Is DD2 merely a tomboy or gender confused?

[sweetkitty]

Kind of light hearted but thought provoking too. Our DD2 who's 6 is a tomboy. She plays with cars and dinosaurs, hates pink and dolls, wears boys clothes etc.

We embrace it love her for who she is and that she can express herself.

But if you ask her if she's a boy or girl shell tell you boy. If I say "our my beautiful little girl" shell say "no I'm your handsome boy". even her teacher says what a unique child she is and that she acts and thinks like the boys.

Even though we are fine with it many people try to console us saying that she will turn put the girliest girl ever. As if we are worried about her. We don't want her to change to fit in she wouldn't be DD2 if she did. She's just a very bright unique girl.

The only thing that worries me is that does she actually think she is a boy?

Does anyone else have a child like this?

In answer to the question in your title, time will tell really.

At six she must realise the anatomical differences between boys and girls. If there was less rigidity about gender roles, fewer people would be gender confused.

Well I was that child. Hated dolls, dresses, girly girl stuff and loved being mistaken for a boy. My hero was huckberry finn, I wanted to BE him. I did know I was really a girl, I just felt boys had more fun and I could relate to them better than girls, in my heart I was a wild boy and it was me and my dog against the world.
Well fast forward 35 years or so, I've never become a girly girl, or woman, still dont like dresses particularly and have never been all that comfortable with make up, fashion, and all the paraphernalia of womanhood as it 's just not ME, but I certainly have no interest in being a man, and never have.

That was my experience anyway, I don't know about anyone else. I would say you've got the right attitude, just enjoy her and the person she becomes. If she decides one day to wear a dress, then I would make no comment,

oops, posted too soon, just to say, she's very young yet, so many years ahead of her to decide who she wants to be and how she wants to express herself! She sounds great!

Thanks she is great

I thought maybe her boyness was in contrast to DD1s girliness. There only 18 months between them and they are polar opposites in everything.

She even chose herself boys pants and a few people have raised eyebrows if they find out. The wee soul keeps 2 paid of girls pants for gym days in case anyone sees them as I think a boy saw her pants once and laughed but we had a conversation about this and how he was being silly

She wants to be a builder when she grows up too I don't care if she is a tomboy forever as long as she's happy.

All those people who don't know her congratulating us on finally getting a boy and having boys toys in the house don't know I already have a boy and he's very lucky having her as a sister.

My dd is six and s the same always has been I've just asked if she is a boy or a girl she said girl today boy tomorrow, she will wear dresses to parties but not often she has two a year one summer on winter but likes to put her own unique touch like wearing her converse with them. She does want her hair cut short like her brothers. In contrast my 13 month old dd loves crawling round in pink tutus and is always trying to put hats or sunglasses on, so I think it's a case of nature not nurture. Also her best friend at school is a tomboy who refuses to wear girls clothes as well

She's 6. Just let her play however/ whatever she wants. Don't label her a 'tomboy', just use her name. If you don't buy into gender stereotypes, then she'll be able to navigate herself.

What do you mean don't label her tomboy just use her name, do you think we shout 'tomboy' your teas ready? I think op said she is happy to let her dd carry on therefore isn't really 'navigating' her!

DD is exactly like this, just waiting to see how it turns out. PM me if you would like to and I can tell you more.

I was like this and at older than six - probably 9 or something. I don't think I really wanted to be a boy, although I said I did and liked it when people thought I was one.

Now I'm not especially girly but not especially tomboyish either, and I think being a woman is ace!

She labels herself a tomboy. I think she likes it, her class have just accepted that T brings dinosaurs in, wears trousers and has a Transformers bag.

Googleberry - Serioudly? You want me to explain the difference between calling your kid to the table for dinner using her name and not referring to her behaviour as 'not girl'?

Emily - no not really!

Like nightswimmer I was your daughter at that age.

Wore only boys clothes, insisted I was the third gender "tomboy" had my hair short. Hated all things girlie.

Then at 12 something just clicked and I grew my hair & had my ears pierced.

Like said above I've never been a girlie girl but really don't want to be a man.

It's weird I just didn't see anything positive about being a little girl. They just seemed do weak & boys had much more fun.

I'd say just go with it & what will be will be.

Your dd sounds just like mine!
My dd is 7 - likes football (only girl in her team), dinosaurs and trains. Despises all things pink, princesses and Barbie. Wears boys clothes almost exclusively - if she goes to a party, she'll wear a football kit. All her friends are boys - and she identifies as being a boy - although she does know she's a girl really! She also wants to be a builder when she grows up and loves d.i.y. & fixing things and building flat-packs etc. with daddy. (She's scarily good at it!)

