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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My friend has said some really insensitive things today...

76 replies

knittynoodle · 01/03/2012 19:40

Please reassure me all is well. (Or help me think up comeback's!)

My 14mo DS doesn't say an awful lot that is intelligible to everyone. To me and DP it is, but obviously we see him all the time. Friend has a 2.5yo DD and everything she does is so advanced, from the way she sings songs, counts to 10, holds her pen, everything is a sign of her great intelligence. To me she is an average little girl, very sweet and loving. He really does go on about it to the point of arrogance.

I can probably count around 10 words DS says, not clearly at all, but he does understand a lot more. And don't boys sometimes take a little longer? (No idea if this is actually true, but friends have agreed it is)

Every time I see this friend he asks 'Is he talking yet?' like one day he will spontaneously read Moby Dick aloud while tapdancing and juggling kittens. Think I may have to avoid this friend for a while :(

I hate this competitive bollox

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tryharder · 02/03/2012 23:24

I have 3 DCs and have no expectations of a 14 month old baby. If it helps you any, DS2 was a bloody genius as a baby - DS1 had taught him to count backwards from 10 - 1 (among other things) by the age of 18 months and he could talk in sentences. He's nearly 4 now and his speech is only average - all signs of child genius gone! In comparison, DD who is 19 months has only a few words.

Your friend is being a prat for comparing a 14 month old baby to a 2.5 year old girl.

Original poster

knittynoodle · 06/03/2012 19:44

Can I add today's examples of knobby-ness?

"She hasn't been wearing the shoulder straps on her buggy since she was about 1 because she's always been an excellent child."

"I don't know why she is calling that dragonfly a butterfly. She has always known the difference."

She's only 2 and a bit!!!

Anyway, he was better this week because at least the comments weren't in relation to my DS, and I've sort of gotten over the taliban comment.

OP posts:

OriginalJamie · 06/03/2012 19:45

"I don't know why she is calling that dragonfly a butterfly. She has always known the difference."

. Bless. What a wally

PurplePidjin · 06/03/2012 19:59

OAM, dn who was 4 in august can also write his own name and started school able to do so. He's also dx with selective mutism and behavioral difficulties. Perfect Princess ain't all that

RhinestoneCowgirl · 06/03/2012 20:05

I don't think either of mine said recognisable words before about 18 months, lots of noise but nothing I could make out.

They are now 5yrs and 3yrs and yak like anything

Your DS sounds great for 14 months, still babyhood IMO, and the difference between him and a 2.5yr old is vast - can't really compare.

MrTumblesCrackWhore · 06/03/2012 20:13

My SIL didn't talk until she was three and was thought to be a bit backward in other areas of development.

She is now a 'Reader' (one up from doctor I think) at a red brick uni, the most articulate, eloquent and funny human being I know, and a very grounded mother of two.

I was in all the top streams at school, was apparently considered an 'advanced' child from an early age and haven't amounted to much

CecilyP · 06/03/2012 20:33

Lol at excellent child. You will have to stay friends with him now, knitty, so you can keep us updated with his latest sayings.

MrTumblesCrackWhore · 06/03/2012 20:45

BTW WTF is a taliban cry??? If he knows what that sounds like then I definitely wouldn't be friends with him!

Original poster

knittynoodle · 06/03/2012 22:54

Can I ask why would not having the shoulder straps on be a sign of higher development? Aren't they for safety? I'm abit confused! And embarrassed for asking!

OP posts:

beatofthedrum · 07/03/2012 22:02

The fact that you're having to ask explains why your child has not developed 'excellently'
He sounds NUTS!! Dismiss, and laugh with your other friends!!

SecretNutellaFix · 07/03/2012 22:20

Do you know what- he really is a knobber, isn't he?

I think that you can only laugh at his insecurities. Poor, misguided idiot that he is.

CecilyP · 08/03/2012 12:13

Shoulder straps are for safety, but I think most people tend to bother with them less as their child gets bigger. I certainly did; but perhaps it was more a sign of my recklessness than DS's excellence.

ohmygosh123 · 08/03/2012 12:42

Try sarcasm - You must be quite upset she's not reading yet. So and so's little girl is really enjoying [insert name of random book] at the moment.

Or how about - really, it will look so good on her future CV, you must be so proud.

And if he doesn't get sarcasm - just tell him I'm pleased you are proud of her, but it is getting a bit boring now so save it for the grandparents.

