My friend has said some really insensitive things today...

[knittynoodle]

Please reassure me all is well. (Or help me think up comeback's!)

My 14mo DS doesn't say an awful lot that is intelligible to everyone. To me and DP it is, but obviously we see him all the time. Friend has a 2.5yo DD and everything she does is so advanced, from the way she sings songs, counts to 10, holds her pen, everything is a sign of her great intelligence. To me she is an average little girl, very sweet and loving. He really does go on about it to the point of arrogance.

I can probably count around 10 words DS says, not clearly at all, but he does understand a lot more. And don't boys sometimes take a little longer? (No idea if this is actually true, but friends have agreed it is)

Every time I see this friend he asks 'Is he talking yet?' like one day he will spontaneously read Moby Dick aloud while tapdancing and juggling kittens. Think I may have to avoid this friend for a while :(

I hate this competitive bollox

My ds2 barely had 10 words when he turned three, so I think your wee ds is doing very well indeed!

As for competitive parenting - I don't subscribe to it at all.

My ds1 was a brilliant early talker, my ds2 was the opposite. Both of them are normal, healthy, bright children.

If it were me, Mr Mate's nonsense would be ignored. I wouldn't give a fuck.

Sounds normal to me. My 13 month old says about 4 recognisable words and a few more where I know what she means.

Your friend sounds a nightmare and is racist. Is he only like that in connection to his child or is it a general trait?

That's not a friend - I'd ditch him! My dd2 didn't say a word til after she was 2 and then by 2.5 was talking in complete sentences.

Mil asked if I thought she was 'challended'. Eh no.

Your baby is just that, a baby. And doing well by the sounds of things!

Sorry, that should say 'challenged'.

Shouldn't type after wine

This is a very helpful thread. I've spent the weekend with an old uni friend who has one dd aged 27 months. I have dc's aged 7,6 and 20 months. It was really difficult as my old friend literally did not stop talking about how wonderful her dd was- how she was the prettiest girl in the world (said in front of my two dd's) how clever she is, taking toys from my dc's to give to her dd. It was excruciating at times. She doesn't get the etiquette of parenting! At one point she was looking at my toddler, took a long pause and said "its amazing how ordinary other children are and how babyish they seem compared to your own isn't it?". I was flabbergasted at her lack of diplomacy. I would never be so rude about her dd.
She's an old friend and I value the friendship but since her dd was born I can barely get a word in because she talks about her dd non stop. She calls me 'super mum' which I find patronizing. I would love to say something to her because otherwise I'll let the friendship die (actually I don't think she'd notice if I did because she'd continue to phone me, talk at me for half an hour and then say she was so busy and would have to go. Grrr

Hi, just here to offer help with some passive aggressive come-backs. Tell me, has genius child been toilet-trained yet?

Anais, he can sometimes be arrogant in other ways too. He is often unthinking. Now that I have had some dinner I feel a bit less upset about today's comment. He loves my DP and so I think he meant it as a (very distasteful and misplaced) joke. I'm still irked by the boasting though.

I totally sympathise with myhandslooksoold, he is just like your friend! I do find myself visiting him and his DD less and less which is a shame because she's a lovely little (but perfectly average) girl. I hate that a child's potential is measured by such banalities as how many words they can say. DS may or may not be the most intelligent child (how can we know this at 14mo), but he might be the sweetest/kindest/friendliest/insert any other quality here. Its like comparing livestock :(

I asked that one blackswan because I know for a fact she is not! But then I felt like I was playing the game

Shall we ditch our arrogant and insensitive friends kitty and be friends with each other instead?! It sounds like you and your ds are lovely. For what its worth my dd is a bit quiet and uses gestures/noises instead of words often. I like to think its because I'm such an attuned mother- I work out what she wants so she hasn't had to work out what to say!

Yes, being above it all... well, but it might just make the subtle point that he should shut up about your DS's development (which sounds superb, incidentally). Potty training is a great leveller - let's hope they start soon.

I know of 3 14monthers (children of friends of mine) who are saying a handful of words that only their parents can understand and usually they say nothing in front of strangers. I would avoid/minimize contact with this guy for a while. sorry - would write more but I can hear that my 6 monther is having trouble turning the page on her current Bill Bryson book. She's almost read his entire collection ;-)

They are all so different, I have 3, ds1 was an early talker and was fairly "advanced" at quite a lot, ds2 didn't utter a word until he was about 15 months, by 2 he was talking in complete sentances (although not always that clear). Dd1 is 14 months and communicates through sounds and shouts, the only intelligable word she has is mum but even that gets shortened to ma when she is calling!!
What I'm trying I say is they all develop differently depending on interests and needs!!! Don't worry, just ignore your friend, he's just a proud parent of a pfb!!!

You can't compare a 14 month old with a child of two and a half. They make massive leaps in a matter of weeks so your DS will be entirely different in a year's time.

