Tantrums about choosing own clothes. How to deal with them?

[EightiesChick]

My DS used to happily put on whatever I picked for him to wear in the morning. Now we seem to have entered a phase of 'Nooooo!' and insisting on wearing one of a very small number of t-shirts that are acceptable. The last few mornings this has resulted in horrendous tantrums and crying, making me late for work and exhausted when I get there.

Anyone else had this and what worked in dealing with it? Have tried time out (so upset he just keeps crying), sticker chart for putting clothes on calmly (says he wants sticker but when it comes to dressing, has meltdown). I'd welcome any other suggestions, especially in how you talk to your kids when all this is going on (keep trying to calm him down, or just wrestle him into his clothes in silence? ) He's 3.2 BTW.

My DS is 4 and i have never had a problem with getting him dressed, just put clothes out and he will happily put them on. But 2yr old DD, well thats another story, she will scream and cry when she can't wear what she wants (nursery do not see a tutu, pyjama top and wellies as an acceptable outfit), at weekends we don't mind her wearing princess outfits etc. But in the week she needs to wear proper clothes, the only way of avoiding the tantrums, is to wake both children up at 7, put clothes out the night before, and as soon as they wake up ask them to get dressed, ds is fine and happily puts on his clothes and dd is so focussed on trying to dress herself she doesn't think about what she is actually wearing. We tried sticker charts (getting a sticker each time you get dressed well ect.) but they didn't work. Try agreeing on outfit the night before and get him dressed as soon as he wakes up, when he is still tired enough not to put up a fuss. At least you don't have the hairbrushing/hairstyling battles with your son, that i have with my daughter.

Thanks for all the replies. It's interesting to see the range of opinions clustering around 'pick your battles and buy more t-shirts' and 'give him limited choice and tough it out'. I can see the merits of both, but at the moment I am inclining towards the 'limited choice & tough it out' approach. One practical difficulty is that I can't very easily, I've now realised, get replicas of the 2 t-shirts. Basically it's a superhero obsession. One is Batman and was bought for him by relatives in another country! The other is a Superman t-shirt that I bought as the last one in his size on sale nearby - though I could do some internet searching and probably locate more. Also, I could look for more superhero-themed t-shirts which would probably be accepted!

I do feel a bit despairing, though, at the thought of spending money needlessly on clothes when he already has plenty of good clothes, in designs that till a week ago he loved and was happy to wear. Fortunately, spending money on clothes isn't going to leave me short of food (for some people the cost would really be an issue with that approach) but, even so, it's money that could go towards paying off my credit card, house repairs and plenty of other important things. I do get the 'pick your battles' mindset on this and that the money spent might well be worth it to avoid the upset. I am actually a pretty soft touch, for anyone thinking I am a hardline disciplinarian! But I do worry that it will be the thin end of the wedge. He has started recently to be much more demanding about asking for new toys, clothes etc to be bought for him - I am a bit concerned about seeming to pander to that too much.

On choice - just to be clear, I'd always have allowed him a choice of t-shirts from the ones he owns and has clean - I'm not so daft as to make an issue of me having to overrule him on the design of his t-shirt every day. But I am doubtful about buying more straight away (will not rule this out altogether yet) and don't want to consign myself to washing t-shirts every night so the treasured ones are always clean! When I've told him before that they're in the wash, that also prompts a meltdown.

Things were a bit better today. My DH told DS yesterday that the 2 acceptable t-shirts were going to be weekend t-shirts so that he could wear them when we were all together and out having fun as a family. He accepted that at the time, asked for his Batman t-shirt and cried this morning when I said it wasn't the weekend. I did get out 2 other t-shirts for him and gave him the choice between them - the same for socks and pants - and he did then choose and seemed OK with it. We've been having the same issue with pyjamas but I have let him just have his favourites for several nights now. I will have a chance to wash and dry those in a day when I work from home on Fri so it's not quite so bad.

Once again, thanks for the views. I am glad it's not just my DS as well as feeling like I have some options to try!

I HATE clothes shopping and we live a long way from the town so I sit my kids down with the Next account (or similar!) on the laptop a couple of times a year (3 DS). They decide what they like and add to basket. I censor at the end and delete a few odd bits (after some discussion) and job done. I never buy clothes without my kids present - they have such different tastes and likes/dislikes. We have dress code in our house - casual (jeans and anything you like), smart casual (jeans and a shirt) and smart (trousers and shirt). We've always done this so they pick their own things out, but have to adhere to the code for the day. Can't remember the last time I argued about clothes - youngest has just turned 5. Then again, it's been a good two years at least since I dressed any of them!!!