Top tips for keeping sanity with fussy eaters

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PLEASE.

I find it just grinds me down. I can't stand the waste of food when I try different things (and I mean making TINY changes to things they like).

I can't stand the whinging.

I can't stand the reward/bribe/sticker chart parent it makes me.

I can't stand the knowledge that what they have eaten is not as well balanced as it could/should be, includes lots of ready made stuff, sugar, salt etc. Ok I know I need to unclench a bit about that one, but it BOTHERS me.

Anyone have any tips that do NOT include 'I made my child a great eater by not pandering to any fussiness'?

Some kids really like food routine. And as long as what they currently do eat is not dreadful I don't think you should beat yourself up about that. If you give them food already stressed out that you have taken time and effort to produce it the chances are they will respond to that by not eating it.

I found the best way to deal with my fussy eaters was to eat different things myself, what's on mummy's plate is often much more naughty/interesting and less worrying that a full plate of their own. Once they know they like it you can move on to giving it to them.

Also, school dinners expand their food horizon loads - if you can wait that long

Thanks. One is at school dinner age so we choose a couple of days a week for her to do that. Good point that it will help her to see a range of cooked food and others eating it. Makes me feel better.

You're right I need to just not let it stress me as that helps noone.

I'm being doubly unreasonable as one is severely autistic so can hardly help it. Just having a bad day tea time.

God, I have had so many bad teatimes. When I think of the many many times I made macaroni cheese etc from scratch only to have it rejected without tasting I could cry now to be honest, especially as they discovered Mr Findus's version at a grandparents and loved it.

Dc3 spent the first 2 years of his life basically eating cheese on tomato puree on toast. It drove me bonkers. And eventually I just stepped back and thought, he won't be still eating it at 10, or even 5. And actually he's 3.5 now and able to cope with school dinners (except shepards pie, which is the work of the devil)

Coincidentally shepherds pie (or rather cottage pie) was what I attempted to serve this evening. I am clearly satan's minion.

I don't know what would become of us without baked beans tbh.

Nothing wrong with baked beans! I promise you (hand on heart) they will get better. I can only speak from experience, but I know I look back on that time and realise that I was a bit obsessed and it didn't help at all and probably even hindered things.

(sorry about the shepard's pie crack by the way, I'm sure it was lovely. We as a family have issues about mash - its the texture)

I've found this book to be sanity-saving, full of reassurance, sensible ideas and excellent for introducing a more Zen-like approach to family mealtimes.

Good luck!

Excellent, thank you both.

I am in exactly the same place. Spent this morning making a lovely sausage and apple pie (mashed potato on top) for a 5 year old who actually likes sausages, mash and apples (and there was little else in it, an onion and some tomato puree/ ketchup), to have it rejected out of hand with 'I don't like pies' ... Wanted to have a nice family lunch, which we can only do at the weekend and ended up furious. Not helped by him going on all afternoon about how hungry he was and wanting me to cook him a full tea ...
Do you give up and go for the fish fingers/ sausages/ burgers/ children's menu stuff and eat properly with husband later? Or do you continue to beat your head against the brick wall and offer the 'new' things and hope you get them on a good day? Mine hates food to be mixed together. And hates any sauce which isn't pesto or ketchup ... And all puddings except fruit or icecream(and yes that includes yoghurt). The other day he required pasta with pesto in 1 bowl, chicken separately and carrots in a third bowl ... He eats a less varied diet than he did when he was 3 by quite a long way and I can forget school dinners (tempting though it is to pass the problem on). Aaaaargh. It completely presses all my buttons and I don't know what to do about it.
But I sympathise with you! Here's power to our elbows - whatever we do, either they will be eating better by 18 or they will leave home... Or boarding school?

S'awful innit?

I would bloody wolf down your pie, it sounds great.

Someone else started this thread and got about a zillion more replies than this one .

Some good advice there. I think the approach I believe is just to chill out a bit more about it. I might get some vitamin drops and secrete in yogurts/custard etc. Harder if your DC doesn't like puddings but must be doable?

I have largely given up trying to present them with home-cooked stuff, but do offer a small portion of it alongside other stuff I know they'll like. I give the DC who can communicate an incentive to try it, but don't make a fuss (any more). I am happy if the DC who can't communicate touches it or plays with it tbh.

I've decided I am going to be totally ZEN about food from now on.

Thanks for the link. I also found this one www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/1353317-The-incredibly-fussy-eaters-thread?pg=13. 13 whole pages of rubbish eating - although I fear DS may not be INCREDIBLY fussy and so miss out there too!
How are you achieving ZEN? Valium?

And vitamins - he happily eats the chewable ones ... Maybe I should just give up and let him get the nutrition from tablets?

