Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Tantrums about choosing own clothes. How to deal with them?

28 replies

EightiesChick · 06/03/2012 08:47

My DS used to happily put on whatever I picked for him to wear in the morning. Now we seem to have entered a phase of 'Nooooo!' and insisting on wearing one of a very small number of t-shirts that are acceptable. The last few mornings this has resulted in horrendous tantrums and crying, making me late for work and exhausted when I get there.

Anyone else had this and what worked in dealing with it? Have tried time out (so upset he just keeps crying), sticker chart for putting clothes on calmly (says he wants sticker but when it comes to dressing, has meltdown). I'd welcome any other suggestions, especially in how you talk to your kids when all this is going on (keep trying to calm him down, or just wrestle him into his clothes in silence? ) He's 3.2 BTW.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

shewhowines · 06/03/2012 08:54

I took my nearly 3 yr old to nursery in her knickers and a blanket (it was winter) because she wouldn't get dressed. She got dressed very quickly when I presented her to the staff as she was! Funnily enough we never had another problem,

PriscillaQueenOfTheDesert · 06/03/2012 08:55

Is there a problem with just letting him wear the t-shirt he wants? Why get into such a battle over it?

Or give him a choice. It's all about independence at this age.

"here ds, I have two t-shirts, which one would you like to wear today? The red or the Blue?"

Take his clothes into another room to get him dressed so when you give him the red/blue choice, he doesn't have the yellow or green one in sight. Hopefully he'll forget about the yellow/green one of he can't see it and choose the red or blue one you're holding.1

SilentBoob · 06/03/2012 08:59

Why on earth wouldn't you just let him wear the tshirt he wants to wear?

Original poster

EightiesChick · 06/03/2012 09:00

Priscilla he fixates on one or two. So I could but it would literally mean me washing those two t-shirts constantly in rotation. I have considered this! but not sure whether that will lead to it all getting worse.

I have also offered a choice of two things. It only works if one of them is one of the things he actually wants. So if he actually wants green, when I say 'red or blue t-shirt?' he says 'Green'. He doesn't forget the existence of the Only Acceptable T-shirt.

shew we were nearly at that point this morning! For quite a while I was telling him I would take him to nursery with 1 shoe on and he insisted he would go like that.

OP posts:

Original poster

EightiesChick · 06/03/2012 09:01

SilentBoob it is literally only 2 t-shirts that are acceptable at the moment. Otherwise I would happily let him choose.

OP posts:

Original poster

EightiesChick · 06/03/2012 09:02

OP posts:

PriscillaQueenOfTheDesert · 06/03/2012 09:05

I would. You just don't need the battle in the morning. Buy a few of the acceptable t-shirts and make the mornings easier.

He won't be wearing the green t-shirt forever.

shewhowines · 06/03/2012 09:07

Follow through then. It's no good making idle threats.

Take a clean pair of socks in case his get dirty/wet and present them to the nursery staff with a laugh. Keep it light hearted. They've seen it all before and will laugh with you. The staff were amused when I did it and were quite impressed with me for having the guts to follow through.

PostBellumBugsy · 06/03/2012 09:15

Remove all clothes, other than those you want him to wear from his room. Tell him the clothes you have put our are what he is wearing today. If he throws a complete paddy, take him to nursery in whatever he has managed to wear & give the nursery the other items. Don't rise to the paddy, keep really calm & just let him get on with it. Kids get very bored having a paddy all by themselves, with no one fussing at them. After a few days, he will realise that you are in charge & he'll stop doing it.

redridingwolf · 06/03/2012 09:24

let them choose! after a while they start getting bored and you can choose again. but really, of all the areas to exert control over, this isn't it.

PriscillaQueenOfTheDesert · 06/03/2012 09:27

Why does he have to learn that his mum is "in charge". He should be allowed to choose his own clothes if he wants. After all he is the one wearing them and op won't want to be choosing clothes for him forever.

Convert · 06/03/2012 09:29

What about taking him to buy some tshirts and letting him choose them so you've got more favourites to pick from?

PostBellumBugsy · 06/03/2012 09:30

I don't know at 3, I would hope the responsible adult was in charge. If he wants to wear his swimming trunks in the middle of winter, I would hope that the person in charge of a 3 year old would help him to wear something more appropriate. I think that if he wants to choose from items put out, that is fine - but I'm not sure at 3 you can make very informed choices about anything much.

tryingtoleave · 06/03/2012 09:30

I let my dd (3) wear what she wants on childcare days ( as long as it is appropriate for the weather). Its usualy a hideous sparkly pony top and skirt (because her bff always wears skirts, she tells me). On other days, when I am out and about with her, I will negotiate something we both like. But in the end, children are not an extension of you and it's a fight you have to let go, sooner or later.

