS1 sounds exactly like yours - needs to be doing something at all times otherwise he becomes impossible to deal with. He always wants to be out playing football/running around etc. Just as you said, if he did play with toys it always involves crashing/jumping/other silly stuff and very little imagination.

Ds2, otoh, will happily sit and play with toys imaginatively forever - it is actually a joy to watch him

However, when they do play together, it always ends in disaster as DS2 wants to play proper imaginative games and DS1 just wants to make all the characters die

I don't have a solution as we just try and get through each day as it comes - the Easter holidays have been hard. Whilst me and DH are fairly active, we also like sitting and chilling for a while but that doesn't mix with DS1 and it is bloody hard work, very tiring and I am permanently knackered I really envy the parents who don't feel the need to find something for their DC to do at weekends as they are quite happy pottering round the house (I have friends like this ) - pottering round the house always ends in disaster for us.

Stranded I know it isn't my thread but I knew from a very early age that DS1 was very active - I would say since he was walking at 14 months it became apparent that staying in all day was never going to be a good idea as within minutes, he would be bored and causing trouble of some sort 4+ years later and nothing has changed

Whereas I have been in with DS2 since dropping DS1 off at school this morning for 2 and a half hours and he has been no trouble at all - the difference between them is unbelievable.