Impatient but when should I start trying to get DD into a routine

[Stogan]

My DD is 3 weeks 2 days old and doing very well. I just wondered how I go about going for longer gaps between night feeds ? I think I know the answer is just wait for her to do it but wanted any opinions. I know it won't happen yet but want to be prepared
Thanks x

I'm in the camp that thinks routines are good. I do think its very difficult to get a baby that young into one though. They go through a big growth spurt at around 6 weeks, where feeding and sleeping can be all over the place. I would wait until after that then try to get her into a routine. My DD was sleeping through from 11weeks so IME routine helps!!

Thanks time, I figured I was too keen but at least now I know when to look at starting to aim for, thanks again hun

I found routine great. Suited me and ds a treat. Myself and most of my RL friends have followed the Gina Ford book, although I gather it gets a lot of slating on here. Ds was in the routine from the day I brought him home from the hospital. Everyone commented at the time (and has said this since) that we were so relaxed, well rested etc for first time parents and ds was so content. I put it all down to having the routine. Good luck.

I agree with timeoutofmind We waited until ds1 was six weeks and then started Gina ford. He just fell easily into it and was such a content baby (as was ds2 on same).

Detest GF and to my shame tried it on DS when he was very little. He was miserable, i was miserable. I ditched the book and we were both immediately happier! I actually think it's pretty unnatural to force a baby that little into a routine, which i know is not what you're suggesting

I did some lighter 'baby whisperer' type stuff with DS when he was about 8 weeks i think. Ime they find their own routine as they get older, and their routine changes over time anyway - first dropping the 4th nap, then the 3rd and so on. My DS (16 mo) is now on one nap (sometimes 2) from about 2 till 4pm. He's a fabulous sleeper, has no bad sleep 'habits' and self settles fine without the need for any sleep training. I personally think that most babies find their rhythm on their own, given a bit of time, patience and common sense.

Thank u all so much for ur priceless help !!
I have read the crying to contented baby by GF and think it does sound good but we have a very hectic lifestyle so her plan may not be exactly ideal but I think I can use bits of it, hopefully anyway !!
Longest sleep last night of 5 hours after following GF book yesterday so that'll do for me I think at not quite 4 weeks she's not doing too badly.
Thanks again all ! X

Mine sort of found their own routine without being forced into one. I read the GF book which was given to me by my MIL and it made me feel depressed that I wasn't being a model mother with a model baby.

As for going longer between feeds, well most babies figure it out for themselves? Are you ff or bfing? Have you posted on the breast & bottle section for advice on lengthening the time between feeds?

I found this book very good, especially in the early weeks and unlike GF the author has actually had children herself and all the information is evidence based .

Hi, I also kind of followed GF with my twins but not to the letter, as I am out almost every day so they sleep in pram rather than nursery. But I think there is benefit in at least getting a bath/ bed routine in place early, and put baby to sleep in cot/basket upstairs at 7ish. Also try to start the day at 7am. Inbetween 7am and 7pm if you are bf then just go with the flow until probably about 6/8 weeks and your DD will come up with her own routine for you!

Hi, I've also followed GF, not to the letter as it's a bit extreme and we both might have lost the plot if we'd stuck to it religiously and we wouldnt have left the house; however, my 10 week dd is very contented and we very rarely have any crying episodes and she is tired when GF says she'll be tired etc! I ended up ignoring the 'wake baby up at 10.30pm' for a feed as I'm breastfeeding and dd just kept falling asleep so now she has her feed at 6pm, then she lasts until 2am then sleeps until 7am so I'm hoping that the stretch from 6pm - 2am will continue to get longer and hopefully one day (soon!) she'll sleep through the night!

I got into a routine but one dictated by DS not by a book. He found his own pace himself after a while. We did always the same sort of things at the same sort of time and then eventually things fell into place.
I think that 3 weeks is a bit early to try to fit your DC into a rigid(ish) routine. One of my friend followed GF and it put me off it big time. Her whole life evolved around this freakin' routine and it was borderline anti social.
As for the longer gaps between feeding, well, time (and patience) is of the essence!

i wouldn't even try!

dd is 16 weeks now and there's no routine.
we just live life as it happens.

I found with mine that they kind of fall into a routine and you reinforce it.

I know that as a rule, newborns can't usually stay awake for longer than an hour or so, so after that time, I'd look for signs and put them down. Both mine fed on demand, so that was never an issue.

Bedtime was still the same as us at 3 weeks, but don't panic, and it should naturally work itself back. Dd is almost 5 months now and her/our routine is as follows:

7-9 (depending on toddler volume) wake up. Have a feed.
10-11 eye rub= back to bed for a bit.
12 or earlier wakes up for feed/play
between 1-3 back to bed for a bit
more feeds.
7 feed and bed
7-9 up and down the sodding stairs
1-4 wakes for a feed
3-6 wakes for a feed

So see, we do have a routine, but it varies and has to accomodate things like going shopping, taking ds to nursery, going for a walk etc.

BEsides, their routines change all the time. We worried a lot with Ds that we wouldn't be able to get him into a routine - especially in the early weeks when it's chaos - but it happens. They're quite often creatures of habit. Mind you, so am I!

IME all babies are different, some fall into routines and some don't. The GF rouine is based around baby sleep/wake cycles etc so if you have a routine type baby it will probably naturally follow it and you'll be singing the praises of GF. If you don't then you'll be burning her book .

My eldest loved routine. I didn't do anything to impose one but from around 7 weeks you could almost set your watch by him, he fed and slept at the same times every day and went to bed in the evening with little fuss, only waking for feeds at night. Perfect. With dd I never had a clue what was going on! Dc3 is now 4 weeks old and we are going with the flow.