I was also a tom-boy and went through a George-from-the-famous-five phase when I was a little bit older than dd. (I can remember being really chuffed when the ice-cream man thought I was a boy.) I'm still not at all girlie (and I also love football) but I am very comfortable with my own gender and am not at all confused!

My dd has two older brothers which many people think accounts for her being so boyish, but I just think it's who she is. In fact she's much more stereotypically boy-like than my older two in many ways. A friend of mine also has two boys and then a girl and her dd is the most girlie, ballet-orientated, princessy girl you could wish to meet. I also know quite a few very girlie boys!

i have a son who is the same age and very girly and sometimes he will say he wants to be one of the girl charachters if he is watching tv, ie if he watched ben 10 he pretends to be gwen? he likes dressing up in tutus and loves fairies and all things sparkly etc, its just who he is, he also likes lego and football. we just let him get on with it.

i wouldnt think it was anything to worry about at all, she is who she is :)

being a tomboy is dead cool when you're a small girl. at one point i insisted everyone called me george (yes, famous five again) for an entire summer. i was perfectly aware that i was a girl but was determined it wasn't going to delineate my life. grew up, joined the military, so had to wear men's clothes and got paid for it. they wouldn't let me join the marines though...

now i am a sahm with three kids. not at all confused, just happen to have zero respect for the gender-led contortions of society. be whoever you are, etc, etc.

fwiw, i think i was most adamant about not being pigeonholed as a 'girl' between 10 and 20. as in, was fiercely against anyone placing expectations or attempting to get me to conform to gendered roles.

I'm so loving this thread. Makes me feel I wasn't the only one line this growing up.

Like others I grew out of it. No confusion here.

It must be cool she's one of those children everyone wants to play with as she honestly doesn't care if they play with her at all. She's the one who is doing something next thing 5 kids are doing it with her. Total opposite to DD1 who wants to be everyones friend and tries so hard.

She has now told me there is no way she is wearing a skirt to school ever again, she wants boys shoes and jumpers like the boys not cardigans.

I love the strength of character to be herself.

DD islike that, couldn't give a toss, we did have a fight with the school about her wearing shorts in the summer.

I am going to get her shorts, she had one of those checked summer dresses on and looked strange. Even as a baby she was not a baby pink baby.

Annoys me though as she won't wear DD1s hand me downs as they are girly, they get passed to DD3.

She asked me recently "mum when did you realise I was a boy and not a girl" me " age 2 when you burst out crying at getting a doll, you wanted a hulk, which you also got"

I think my moment was when she was stood by the back door age two screaming like she had acid poured all over her and tearing at the skirt she was wearing.

Hmm sweetkitty your last comment made me think maybe there is more to it. However I remember I was pretty stubborn about being a boy too.

I would say just don't make an issue of it either way, go along with what she wants & be there for her whatever.

Gosh I spent a couple of tears convincing strangers that I was a boy.
My name is unisex and I decided to shave my hair off and wear boys clothes. I was the star football player at school and could climb a tree like a monkey.
I fought the "no girls in trousers and no girls playing football policy" at school with sheer rebel behaviour and won. It was fun.
now I'm reasonably girly, I even wear a frock on occasion.

I'd be a little wary of agreeing that she is a boy, especially on the basis of not liking dolls. Surely that was when you realised she wasn't a stereotypical girl, not that you thought she was a boy? I guess small children like to pretend many things (my two liked to be imaginary creatures on a very regular basis as well as various real animals) and many of them have very strong minds/wills about their worlds. Difficult to know as a parent when to play along and when to steer in a different direction (if that's even possible).

I do wonder whether your dd is thinking like this partly because everything is so strongly genderised at the moment that if you are a girl who isn't stereotypically girly you might feel that if that's not you then you must be a boy instead.

I remember wanting to be a boy and being very tomboyish as a child, enjoying being mistaken for a boy etc but not to the extent that I wanted to wear boys underwear (I remember not being impressed at having to wear my brothers hand me down socks and vests) or thinking I was a boy. Looking at the number of George wanna bees on this thread, I wonder if this little girl has much exposure to strong charactered girls from fiction, just so she knows that you can be a girl and like rough and tumble, take the lead role, and play with whatever toy appeals?

I was that girl too - to the extent that I would only wear boys underwear, would only answer to the name Simon and was as tomboyish as you can get. I really wanted to be a boy.

It vexed my parents somewhat, they took me to a child psychiatrist, the psych said it was just a phase.

I got bullied like mad and had to change schools twice because of it.

Obviously I grew out of it, but I was never comfortable with my feminine side until I gave birth to my daughter, and all of a sudden there it was.

I now wear dresses, have long hair etc.

I'll admit it made my life very difficult for quite a long time, but if she's as stubborn as I was, she'll resist any change. I'd say don't make an issue out of it, but likewise don't overly encourage it.