what does your 8yo DS know about sex?

[IceColdToes]

New boy recently started in DS's class has been teaching them lots of swear words and sex talk at playtime. DS isn't repeating them - we don't swear at home and he knows the rules - but he is telling me about this new boy "who is allowed to swear" And I guess the time was always going to come when DS would be curious about sex...

Now I need a bit of advice as to what to do. I bought an usborne book a while ago which is at the back of my wardrobe as I knew one day we'd need to sit down and have the talk - but I'm not sure how much to say. But I'd rather he learnt the facts correctly from me. But I don't know if I'm overreacting and he's still so young. Too young ???

Tips please!

New boy has only been in this class for 3 weeks so is this just a novelty / hero worship thing that will pass. Or do I need to sit down and do the whole sex talk.

Thanks!

Very interesting that so many of you take the softly softly approach. I'm not a prude and I will always answer questions with the truth but my 2 have never asked a single question !!! Not about babies or tampons or anything...

DS1 has always been quite young for his age - he only grew out of cbeebies last year. But I don't want him being misinformed in the playground which is why I posted for advice in the first place.

He helped me make tea last night so without eye contact whilst we were busy I said he could always ask me things now that he's growing up - but he just squirmed. But I'll perservere little by little and see how things go. I feel that I've made the first small step now. Thanks for the positive replies.

I also have a DS1 aged 8 and it's a funny age - he seems really fragile at the moment. I'm not sure if they have hormone spurts already but he is very tearful and whereas he has always been very laid back and gentle he is quite grumpy and cross at the moment - really negative. We haven't had THE TALK yet either but perhaps I need to start dropping a few things into conversation about growing up - I wasn't ready for this but perhaps now is the time!

Another vote here for Mummy Laid an Egg. It's part of our bedtime story repertoire so lives on the shelf with The Snail and the Whale and Winnie the Pooh. DS is 6 and DD is 4 and they're quite familiar with it by now. Also had to explain periods because the darlings like to follow me to the bathroom. I explained that pads were "mummy nappies" and every month a mummy's womb cleans itself out if she's not pregnant. I think it helps that both DH and I come from very open families.

I'm as matter-of-fact as possible and try to remember the emotional side of it as well. Kids need to know there's a time and a place for such conversations and some people will always be uncomfortable discussing it. That applies to DC/parent conversatins but also in the playground. It's kind of an extension of the "private parts" conversation. And you could take the opportunity to talk about respect for women and how someone might feel if such language/concepts were directed at them. It's not just your responsibility to tell them the biological facts, IYSWIM?

DS1 is nearly 4. I used my pregnancy with DS2 (while DS1 was 2) to bring up basic sex education - e.g. seeds, eggs, womb, where the baby comes out, etc. To me, it's exactly the same as telling him about other natural facts of life, like the sun, plants growing, what animals eat, etc. I never wanted it to become a massive issue that would have to be addressed with The Talk, and hopefully it won't. He knows about very basic stuff now, and as he gets a bit older, we'll continue to gently up the detail, age-appropriately. I don't want to wait until he gets to an awkward, easily embarassed age to start in about 'special cuddles', so we'll do it gradually.

And no, he hasn't asked any questions about how exactly the seed gets to the egg! At the moment, he knows that the daddy has the seed and gives it to the mummy. I think the next year or so, we'll introduce the idea of how. I think waiting until they ask questions can be a mistake. Once things start becoming playground currency, children can get the idea that things are taboo, and that's possibly when they stop asking questions, IYSWIM.

Yes - we had the talk a while back because DSs who are now 8 and 6 asked about it. I would not have brought the subject up myself QUITE yet if they hadn't asked. My step daughter, who the boys adore, had a baby 3 years ago and since then a couple of the Mums we are close to at school have too. It set them asking me if I could have another baby please (NOOOOOO) . Then they wanted to know HOW you have a baby. They are 6 and 8 and pretty open about their bodies..asking what balls are and what they are for etc, so I thought it was time to be open with them. It was an easy conversation, very basic info, at bath time. They have asked more questions since, which I have answered. They do bring it up sometimes. I am very glad they are happy talking to me about it. All cool.

Ooh, not sure. Probably whatever his 15 yr old brother has told him ....

Ds asked me why I was wearing a diaper (urgh hate american tv) this morning. I said it's clearly not a diaper and once again explained the reasons why ladies bleed - he has asked this several times so it clearly goes in one ear and out the other. I guess I am planning on covering it off when asked rather than having 'the talk' with him. I dont remember having 'the talk' with my parents although to be fair I have 3 brothers and sisters so everything was probably told to me anyway!