I had an advanced kid, and I was so careful not to say anything because I had friends who genuinely had something to worry about (but mostly because my mother wound me up by saying DD wasn't as good as me, therefore I was a crap mother.) My stock phrase was they all develop different skills in different orders, and would deliberately pick up on something their child did better than mine. And no-one else had a serial hair cutter like mine so it all balanced out. Every parent wants to be proud of their child - cute smile, helpful whatever - if you are a parent you should understand that and behave accordingly FFS.

To me your friend's DD sounds completely average and your friend is being a prize , particularly about the taliban cry (I don't know what it would sound like by the way - just annoys me on principle). Only see him when it is unavoidable for seeing people you actually like. Or even better, get a mutual friend to comment how your son is better at x than his DD was at same age and you can watch him spontaneously combust .

Badgerina · 15/03/2012 23:31

I feel sorry for his daughter So much pressure to perform. She'll hate him for it when she's older

Your son sounds perfectly normal and lovely

It is hard to have troublesome friends though. I agree with everyone who has suggested using sarky come backs. Say them in a jokey way, as if you don't realise he's seriously bragging about his daughter.

tethersend · 15/03/2012 23:42

DD could say about 150+ words at 14 mo, and could link two or three words together to form simple sentences.

Did people ask me how I did it? What my secret was?

No. What did they ask me? Is she walking yet?.

Fuckers.

DD didn't walk until 20 mo.

Stick around to watch this man dissolve during his DD's teenage years; it will be worth it

pinkyp · 15/03/2012 23:45

My ds is 15 months and can whisper "carr" and make a noise like 'all gone' (that's what he's trying to say), he can woof like a dog and babble "mamamama", "dadadada"so 10 words IMO is loads!! You can't compare a 2.5 yo to a 14 month old, silly friend

pinkyp · 15/03/2012 23:47

150 words at 14 months old? Talking in sentences? Competitive mum? Hahaha

Sorry that should of read "my ds can say 151 words and put complex sentences together"..

tethersend · 16/03/2012 00:02

pinky, nobody noticed. They just saw a child dragging her arse across the floor. She could have recited the entire works of Shakespeare and all I would have got was pitying glances and cocked heads.

TheMightyLois · 16/03/2012 00:11

Ha.. DS only knew 2 words until he was almost 2yo.

Those two words? Scissors and Thanks.

doesn't bloody shut up now

Jnice · 16/03/2012 00:27

I agree with everyone that the boasting/competitive parenting is hiding insecurities.

We all think our own children are wonderful, beautiful creatures. So it should be. Perhaps the boasty parents have issues there? Personally, if my children are hitting milestones reasonably well and I know there are no 'problems' I'm happy. To me they are the 3 best kids in the world but of course I have no reason to expect anyone else to think that and feel no reason to prove how great they are to anyone.

Parental love is unconditional love.

OP - your DS sounds lovely and afaik 10 words at 14 months that close family can understand is great. If you are concerned that he is unintelligible to others (and that is normal) you can repeat his words back to him as a way of confirming that you understand and gently correcting him at the same time. Not a big deal though.

Jnice · 16/03/2012 00:33

Haha, just read OP's other post down there about her being an excellent child! You need to keep him around for comedy value!

If he makes another racist remark pull him up on it - he needs to know its not acceptable.

thelittlestkiwi · 16/03/2012 01:13

Tethersend- we had a boy like that in my baby group. He didn't walk but his vocab and speech were amazing. My DD OTOH walked at the early end of normal, but her speech took a little longer. Someone told me it is cos they can only develop one part of their brain at a time. It all evens out. Having them walk early was a bit crap TBH. Everyone else could sit drinking coffee in their unbabyproofed houses while I chased DD around like a loon.

OP- the Taliban comment is hideous. I'd be tempted to tell him it was upsetting. But it may have been one of those brain freeze moments he regrets.

Mena1 · 16/03/2012 16:53

Agree! MNy 17 month old, doesnt speak much, daddy bum and bin are mostly words he uses. He understand perfectly fine , when we need him to do something. I have a friend who is exactly the same, who also has a daughter 6 months older than my LO and I'm constantly getting text to say " oh LO is doing this now...". It really creams my corn! once she joked and said " at least LO has its looks!"

Mena1 · 16/03/2012 18:33

Einstein didnt talk until he was three as well and Richard Feynman!

thisnickname · 19/03/2012 14:47

knittynoodle you should make a blog of everything he says I found it very funny. he is a twat your son is doing fine. I would not be friends with someone like him tbh and you seem nice so sould take note of what everyone has said.

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