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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4 month old dosn't like Grandma much!! Is v embarassing - anyone else experienced this?

28 replies

mammarubyann · 06/02/2006 18:14

My 4 month old often cries her lungs out when picked up by Grandma and other family members. Is constantly looking for me. This is making visiting v stressful and I'm paranoid she's developing into a shy, anti-social little girl! She is just as bad with strangers & friends she has seen only a handful of times. She is often inconsolable even when handed back to me. Am dreading her Christening. Has anyone else experienced this - will she grow out of it? My hysband assures me she will! Should I cut her some slack as she is still very young or am I right to be panicking?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WigWamBam · 06/02/2006 18:16

Cut her some slack - she's only tiny and you are her world, she cries because she hasn't yet worked out that you are still there when other people hold her.

She'll grow out of it.

Nemo1977 · 06/02/2006 18:17

cut her some slack. MY DS hated being picked up by my family and mother. He also used to throw his toys at her on visits. He is now 2.3yrs and for past 6mths has been a lot more pleasant to them although is still not a 100% he is polite..lolThen again I dont get on with my mum so may have been picking up on underlying tones. Waiting to see if DD does the same.

beckybrastraps · 06/02/2006 18:19

She's tiny! I wouldn't worry at all. My ds wouldn't be held by his grandfather - screamed if he even looked at him. Now, of course, he leaps all over him. Of course it's nicer for you if you can offload the baby onto somebody else for a wee while, but at 4 months I wouldn't interpret clinginess as anti-social!

brimfull · 06/02/2006 18:20

my ds was like this.Didn't like being picked up by my mum and other women.Unusually it was older women.My mum was devastated as she visits from Canada and would be heartbriken because he wouldn't take to her.He is a lot better now bit I must say he is still slightly wary of some women.i don't think ther's anything you can do.She will eventually grow out of it.She is so young it probably is just a stranger thing which most babies go through.

biglips · 06/02/2006 18:22

ha ha ha!!!! my 16 mths old still hates her grandma (dps mum) and she was terrified of her everytime she comes round here, so the only closest grandma get is she buy DD choccies!!!

she used to SCREAM the place down every time she heard my brothers voice and was acting she was terrified of him too.... but since xmas she loves him dearly (i was in shock as couldnt get over it so thats sorted - lol!!)

and my dps sister ,she is terrified of her too

oh well, she gotta get used to it!!!

tribpot · 06/02/2006 18:23

Ahhh, welcome to my world! Ds is 7 months and basically hates everyone except me and dh. Normally when someone picks him up or as much as dares to look at him in the supermarket he starts crying and I have to make up random excuses like "oh dear, he is tired". It is SUPER embarrassing but hey ho, it's not his fault.

He has had a bit of a turnup for the books in the last week as my mum came to stay, so he saw her for a prolonged period of time and realised that other people do continue to exist over a number of naptimes and so on. This has made him feel a bit better and when we went out with some Mumsnetters on Friday he was positively cheerful and beaming with people.

If you can, I would delay her Christening just cos it will be a major stress-fest for you. But DO NOT PANIC, it is all quite normal.

biglips · 06/02/2006 18:26

try and get the grandma or others not to come full on to your DD, as just gradually warm up to her

and IMPORTANT do not let her see you being anxious when youre stressed out or otherwise she'll end up like that too

just relax as its normal

tribpot · 06/02/2006 18:31

Yes, defintely. Ds's other grandma is coming to visit next week and I predict much more serious problems with her as she is mad and wants him to instantly bond with her (whereas my Mum has 10 grandchildren so is a bit more realistic about what to expect from a 7 month old).

RTKangaMummy · 06/02/2006 18:33

I know this might be a silly question but

do you wear glasses?

Or does Grandma wear glasses?

If so get her used to you and grandma swapping over

Or does she wear very strong perfume?

beansprout · 06/02/2006 18:34

Those are good questions RTKM. Ds used to go ballistic if anyone wearing perfume or after shave picked him up. Dh and I both wear glasses, as does my dad, but my mum does not..... cue screaming!

dexter · 06/02/2006 18:35

yes, please don't worry, lots seem to be like this and my son was, particularly with my dh's mum. My son is very sensitive and I think maybe it's part and parcel of a sensitive child to be this aware, though I could be reading too much into it? My dh's mum had a very full on approach where she would scoop him up on her lap instantly, and is one of those people who raise their voice when talking to babies to a really high almost screech and he was scared of her, always cried - it's so stressful as you feel the upset for the other person but it will stop.

I used to want to kiss people who didn't scoop him up but would simply look at him and speak in a gentle, low voice.

