5 yo who is afraid of the dark and sleeping alone - any suggestions?

[olivo]

DD is genuiney scared of the dark. she has a night light and chooses to have her door open and another night light on the landing. she has the landing light on until she goes to sleep, but not after we go to bed as it wakes us and DD2 up.
She is also scared of sleeping on her own. She never sleeps with anyone else, unless we are away. I am not going dow nthe route of sleeping inher room or her sleeping with us.

This is all part of a wider sleep issue that has gone on for 12 months now.Does anyone have any suggestion on how to tackle the scared issue?

Story tapes good and have worked for my girls.

Bit of an off the wall suggestion and I have add I have no experience of this issue but would a pet hamster/fish other small pet in her room help so there isn't another person but she's not on her own iykwim

No suggestions but DS is the same about the dark. I've no idea how he sleeps as it's so bright in his room.

is going to sleep the problem or is it waking in the night and being scared?

mostly waking in the night, she's pretty good about going to bed/sleep.

Not having pets, but a goldfish might work. just need feeding and cleaning out, I suppose?

tried story tapes/music, no success

thanks all, btw!

I'm a grown up and I really don't like the dark, always sleep with the landing light on - if I wake in the night and its not on - I feel a panic - so I really feel for yr 5 yr old. And don't forget how young 5 is.

Is there any compromise on the landing light thing? I have resorted to a table lamp (with low heat bulb) plugged into the floor outside my DC room. She doesn't like the dark either.

I know you said you didn't want her in your room but the other thing that worked for us when she was younger, I kept a sleeping mat by the side of my bed and she would traipse in in the middle of the night- settle down on the floor and sleep. I always thought it seemed a bit mean to make her sleep alone when mum and dad don't. She grew out of it within a year.

Fish tank with light really worked for us, I read to tell the child that pets protect their owners from anything and because of that love no scary things could come in the room. Duvet clips to keep the duvet on so they dont have an excuse to wake up and be scared. Story cds.

she has a nightlight on the landing, as well as the one in her room - I'd never leave her totally in the dark. I was scared as a child too.

We have been advised not to let her sleep with us or to sleep with her, but maybe that could be a thing. the problem would be that she would wake even more when I get up with DD2

I'm a grown up and I really don't like the dark, always sleep with the landing light on - if I wake in the night and its not on - I feel a panic - so I really feel for yr 5 yr old. And don't forget how young 5 is.

Is there any compromise on the landing light thing? I have resorted to a table lamp (with low heat bulb) plugged into the floor outside my DC room. She doesn't like the dark either.

I know you said you didn't want her in your room but the other thing that worked for us when she was younger, I kept a sleeping mat by the side of my bed and she would traipse in in the middle of the night- settle down on the floor and sleep. I always thought it seemed a bit mean to make her sleep alone when mum and dad don't. She grew out of it within a year.

sorry if this ends up posted twice!

Why does landing light wake you guys up? Can you have it on, but on a dimmer so it's not too bright- that's what we do. DS (5) has a night light and the landing light on and his door open. DD (3) has night light and door open. We have door open. I think they get used to what you have don't they- re waking up?

"I am not going dow nthe route of sleeping inher room or her sleeping with us."

I don't understand this.

I have a child who was velcro at 5. So we just had a little mattress next to my mattress. No problem. And then, after a year or so, when they were ready, they themselves asked to move the mattress elsewhere to sleep alone.

Even now, if they are ill, they'll usually move their mattress in next to the family mattress armada (there's a younger sibling now at mattress-next-to-mummy stage), for company and comfort.

I totally don't understand why a child who is afraid of the dark is going to be well served by being left to sleep alone. They'll grow out of it. The more you reassure them with your presence, the shorter the phase is likely to be

My DD is like this- has lots of nightmares and night terrors too- we haven't had an unbroken night's sleep in 6 years now.

We have at times had an air mattress (thermarest type) at the side of our bed for her to sleep on if she wants to. She is back in her own room at the moment- but she shares with DS, so is quite comforted by his presence.

He has just decided he is now scared too so we are leaving the landing light on, door closed though (previously the light disturbed him). We don't use nightlights as I've read they're bad for children's eyesight. (DS needs spectacles at 3yo, so want to minimise eye problems!)

