Five year olds tantrums and whining making me feel terrible

[popsypie]

I love her so much, but she starts every day with whines and moans, then ends most days with a monster tantrum. I find it so depressing. She has a lovely life and is actively and openly loved by two very present parents and a VERY patient older sister. We have tried the step, time out, removing toys, being calm, bring firm. Nothing works. Sometimes I can cope with it, other times like now I feel really bleak about it all and think 'is there something not quite right?' and 'have I caused this?' I will probably feel right as rain after some sleep, but wondered if anyone has any excellent tips or reassurance in the meantime.

Sounds like the morning could be hunger/low blood sugar, and the evening tiredness.

What time does she go to bed, and what is the norm (activity/routine wise) in the hour leading up to bedtime?

Also, what kind of thing does she usually have for breakfast?

Bertie is on to something. Definitely try putting her to bed earlier.

Penny in jar for every 30mins with no whine/tantrum
Penny out every time she does it
Prize for 10 pennies

Thanks for responses. She eats really well - cereal/porridge plus yoghurts and fruit for breakfast. She is VERY hungry when she wakes up though - so maybe that could be something.

She goes to bed at half past seven, starting winding down at six with tidying away toys, bath, story, cuddles, bedtime milk then tucked up. She is exhausted when she goes to bed and one of her tantrum screams is often 'I'm really tired'. But I think she has heard us say 'she's really tired' so she has learned it is a good excuse. I could put her to bed at seven I think - would just require being very organised, but defo worth a try.

I think sometimes I search for reasons rather than just accepting that she is a bright girl who likes to be in control of every situation and hates it when she isn't. She is really, really sweet and very loving, but can be manipulative.

For example we went on a walk today - moans and compaints the whole time 'I'm tired/ill/my legs hurt/I'm hot/my tummy aches/carry me' etc. etc. I start to think 'Is she ill?', 'Am I forcing her to walk too far when she feels poorly?' Then she sees a playpark ahead and asks 'Can we go to that?'. I say 'Well, I think after everything you have said you might be too poorly'. So, she justs says she's fine now and sprints the fifty metres to the park and plays with no complaint for half an hour.

The difference between the two situations - one was not her choice, one was!

She's a monkey.

I like the pennies in the jar idea - would link to school too where they do marbles in the jar. Worth a shot too. Thank you.

She sounds exactly the same as my 5 year old!!!!
I sent her to bed for a nap Saturday afternoon as her whining and moaning were really testing my patience. An hours nap later and she was a different child!
If you find another solution please let me know!!

you have just described my dd perfectly. also five. I am watching with interest must buy a penny jar

Afraid I'm in the same boat with 4 year old dd, all I can say is I sympathise and I hope someone out there has a suggestion. She spent the day with dh today while I was at work, we had a plasterer come around to do a quote and she went absolutely bonkers when dh wasn't giving her 100% attention - even throwing and hitting which she has never done before in front of anyone else apart from us! Poor plasterer guy fled the house and apparently said he would only come back if dd wasn't around. Oh dear

*you're, not your.

Very poor grammar there, tut.

Well done, see now that wasn't so hard, was it? Although to be more correct it should be "you've" a cunt, as I possess one, but am not one.

No day is wasted if you've learnt something new! :)

Glad to have helped educate you.

Sorry to OP - please ignore my posts, was trying to teach a bridge-dweller some grammar

Pennies in jar going well - dd was very keen. Had a good day so far with mood only changing to whining just before meal times so possibly hunger related. I am very reassured that other little ones are the same. Sometimes it feels like everyone else's kids are like Charlie and Lola and it is only me struggling. Thanks ;-)

my 6 year old is like jekyll and hide when his store of food runs out!!!

His main tantrum times are in the morning befor his breakfast , horrid right after school til he gets a snack and sometimes around 7.30 if he hasnt eaten enough at tea time

A little and often keeps him happier

So true!!!! If I don't take a snack to pick up from school then the walk home is torture! :-)

Ah keep seeing this Amelia's posts being deleted, are they nasty then?

I was wondering about that myself as this did not
Seem like a particularly contentious thread! I am curious too!!!! :-)

I had alot of problems with my four yr old ( now 5) dd. I didn't so much find a method or an idea that worked in dealing with it but it did seem to help when I put her on vitamins and eye-q capsules (omega 3). I think sometimes that no matter how well they eat or what they eat sometimes they are just unable to eat the quantity of food needed to gain all the vitamins and minerals all the time. Hope you figure it out op I know how hard and draining and upsetting it can be :)

Yes, you need to break the pattern. Does sound like tiredness as well as perhaps being strong minded and liking to be in control. I would put her to bed a little bit earlier, but explain it to her, saying that you and her need to find a way that she can go to bed nicely without any screaming and shouting, so that's why it's earlier.
DS age 5 is generally well behaved but when he gets tired/hungry is a monster so I can empathise. First term of Reception he went to bed at 6.15 on quite a few occasions!!!! This was to get rid of the tantrums that hadn't been there for over a year before. It worked.
Good luck!

Re Amelia - yes she was posting very nasty stuff on all the active threads that night - some porn stuff and some wishing harm on babies. Sorry to invade your thread, but I'd had enough of "her"!

Have her tested for food allergies and intolerances, and chemical sensitivities, as she does sound exhausted, as do you all...

Give her a substantial snack - half a banana and some nuts right before teeth brushing.

Have her blood glucose tested.

Hold a family meeting: ask her what does she think is wrong? Ask everyone what they think is wrong? LISTEN. Ask for suggestions as to change things for the better.

Good luck.

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