Give it time and she will change. With the christening I would give her what she needs, ie YOU! If there is pressure for godparents to hold her as part of the ceremony just be assertive and tell the vicar she is a very clingy baby and needs to stay with mum to avoid tears - sure he'll be happy to avoid the noise! And if others want to hold her, just keep tight hold of her and say "she's really overwhelmed, I won't pass her over just yet if you don't mind". Obviously this is just to get you through the day I'm not suggesting you hold her for the rest of your life!!!
Hope it's a lovely day by the way x

MarsOnLife · 06/02/2006 18:36

cut her some slack. None of mine were keen on my mum before 1/ 1.5yo. They adore her now.

Original poster

mammarubyann · 06/02/2006 18:38

Thanks to everyone so far who has posted a message for me. I feel much more reassured - I guess a lot of what I'm feeling is 'paranoid new mummy syndrome'. You just want everything to be rosy and I can't bear the thought that people are saying 'God, what a whingey baby' the minute they shut the front door on me!! It makes my heart sink when people comment 'Ooh, she's smiling!!' as if it's such a rare occurance!! In answer to RTKangaMummy - yes, Granny does wear specs, I do occasionally, but they aren't as big & scary as Granny's & she does wear the kind of smelly that the older generation are fond of - reminds me of parma violet sweets!!

OP posts:

Milge · 06/02/2006 18:38

Bless her, she's only 4 months old.All she wants is her mum. I hope Grandma doesn't take it personally, I would! My ds doesn't like his grandma much and he's 3! Its perfectly normal, nay obligatory, to prefer mum to anyone else. Relax.

tribpot · 06/02/2006 18:39

I was very surprised cos my ds doesn't like loud-voiced people but just before Xmas we went to see a very loud friend of mine (Australian! But I make no sweeping generalisations of course ) He LOVED her. I think that was to be contrary though because she has recently found out she has cervical cancer and can't have kids, so rather than be a total pain in the arse so she would feel better about it, he was all cute and smiley to make her feel worse

tribpot · 06/02/2006 18:43

Ah yes mammarubyann, feeling paranoid is all part of the parcel. My ds has had wicked reflux too, so has a tendency to puke on all and sundry, what a joy! Anyone experienced with kids/not forgetful (like certain MILs) will take it all in stride - as to everyone else: tough is what I say!

mogwai · 06/02/2006 22:05

yup, my daughter started this lark around the 4 month mark. She still appears to be frightened of my mother at 7 months. My mother is paranoid but she's right, yes, the baby doesn't seem to like her!

What can I say?!

mogwai · 06/02/2006 22:05

yup, my daughter started this lark around the 4 month mark. She still appears to be frightened of my mother at 7 months. My mother is paranoid but she's right, yes, the baby doesn't seem to like her!

What can I say?!

DominiConnor · 08/02/2006 02:49

Our kids when young did double takes on granny. Someone who sounded very like mummy and looked quite like her, but wasn't. From their actions you could see the confusion, which occasionally resulted in tears. Would be my first guess for your 4mo, but harder to spot the cause since a 4mo can't broadcast confusion by anything other than scream.

If it's any consolation 2.1 at 2 years is quite obsessed with granny, loves her to bits, even saying "no!" to his mummy and gazing lovingly at granny.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 08/02/2006 05:20

Stop passing her round. Sit with her on your knee, she will be able to see and hear everything. You could make up a little "grandma song" and sing it whilst Grandma was in the room, and then gradually over several visits progress to singing it whilst giving her briefly to Grandma.

ssd · 08/02/2006 07:42

She's only 4 months!!

Get a grip.

Tiasmummy · 08/02/2006 08:06

SSD - Your comment "get a grip"! Thats a bit harsh dont u think?

RosiePosie · 08/02/2006 08:26

My dd was like this with my MIL until she was about 18 months old, absolutely loves her now at 2yrs and 3 months. I used to take great delight in saying "oh, I don't know why - she's not like that with any of MY family". . I'm such a bitch

gscrym · 08/02/2006 08:59

My DS is 3 and doesn't like Grandma (DH's mum). Might be the smell as she's a heavy smoker or could be he only sees her max of 5 times a year. They only stay 5 mins up the road as well.

blueshoes · 08/02/2006 10:04

mammarubyann, your 4 month old is very discerning. I think your dd is rather advanced to be able to distinguish between you and others (including grandma) at this early age. I know it is gutting for grandma but anyone with experience with young babies expects this. Some babies are happy to be passed around, some just want mummy (like my dd). It is no indication of shyness.

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