Your friend's DD is not a genius. Practically every two and a half year old I know can do those things. Maybe he is just overexited because he has nothing to compare her to. Lots of parents think their first child is a genius when actually they are just doing what every other child their age does.

It is extremely annoying and I would phase your friend out until he stops being so horrible. It sounds like he is insecure. In my experience only insecure people behave like your friend. He is making himself feel better by putting your DS down.

I think i?d be tempted to reply very jovially with... ?No... no he isn?t. Is your DD reading Moby Dick aloud while tap dancing and juggling kittens yet?? Maybe he?ll get the message?!

At 14 months often the words are only distinguishable by the parents. It's normal. I remember dd1 wasn't really distinctive until about 20 months when suddenly she pronounced everything correctly. Dd2 who was much more distingishable at 14 months didn't improve and ended up with speech therepy at 4yo.

I can't see anything amazing about the older girl either. All mine could count beyond 20 (because we do a lot of counting) at that age. If you want to wind him up my dd1 won a story competition at that age. She genuinely wrote it entirely herself. (she enjoyed writing and was determined to write herself. Didn't have that with the others-ds only started writing at school) Sounds fantasic. Don't tell him they'd made a age bracket of 0-3years for the youngest group probably the only entrant but it makes a good story to tell people.

Boys do take longer on the speech on average. I expressed concern on ds at his 2 year check and got a from the hv who said my comments were typical of someone who'd had a dd first.

I think people often say, 'Is he talking yet?' for something to say. Not because they have a realistic idea of how babies develop. Your DS sounds as if he is doing pretty well for 14 months and your friend's DD, likewise, sounds as if she is doing pretty well for 29 months. She is bound to be able to do more - she is more than twice his age.

Pumble, your Health Visitor is just plain wrong!

This has made me feel so much better and honestly, I knew deep down there was nothing wrong with DS's talking, but that seed of doubt in your mind is planted. My brother had speech therapy, was very dyslexic to the point where he couldn't read until he was about 9 and DS is so very much like him. I guess I sort of am prepared for a battle and maybe I don't need to be!

Anyway, as far as this friend goes, all night examples were going through my head of when he has annoyed me. I've also noticed he's very quick to correct other children when they are around his DD, but yesterday when she was telling DS off for playing with her toys, he said nothing. She has her own iphone to watch videos on and the tv is on all day. They don't go anywhere apart from nursery and Nanny's house. If she really does turn out to be a genuis, it will be down to Cbeebies and nothing they have done to encourage her.

I feel like such a bitch to even be thinking this, but it really hurt me yesterday :(

What angers me is that they don't wait to hear him speak or talk to him, they just ask.

DP says I should say 'Yes, he does. Are you listening yet?'

I'd say your DS is perfect and acting his age. As for your friend... he sounds to me to be the 'less advanced' when it comes to social skills and friendship skills.

What a sad man your friend is does he have a life?

Most 2 year olds do what he describes, just ignore, ignore ignore. As for your ds, he's still a baby - none of mine really talked at that age.

Glad you're feeling better. FWIW, I thought ds1 was a genius until he started school! I have had more meeting with teachers and notes in school diaries ( and not good notes!) about him than all the rest of them put together!

Comparing a 14 month old and a 30 month old is like comparing apples to oranges.Albert Einstein quote: ?Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.?

Your DS sounds totally fine; says more about your friend's ishoos imho. Is your friend's DD still a genius when compared to a 4 year old? Even is she is so what? They all develop at their own pace. I agree with your DP's suggestion.

The only advice I have is to not join in with competitive parents. I am as intelligent as my twin brother however, we have different strengths, weaknesses and interests. My DS has started school and this competitive nonsense is still annoying.

myhandslooksoold "its amazing how ordinary other children are and how babyish they seem compared to your own isn't it?" . You could also say ' wow I think that too!'. Tis nonsense to be saying this, especially in front to the DC.

I like your DP's suggestion, Kitty.
But do beware it's just idle chitchat for many, maybe most. Try to take it that way & only that way.

His racist comment proves he's thick. That would lead me to question anything else he has to say.

I was so worried about my DS1's talking (and walking and everything else!). Coming up to his 2.5 year check, I said I reckon he has about 20 words and my friend said "yeah, but most of them are just noises, aren't they?" I was crushed. I thought he was doing well and I could understand him and see him developing. It was made worse the little perfect princess two doors up, who at just 4yo, can write her own name!

NOW...can't shut him up! Lots of clear words and sentences, new words every day, parrots stuff back, remembers and says lines from favourite stories, etc etc.

Don't worry about your DS - he sounds great and it will just come when HE is ready. It's his life and he can develop during it however he wants, he's not on anyone else's clock. Keep talking to him, reading to him and encouraging him and you'll be really helping.

Re your friend - not easy to kick old friends into touch and perhaps he is just a proud daddy but the taliban comment was a bit cruel. Perhaps have a quiet conversation and say he is upsetting you and it's damaging your friendship?