Books can help because they explain sleep cycles and so on. Before I had children I had no idea/had never thought about the sleep cycle of a baby being different from an adult. I didn't know that in general a small baby can only stay awake for x amount of time. Once you know that then you know what to look for, you can recognise that your child is tired and help them go to sleep before they hit the over tired, screaming, can't go to sleep stage. Just use what works for you from books and chuck the rest away, don't think you have to follow things to the letter.

'IME all babies are different, some fall into routines and some don't. The GF rouine is based around baby sleep/wake cycles etc so if you have a routine type baby it will probably naturally follow it and you'll be singing the praises of GF. If you don't then you'll be burning her book grin.'

Totaly agree, DD would never have followed this routine DS would have if I'd really wanted to but new better then to try and force anything.

The best thing about tiny baby's is they are so protable, take her with you and enjoy the freedoame while you can. Once they are old enough to want a sleep at a set time and need to be in the cot you'll be tied to the house more. (Which is another reasion why I don't like GF).

Really you don't need parenting book's look at your baby and follow her lead.

I followed a book called Baby Secrets and combined that with Gina Ford. I adapted timings to suit my baby a bit more. dd doesn't sleep in her cot all the time, but I do try and give her naps at home as often as I can. I can definitely not be accused of being antisocial and spend most days out seeing friends both baby and non baby ones! Yes, it requires more planning to work around a routine, but unlike some of my mum friends we never have to leave a cafe because my baby is screaming.
)

Started routine from the minute dd arrived back from hospital and started with difference between day and night. Then moved very quickly to feeding at the times stated in routine, but she needed more sleep than the routines said.

With stretching feed times at night, I basically stretched the time by 15 mins at a time and never fed before the time I knew she could get to herself (unless she was ill or I knew she didn't drink enough at previous feed). So if previous night she slept until 2am, she would not get fed before 2am again. That involved rocking on quite a few nights, but result was baby who slept through from 8 weeks.

Good luck. Routines work, but they are not magic and you do need to work at them.

What Indith said.

Only now would I start to think about a bedtime routine so your LO knows day from night and begins to sleep for longer stretches - which it sounds like she does!!

So we were doing bath, boob, bed as close to 7pm as possible. Then daytime I would feed on demand, but then after a few weeks tried to get him to every 3 hours or so - never forced it tho? Then I started to try and get him sleeping every 2 hours or so...etc etc. But my DS wouldn't ever sleep for more than 40 mins until he was 6 mo. Nighttime was WAAAY better (thank god) but it meant we were never going to be GFers.

Just wish I'd realised sooner that he wasn't going to be one of those babies you could manipulate! I would've been far more chilled and able to enjoy him more.

Well DD has now decided she no longer wants to sleep for longer than an hour either thru day or night ! Got a feeling this is only going to get harder

yeah, I'm with you there!

Last night my DD kept me awake by "pretending" to feed. Not actually needing to - latching on then pulling off. then moaning because I'd moved my boob away. then latching then pulling off.
All night.
yesterday, she had a nap during the day of about 10 minutes. that was in the pram on the way home.
that's all.

You have to remember that she's only 4 weeks old.
She doesn't even know what a routine is - she only knows hunger, tired, cold, too warm, too wet.
she probably doesn't even know uncomfortable!

Please don't worry too much about a routine at this stage, really, it will work itself out.
I couldn't tell you what DD was doing at 4 weeks old, because that was when we'd just decided to let her get on with it.
I was back at work at 4 weeks, and that's when I started sleep-feeding. It was the best all round for us - she'd sleep as and when she wanted, whilst having me close by to feed her when necessary (it takes some getting used to, but at least you only have to wake when she needs to latch on, then go back to sleep), and then I'd be awake enough in the morning to get us both up and ready for work.
I was worried about being tired in the day , but it worked great for DD - she would just do her own thing - mummy feed me, mummy change me, mummy let me sleep! etc, and I would fit around her.
That's the only way to do it in the early days.

Now she's 16 weeks, there is a sort of pattern, and it's largely based on what routine I've given to her just by going about every day.

Stogan don't worry, she is so tiny, of course you are going to get nights where it all seems to go wrong, she is still finding her feet in the world :). Sometimes she will want to feed all the time, sometimes she will be like nickels dd and just want to be close to you all night. The time will come that she just wants you to sod off and leave her to sleep, it just takes time.

I know it feels like forever when you are sleep deprived but think about how long you carried her inside you. It makes those few weeks seem like nothing.

Having your own daily routine sort of helps doesn't it Nickel :) you can't force a baby into a routine without a lot of tears but just going about a daily routine means feeds and sleeps sort of get spaced out.

Ds2 is 4 and a half weeks and I'm looking forward to the big 2 being back at school and nursery after the holidays because the school runs are pretty perfect timings for sleep and having the big ones going to bed is great for dunking the baby in the bath and getting him ready for the night too! This week as been really hard! Just one more week of holiday to go thank goodness.

yes, it does. At least the hours don't seem endless when you've got something to do.
Even meeting up with other mothers at playgroups or the local cafe, maybe, will makes days feel a lot more normal. :)

Oh nikel I feel ur pain x

I know its going to take time and I can cope with that but it's really not helping that DH and I are arguing constantly , can't go 10 mins in same room without a cross word, wonder if DD is picking up on this?

she might be.
why are you arguing?
is it the tiredness?

In the early days i used to have a massive go at DH because he didn't hear me call him, or bring me water or food immediately i asked for it. he wasn't tired, he slept through the night.

or is it something else?