Maryz · 06/03/2012 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana · 06/03/2012 11:52

It depends on what you think will work for your DS. I think buying multiples of the same t-shirt and bringing him to nursery in his undies are both good ideas and they will both work so it all depends on what you want to do. In your position I'd do the multiples thing as I don't see much issue with being a bit controlling with clothes and I wouldn't bother with the fight.

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/03/2012 12:05

I let dd1 pick her own clothes as advised by most people on this thread. It wasn't a phase. It didn't pass. It worsened. She now has some control over what we buy for her e.g she can veto our choices but we can also veto her choices. Playboy bunny adorned tops are not allowed equally perfectly nice jogging bottoms are not allowed. Nor is pink, mainly. Some pink is okay but not girly pink.

I am, according to MN, a terrible, neglectful parent and need to take a good look at my parenting

On that note if you want to be accepted by the MN masses then physically force him into what you want him to wear, no matter how much it upsets him and you in the process.

If however, like me, you really don't give a shite what MN thinks then shop with him, choose together what he wears. Listen to him and accept that he is his own person and might, just might, have an opinion of his own on what he'd like to wear.

Some kids have very strong opinions on clothes. Some don't. Dd2 is almost 5 and still lets me have full control over what she wears. She'd be happy if I gave her a binliner to wear so long as I told her she was beautiful and gave ger kiss once she had dressed.

whatsthatnoise · 07/03/2012 11:38

I am very much a pick your battles parent and clothes are not one I enjoy fighting you will regularly see my 3year old in expensive party dresses with welly boots at playgroup.

Be thankful he actually owns the clothes he wants to wear my dd informed that she wanted to wear her Belle dress this morning. She doesn't have a Belle dress She gave me 3p out of her bank to go buy her one

blackteaplease · 07/03/2012 11:48

We have this. Generally I let dd chose as it's not worth fighting about, it doesn't make for a peaceful start to the day. Today she wouldn't get dressed at all so I forced her into tights and vest this morning to lots of screaming and took her to nursery like that. She happily let her key worker dress her when we got to nursery.

yawningbear · 07/03/2012 12:21

Just go and get some more of the ti-shirts he will wear- problem solved. I had the same problem with dd a while ago and posted on here, majority of advice was to pick your battles and let her choose, within reason. She subsequently spent the next 6 months in multiples of one outfit, looked to outsiders as if she only had one dress and sweatshirt. She does still have strong views about what she wants to wear but is thankfully is no longer so limited in her choices

MayMom · 07/03/2012 23:05

My dd is 3 and very assertive about what she wants to wear.

I can see the value in both sides - letting her have some autonomy over what she wears but also limiting her choices to appropriate garments. "You needs knickers, a vest, a t-shirt, skirt and cardigan". Whatever you decide, try to be consistent.
If both t-shirts are in the wash, you could try telling him that the night before and getting him to think about what else he might like to wear - giving him his independence (if that's what he wants).
Good luck.

lindsell · 07/03/2012 23:25

When Ds (2.11) is like this I give him a choice between two tops and simply repeat firmly that he has to wear one of them and he can choose which one. If he still creates then I say right you're wearing this one and go to put one of them on him - at which point he usually says he wants to wear the other one which I let him do - so he gets a certain amount of choice but only within v limited options so I can choose what is clean/suitable for the activity/fits/warm enough etc. If he wants to wear another one then I just tell him
firmly that no he cannot and he must choose one of the two options or I will choose for him. It's taken a little while of being consistent but now we rarely have battles over it.

Good luck OP with whatever method you try!

FranciscanTrip · 07/03/2012 23:27

"It's in the washing" is a commonly heard phrase at dressing time in our house. Although to be fair, our DS (2.5) is a typical bloke and doesn't care that much about what he wears (yet) apart from an absolute INSISTENCE that he wears one particular VEST every single bleeding day. And he will not wear trousers until 3 seconds before we have to leave the house. It causes me some stress but I've got used to it. I have a horrible feeling it is going to get worse! Once I have told him that 'vest number 1' is in the wash, I have had some success with the 'you can choose this one, or this one' (both white plain vests!!!) approach, ignoring everything else in the drawer, so that might be a worth a try.

Thinking about it, on the occasions when he has been more stroppy about other items of clothing I've definitely been more successful when I've left him in just the bloody favourite vest until after breakfast and then had another go at getting him into what I'd like him to wear immediately before we leave the house, so he knows he has a real incentive to get the clothes on. Might be worth a try if you've not already.

AlmostMrsRobinson · 07/03/2012 23:33

I love the thought of lots of MNers taking small children to nursery half dressed or with only one shoe.

We haven't has this phase (yet) but Im more confident now that if I did choose to take DD to nursery half dressed I would get more of a than a

AlmostMrsRobinson · 07/03/2012 23:34

Sorry OP that wasn't very helpful, Id be tempted to buy more 'favourite' t-shirts and hope that it is just a phase anything for a little less stress in a morning

Flip

1 2