Can I second "Where Willy Went". My dd (aged 7) has now informed quite a lot of her class that they are all winners (in the book the winning sperm wins the race to the egg).

Hello..there are loads of great tips and ideas on here for which I'm very grateful, when my 8yr old ds and 5 yr old dd ask questions on the subject of babies and sex I just answer honestly and keep it as simple as possible, in a way which I find appropriate to their own personal level of understanding, I want them to know about things but at the same time I don't want to overload them unnecessarily..I think the most awkward moment was when I had picked up my ds and his friend from school(they were 4yrs old at the time) as a favour to the boys mum, and out of the blue the boy suddenly looked up at me and said "Katie, how do you get babies out of your tummy"?... being as his mum was a good friend of mine I judged that I should answer as best I could, so I replied "babies come out through a hole down under the mummys tummy"..and I prayed hard in that instant that he wouldn't go on to ask me how babies actually got in there...which thankfully he didn't..as I really didn't want to show any awkwardness and make him think its a strange or "bad" thing to talk about..It turned out his mum was happy with my answer but I think my point is that it can be tricky enough when its our own children asking the questions, but someone elses child.....well thats a completely different story..LOL.

DD1 (now 5.11) had the 'talk' (well an age appropriate Talk) when I was expecting DD2 and she would have been about 18m, she was more interested in periods once I got mine back 11m post birth so I told her about my womb making a nest for a baby like birds make a nest for their babies but I can't stick twigs up my bits so my body uses blood to make it. When there's no baby to grow the womb gets rid of it and makes a new one.

We have added layers as they have grown up, recently DD1 was reading a book about the Tour de France for school and in it there was a mention of Lance Armstrong being ill and how he survived and went on to continue racing. I explained what illness he had and that that was were the sperm that help mummies make babies are made and that he had some put in a special freezer so he could have babies after he was well because the medicine they had given him can sometimes stop men making sperm.

Sometimes it is about making opportunities to talk about these things and expanding on what they ask also getting books about the process and reading them like any other book helps too. There is a good book called I Know a Secret that comes with a little fold out guide to baby's growth in the womb that isn't explicit or The Joy of Sex!

My DCs 6, 4.11 and 3 (although youngest didn't take anything in) know about a special seed that comes out of a man's willy and fertilizes the women's egg in her tummy and makes it grow into a baby. 6yo DD asked how it gets there, 4yo DS called out "up your bum" I said, well nearly, a place just near your bum. Then they all fell about laughing.

I hoped it would come up young, before they're old enough to be embarrassed and just answered their questions at a level they could understand. Our 'talk' took place in the kitchen while I was making dinner and they were sitting at the table.

I find the idea of "THE TALK" a bit urgh. My 3 year old already knows that I've got periods, because she's seen the bloody towels when she's come along to the toilet with me. So I explained to her that that's what happens once a month. Now she will occasionally proudly tell people that when she gets bigger she can use towels too.

Just answer questions as and when they arise. And possibly let a book lying around if the questions don't come from himself. But making a big song, dance and sit-down talk about it I think just makes it a bit awkward

I had B/G twins. Sex education was a mixture of school, parents and their sibling. DD told her brother about her first period before she told me as it happened at school - she was towards the end of year6. Like another writer I think we should mention wet dreams (I don't think schools do) and masturbation before they happen.

I thought I had covered the basics when DD1 was about 3 or 4 and asked me all sorts of questions about babies, periods, etc, with correct anatomical terminology and none of the euphemisms. I even bought a book ('How You Were Born' by Joanna Cole) and I was very pleased that I could cross the whole thing off my list of parental duties. Imagine my surprise when I discovered she had completely forgotten it all by age 9. But she remembered the words of nursery rhymes and countless silly songs..

We have a good book called Let's Talk About Where Babies Come From. I gave it to DS(8) and said we could either read it together, or he could read it and we could talk about it.

As well as the stuff you'd expect, it covers surrogacy, adoption, STI's, abortion and homosexuality. If DS comes up with a new subject, we just refer to the book together.

At the kitchen table recently, DD(6) asked about babies, and he gave her a very basic but mature answer, based on stuff from the book. I was so proud of him.

I shudder at "the talk" too because I remember how cringingly terrible it was for me.

But DS has already asked some questions and I've answered the matter-of-factly and it's been fine.