A bunch of tips here as well: www.todaysparent.com/preschool/preschool-picky-eating-issues

Not valium, but only because I don't have any. Alcohol mostly.

Like the Today's Parent tips. Really helpful. Thanks.
Half term today. Just went with stuff he likes for peace and sanity and we ve had a lovely day. So a few more of those and I ll be calmer about the whole thing. And maybe open the wine early ...

My dd is getting worse. Has always been difficult with food but more and more foods seem to end up on the 'I hate it' list, foods that used to be eaten - yesterday she decided she hates roast lamb - something she has eaten and enjoyed since she's been able to eat it. A couple of weeks ago rice became 'disgusting'.

I could weep.

OTOH DD2 eats everything and anything.

I just got DD to eat the most carrot and courgette she's eaten in her life by making these (she helped, but that doesn't usually make any difference to how willing she is to like a food!)

It's not a savoury recipe, but there is only 15g of sugar in it, the rest of the sweetness comes from the veg and the raisins. I thought they were rather yummy, too

Other tips I read on Today's Parent but I don't see there now. I found that they helped when mine were being very fussy:

Eat together as a family. If they see you eating things, they are more likely to try themselves.

Serve the food "family-style" rather than "restaurant-style". Meaning, bring the food to the table and let everyone (other than the small kids) help themselves. Make certain there's at least one food that they like on the table, be it rice, potato, bread, carrots, whatever. And then let them take what they want to eat.

You can encourage them to try certain things (did you see the green beans behind the roast potatoes?) but you don't force them to try it. As long as they are eating something, let it be. Save your sanity.

You can make it clear that dinner is it. There isn't anything else to eat, but don't fuss if they don't eat much. Accept that's all they want.

Once they can trust that there's always something that they will like to eat on the table, and that they are in charge of how much (or little) of something they choose to eat, they may slowly come around to the idea trying new things.

Just a question for experienced folk on this thread - DD is not too fussy but we are having problems with her sometimes not eating enough food during the day then waking up hungry in the middle of the night. She is 3.5yo. I am trying to remind her at each meal that she needs to make sure her tummy is really full before she stops eating and I also let her have a pause and come back later - so today she had a bath then ate a bit more supper.

WE are already tired me from cosleeping and DH from long hours at work - so do you get really strict on trying to get them eat lots at meal times (few snacks - more appetite?) or focus on snacks throughout the day so there is less pressure at meal time?

My very wise mother used to say "it's a parent's responsibility to provide regular healthy and delicious meals. It is not the parent's responsibility to make anyone eat them." I tried very hard to stick to that. Put the food on the table. Then after a reasonable amount of time take it away again- no comment, no emotion.

Once the emotion is taken away completely things tend to start to get better. Remember, healthy children do not starve themselves.

I know you're right seeker but I just cannot seem to do the no emotion and no comment bit. I just can't. I don't know why but it really gets to me.

Hi. Ok its only a week but strategy based on this thread is that we eat the same. He gets on plate the same as us but smaller quantities and very small of things he might not 'like'. There are always some things he does eat willingly and some new or not liked. Only rule is that he mustn't moan - he chooses whether he eats it or not. If he eats great, if not, no comment. I can now relax because I am offering him a balanced diet, he relaxes as he still feels in control, we ie dh and i get to eat food we like as well. He has tried cabbage and eaten runner beans without comment. Discussed but ultimately didn't try tomato soup. I think he is eating more generally and being sensible not stroppy.

Now I'm sure everyone is told this but it is helping us and of course means I am not horrified at the idea of him throwing a wobbly at someone elses house. Hows it gng for you?

I've found the best way to get DD to eat different foods is to try and connect it i.e I couldn't get her to eat mash/roast potatoes when she was younger but I knew she liked chips, first we tried home style chips, then croquettes, then mash then roast potatoes - I'm prob not explaining it very well but if I coaxed her and showed her the relationship to each item of food then it really helped, I did it again to get her to have beef - I knew she liked sausages so she helped me make sausage burgers and then I swapped them for beef burgers and told her afterwards that it was beef and now she will have beef in most ways....

Glad that worked for you. I tried that one when DS was about 2. Fine then but now he is very mistrustful. His problem is with things looking different or being 'altered' or mixed so that strategy has caused some humdinger rows recently!

I've done the shared food thing with my fussy 2 year old. In my case I actually give her an empty plate/bowl and then give her some of mine once she sees me enjoying it - works on and off.

Hey, there are people still here. Great - I liked the carrot and courgette muffin recipe, will try.

I am still zen-ish.

DS is eating a lot of baked beans, but DD is a bit better. We're certainly a bit more cheerful at mealtimes.