She just screams and rambles about 'things' moving in the dark... she seems genuinely scared, not trying it on at bedtime IYSWIM.

Hope your's grows out of it soon.

your's? sorry.... yours, obv.

I've seen this book recommended elsewhere. Haven't tried it myself yet, but I guess you can't really go wrong with £7?

Hope you find a solution that works for you all soon.

thank you all for your tips.

We have been seeking medical help for her other sleeping issues and have been advised against her sleeping with us/us sleeping with her. On the occasions we have all shared a room ,when away etc, it has made no difference anyway, she still wakes me up to speak to me. Also, selfishly, it'd be a nightmare - no reading in bed for us, no evening bath for me, no talking...

I'm also not prepared to mess my other DD's sleep up - she will wake and not go back to sleep easily when the landing light is on. We are the same, the light is just too intrusive. We dont have a dimmer switch. She is a 7 to sleeper except when ill, and quite honestly, if she wasn't,I wouldn't be coping, as it is difficult enough being up 8 times a night.

now I'm worrying about DD's eyesight.... !

I'll try and get that book, thank you. We have also talked about having someone to keep DD company at night - she has asked for some particular cuddly toy thing; worth a try I guess!

Who has advised you against sleeping with her? Do they have children themselves with similar sleep issues? What is the reasoning behind it?

(I don't mean to be aggressive towards you)

I've been in the land of hellish no sleep - I really have - with a wakeful child regularly awake and needing care and reassurance for 4 hour stretches. At its worst it was 2 or 3 times a week (that period lasted about 3 years). There were special needs involved.

And, having been in that place and now, gloriously, out the other side into a world where we have a disturbed night maybe once every month or 6 weeks, my strong advice to anyone would be that you do whatever works to keep you and your child as reassured and rested as possible. I'd much rather have a child snuggled in bed with me burbling gently, while I keep my eyes shut and occasionally say "it's the middle of the night. good night" than have to get out of bed and walk along a landing and Sit Next To Someone Else's Bed while they fail to be asleep, multiple times a night. Whatever works. It all passes.

olivo- may I ask what her other sleeping issues are please? And did you approach your GP?

ommward- may I ask what special needs they were? (my friend's son doesn't sleep at all well, and he's just been diagnosed on the autistic spectrum) DD doesn't present with ASD symptoms, but there are many traits of AS there.

The GP has recommended against it; dont know why, I wasnt at the appt, but will ask DH if she said why.

swanker, she has had sleep issues for nearly 12 months now, ranging from night terrors, nightmares, sleepwalking and total insomnia. She is a very anxious child, suffers from separation anxiety. Sometimes she isnt even awake when she comes in; it breaks her heart when she realises the next morning that she has been up so many times and we are so tired. SHe is the sort of child that is very keen to please.
Yes, we approached the GP, after trying behavioural type strategies (didnt work as half the time ,she wasnt even aware), then alternative therapies. We intially got prescribed sedatives to break the cycle, but they didnt work after the first night, even the stronger ones we were given.

do you think I should be asking for an ASD assessment of some sort? they seem to think it is parenting issue

Instead of the landing light, can you have her main bedroom light on, on a dimmer switch? Dd1 is terrified of the dark, so sleeps with her main light on. We do turn it down a little when we go up, but I've no idea how she sleeps with it do bright! She also has a torch for loo trips etc.

But I'm guessing the light thing is only part of the issue really...

That gradual withdrawal thing is supposed to be good for kids with anxiety issues. Personally I would put her in with her sister though. Very rare for the bad sleeper to "infect" the good sleeper and might well settle everyone. Plus I think it's lovely for little kids to share.

in jojomamanbebe they sell this light - moonlight

It is put together by nasa apparently (yes, be impressed) and it is a nightlight but not bright and centered in one place, it is like moonlight filling their room and when dd wakes up she can see everything in the room. It costs 1p a day to run apparently and has stopped dd being scared when she wakes up, normal nightlights weren't quite the same as there can still be lots of dark patches.

We are also going to look for a lamp for her room; we dont have dimmers, and the main light is too bright, but clearly the night light (one of those torch traffic cone looking ones) is not enough. NOt sure how we would do the withdrawal, she goes back to sleep each time, more or less straight away.