5 yo who is afraid of the dark and sleeping alone - any suggestions?

[olivo]

DD is genuiney scared of the dark. she has a night light and chooses to have her door open and another night light on the landing. she has the landing light on until she goes to sleep, but not after we go to bed as it wakes us and DD2 up.
She is also scared of sleeping on her own. She never sleeps with anyone else, unless we are away. I am not going dow nthe route of sleeping inher room or her sleeping with us.

This is all part of a wider sleep issue that has gone on for 12 months now.Does anyone have any suggestion on how to tackle the scared issue?

I would get her talking - talking about her fears and trying to think together about things that you and she could do to help. (do this somewhere else in the daytime)
I would buy her a special nightime bear/friend she can cuddle/talk to in bed.
Read her The Owl who was afraid of the dark - jill tomlinson (there are a load of others too, different animals learning something about life. my dd loves them)
You could also try a confidence/self esteem raising daytime activity -dancing, acting, etc.
Just ideas to consider!

Well... my 6yo isn't one that is keen to please no separation anxiety either (though she suffers other anxieties) and we have had the night terrors, nightmares, sleepwalking and total insomnia...

It has been going on since about 14mo. [shattered]

I think it's time for us to bite the bullet and approach GP- you're right when you say behavioural strategies don't seem to impact- she isn't aware of doing it.
Last night was every hour screaming, not properly awake (though poor DS was).

It's very easy to fit a dimmer switch!

Will look into that moon clock for dd1, thanks

thank you - I'm going to take a look at the moonclock. I have bought her a toy this morning ,that is specifically to keep her company during the night.

I have a copy of the owl book, must look for it, hadnt thought of that. we tried the dancing, but she gave up last term, was bored of it.

swanker, I know where you are coming from. It took a while for the GP to realise that we werent just being crap about it, although saying that, she referred us to a parenting advisor, which I dont think is much help. ( I've got MN for that!)

I had a minor breakthrough this weekend though, I was able to leave her at a party for the first time - this is huge, believe me! hopefully, the fact that all was fine without me will boost her; I gave her masses of praise and told her how fab it was (I only left for an hour but I could have stayed away longer)

I was very like your dd1 as a child. A people pleaser with appalling separation anxiety and a morbid fear of the dark and being alone in it. My younger sister was the opposite. We had the same landing light scenario, she wanted it off and I wanted it on. My mum's solution was to leave the landing light on for me and throw a blanket over my sister's door to black out the light for her. It worked.

Maybe my view is coloured by being similar to your dd but do you think that by turning off the landing light you are kind of saying to her that your wishes and the needs of dd2 are more important than hers? Maybe not but I would bear it in mind because sensitive kids take things to heart and as you mentioned, she is already experiencing guilt and upset at the thought of waking you up in the night.

One of my Dc's was like this. We 'gave up' when he was nearly 5 and gave him a small mattress in our room and completely stopped talking about sleep. There were some rules but essentially we chilled out. Best thing we ever did. After 6 months decided the mattress was too small and he went back to his own bed. The rule then became he had to spend the whole night in one place so no-one was disturbed but he could choose where. After a short transition he ended up choosing his own room completely.

Our conclusion was that sleep needed to be a non issue to resolve the problem (for our DS). Fear of the dark and being on their own is very common, not a behavioural disorder. Had several threads under a different name at the time when people were very much talking as if it was a discipline issue - it so isn't!

We also use melatonin occasionally (and sparingly). Absolute bloody godsend. It's just the hormone our children ought to be producing naturally anyway. If they aren't, they can't fall asleep.

I wanted to add: address the severe anxiety. What are the big triggers? Is it sleeping? If so, like the splendid poster above, turn it into a non-issue with a mattress in your room. What other triggers? School? Don't send her (I'm a smug home educating bastard, so you might want to take that with a pinch of salt. Still, it's a heck of a lot easier having a child with sleep problems but no other anxieties than it is having one who is stressed out by other factors...). Brownies? Don't send her. etc etc.

This sounds quite like ds1, also 5. Although he doesn't have separation anxiety as such, he absolutely hates being in a room on his own, and when he wakes at night that's his overriding concern. He does share a room with his little brother but that doesn't seem to help.

We've tried the moon night light thingy, story tapes, soft toys etc, but the only thing that gets us all a good nights sleep is him coming into our bed. This is fine with us, it's big! AndI'd rather he felt safe and secure with us than fretting on his own, he's still so little, he won't be doing it when he's 16, all things pass etc etc.

I'd guess your GP, although probably meaning well, has no evidence either way to base her advice on not letting dd cosleep, it's just her personal opinion, so only has the same wight as anyone else's.
Don't see why this would stop you having an evening bath? Yes, reading in bed may be curtailed but probablyonly for a short time, in the grand scheme of things.

it looks like the mattress might be the only thing then- last night, with an extra light and a new 'friend' was a disaster.

fishlegs, we wouldnt be able to use the bathroom as the only place we could put DD on a matress is next to the bathroom door and she'd wake!

ommmmward, we are trying to deal with the anxiety - she is fine at school now we leave her with a TA in the mornings, we have stopped dancing classes, we only go to playdates where I know the mum knows what she is like and is happy for me to stay, stay at parties etc. I just hope she will grow out of it....soon!!

Ah, sympathies about the bathroom.
Fwiw, I think you're doing the right thing for your dd.
Repeat like a mantra 'it will pass, it will pass'

I'm sure there was a sleep person from Durham uni here a while ago who said that children just grow out of the vast majority of "sleep disorders"

I second whoever said do what it takes for everyone to get sleep. She won't want to be in your bed when she is 14 so at some point she will actively want to sleep on her own.

GP was probably warning against the whole rod for back thing.

this too shall pass, this too shall pass...

I've been chanting this for a year now

Have just bought a light for my kindle so I can read in the dark.....

Yeah, yours is a bit more poetic than mine