Top tips for keeping sanity with fussy eaters

[schobe]

PLEASE.

I find it just grinds me down. I can't stand the waste of food when I try different things (and I mean making TINY changes to things they like).

I can't stand the whinging.

I can't stand the reward/bribe/sticker chart parent it makes me.

I can't stand the knowledge that what they have eaten is not as well balanced as it could/should be, includes lots of ready made stuff, sugar, salt etc. Ok I know I need to unclench a bit about that one, but it BOTHERS me.

Anyone have any tips that do NOT include 'I made my child a great eater by not pandering to any fussiness'?

hey there! my DS, 2.3, is pretty fussy, but lately I have been putting his food in front of him at his own little table and chair and seen great improvement in the amount he eats from me not hovvering over him and trying to 'help' him to eat more/try new things...am trying to pretend to relax when he pushes away food before trying it!! especially when all sitting around the same table. he will mostly eat pasta and bread but I noticed someone on this thread say to put something new in front of them on a plate along with something they DO like and have tried this with: a plate with a dollop of mashed sweet potato/new potato/carrot and cheese (which he will eat) and a fishfinger, which he has always pushed away with looks of disgust when offered one so I stopped offering then, so I have been putting one on the plate every day for a week which he has resolutely ignored and then, yesterday he picked it up and ate it! I couldnt believe it. Am going to try the same trick with other things...

A for that fishfinger.

Sorry to hijack thread, but wondered if anyone has experience with younger children. I would say my DS has regressed with eating, but that would imply that he was ever fussy or a bad eater. I think i've been spoilt because he's actually been brilliant and always ready to try new foods, so it's come as quite a surprise that he's started turning his nose up.... at almost everything. He's 15 mo. Sometimes he'll eat a few spoonfuls quite happily and then turn away. Sometimes (like yesterday lunchtime) he'll eat nothing. His current favourite thing is to suck the toppings off things like pizza, sandwiches or toast (and yesterday pancakes) and toss the rest on the floor. I'm not reacting and am calmly throwing the waste in the bin as i figure if he's really hungry he'll eat. And i've stopped offering dessert if he doesn't touch his main meal (not in a punitive way, i just think that if he's not hungry then he's not hungry full stop and i'd rather not waste the food).

He used to cheerfully munch his way through a plateful of practically anything and we had to buy his own meal when we went to a restaurant. But recently we've just fed him from our plates because whatever we choose for him he'll pick at and throw around. I've spoken to his CM and she says she never has any problems getting him to eat generally (i do his pack up).

Please tell me it's a phase. We try to eat as a family as often as possible, but it's difficult as DH and I work FT so don't get home till 6 some days.

Dd1 isn't as picky but #2 made me want to vomit. But, after trial and error, it wasn't the food really but the presentation. The food couldn't be mixed. So we used divider plates and it's been fab. It took us a year to figure this out! Gradually I started mixing. I'd add peas to rice, simple fried rice-ish, for example. Now that she's 2.5 she eats more like a 'normal' person and I can negotiate. "Eat x bite and you can ..". Tend to work. If not, I let her be, she desn't get anything more and usually she'll be hungry enough or just want to be excused from the table to take more bites of something or another on her plate.

He's 15 months. He's exerting control over his environment; meaning he's starting to choose what he wants to eat rather than just happily take everything that's given to him. Sounds like you are handling it just fine. Not easy to stay calm, but as you say, he'll eat if he's hungry enough.

Thanks. For his lunch today i've made him a plate of not too filling but colourful finger foods cut into little pieces that he can choose what he wants from (all are foods he's previously eaten): olives, ham, cheese, egg, cherry tomatoes, sweetcorn. I've only put a few in each group so he's not overfaced - will see how i get on! If all else fails there's raisins... he can't get enough of them!

Matana I think you're handling it perfectly too.

How did yesterday's lunch go?

Here's a tip I got from a friend, she noticed one day how tense and angry she looked while trying to get her toddler twins to eat. So she started singing to them, to diffuse the tension, it worked. I used to do this too sometimes (food songs to match the food). You feel a bit stupid, but it certainly does lighten the mood around a fussy toddler. Stops it being a charged emotional event, when you're singing "one banana two banana" or "strawberry fields foreeeeever".

One day DD2 will leave home and cook for herself. Hopefully them she'll realise what a pain she is.
Until then I shall cook interesting meals for 3 and present DD2 with all the boring bits.

Thanks schobe. He ate everything except the sweetcorn! In fact the last two days have seen a huge improvement. He has had one cold/ illness after another for about the past month and, although he's seemed fine in himself for a week or so, his improved appetite has coincided with him shaking off his runny nose. I wonder if that had something to do with it because your sense of smell and taste are linked? Anyway, picking him up at lunchtime today so will see how i get on again today

Sorry - long post alert!

I've just found this thread on the internet as I periodically search for stuff on picky eaters. The two kids I have to deal with are nearly 11 and 14, and are stepkids-in-waiting (I'm marrying their dad in September this year).

When I first knew them, they were 6 and 9 and incredibly picky. There was a list of about 8 foods (not meals!) that they would both eat. They were worse at mother's house as mother would cave in at every mealtime, and eventually SD would only eat one flavour of packet noodles at home - and would throw a tantrum until she got them. Both kids also knew that if they cried and whinged, ma would present them with nutella sandwiches to appease them.

I knew that I would have to crack this or permanently face cooking a load of different meals when they were with us (we have them two nights a week and alternate weekends, so that added up to quite a lot of time).

Over the last four years we've managed to get a reasonable amount of improvement, but tbh they are still on the picky side considering that they are now "older" kids, but I'm working on it.

The strategies I've found to work are:

• making them write their own lists of what they like, then challenging them to try one new thing every week. We tried taking them to the supermarket with us so that they could pick things out
• convenience foods were not allowed, as I wanted to get them away from the idea that "OK" food is the stuff that comes out of packets
• no dessert unless you've eaten a reasonable amount of the main course (me and dad to determine what's reasonable)
• they had to try some of everything that was on their plates, so leaving all the veg was vetoed
• main meals without some sort of veg are not allowed - therefore I've done a lot of sneaking veg into pasta sauces!
• sugar free drinks only at mealtimes - I found that they were quite adept at filling themselves up with pop or fruit juice and then wouldn't eat a meal
• no between meal snacks/extra meals if they didn't eat a main course - they could have bread and butter and a glass of milk
• I did initially have to cook a separate meal for them, but I gave this up after a while as it was doing my head in. As I'm a vegetarian, they could have what their dad was having, or what I was having

I'm sure this renders me completely heartless(!) but it has worked for me.

I think also that having school dinners helped a lot, as the primary school they were at were quite strict about them eating what they had been given.