Please, please, advice....we are at breaking point

[boredbuthappy]

DS is 11 months old and his inability to sleep at night is killing us. He has never, not once, slept more than 3-4 hours at a time without waking up crying for whatever reason. We have tried everything, literally everything that I have been able find out about. It's 10:40pm and he's already woken twice and is currently crying and I've decided I am not going in. I am going to let him cry until he just stops. This may be cruel, maybe not, I don't know. Please don't judge. We are so desperate for some sort of normal sleep that I'm prepared to reseort to anything. What I can't do is pay loads of money to a sleep consultant. I don't have it. Is there any service available to sort out babies' sleep that doesn't cost money? I find it hard to believe that it's seen as okay for parents (especially mothers) to go without healthy sleep for years and be expected to bee good parents. I am slowly slipping into a pace in my head that I can honestly say is not good. I don't want to end up hurting my child (emotionally or physically) because I have lost control because I haven't slept for more than 2 hours at a time for weeks at a time. It's got to the point that it is taking me 2-3 hours to fall asleep, only to be woken up over and over again all night long.

Controlled crying, tried it and he goes to sleep on his own at bedtime, but is up crying within a few hours. Have tried feeding in the middle of the night, water, more blanket, less blanket, cold room, warm room, porridge before bed, and (I am not even ashamed to admit it at this point) I have given him piriton to knock him out with no effect.

Our marriage is almost dead, we are too tired.

Most days I feel like a volcano about to explode.

I only read the first post. JNone of our 5 chidlren ever slept through an entire night until well over a year. the twins were still often awake in the night at 4. Many many many children are like that. It is very hard indeed. We did find after a year gradually they did sleep more and once there were more children there was more routine and structure and a bed time and dark and quiet and the children fitted into that but I never gave birth to a sleeper. My oldest who was the first and worse is in her 20s. She still doesn't sleep much and has trouble sleeping. When she was a baby she would cry every night without stopping from about 7 - mid night. We did shifts. I would go to bed at 10 for 2 hours of sleep then her father did at midnight when I took over etc

For me the sanity came fro going back to work full time at 2 weeks, even if you are tired if you are sitting on a train and then in a warm office and baby free even if you are expressing milk is hugely easier than having the baby 24/7.

Obviously we did the usual things like dark warm room, no extra attention if they woke. I would feed the twins at 7 and leave them whilst I went to have a shower even if crying )10 minutes) and did the same every night which helped a pattern develop that that was bed time. Read Rachel Cusk's book on becoming a mother which describes how it is for you, for me and for most of us.

Above all avoid sexist patterns developing - ensure your other half does as much as you. Do shifts. be fair.

My second child was awake every 2-3 hours for over 12 months. My first and second didnt sleep through the night until they were 5, so you need to find a solution that makes your life a bit more bearable until it passes.

since he settles okay, have you tried the obvious culprits of too cold (more layers, baby sleeping bag) or hungry (more solids needed in the day)?

Also, I may have missed this, but if your baby has any milk in the night at all then this will encourage night waking - if you can stick it out for a week to 10 days max, you could night wean at this age and there is more chance of him waking up less.

Failing that I would forget your ideas about it being good for baby to fall asleep alone. It's only good because it means they can fall asleep alone!! It isnt inherently good for any other reason - you have plenty of years ahead of you in which you can help your little one get to sleep alone.

Do what needs to be done to keep your family sane now. If that means baby in the bed then have baby in the bed (I dont like babies in bed so I would put the cot right beside the bed with the side down or off so I could pat back to sleep without getting up)

Try not to chop and change with the controlled crying, it is scary and unsettling for baby - either do it properly or dont do it at all.

When it's your night off use ear plugs.

Go to bed early

Hope you get something sorted

Hi there, haven't read all answers but I feel for you. My DD is the same, a bit older but the sleep issue has been a nightmare, to the point where it's been the deciding factor in not having any more children... What I'm doing is in a couple of weeks I've booked some time off work and we are going to crack it, what happens now is I/ DH caves in around 2 and in she comes, massively inconsistent for DD so of course she's not learning anything. I think the 'Solve your child's sleep problems' book is good, and what I've done previously is a reassure/ leave the room routine- pick up and calm, say night night, leave room, leave 5-10 mins? go back in, repeat...

The point re. booking time off work is that we've resolved- like someone said near the start- that were going to stick at it from this day and make some headway.

And for anyone who says 'oh i could never CC, it's so cruel' try being delirious with sleep deprivation, day in day out, to the point where you are randomly bursting in to tears, and shouldn't be driving etc.. OP, you know what is best for your sanity and your family, in the long term

Hello...

I feel your pain. My DS is 17 months and has been waking every 1.5-4 hours since he was born, but it's been worse since last April when he started teething in earnest... At worst he has been up every 45 mins with a big wake of 2+ hours in the night. Horrific. This has tended to be as teeth start coming through and lasts up to a week. With my other half working away from home during the week, I've had to deal with it alone and it has nearly killed me...

Now we are considering CC (although the idea fills me with dread).

But the point I want to make is this. I co-sleep simply because it's the only way I can function. You will struggle to do anything effectively if you are so far beyond shattered that you cannot think. Do whatever you need to do to get yourselves back into the land of the living, and then formulate a strategy for moving forward... I co-sleep and nap whenever my DS does. I save housework for the weekend.

Let us know how you get on. We fellow sleep deprived parents are with you all the way!